10 Lessons in parenting using Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy quotes

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10. Listen to your parents

“You know,” said Arthur, “it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young.”
“Why, what did she tell you?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t listen.”

Things change, every day new studies and new recommendations come out. That being said, your parents, or in-laws, have years of experience dealing with exactly what you’re going through.

They are an extremely useful source of information.

I dearly wish I had listened to my Mom when she told me about what I was like as a baby.

9. Nursing blankets and hand towels are essential

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”

This sounds silly but always carry your towel.

Babies will spit-up, puke, drool, snot, and all kinds of other things. Having something to wipe it off is extremely useful.

You can also use the nursing blanket as a fort, to swaddle, and many other things.

8. Everything takes longer with a baby

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”

A forty five minute TV show can take an hour and a half to watch. Getting ready to leave is an exercise in planning and strategy that is far beyond what you expect.

Always give yourself a lot of extra time.

7. Babies have no survival instinct but they bounce

“There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”

The combination of no survival instinct, curiosity, and lack of motor control means children are always trying to fly. They wriggle a lot… A LOT!

Inevitably the baby will try and fly but still hit the ground. In those cases if you are worried, go to the hospital. However if you’re not too worried, watch for weirder behaviour and make sure their pupils are both the same size. If they cry, it’s a good thing. A lack of crying from a fall is not a good thing.

6. No matter how often you tell them something it will feel like they are ignoring you

“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”

Everyone will tell you that raising kids goes quickly and that you need to cherish it. They’re right, but as you’re experiencing it, it can seem tediously slow.

Certain activities seem impossibly slow. Teaching what the word No means, teaching survival, and teaching them to sleep are all activities can that take FOREVER.

5. That shell shocked parental look

“He was staring at the instruments with the air of one who is trying to convert Fahrenheit to Centigrade in his head while his house is burning down.”

Babies are weird weird creatures. They will do the strangest things and every parent will recognize the look of bafflement and confusion that comes with parenting.

My daughter will always try and hide behind someone and eventually pull their hair.

4. No one knows what they’re doing

“This must be Thursday,” said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. “I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”

As mentioned, children are weird, they have no survival instinct, and they spew multiple different bodily fluids.

Even with help and lots of information, raising children is as baffling as it is entertaining. Don’t worry though, no one really knows what they’re doing.

3. The moment you learn the rules, they’ll change

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

You’ve found out how to get your child to stop biting the furniture. Congratulations! Get ready, for everything will change. It will.

Babies are growing and developing so fast that by the time that your ancient brain has caught up, the baby has already moved on.

2. Do your thing

“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.”

Spend ten minutes searching online or asking strangers about anything to do with babies and you’ll realize that there’s opposing opinions on absolutely everything.

Not only are there lots of opinions, but people will angrily defend their position and judge you.

Do what you think is best and what your child’s doctor recommends. Otherwise, you will spend all your time and energy panicking.

Once you accept that whatever you do is wrong, you’ll be much happier.

1. It’ll be okay. I promise!

“Mostly Harmless” / “Don’t Panic”

There are two things that you should always remember about parenting:

First, babies are not being mean on purpose. They have no idea what they are doing. Be patient, it’s your job to teach them.

Finally, try not to panic. Parenting is stressful, hard, wonderful, and highly entertaining, but try not to burn yourself out with worry.

 

Goodbye and thanks for all the fish (or comments),

Éric

Why you get bored during fight scenes

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

Fight scenes are hard to write and even harder to write well. A great fight scene will simultaneously amuse and move the story forward. This applies to any medium.

There are three elements to a fantastic fight scene and if you’re missing one of them it will fall flat. Those three elements are Tension, Character and Story Development, and Entertainment.

These three elements should be present in any good fight scene but be used in varying amounts for different styles.

Borrowed from Oh My Disney's article called "10 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL"
Borrowed from Oh My Disney’s article called “10 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL

Tension

The tension in the fight comes from the risk of injury, death, or failure. If you’re watching a fight and don’t really care what’s happening than there’s no tension.

In order to care about the scene the audience has to care about the characters, the outcome, or the location. The tension in a good Godzilla movie isn’t whether he’ll survive, but what his fight will do to the city and people in it.

Once the audience is invested, the fight has to feel like the thing or person we invested in, is in peril. If you know Superman will win and the movie gives you a thirty minute set piece fight, you get bored.

This is extremely common in Table Top games when the player characters are overpowered and the gamemaster just throws longer fights at them.

It also happens in superhero movies and super powered hero books.

Guilty: Man of Steel (2013), Chuck Norris, and Dungeons and Dragons 4th edition.

Innocent: Wonder Woman (2017), Jackie Chan, and Shadowrun 3rd edition.

Character Story and Development

If your fight scene serves no other reason than to show off special effects or fill space, it’ll be boring.

A fight scene needs to work like a song in a good musical. It tells us about the characters, moves their plot forward, and ties in to the rest of the story. It also needs to be a story in itself.

The time I have as an audience member is precious and I want more than just something pretty.

Guilty: Atomic Blond (2017), Star Wars Episode 1, 2, and 3, Star Trek Into Darkness, Dungeons and Dragons Random Encounters system.

Innocent: Hitman’s Bodyguard (2017), Star Wars Episode 5, 6 and 7, Star Trek (2009), Princess Bride

Entertainment

This is the third category and in truth, it’s the one that most people concentrate on when writing a fight scene.

This is where the tricks and awesome things come in. Sometimes it’s humour, sometimes it’s choreography, and sometimes it’s just banter. This is the hardest to get wrong and often flows out of the other two.

Guilty: Fight Club, Star Wars A New Hope, and older low level JRPGs (I’m looking at you Everquest on NES)

Innocent: Kung Fu Panda, Batman Vs Superman, modern JRPGs

 

I like my fight scenes weighted towards Character Story and Development with a lot of Entertainment (Pirates of the Caribbean, Hitman’s Bodyguard, Princess Bride, Court Jester, Kingsman), but as long as a fight scene hits on all three I’m happy.

 

What’s your favourite fight scene and why?

Éric

Éric’s Top 5 Workplace Pet Peeves

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

Every work place is different. That being said, there are certain things that you shouldn’t do and that annoy me like crazy.

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5. Talking while I’m working

Feel free to have a conversation, but not next to me. Yes, I may work near a hall or kitchen etc, but that doesn’t mean my work area is a meeting room. You and Wealhtheow may think you’re being quiet, but my area isn’t a meeting zone.

If you’re within 6 feet of my cubicle and you plan on having a meeting that is longer than 30 seconds… GO AWAY!

4. Being in the way

I understand you haven’t seen Hrothgar in a long time and you just need to chat. Don’t do it at the entrance or exit of something. Especially don’t have your heated discussions in a narrow hall. That’s super awkward.

GET A ROOM!

3. Popcorn

All kinds of food smell strongly, but nothing sticks in the air like popcorn. That smell will hover around for hours. Now Aeschere, I know you need your snack, but either make enough for the entire floor or CHOOSE ANOTHER SNACK!

2. Policing my work

I realize it’s important that we all do our best and work hard to ensure our work-stuff is done and done well. How, when, where, and with whom I do it is none of your business. (Yeah I’m talking to you Unferth!)

I work best when I’m not dying of boredom and since my job can get tedious I tend to watch videos while I work. It helps me stay focused and I work faster.

My work is my business and my manager’s.

STOP BEING A BUSYBODY!

1. Scents

The smell of certain perfumes can make me physically sick. I’m not alone in this, many people have issues. If I have a strong floral scent around me, I will start to sneeze, get a migraine, and if it lasts long enough, become nauseated. I have had to leave work because of this in the past.

As much as you like that scented hand sanitizer Sigemund, remember that not everyone around you can handle it. The same goes for hand cream, lip balm, perfume, air fresheners, and anything that is aerosolised.

This applies to smokers; if you smell like smoke, it will affect those around you.

DON’T STINK!

 

What are your workplace Pet Peeves?

Éric

 

Come see us this weekend at the Fall Flair Craft Fair

Hello Imaginary Friends,

JenEric Designs, JenEric Coffee, and Éric Desmarais (with Renaissance Press) will be at the Parkdale Fall Flair Craft Fair this Saturday.

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We’ll have 12 coffee flavours, new Voltron crochet, and my new book Parasomnia.

 

Hope to see you there!

Éric

Renaissance Book Bash 2017

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The celebration will be held at:
The 3 Brewers pub (240 Sparks St., Ottawa)
Sunday September 3rd, 2017, from 5:00 – 7:00 PM.
Join us for author readings, live drawing, exciting door prizes,
and of course, the opportunity to get your books signed!

Check out the event on Facebook!


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Lust and Lemonade by Jamieson Wolf

LGBTQIA2+ / slice of life
In a world filled with one-night stands, glory hole blowjobs and weeklong romances, what does it take to find love? This is just what our protagonist Blaine worries about. Unlike his friends, he wants to settle down.
ISBN 978-1-987963-24-3 – Available now!

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The Reluctant Barbarian by John Haas

Fantasy comedy
Arthur Jenkins would have been happy to live his life the way it was until he finally died, but the angel in his office has different ideas. He’s there to grant a wish Arthur made as a kid, and it’s a doozy. After all, what grown man would want to be a barbarian hero? Join Arthur, Dead Mike and Valeria the Paladin on a quest across the land, having unwanted adventures while looking for a comfy place to sit.
ISBN 978-1-987963-26-7 – Available September 3rd!

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Daughters of Britain by S. M. Carriere

Historical
68 ad.
The Roman Empire has swallowed most of Europe.
There are pockets of resistance…
but nowhere, no one, is safe.
It’s life or death both in the arena and out for Mederei and Adalbern as they try to survive and save their people.
ISBN 978-1-987963-22-9 Available now!

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Some Assembly Required by Caroline Fréchette

LGBT Graphic novel
Louis, Lily, and Laurent have been friends for most of their lives. When Lily and Laurent start dating, not only does Louis feel left behind, because of his unspoken love for Laurent, but Laurent also begins acting oddly, and it seems Louis may be in the best position to help…
ISBN 978-1-987963-28-1 – Available September 3rd!

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Parasomnia by Éric Desmarais

Paranormal Mystery
At the Aux-Anges institute, nestled in the woods outside of North Bay, they study and treat parasomnias, or sleep disorders. When the patients and one of the counsellors discover the secret hideout of an old club called the Dreamers, they are shocked to find that the five of them are connected through more than just the Institute.
ISBN 978-1-987963-20-5 – Available September 3rd! 

Top 5 Lazy Writing Sins

Anything can be done well. All these sins could be done in a funny or inventive way, but on average they are signs that the writers are being lazy.

TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life
TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life

5. Genre Blindness

Any writing set in modern day should not only be aware of its predecessors but so should its characters.

If a character is about to fight a vampire, they don’t need ancient texts, wise masters, etc etc etc to figure out how to kill them. One of your characters will have heard of vampires and has an idea how to kill them. Even if you are writing a different version of the monster there should be a character that has at least heard of them from pop culture.

Not all characters have to be genre savvy but one or two should have a passing knowledge of the immense cultural background of most stories.

Why is this lazy?

This is a way for authors not to have to do research on what a character would know based on their culture, age, and geographical area. It means you can make up the rules and pretend the game is brand new. It avoids the, “But I thought werewolves couldn’t control themselves and hated silver” discussion.

It can be done well but only if the world is different enough from ours to make sense.

4. Nice and Boring VS Dangerous and Exciting

Good is bland, the nice guy best friend is the safe choice, and everyone prefers Spike. The decision to go for the “bad boy” over the best friend / boy next door is ubiquitous in 90’s movies and TV.

It’s not only lazy, it’s dumb. It either ends with the main character hurting and brooding over their lost love, or the bad boy having a heart of gold.

It makes the main character either dangerously naïve, suicidal, or dumb; while making the love interests boring stereotypes.

Why is this lazy?

It’s been done, it relies on stereotypes that are so overused they’re clichéd, and it’s needlessly angsty.

I can be done well if you’re trying to show a flaw in the main character, however you have to follow through with that flaw.

3. I’ll tell you later

The character has suddenly gotten super strength and their friend asks them how it happened. They’re in a big battle so the hero says. “I’ll tell you later.” And they never do.

If a power, machine, etc is worth having in the story and the characters know, it’s worth explaining.

Why is this lazy?

It’s a short and quick response to avoid telling something that has been, or will be, shown to the audience. But Peter Parker saying, “I’ll tell you later” can just as easily be done with him saying, “I was bit by a genetically altered /radioactive / alien spider. Crazy eh?”

This is extra lazy when the audience doesn’t know the answer. It’s used to build tension and mystery but rarely does it ever get explained. Maybe hand waved with a mention of Magic or Clark’s Third law.

This can be done well if the characters and the audience are told at a later, or earlier, point in the story.

2. Dangling Plot / Forgotten Backstory

This is really two annoyances in one but they both have the same reasoning, convenience. A dangling plot could be something as simple as a voice taking control of a space/time ship saying, “The Silence will fall” and then exploding that ship and never explaining who that voice is or why they could control and destroy something that no one else has been able to do.

A forgotten backstory could be a sister that disappears and is never mentioned before or a magic item that the main characters have but would make life too easy for this story so they’ve forgotten. Same with the rules of magic.

The best stories wrap up all their plot points, Chekhov’s guns, and work around the rules they’ve set for themselves.

Why is this lazy?

Both of these are ways for a writer to force the world and characters to fit the story they are building. Sometimes working with a large amount of history is daunting, but weaving the story into the world and characters makes it richer and much more interesting.

1. I’m not broken I’m super

Wanting to explore and represent a disability, social class, physical illness, or mental illness is a laudable goal. Unfortunately a lot of writers seem to want to portray these states of humanity without wanting to learn about them.

The character is autistic but they have savant syndrome. The character is blind but they sonar vision. The character is poor but has an incredible talent.

The root of this sin is not doing enough research or not knowing the people a writer is trying to portray. It is also a sign that the writer thinks these characters are lesser or broken as opposed to just different.

Why is this lazy?

Writing about people you don’t understand beyond the surface level is a quick way to misrepresent them. Just because you’ve seen Rain Man and Adam doesn’t mean you understand anything about autism.

If you’re not willing to put aside your prejudice and learn all you can about the characters you’re writing, then you shouldn’t be writing those characters.

 

Did I miss any, do you disagree?

Éric

I Have a Hole and I’m Leaking

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

Over the past year I’ve been extremely lucky. I’ve had 9 months off with my wonderful wife and the adorable baby Dragon. I’ve finished a book, started two, and finalized one that will be published in early September. A lot of other awesome things have happened.

Unfortunately, I’m currently struggling with some issues. Mostly anxiety and stress. I hurt my neck in June and even though I’m getting treated and it’s getting better, I’ve been in near constant pain for two and a half months. It’s made it hard to sleep and concentrate.

Work has been extra stressful. I was hoping that coming back in summer would mean a slow readjustment period. That wasn’t the case; there were some issues while I was gone and I’ve been thrown into some intense work. It’s work that I have little control over and that has to be done quick which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

So the combination of anxiety, stress, lack of sleep, pain, and work has caused a few issues (current events aren’t helping much). At the worst, I feel trapped that causes mini panic attacks; at best I’m completely wiped.

It feels like I am a cup and I hold all my creative energy and motivation inside, but lately I’ve felt like my cup has a hole and every time I try to tap into that energy and motivation, it drains away too fast. I fill it up by gaming, reading, watching TV, and dreaming but it still drains away faster than I’d like.

I’m dealing with it and doing my best to try and get stuff done despite the lack of motivation, but it’s not always easy. Wife and Dragon cuddles help a lot. Same with taking time to do things that I find fun.

Please be patient with me as I work this out. I might be a little bit hermit-like and grumpy.

Thank you for reading,

Éric

Frustration, Sadness, and Anger

Dear Imaginary Friends,

I was going to make this a Dear Dragon but what I have to say is for you.

As I’m typing, I’m vibrating with anger. I’m going to structure this into three parts to avoid it devolving into a curse filled rant.

Background (This isn’t new)

South of the border, or in Canada’s Pants, we’ve been seeing increasing acts of violence and hate. The Google Manifesto and the atrocious events in Virginia are only the newest in a long line of hateful, vile, putrescent evil. However they’re not new. Nor are they worse than what we’ve seen.

Two years ago just as many horrifying things were happening, but the political climate, news, and public were less informed. It was still happening, it was just as horrific, and it was just as open.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy that these things are being noticed and people are speaking out about them, but they are not new. It might have gotten worse, but it’s not new.

Canadians: wipe that smug smile off your faces. We have all the same issues here as they do in the states. Just look into some of our CPC candidates and you’ll get the idea that maybe we aren’t as progressive as we think. We have as much hatred and racism here. Expect the white nationalists, nazis, white supremacists, anti-minority, and canadian values crowds to start protesting more and more openly.

Don’t believe me? Ask a minority or look up the debate on Bill C-16 that extended basic human rights to Transgender people.

The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms or shut the hell up about Free Speech

Calling for the mass killing of an entire demographic of people is not Free Speech. It is Hate Speech. NO ONE has the right to spew hate.

Unfortunately, yelling and saying that one kind of person is better than another isn’t hate speech.

Free Speech means you can’t be prosecuted for your opinion. It controls what the government can and will do in response to what you say. It doesn’t protect you from your employer, friends, family, or media’s judgement. Eg; You can say nasty things about a subset of people in the comments of this post and the government won’t arrest you. I, however, can delete the comment or send it to your mother.

Your Rights and Freedoms should only extend to the point where they infringe on someone else’s health and safety.

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You’re human beings, start acting like it!

This is for all those who agree with Trump, Kellie Leitch, and Pauline Marois; that some people are better than others.

Ignorance is not an excuse for hatred! Get the fuck over yourselves and start trying to understand how your problems are of your own making and all people are the same.

It is our responsibility to help our fellow humans and to stop hate when we see it.

Be better, act better, and stop others when they aren’t.

Éric

Database of the Ageless Kings (Serial Story) Part 8

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 3.5 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

Part 8: An Emu is Smitten and Completely Useless

“How did you get here?” Sophia asked Dove while eying Hagrid suspiciously.

“Oh my! Philly, her accent is so cute.” She moved towards Phil and ran her hand through his hair. He, unlike the traitorous Emu, had the decency to look embarrassed. “I was in the ship with Princess Samantha when it crashed.”

“That was SpaceForce One?” Phil blanched as he said it.

“Yeah, but don’t worry sweetie.” She emphasised the last word with a soft slap on his cheek. Every move she made looked sexual and Sophia hated it; it made her feel clumsy and ugly. “Most of the crew got off before we crashed. We were on separate ships to escape. With royals dropping like flies, your sister didn’t want to risk both of us in the same shuttle. I’m now sixth in line you know.”

“Sixth?” Phil asked incredulously and Sophia saw his eyes darting from side to side calculating how many people must have died. “Oh wow.”

Grabbing him and pulling him into a hug, Dove cooed, “Oh. Poor you. It’s ok.” He was still sitting and she was standing next to him, but in this position she was only half a head taller than him. She started petting him and he seemed to get calmer every time she touched him.

Sophia didn’t like Dove. “You’ve been trapped on the planet this whole time?”

“Isn’t terrible? At least I had a lot of food and was able to film the whole thing.” Dove ran her nails gently over Phil’s back and moved away. She pouted and then gave a big smile before throwing her arms around Sophia. The moment the other woman touched her skin, Sophia felt tingles of pleasure. “Thank you so much for taking care of my little Philly.” Her breathy voice in Sophia’s ear made legs weak.

With great effort, Sophia stepped out of the hug and asked, “Great. So where can we drop you off?

“Actually…” Dove scrunched her face adorably and said, “I found the black box from the ship and watched it. It shows who tried to kill us and I need to bring it to Queen Samantha.”

“Who was it?” Sophia expected Phil to ask the same thing, but he seemed to enraptured by Dove.

“I don’t know. I didn’t recognize the ship but it had a serial number and if I can get the black box to Samantha, she’ll know what to do.”

“It’s on your ship. Isn’t it?”

Looking embarrassed Dove said, “Yes.”

“We’ll get it for you,” volunteered Phil.

For the first time during the conversation, Dove looked flustered, “Oh. Does it take two of you?”

Bouncing up, Phil said, “We’ll get it. You just wait here.”

Once again, they were outside in suits heading towards a crashed ship. Sophia was pretty sure this was a bad idea and she said so.

“Dove is a little flirty and likes to act incompetent but she’s an accomplished pilot and soldier.”

“Then why are we out here instead of her?” Sophia was tired of walking and just wanted to this over with and set up the gravity generator.

He opened his mouth to speak a few times, making a popping noise through the coms. Eventually he said, “It seemed like what she wanted.”

He looked confused and Sophia suddenly had a bad feeling. “Did you tell her about the Database?”

“Maybe,” he said sheepily.

She cursed, turned around, and ran back towards the ship. They didn’t go far before they saw the ship taking off.

Out of breath and confused, Phil asked, “She took our ship… Why did she take the ship?”

“Oh. I really don’t like her.”

“But… Why?”

“I don’t know, but we need to hurry if we’re going to get the ship, and my emu, back.”

Remembering the fighter ships that were left in the Imperial Battleship, Sophia started to run. She hoped and trusted that Phil would follow. If he didn’t, she’d have to waste time picking him up.

At the Imperial Battleship, it took her longer to find the fighter bay then she’d hoped. There were shuttles that were designed for longer travel but they weren’t as fast and they needed to get to their ship before Dove went to hyperspace.

The bay was in surprisingly good condition. She picked a ship that looked in good condition and activated it. The entrance flashed a message that said, “Access Denied.”

“Overwrite lockout, Prince Phillip access code Delta Pie Donut.” The ship took a second to think and then opened to let them in.

The ship was designed for a pilot and a gunner and was not spacious. Once inside they took off their suits and Sophia asked, “Can you fly this thing?”

Phil snorted and replied, “Hells no.”

Sighing, Sophia sat in the fighter’s cockpit and hoped it wasn’t a big difference from Phil’s ship. The main ship still had enough power to open the bay doors and they were gone. Sophia had a little trouble driving to start with and almost hit a mountain but she got the hang of it eventually.

Their sensors found Phil’s ship and they flew towards it. “Why hasn’t she gone to hyperspace yet?” Wondered Phil aloud.

“Maybe we’re just lucky?” suggested Sophia and she hailed the ship, “Hey jerkface! Give us back our ship and emu.” It was the only thing she could think of in the moment.

A few seconds passed and they were starting to catch up with the ship when they received a reply to their hail. There was no visual and no words, only a loud scream of pain and terror.

Read Next


If you’re enjoying this year’s serial story why not check out those from past years?

Network Television Draft 2017-2018

Dear Imaginary Friends,

For the past five years I’ve run a Television Draft / Pool. It’s like a football or hockey pool but with new television shows.

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How It Works

  1. Get a bunch of friends over to your house and watch all the trailers for this year’s new network television shows. (List below)
  2. Everyone pays $5. (You can use pretend money or no money at all)
  3. Divide the amount of shows by the amount of people. (There are 53 this year)
  4. Put everyone’s name in a hat, chip bowl, or other receptor.
  5. Pick a name from the receptor and that person gets first pick. Record what that person chooses and have them pick the next name.
  6. Reverse the order of people who picked. (First goes last, last goes first)
  7. Repeat steps 5-6 until everyone has an equal number of shows picked.
  8. Give updates monthly for how well the shows are doing. I recommend TV LineTV By The Numbers, Is My Show Cancelled, and TV Eh? for checking what is and what isn’t cancelled.
  9. At next year’s Draft give this year’s First place 50% of the money collected, Second place 30%, and Third place 20%.

The Points

Points are awarded by how many episodes air and if it’s renewed. All points are tied to the category of the show.

Categories Points Per Episode Aired Renewal Bonus
Traditional American (18-24 Episodes) 1 10
Mini-Series (6-14 Episodes) 2 10
Mid-Season Traditional (6-12 Episodes) 2 15
Unknown /Summer (4+ Episodes) 2 20

The Shows

There are enough shows this season that you could easily play 3-15 people. More if you let 2 people choose the same shows.

Name Network Anticipated Premiere Genre Category Trailer
9-1-1 Fox Midseason Procedural Midseason Description
9JKL CBS 2017-10-02 Sitcom Traditional Trailer
A.P. Bio NBC Unknown School Comedy Unknown Description
Alex, Inc. ABC Unknown Office Sitcom Unknown Trailer
Alias Grace CBC 2017-09-25 Historical Murder Miniseries (6) Trailer
Black Lightning CW Midseason Superhero Midseason Trailer
Burden of Proof  CBC 2018-Winter Legal Drama Miniseries (10) Description
By the Book CBS Midseason Spiritual Drama Midseason Description
Caught  CBC 2018-Winter Legal Drama Miniseries (5) Description
Champions NBC Unknown Sitcom Unknown Description
Crawford  CBC 2018-Winter Family Sitcom Miniseries (15) Description
Deception ABC Unknown Procedural Unknown Trailer
Dynasty CW 2017-10-11 Soap Opera Traditional Trailer
For the People ABC Unknown Legal Drama Unknown Trailer
Frankie Drake Mysteries  CBC Unknown Period Detective Miniseries (11) Description
Ghosted Fox 2017-10-01 Supernatural Traditional Trailer
Good Girls NBC Midseason Crime Drama Midseason Description
Inhumans ABC 2017-09-29 Superhero Traditional Trailer
Instinct CBS Midseason Crime Drama Midseason Description
Kevin (Probably) Saves the World ABC 2017-10-03 Fantasy Drama/Comedy Traditional Trailer
L.A. to Vegas Fox Midseason Flight Sitcom Midseason Trailer
Law & Order True Crime: The Menendez Murders NBC 2017-09-26 True Crime Drama Miniseries Trailer
Life Sentence CW Unknown Comedy Drama Unknown Trailer
Little Dog  CBC 2018-Winter Boxing Comedy Miniseries (7) Description
Me, Myself & I CBS 2017-09-25 Comedy Traditional Trailer
Reverie NBC Unknown SciFi Procedural Miniseries (10) Description
Rise NBC Unknown School Drama Miniseries (10) Description
S.W.A.T. CBS 2017-11-02 Police Drama Traditional Trailer
SEAL Team CBS 2017-09-27 Military Drama Traditional Trailer
Splitting Up Together ABC Unknown Family Sitcom Unknown Trailer
Star Trek: Discovery CBS 2017-09-24 Science Fiction Miniseries Trailer
Ten Days in the Valley ABC 2017-10-01 Thriller Traditional Trailer
The Brave NBC 2017-09-25 Military Drama Traditional Trailer
The Crossing ABC Unknown SciFi Thriller Unknown Trailer
The Details CTV Unknown Detective Series Miniseries (10) Description
The Disappearancef CTV Unknown Detective Series Unknown Description
The Gifted Fox 2017-10-02 Superhero Miniseries (10) Trailer
The Good Doctor ABC 2017-09-25 Medical Drama Traditional Trailer
The Indian Detective CTV Unknown Procedural Unknown Trailer
The Mayor ABC 2017-10-03 Political Sitcom Traditional Trailer
The Orville Fox 2017-09-10 SciFi Comedy Traditional Trailer
The Resident Fox Unknown Medical Drama Unknown Trailer
Unspeakable CBC 2018-Winter Historical Drama Miniseries (8) Description
Untitled Grey’s Anatomy Spinoff ABC Unknown Firefighter Drama Unknown Description
Valor CW 2017-10-09 Military Drama Traditional Trailer
Wisdom of the Crowd CBS 2017-10-01 Procedural Drama Traditional Trailer
Young Sheldon CBS 2017-09-25 Family Sitcom Traditional Trailer

Good Luck!
Éric