Bratz – WMR

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2007 movie Bratz.

Story

Very basic, the plot doesn’t have much to it. The characters have little time to themselves and even less development. This is the kind of story that is written for middle grade girls by people who don’t understand how intelligent middle grade kids can be.

Score: 0

Characters

Little development, lots of tropes, and very generic but I do have to give it credit for being both inclusive and diverse in it’s cast. They have a deaf character who isn’t defined by his deafness and a bunch of different races.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The dialogue is what an adult from 2007 thought teens talked like. It’s awkward and so dated. It has a few great insults however.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

Visually and musically this movie tries very hard and almost succeeds. It not bad but blah.

Score: 0.5

Fun

It’s not cringy and has some yay moments.

Score: 0.5

Overall

Its not a bad movie. I’ll watch it if it’s on or if my kids insist. Not much to say since there’s not much here.

Final Score: 2 Stars

Jack the Giant Slayer – WMR

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2013 movie Jack the Giant Slayer.

Story

The story for this movie is so generic that I and everyone who re-watched it together had forgotten it. Other than the anachronisms and the ridiculous physics, there was nothing that stood out in this movie to make you remember it.

It’s what you’d have expected from an adventure movie in the late 1980’s or early 1990’s, including the sexism and useless damsel.

Score: 0

Characters

The characters were so basic and under-developed as to be boring. If it wasn’t for the exceptional cast they would have been unlikable. Stanley Tucci could probably make any roll watchable and I love it when Ewan McGregor plays silly characters. The rest of the cast was good too, but the writing for these characters was just as generic as the story.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The dialogue is quite possibly the best part of this movie. It’s quippy and funny. It’s also the only part of the movie that does anything for the story. “Weren’t you in an oven an hour ago?” cracked me up.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

Even after only 7 years it’s already looking dated. The CGI is pretty bland and not impressive for a movie of its budget. The scenery is lovely, but not worth the movie. The action is fun and over the top, but overly rushed.

The music could have been sampled from other adventure and fantasy movies and I wouldn’t have noticed.

Score: 0

Fun

It’s an exciting and action packed movie with fantastic actors hamming it up. It’s hard not to get distracted by the inaccuracies in tech or history considering the ending. It’s also hard not to yell at boob armour and the utterly useless plot device that was the female character. Also, why were there no female giants?

Score: 0.5

Overall

This isn’t a good movie, or a very memorable one. That being said it’s watchable and not too offensive.

Final Score: 2 Stars

Spy Kids and Spy Kids 2 – WMR

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2001 and 2002 movies Spy Kids and Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams.

Story

Spy Kids

I was expecting this to be silly and juvenile. It was, but it owned it to a degree that I never expected. The story is a near perfectly crafted spy adventure, with just the right amount of twists and surprises. What elevates the movie is the purposeful overdoing of literally everything. This is a lovingly crafted homage to spy movies that manages to amp up the silly.

Score: 1

Spy Kids 2

The sequel suffers from the tightness of the firsts writing. Expanding to include more spies and more gadgets and more of everything. It did manage to capture the joy and charm of the first one but it took a while.

Score: 0.5

Characters

Spy Kids

Each character is built as a caricature of a standard spy trope and each one manages to overcome it through depth of character and some surprisingly good acting.

Score: 1

Spy Kids 2

The main actors reprise their roles well if not as well as the first. The characters are a little less intricate to make room for the plot and special effects. The inclusion of Buscemi, Montalban, and Taylor to the cast adds skill and gravitas but doesn’t save from the rest of the poor characters and some truly terrible acting from the villians.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

Spy Kids

Overall the dialogue is hammy and overblown. It’s fun but nothing extremely special.

Score: 0

Spy Kids 2

The dialogue in this movie is best described as a pale imitation of the first movie.

Score: 0

Visuals and Music

Spy Kids

This was a pretty solid movie for a low budget 2001 film it still looked good. The music was okay both are acceptable.

Score: 1

Spy Kids 2

This did not age well. The special effects look terrible and the constant 3D gimmicks actually hurt the composition of most scenes.

Score: 0.5

Fun

Spy Kids

This movie was fun and consistently so throughout the movie. Wonderful commentary on kids entertainment, spy movies, and family.

Score: 1

Spy Kids 2

This was uneven and there were several times I wished I wasn’t watching it. It really wasn’t terrible.

Score: 0.5

Overall

Spy Kids

Lovely little film that explorers what it is to be family with an impressive absurdity.

Final Score: 4 Stars

Spy Kids 2

It fails to capture the whimsical absurdity of the first and almost completely loses the heart. It’s not a bad movie but it’s not very good.

Final Score: 2 Stars

Teen Beach 2 – WMR

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2013 Disney Channel movie Teen Beach 2

I reviewed the first one and gave it a 3.5

Story

While the first movie pretty much wrote the most basic story and used it as a love letter to musicals, this one decides to amp up the drama and show what happens after the endless summer.

This movie is the embarrassed child of the first one. It is ashamed of where it came from but can’t seem to forget it. The plot is basic teen angst until a third of the way in, then it shifts into fish out of water, then it sort of gets lost and forgets where it was going.

At the end, it really doesn’t matter, because through magic, the entire movie and it’s predecessor are wiped from existence.

It does however attempt to have a self-empowerment storyline and spends a lot of time talking about being yourself and accepting others even if they are different. It’s a positive message that I can get behind.

Score: 0.5

Characters

The characters are different. They don’t act or feel all that much like they did in the first one. They almost feel like caricatures of the originals, which were caricatures to start with.

Nothing is explicitly cancelled out, but liberties were taken with personalities and actions.

Again, it really doesn’t matter because they aren’t the same people at the end of the movie.

Score: 0

Dialogue

The dialogue is updated for modern times and loses the cheese that made the first a lot of fun.

Score: 0

Visuals and Music

The movie was pretty, the people were pretty, the clothes were pretty. I found that the contrast between worlds was lost and I missed the glossy Gidget-style look.

The music was adorable and the dances were great. This movie is only redeemed in it’s music.

Score: 1

Fun

I’m really sour about the ending and it kind of ruined the rest of the movie for me. I hate it when time travel etc re-writes the characters that we spent 3 hours getting to know. I feel cheated.

Score: 0.5 (Only because I loved the songs)

Overall

This movie isn’t hateful, but it isn’t particularly good. I’ll watch the dances on youtube instead of rewatching the movie.

If you loved the first one, be prepared to be disappointed. However, it’s not something I have to worry about showing my kids.

Final Score: 2 Stars

2019 Book Rankings

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

This year I read 21 books, one of which was mine.

If you like Fantasy and Adventure, try Everdome By Éric Desmarais

5 Stars

  1. That Ain’t Witchcraft (InCryptid, #8) By McGuire, Seanan
  2. Star-Crossed By Dee, Barbara
  3. Skylark By Carrière, S.M.
  4. The Measure of a Monster By McGuire, Seanan
  5. Justice Calling (The Twenty-Sided Sorceress, #1) By Bellet, Annie
  6. My Teacher Glows in the Dark (My Teacher Is an Alien, #3) By Coville, Bruce
  7. My Teacher Fried My Brains (My Teacher Is an Alien, #2) By Coville, Bruce

4 Stars

  1. The Unkindest Tide (October Daye, #13) By McGuire, Seanan
  2. The Red Trailer Mystery (Trixie Belden, #2) By Campbell, Julie
  3. The Secret of the Mansion By Campbell, Julie
  4. Midnight at Madame Leota’s (Tales from the Haunted Mansion #2) By Arcane, Amicus
  5. Voltron: Legendary Defender #3 (of 5) By Hedrick, Tim
  6. Hope is Swift By McGuire, Seanan
  7. An Adventurer’s Guide to Eberron By Bonner, Logan
  8. The Gatehouse Mystery (Trixie Belden #3) By Campbell, Julie
  9. Spider-Gwen: Ghost-Spider, Vol. 1: Spider-Geddon By McGuire, Seanan

3 Stars

  1. Pack of Lies (The Twenty-Sided Sorceress #3) By Bellet, Annie
  2. Murder of Crows (The Twenty-Sided Sorceress, #2) By Bellet, Annie

2 Stars

  1. Disney After Dark By Pearson, Ridley
  2. Strawberry Cream Cupcake & Murder (Dana Sweet #1) By Marie, Ann S.

What was your favourite book?

Éric