The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Conclusion

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

Felix had been given a chance to relive an entire day of his life. Unfortunately it was his birthday, April 1st. How he hated April Fool’s. The pranks were at best annoying and at worst dangerous. The entire concept was ridiculous.

He had spent the entirety of the previous night reading a novel, but he couldn’t remember it’s title or it’s plot. He had then spent the night tossing and turning in his comfortable bed. His mind replayed every event with Miss Amanda Eris.

The adventure had been frightening, dangerous, and dirty. He’d loved every moment of it. Tucked in his bed, the city lights shining through his curtains, he couldn’t lie to himself. He’d liked her and could see himself falling in love with her. He didn’t care if she was a robot. She was just as human as he was.

Finally at six am he decided to wake up. He prepared himself an elaborate breakfast and showered. When he got out of the shower he saw that he’d missed a call from the office. It was Margery, his cubical mate. “Hey Felix. Your ten o’clock just called to cancel and Mister McMahon says you can take the whole day off. Have fun and happy birthday!”

“That woman is way too cheerful,” he said. Somehow he didn’t hate it as much as he remembered. It was nice of her to remember his birthday.

It wasn’t even eight yet and he had nothing to do for the day. Traditionally, he’d stay at home and read or watch television. As he stood there, half dressed, his apartment’s walls seemed to shrink and if felt much too small.

The cartoon dinosaur calendar stared at him from the kitchen. His niece Sonia had given it to him for Christmas. It was a sweet, if odd, gift for a man who preferred a mixture of modern and books for decoration.

He picked up the telephone and called his brother, “Dean. How are you today?”

“Hey bro. Happy Birthday.” He paused probably wanting to ask why Felix was calling.

“Does Sonia have the day off?” Felix asked.

“She does. I was going to drop her off at Sam’s mom’s house while I got to work. Why?”

“I think it’s time I try something different for my birthday. I was thinking of taking her to that play place that she likes and maybe to a toy store.”

“She’d love that Felix. Are you ok?” Dean sounded concerned.

“I don’t know, but spending time with my niece will help, I’m sure.”

* * *

At the age of five it was easy to understand Sonia. She wanted to run around, play, and loved anything that had bright colours. After a few hours at a play place, they had picked up lunch from a grilled cheese food truck and sat down in the park. It was an unusually warm day and as they ate he told her the story of what had happened to him.

When he was done she said, “Wow. Did you kiss her? Do you love her?”

“No. We just met. It takes time to fall in love.”

“No it doesn’t. I knew I loved Tommy the first day of school.”

Felix laughed and asked, “Do your fathers know about this?”

She nodded, “Uh huh.” Her faced twisted in concentration and she asked, “Uncle Felix. You said the dinosaurs had green skin, right?” he nodded, unsure what she meant. “My teacher says that dinosaurs had feathers and we just found out. How could the bad guys in your story be dinosaurs?”

“There are a lot of dinosaurs,” he answered. “Just like there are a lot of different kinds of horses. Maybe the ones in my story are like alligators and don’t have feathers?”

“Maybe, but I don’t understand why you had to blow up their ship. Couldn’t you just talk to them?”

He considered how he could answer the question but he wasn’t sure himself. He’d just sort of let himself be pushed and pulled. Why had it been necessary? “Do you want me to push you on the swings?” he asked to divert both their attentions.

From the swings, Felix could see an electronics store across the street. He glimpsed occasional pieces of news on the televisions. It wasn’t long before he saw the familiar video of his apartment building in flames. They showed a picture of Leonardo da Vinci in modern clothing as the main suspect.

“Sonia, sweetie. I’m going to drop you off at Grandma’s, ok? I have to go do something.”

“You’re going to see Amanda? Your girlfriend?” Sonia chanted several times as they walked to her grandmother’s.

* * *

The only place he could think of looking for Amanda Eris, the time travelling robot, was the McDonald’s that they’d first stopped at after escaping his work building.

When he walked in, he turned to where they had sat and saw her sitting there licking an ice-cream cone.

“It really is better with real dairy,” she said as a greeting.

“I thought you said I didn’t have to worry about the bomb?” he asked in an accusing whisper as he sat across from her.

Her forehead crinkled and there was sadness her in eyes when she said, “I thought you were. They told me you were.”

“Who’s they?”

“The robot high counsel. They’re the ones who sent me. You were estimated to be one of the people that had the least influence on history so you were chosen to fight the dinosaurs.”

Her words stung, “Why did you need me, or anyone then?”

“We were programmed with safeguards preventing us from hurting any living beings. We needed someone who could pull the trigger.”

“Aren’t there any humans in your time?”

“No. They were all killed.”

“But the museum?”

“Not humans. Just other sentient species.”

“So you tricked me into doing your dirty work and then tried to kill me?”

“I had no idea about the bomb. When I found out, I came straight here.” Her free hand reached out for his. “Please believe me; I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

He took her hand and enjoyed its softness and warmth, “But the news says that da Vinci planted the bomb that was supposed to kill me. Isn’t that harming a living creature?”

“Yes. My fellow robots seem to have found a way to bypass their programming. I don’t know how.”

“What happens now?”

“I think the robots have been manipulating time to try and alter their programming. I need your help to set things right.”

“You want me to help you put time back into its proper order?” Felix smiled. “You’ve found the right man.”

They stood up together and she pulled him towards her with her red lips almost touching his, she said, “Your organization skills will be useful but I want you around for much more.”

With that she kissed him and his world melted away and there was nothing but her lips and the warmth of her body.

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The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Part Ten

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

“Grab the joystick and do your part,” Yelled Leonardo da Vinci pointing at a chair with what looked like virtual reality glasses and a fancy joystick.

Hesitantly Felix sat in the comfortable chair and put on the glasses. Sudenly he could see the outside of the ship as if he was there. It was disconcerting and he had to take a few deep breaths to convince his body he wasn’t about to die.

He could hear Miss Eris walking to the back of the small fighter ship to install the diamond. The soft clacking of her heels on the hull of the ship. The ship was roughly the size of a moderately sized motor home.

“Just try not to hit our allies,” as da Vinci said it certain ships started to glow green and others red. The green ones were built like fighter jets made of black steel, while the others looked like golden eggs. Even though the two designs were so different Felix appreciated the colour coding. They all moved so quickly it was hard to tell.

The joystick moved his field of vision and when he pressed the large red button a bright crimson beam of light shot out. It struck one of the golden eggs and the eggs exploded like in an action movie.

“Good shot,” he hear in the earpiece of the headset. It had a slight Italian accent and Felix suspected it was Nicola Tesla.

Turning the joystick to the far right, Felix yelped in surprise. While he’d been concentrating on all the smaller ships he hadn’t seen the mothership. It was huge. From this angle he would have sworn it was as big as a planet and it was exactly like the smaller eggs.

“Do we have one of those?” asked Felix.

“No,” replied several people at once.

A warm hand rested on his shoulder and he heard the warm voice of Miss Eris say, “That is why we needed the diamond. It will allow this ship to increase its firepower and destroy the mothership.”

“That makes sense I suppose. You should probably get on one of these gun things too.”

“There’s only one gun on each ship. Otherwise the drain would be too much.”

“Oh, then let me get out of your way,” Felix assumed she was a better shot than he was. She was better at almost everything. Her hand kept him firmly in place.

“Felix only you can do this.” Her voice was soft and her confidence in him overwhelming.

“That’s ridiculous!” He exclaimed. “I’m not special. I’m just me. You have a time machine in your arm and sitting next to me is Leonardo da Vinci you can not tell me that I’m better qualified than either of you.” As he yelled a large humming started to compete in volume.

The ship turned towards the giant egg and da Vinci said, “You’re at the gun and we only have one shot at this. Just aim and shoot when I tell you.”

The egg came closer and closer until all he could see was a golden sheen. He wanted to shoot but nobody said anything. They just kept getting closer until suddenly he felt the entire ship jerk to one side, just as a pillar of yellow light exploded from the egg.

“Hold on,” said Miss Eris from somewhere next to him. It was one of those clichéd sayings that made him yell at movies. What did she expect? That he’d jump out if his seat and dance? Of course he’d hold on and hope his bowels did the same.

Just when he thought they’d bump into the gigantic spaceship he saw that it wasn’t one large solid egg but made by millions of little eggs and egg ports.

“Now aim for the red dot on your screen.” da Vinci said a little too calmly for Felix’s liking.

He pressed the button and his vision turned bright crimson. It was all he could see but he held on to the button. He felt shockwaves hit the ship but all he could see was red.

The red stopped along with the high pitched hum. Felix let go of the button. What he saw now was a large debris field. Bits of gold caught the light from the sun and reflected like sparkles on a holiday ornament.

“It’s over,” Miss Eris said, a tear rolling down her cheek. We’ve finally won.

Standing and shaking his hand da Vinci said, “You’ve done your race proud. Thank you!”

Smiling from ear to ear, Felix could only nod.

“I’ll take you home,” Miss Eris gave him a sad smile.

“Thank you,” he said feeling relieved and sad at the same time.

He took her hand for what he realized would be the last time and the world twisted into odd shapes. The now familiar feeling of being turned inside out didn’t seem so bad.

When the world realigned itself he was inside his apartment. “But I thought it blew up?”

“It did but now it won’t. The enemy was destroyed there’s no need for your apartment to explode,” she smiled at him.

As he tried to decipher what she’d said he saw his wall calendar. It had a large picture of a cartoon dinosaur, his niece had gotten it for him for Christmas. The date on the calendar said, March 31st, 2014. The clock read six-fourteen in the afternoon.

“How long have we been gone?” he asked.

“For the world. You never left. For you and I, it’s been a week.”

“Feels like a year,” he sighed.

“It’s time I go,” she said.

“Goodbye Miss Eris,” he said trying to think of anything but her leaving. He reached his hand out to shake hers.

“Goodbye Felix,” she took his hand and pulled him towards her. Gently she leaned over and kissed him. His body exploded in shivers. He sighed internally as he felt the warmth in her lips and the heat from her body. As much as he’d fought against it, this was what he wanted.

She let go and moved back, there were tears on her cheeks, “Goodbye Felix and to answer your question from the museum I am a robot. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” With those last words she disappeared.

“What do I do now?” he asked the empty apartment.

He reached into his bookcase and pulled out a novel without looking at the title. He sat on his couch and started to read. This was what he had wanted. Wasn’t it?

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Only Human

This will be one of several choices for this year’s serial story.

* * *

“I’m a freak,” she said dramatically, throwing herself on her dorm room bed. The room had a bed, closet, dresser, desk.

“Yep,” Ginny replied showing her fangs. “How did you manage to get accepted here anyway?”

“I have no idea. I applied for all the Cryptozoology programs.”

“It’s not like this place is subtle, it’s called Monster’s University,” Ginny’s fangs retracted and she smiled.

“Ok, sure, but I didn’t think there were actual monsters, I assumed it was just a name,” Rachel nervously played with her long red French-braid.

Sitting down next to her and patting her knee with a pale hand, Ginny said, “Maybe it won’t be that bad? I mean no one’s going to expect you to be human. They’ll all assume you’re something else.”

Looking at her new roommate and only friend, Rachel felt a little sad. “Why don’t you just turn me into a vampire? That’ll fix everything.”

Ginny made a disgusted face, “You’re cute but I’m not into girls.” When Rachel looked confused, Ginny added, “We might be monsters but we have rules. We can only turn our future wife/husband.”

“Then how are you a Vampire?”

Running her hands through her perfect blonde hair, everything seemed perfect on Ginny, she explained, “When a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much…” she paused. “I was born just like you.” Ginny blushed and Rachel was surprised that she could.

“Oh. Sorry.” Rachel looked sheepish but she was actually extremely interested.

“No one’s going to turn you legally and trust me, the sicko’s that say they will, will turn you into a thrall. It’s like a walking drinking cup.” Rachel shuddered and was about to say something but Ginny cut her off, “Same goes for Mummies, Lycans, Harpies, Sirens, and Banshees.”

“What do I do?”

“Fake it,” Ginny got off the bed and looked at Rachel appraisingly. “We need to find a creature that’s rare enough you won’t find one here, doesn’t have active powers, and doesn’t have any physical differences from humans.”

“Fae?” Rachel suggested.

“With that skin? No way. Plus they’re like a quarter of the population here.”

The mention of Rachel’s skin hurt her. She was self-conscious about her pimples. She’d been teased her entire life. It wasn’t easy being told by her roommate who could pass as a magazine cover model, post-photoshop.

“Dwarf?” Rachel suggested.

“You don’t have enough hair,” Ginny ran her hand on her face indicating a beard. “Not to mention you’re a little tall.” Rachel was over six feet tall and had wide shoulders.

“Demigod?” Rachel was running out of ideas. It didn’t help that she knew nothing but myths about this world. She had been a big fan of the Percy Jackson novels when she was in the orphanage.

As she said Demigod, their main dorm room door flew open and a large boy came in. He passed the small kitchen and walked straight into her room. He had the same blond hair and perfect skin as Ginny but he was taller than Rachel and too wide shouldered to get through the door by walking straight. He wore a MU jacket and held a football in one hand.

“Dude, did I hear you were a Demi? Awesome! Who’s your parent?”

“Ronny, that’s totally rude,” Ginny rolled her eyes in the way that only a sibling can. “Rachel, this is Ronny, my older brother.”

Jumping off the bed in the most awkward way possible, Rachel took Ronnie’s hand and shook it. “Nice to meet you.” She smiled what she hoped was a seductive smile. He was gorgeous.

They shook hands and Ronny said, “Dang. Nice …” he looked her over, making her blush a little at how invasive the look was, and finished with, “grip.”

“I’m not sure who my parents are. I spent half my life in an orphanage.” She decided it was easier to tell the truth.

“Well from looking at you I’d say Norse or Celtic, welcome to Monster’s University,” with that he winked and jogged out of their room.

After she closed the door, Ginny said, “No!”

“What? He’s hot and he was flirting,” A part of Rachel liked seeing Ginny flustered.

“He’s not hot, he’s my brother.”

The two girls looked into each other’s eyes and after a few seconds burst into giggles. After the giggles ended Ginny said, “So are you going to the big welcome street party over on Greek row?”

“Are they Greek gods or…?”

“Naw they’re just Sororities and Frats,” Ginny laughed walking to her identical room.

“Sure why not. I just have to get ready,” Rachel took out one of her two suitcases and put it on the bed. “What should I wear?” she yelled across to Ginny’s room.

“Perfume. You stink of human and it’ll make a few people hungry.” Ginny had already changed into a short white skirt and a dark red crop top. She looked good and Rachel envied her. Sticking her head into the doorway, Ginny asked, “Want me to wait for you?”

“No,” Rachel said a little too quickly, “It’ll take me a little while to decide.”

When Ginny had left, Rachel closed her door and locked it. She then took out the second suitcase and put it on the bed too. She opened both. One filled with clothes, makeup, electronics, and toiletries; the other filled with weapons, religious symbols, herbs, and vials of various substances. She was glad she’d brought a lock for her dresser.

It was a warm night and she decided to wear a skirt with short shorts, similar to what a cheerleader would wear but all light grey. She added a chunky black belt, and for her top she put on a green tank top. She had hard wide shoulders from all her training.

She finished the outfit off with a pair of black leather boots. They were her favourite, mostly for the built in knife sheaths. She then put on her weapons. The skirt hid two blades, the belt was lined with throwing knives and she had a small pistol in the small of her back. A garrotte was hidden in her braid.

As she stared at herself in the mirror, she didn’t like what she saw, but she wasn’t here to be liked, she was here for vengeance. The final part of her outfit was a small bottle of perfume that had been blessed by three holy men and a high priestess. She squirted a little of the lilac scented perfume on her neck and inner wrists.

“Time to get to work,” she mumbled as she walked out of her dorm.

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The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Part Nine

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

“Hello Sir,” Felix said, feeling rested but hungry as he looked down the barrel of the thin man’s gun. He resisted the urge to tell the bank robber how dirty the barrel of his gun looked from this angle.

“Don’t sir me, you ugly mook. Just give me all your money,” The man looked like a good wind would blow him over, but he had what Felix thought was a “Tommy Gun” pointed at a room full of bank clientele.

“I’m sorry I really have nothing of value on me,” Felix ignored the rude comments and repeated what he’d told the man and his wife.

“Search him, Claire,” said the man.

“He’s clean, got nothing on him, Donnie,” said the short dumpy woman.

“Donnie and Claire?” mumbled Felix. Why couldn’t he get name brand villains instead of cheap knockoffs?

Just as Donnie turned to point his rather large gun at another client, the little bell on top of the entrance rang and a large man forced his way through the doorway, similar to the way canned cranberries slump out of their can.

As the man entered, Donnie turned his ridiculously large gun towards the man. Felix then did something that he never thought he’d do. He punched Donnie as hard as he could in the face. The gun went off releasing a spray of bullets that shot a few windows, as it and Donnie fell to the floor.

When he looked back, Miss Eris had subdued Claire and taken away her firearm.

The large man, who wore a pinstriped suit, stopped in shock at the scene in front of him. When he recovered, he ran to Felix and shook his hand, “You have saved my life sir. How can I ever repay you? You shall come to dinner at my home tonight.”

It was at this point that Felix started to wonder if something like fate, destiny, or dumb luck was guiding their trip. Appearing in the middle of a bank heist seemed the least likely way to get invited to dinner at a gangster’s home, but as it turned out he was once again wrong. It wasn’t anything like fate. He decided that the universe had a perverse sense of humour and was enjoying toying with him.

* * *

The problem with a formal dinner was that Felix hadn’t eaten anything in … He wasn’t sure but it felt like days. He just wanted to attack the food and not worry about what people thought. It was a rare emotion for him. He always tried to be tidy and clean, but hunger made him sloppy and grumpy.

All thoughts left his head when he smelled the food. It tasted heavenly and he had the hardest time paying attention to any conversation.

When dessert was finally served after several courses of heavenly food, Amanda leaned over to him and said, “How do you suppose we get the diamond?”

As an answer, he shrugged, “We’ve done it before, so we’ll do it again.”

“The depression has taken its toll on all of us, hasn’t it, Mister Felicis?” The large gangster asked.

“Yes, I supposed it has. I must say I haven’t eaten this well in years,” Felix winked at Amanda. Small talk about politics and the evils of prohibition dominated the after-dinner conversation. When he felt it was appropriate, Felix suggested, “Could we have a tour of your lovely home?”

It was a beautiful house, just outside the city, built in the grand Federal style with hints of Greek-Revival, reminiscent of the White House and the Tara plantation in Gone with the Wind, one of Felix’s favourite movies.

As they walked, Felix offered Amanda his arm. It served two purposes letting them whisper to each other and having her close. The latter being something Felix desperately wanted. She infuriated him with her illogical views of the universe, and that she was always right, but she was kind and friendly and seemed to generally care for him.

As she held his arm her hands were warm, everything was warm in what must have been summer heat, and he didn’t envy the armed men who continued to wear their pinstriped suits despite the weather. Felix had taken off his jacket, but not his coat and rolled up his dress shirt’s sleeves. “Clever idea getting a tour, this way we can find out where the diamond is being held.” Amanda whispered in his ear.

Trying not to sound flustered he replied, “I hadn’t thought of it. I just really like the house.” He looked at her expecting disappointment or contempt, instead he saw a glint of laughter in her eyes and wide smile.

“You two make a wonderful couple,” said the large gangster.

“Oh, we’re not a couple,” Felix said looking at Amanda for some sort of contradiction.

“We’ve only known each other for a few days, but I have greatly enjoyed his company. Unfortunately we’re from different worlds.” With those worlds Amanda shattered Felix’s fragile male ego and his hopes.

“It’s not where we start that matters, my friends, but where you end up and who you journey with. Ah, to be young like you.” The gangster paused as if lost in reflection. He looked older than Felix had first thought. He then led them into a large room, “Since my wife passed away, bless her, I have collected beauty in every form.” He opened a set of double doors and Felix was worried about what the man considered beauty.

The room was filed with pieces of art. A Van Gogh, several Monets, and lots of ancient vases. All in a large aisle to a dais with a large diamond on it.

When they were in front of the diamond, Felix looked at their host and said, “Thank you for your hospitality.” With that, he took the diamond with one hand and Miss Eris’s hand with the other.

With his hopes of romance squashed, he had a renewed fervor to return to his old life. As the world twisted and melted away he yearned for his couch and a good book.

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Faeries VS Robots Vs Aliens

This will be one of several choices for this year’s serial story.

* * *

The café was full. Sandra had placed her backpack on the chair next to her pretending that she was saving it for someone. She had her headphones on, she had her phone on the arm of the plush chair and she had a paperback book in her hand. She wanted to be left alone to drink her overpriced and unpronounceable coffee. Her headphones were wireless and she wasn’t listening to music.

“May I sit here?” asked the middle aged man in a sharp looking sweater vest. Sandra looked at him over her glasses and growled and he froze. His natural instincts were telling him that was a wolf’s growl, not a human girl’s. It was low menacing growl and it startled the man enough that he looked her in the eye instead of at her breasts.

It was warm outside and she was wearing a low cut t-shirt and medium length skirt. Her hair was in a high ponytail. When he didn’t move, she scowled and said, “No.” He moved away.

Less than half a page in her book later another man came up to her and just stood there. He was looking at her expectantly and she ignored him. When he stepped closer and waved his hand in front of her, she considered breaking his fingers.

When she took off her headphones, he said, “You look like you need company.”

“Oh? What part of my, leave me the hell alone to enjoy my book, attitude give you the idea I need company?”

“Dressed like that, in public reading a trashy romance, you’re obviously trying to find a man. It’s a good thing I thing I like desperate.”

A wave of disgust followed by anger flowed through Sandra and her brown hair turned bright crimson. Her olive skin turned pure white and she poured power into her words, “Go play in traffic.” She took a deep breath as the man went out of the café. Her appearance went back to normal and she put her headphones back on.

The honk of a large truck made her smile.

She managed to almost finish the chapter before someone moved her bag off the seat next to her and sat down.

The smell of iron and grease clung to the man. From the outside he was the perfect man. Well built, handsome, and easy to smile. His designers had even added smile lines to his eyes that made the nearly inhumane shade of blue look soothing.

“Sandra. Did you really think you’d get away from us that easy?” He smiled as if he’d just said something witty.

Her heart raced, she knew how dangerous he was. “I had hoped they’d given up on me. Does this mean,” She paused concentrating her power into her voice, “Leave.” The android Francis didn’t move.

“Your Faery magic doesn’t work on me.”

“It wasn’t meant for you,” she smiled as all the patrons in the shop and the barista behind the counter decided to leave the store.

“The collective has an offer for you.”

That wasn’t what she had been expecting. She was expecting, even hoping for a fight.

“Go on.”

“We’ll release you from your contract if you do something for us.” Her human mother had sold her to the Collective before she was born, traded her for talent with a paintbrush. Sandra visited her mother’s art at the Louvre every once in a while.

“No tricks? A pure release?” Her faery nature meant she couldn’t break a contract and she had tried for almost a hundred years. She had hoped that by running away they’d forget about her. Her Faery heritage meant that she was bound to follow contracts but they had never told her not to run away. Never the less she still felt the pull of magic to return to them. It was like a leash.

“No tricks. Our facility in Moonbeam has gone dark. Find out what happened and we’ll release you.” Moonbeam was a small town in Northern Ontario, it had a large UFO statue and boasted being visited by aliens. It was a Collective front. The whole town was dedicated to research on aliens.

“I’ll do it,” she said, almost tasting freedom. She wondered what if would feel like not to have a magical leash around her neck. When he nodded, she put the book in her bag and her phone in her pocket.

Standing up, she took the headphones, put them on the robot’s head, and pressed a button. “Some of my magic works.” She released the electricity stored in the headphones and walked away. The smell of burning metal made her sneeze as she left the store.

Outside two policemen were escorting the man who’d been playing in traffic. Sandra removed the compulsion and giggled at the fact that the man was naked.

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The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Part Eight

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

“Hello,” said Felix to the woman on the other side of the glass. She vaguely looked like a cat, an orange tabby to be precise which confused him. He thought he’d heard that only male cats were orange. This was certainly not a male cat. More of a teenagers daydream of what a cat woman would look like. If that that teenager was really into lab coat wearing zookeepers from the future.

“I’ve had a really long day madam,” he said sounding tired even to himself. “I got up this morning and took a meeting with a beautiful, if chaotic woman,” he pointed at Amanda Eris, “and then dinosaurs from the future blew up my apartment.” He paused thinking about time, “I suppose they’re from my future but your past. None the less, I was then dragged back in time to avoid a giant cyborg gorilla and his rider.” The woman nodded at him sagely. “We were taken hostage by gangsters; Met Leonardo da Vinci; survived the temple of death traps; ran from more dinosaurs and now we’re stuck here.” The woman looked at him tilting her head as if asking a question, “Yes of course. I forgot. We went to the temple to get a diamond that would save humanity from the dinosaurs. We just had to give it to an old lady who would pass it on to her gangster grandson, then we can steal it back.” He scratched his head.

The woman meowed at him and started to laugh, she walked away from the glass.

“Seems needlessly convoluted. Even to me,” said Amanda.

“Ok so we’re in a museum that has almost perfectly mimicked my apartment through what telepathy?” Felix was trying to understand he felt like he’d been so close to being finished with the day.

“No. It’s built from electrical impulses in your brain that are turned into waves.” She stopped, “Yeah, telepathy.” This was the first time that Felix had seen her look sad. He didn’t like it. He preferred her being perky, mysterious, or smug.

“Does that mean the shower will work?” Felix asked. She only shrugged as an answer and he decided it might be worth a try, even if he was being watched. The shower did work and it was blissful to clean the dirt of the day off him. He felt the scar on his eye and sighed at its lack of symmetry.

When he left the shower he was loathed to put on his dirty and ripped suit. He wrapped the towel around himself and walked out of the washroom. When Amanda saw him she blushed and looked away. “Come on Amanda, a good shower will help you think and feel better.” She nodded sullenly and went into the washroom.

Going to the closet he wished that he’d owned something more fitting to travelling through time and space. When he opened the closet he was surprised to find that nothing in it was his clothes. Instead he found a long black leather duster, a pair of nice looking black military boots, a comfortable light blue dress shirt, and a charcoal gray suit with at vest instead of a jacket.

By the time that Amanda was out of the shower he was dressed and had shaved the stubble threatening to become visible on his face. “Where did you get that?” she asked. She looked splendid in nothing but a towel.

It took Felix a few moments to compose himself before pointing to the closet. When she opened it he saw a bright clowns outfit. She closed it again and reopened it to find an outfit that nearly matched his perfectly. Her coat and boots were navy blue, her shirt was a white sweater, and she had no vest.

He looked at the gawking museum patrons as she changed and when she was done she said, “This is wonderful.”

“They do fit quite well,” Felix said assuming she was talking about the clothes.

When he turned to look at her she had several small cases in front of her. Walking over to the table she put them down and turned to him to smile.

“I’ve always been curious how woman put on their makeup.” Felix smiled at her.

Looking confused she replied, “It’s not complicated, I have several different settings. I think light casual would be easiest.” She closed her eyes and tapped her temple a few times and when she opened them she was wearing light makeup. Eye shadow, lipstick, and blush. “Sub dermal implants that can temporarily infuse skin cells with colour.”

Looking at her with (what he assumed was) recognizable confusion he pointed at the little cases and asked, “Then what are those?”

“Repair kits of course.” She opened one of them with her left hand putting her right hand on the table palm up. Taking what looked like a small screw driver from the kit, she touched it to the inside of her wrist and her entire lower arm opened to show a complicated mechanism with glowing lights. It seemed to be wrapped around the flesh of her arm. Felix could see her bone from where he stood.

Unable to fight back the gag reflex, Felix ran to the sink to throw up everything that was in his stomach. Which was nothing at all and he ended up dry gagging. Once he’d controlled himself he brushed his teeth and came back out.

Amanda smiled at him, “Feeling better? Ready to go?”

“May I ask an indelicate question?” Felix asked feeling foolish. When she nodded he asked, “Are you a robot?”

Smiling largely she said, “Don’t be ridiculous.” Then asked, “Are you hungry?”

“Yes. What do you say we get invited to a gangster’s house for dinner?” he asked ignoring the discomfort in his stomach.

“Great idea,” she smiled at him and something in the way she looked at him made him feel warm and loved. Sighing happily he added, “Something tells me the worst is behind us.”

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