Blush: Stretch goal

Sorry, today will be short, and I’m not answering a question. That’s because I’m hard at work researching for the 50 questions that are being added to the game because our first stretch goal was reached. I’m still flabbergasted that this creation of mine raised just over $5,000. Thank you to everyone who has supported this endeavor. I am truly honoured.

We are still accepting anonymous questions! If you’ve got a burning question, please ask us here. If it doesn’t get used in the game, I’ll answer it in a blog post!

Don't dread "the talk." Blush makes it fun, and approachable... no matter what the questions are. Please help make this sexual health trivia game happen by backing our kickstarter! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1357195744/blush
Don’t dread “the talk.” Blush makes it fun, and approachable… no matter what the questions are.

Top 5 Rudest Questions I’ve Been Asked

Everyone knows that feeling; the awkward rude question feeling. You’re having fun chatting with someone when all of a sudden they ask the question and you’re not sure if you should laugh or run away.

Don't be Mr Rude!
Don’t be Mr Rude!

Everyone has different annoyances but the following 5 are rude to ask anyone.

5. Are you seeing anyone?

Why is this rude?

Our society seems obsessed with coupling and producing 2.5 offspring but that’s not for everyone. Yes everyone enjoys a good love story but if the person is single they’re already seeing lovey-dovey couples everywhere and you rubbing it in their face that they’re single, is just mean.

What to say instead

Ask what they’ve done recently that excites them or what their passionate about.

4. Have you lost/gained weight?

Why is this rude?

Nobody likes to be reminded that they are or were fat. It’s not fun. Not to mention the rats-nest of psychological issues associated with weight and looks. Our society praises muscled, or rake-thin, men and curvy thin, or model thin, women. When nearly every person you respect on television or movies looks like something you’re not it’s easy to start thinking there’s something wrong with you.

What to say instead?

If you have to comment on their appearance try saying something positive about their clothes, makeup, hair, facial hair, or accessories. These are things people can easily control and some people put a lot of care into them.

3. Where are you “really” from?

Why is this rude?

You’re assuming that the person doesn’t look like you so they can’t be from the same place as you. If someone says they’re from Ottawa, leave it at that. Many people who don’t look like you are from here, same as their parents, and grandparents.

Yes I have been asked this despite being white. People seem to think I must be from Iceland or a Scandinavian country. It’s funny to see their faces when I say both sides of my family have been here for upwards of 8 generations and came from France.

What to say instead?

Nothing. If the topic of race/ethnicity/origin comes up than you can politely inquire about their background. You’ll find most people are more than willing to talk about it in context when they aren’t being assaulted with the question.

2. Why are you into all this kid’s stuff?

Why is this rude?

First you’re assuming what I like is only for kids and second you’re assuming that matters. I love animated movies (Inside Out is my favourite movie of 2015), My Little Pony, science-fiction, fantasy, YA literature, etc. By saying they’re “Only for Kids” you’re judging my likes and the things I like at the same time. Not cool!

What to say instead?

What’s [insert thing] about? What do you like about it? Asking questions as if you respect my opinion instead of having already judged my tastes.

1. Is your partner pregnant yet?

Why is this rude?

Again society seems obsessed with the idea of coupling off and making those 2.5 offspring. Not everyone wants children, not everyone is read to have children, and not everyone can have children. Assuming that they MUST be popping out tiny little clones is annoying.

It’s worse for those who can’t have children but want them. Then they are reminded every single time of what they can’t have.

Personally I’m not ready yet and that’s me and wife’s choice. When we finally do have children be prepared to hear about it. A LOT!

What to say instead?

Personally I like to ask newlyweds and people who’ve lived together how tired they are of hearing this question. It’ll usually get a laugh.

Otherwise, just don’t ask. You’ll know when they are ready to tell you.

 

What rude question do you hate the most?

Éric

On Privilege

Someone on my facebook posted the following article and it made me mad. Not in the usual way in which I compeletly disagree with the author. I just think the author has missed the point entirely and in doing so is encouraging ignorance.

Authority, Google, and Privilege

The author starts by making a grand statement about how, white people (Especially allies and anti-racists) believe they have the right to his time because he has furthered anti-racist discourse. He goes on to say that depending on his mood he’ll either respond thoughtfully or link them to something. And then sometimes he’ll tell them that he’s “not there to serve as a resource to them”.

You’re probably thinking that he’s being pretty reasonable if not the nicest guy in the world right? And on the surface that’s what it looks like but let me tell you that the author is showing his own privilege and his own arrogance.

I don’t believe that people have the right to insist that he answer their questions. I don’t believe that he must answer the questions. What I truly believe is in the right of those people to ask the question.

If you actively champion a cause, in a public venue, you are positioning yourself as an authority. If you are willing to do that you must accept the consequence that people will want to both learn from you and challenge you.

Someone said in reply, that the man isn’t an “Answer Monkey” and to just use google. I suppose that’s fair, except that google will give you millions of replies, not all of them trustworthy. Asking someone you respect is simpler and safer in most cases. Is it lazy, a little, but we’re human, and sifting through endless research for every question isn’t possible on a day to day basis.

Public discourse is part of how the world learns and grows. To try and stifle it is wrong. If he was talking about botany, instead of race, he would just sound like he hated that people talked to him.

Is it Privilege to ask a person questions about something he’s positioned himself as an authority on? Yes but it’s a justifiable privilege that is a human right not “White Privilege.”

Trolls and definitions

The author goes on to explain that, while he was working on a paper, he decided to check out an interracial dating hashtag on twitter. He wasn’t happy with what he saw so he decided to put out a snarky Tweet.

Checks out #insightsbs. Sees white people describing their racial fetisheses as ‘not racist.’ Gives up forever.

The author than was then surprised and annoyed when someone responded by asking him to define Fetish. The person also made it clear that he was challenging the author and that he disagreed and probably would even after the author explained himself.

This folks is a form of Troll. They’re not living under bridges but they are damn ugly. What these kinds of people like to do is “fish” for an argument. Cast a line out and reel it in. Effectively trolling.

This form of Troll is the kind that says, “I’m not [add IST Here] but…” You can argue with them all you want but they’ll just keep poking you until you devolve into a swearing pile of poo. Then they’ll tell everyone how mean and wrong you are.

However, the question is ok. If I had seen the Tweet, I might have asked the same thing. Fetish is a loaded word with multiple definitions. Not to mention that Fetishism is the name of a serious Psychological condition, in which a person is obsessively aroused by a type of object. I understand that the word is used, in slang terms, as meaning a sexual deviance, or naughty like. (He certainly isn’t talking about the definition where people think that the bone of a saint has magical properties.)

I didn’t read the hashtag, and I’m sure there are a lot of nasty/racist things on it but I would want to know why he is equating preference with sexual deviance and saying it’s racist. Don’t get me wrong there are people out there that are racist and sexual deviants, it’s called Ethnic Pornography, and it’s people of different races in subservient positions and cultural stereotypes.

I’m not saying what he said was wrong but that the person had the right or Privilege to ask for clarification.

How it ends

They devolve into an argument. The author says that he doesn’t need to answer the question because it’s not his responsibility to educate people. The Troll tells him that his opinions can’t matter if he’s not willing to argue them.

My Opinion

As a blogger, and public figure, you have given people the right to interact with you. It’s the way public discourse has been done for millennia, and it’s the reason that Bill Nye still debates with creationists. Without questioning there is no growth.

Learning from an authority is more likely to stick in your head and make a positive impact then learning from google or Wikipedia.

Refusing to answer a question because you think it’s a waste of your time is your right, however for every 100 trolls who ask the question, there will be 1 person who is genuinely curious and can grow from your influence.

As much as there is “White Privilege” there is also a form of “Intelectual/Class Privilege” just because you’ve answered the question before, and think it’s a stupid question, doesn’t mean that the person asking is a troll or not worth your time. There are people out there who are ignorant (I mean that in the traditional, “Don’t know anything” and not the hateful people) and the best way to fight ignorance is with knowledge.

I can’t say it enough I truly believe that asking questions is a fundamental human right.

 

Did I misread the whole thing? Do you disagree with me? Let me know in the comments.

On Privilege

Someone on my facebook posted the following article and it made me mad. Not in the usual way in which I compeletly disagree with the author. I just think the author has missed the point entirely and in doing so is encouraging ignorance.

Authority, Google, and Privilege

The author starts by making a grand statement about how, white people (Especially allies and anti-racists) believe they have the right to his time because he has furthered anti-racist discourse. He goes on to say that depending on his mood he’ll either respond thoughtfully or link them to something. And then sometimes he’ll tell them that he’s “not there to serve as a resource to them”.

You’re probably thinking that he’s being pretty reasonable if not the nicest guy in the world right? And on the surface that’s what it looks like but let me tell you that the author is showing his own privilege and his own arrogance.

I don’t believe that people have the right to insist that he answer their questions. I don’t believe that he must answer the questions. What I truly believe is in the right of those people to ask the question.

If you actively champion a cause, in a public venue, you are positioning yourself as an authority. If you are willing to do that you must accept the consequence that people will want to both learn from you and challenge you.

Someone said in reply, that the man isn’t an “Answer Monkey” and to just use google. I suppose that’s fair, except that google will give you millions of replies, not all of them trustworthy. Asking someone you respect is simpler and safer in most cases. Is it lazy, a little, but we’re human, and sifting through endless research for every question isn’t possible on a day to day basis.

Public discourse is part of how the world learns and grows. To try and stifle it is wrong. If he was talking about botany, instead of race, he would just sound like he hated that people talked to him.

Is it Privilege to ask a person questions about something he’s positioned himself as an authority on? Yes but it’s a justifiable privilege that is a human right not “White Privilege.”

Trolls and definitions

The author goes on to explain that, while he was working on a paper, he decided to check out an interracial dating hashtag on twitter. He wasn’t happy with what he saw so he decided to put out a snarky Tweet.

Checks out #insightsbs. Sees white people describing their racial fetisheses as ‘not racist.’ Gives up forever.

The author than was then surprised and annoyed when someone responded by asking him to define Fetish. The person also made it clear that he was challenging the author and that he disagreed and probably would even after the author explained himself.

This folks is a form of Troll. They’re not living under bridges but they are damn ugly. What these kinds of people like to do is “fish” for an argument. Cast a line out and reel it in. Effectively trolling.

This form of Troll is the kind that says, “I’m not [add IST Here] but…” You can argue with them all you want but they’ll just keep poking you until you devolve into a swearing pile of poo. Then they’ll tell everyone how mean and wrong you are.

However, the question is ok. If I had seen the Tweet, I might have asked the same thing. Fetish is a loaded word with multiple definitions. Not to mention that Fetishism is the name of a serious Psychological condition, in which a person is obsessively aroused by a type of object. I understand that the word is used, in slang terms, as meaning a sexual deviance, or naughty like. (He certainly isn’t talking about the definition where people think that the bone of a saint has magical properties.)

I didn’t read the hashtag, and I’m sure there are a lot of nasty/racist things on it but I would want to know why he is equating preference with sexual deviance and saying it’s racist. Don’t get me wrong there are people out there that are racist and sexual deviants, it’s called Ethnic Pornography, and it’s people of different races in subservient positions and cultural stereotypes.

I’m not saying what he said was wrong but that the person had the right or Privilege to ask for clarification.

How it ends

They devolve into an argument. The author says that he doesn’t need to answer the question because it’s not his responsibility to educate people. The Troll tells him that his opinions can’t matter if he’s not willing to argue them.

My Opinion

As a blogger, and public figure, you have given people the right to interact with you. It’s the way public discourse has been done for millennia, and it’s the reason that Bill Nye still debates with creationists. Without questioning there is no growth.

Learning from an authority is more likely to stick in your head and make a positive impact then learning from google or Wikipedia.

Refusing to answer a question because you think it’s a waste of your time is your right, however for every 100 trolls who ask the question, there will be 1 person who is genuinely curious and can grow from your influence.

As much as there is “White Privilege” there is also a form of “Intelectual/Class Privilege” just because you’ve answered the question before, and think it’s a stupid question, doesn’t mean that the person asking is a troll or not worth your time. There are people out there who are ignorant (I mean that in the traditional, “Don’t know anything” and not the hateful people) and the best way to fight ignorance is with knowledge.

I can’t say it enough I truly believe that asking questions is a fundamental human right.

 

Did I misread the whole thing? Do you disagree with me? Let me know in the comments.