Grump Grump Grump

I have been consumed with righteous anger!

Anger_Inside_Out_1Ok maybe not righteous more indignant.

Fine not really anger more annoyance.

Well I suppose it’s more plagued than consumed.

I have been plagued by indignant annoyance!

It’s been a short feeling summer and I’ve been extremely irritable. For anyone who’s had to deal with me the past few months; I am sincerely sorry for being a grump.

I’m not sure why I’ve been like this, maybe it’s allergies, maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the fishbowl I call my new office, maybe it’s my lack of writing? It’s probably none of those.

Most likely it’s the number one stress in everybody’s lives, Money. I (and every other writer ever) would love to live off of my writing. Someday hopefully I will… (I suddenly have the urge to buy a lottery ticket.)

New Resolution

I updated my Resolutions in June. Check them out here.

Those resolutions are all professional / career goals. I’m going to add one now since I need reminding. “Be less angry and annoyed.” It’s not going to be easy but I need to Let It Go!

Opinions

Talking about resolutions, one of mine was to put up some stories on Wattpad.

I’m starting to get an okay backlog of stories, particularly the serial stories. (Start at part 1 of Only Human, or The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis!)

For you smart, sexy, and special imaginary friends out there, do you think publishing them on Wattpad and then selling them as ebooks with an exclusive epilogue is worth the time, editing, and money for covers? They range from 6,000 to 10,000 words so I’d only charge .99 and call them novellas.

 

Thanks for reading!

What do you think, would you buy one of the serial stories, with an exclusive epilogue, for $0.99?

Éric

Only Human (Serial Story) Part 5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

“I know what you are and why you’re here,” read Ginny. It said the same thing as it had when Rachel had read it the first six times, but hearing the words from her friend’s mouth made them real. The words were on the top half of a postcard-sized piece of paper in a cheesy horror movie font.

“What do you think they mean?” asked Rachel.

“What does it matter? I mean, yeah, you’re human, but you’re here for the same reason as everyone else.” Seeing Rachel squirm, the tall blonde vampiric beauty asked, “Aren’t you?”

“Well. I’ve been meaning to tell you…” Rachel didn’t know how to tell Ginny that she’d lied to her for the past two months. She wasn’t at Monster’s University only to study Cryptozoology, she was also there to avenge the deaths of her sister. Instead of telling her, she walked over to her closet that was locked with a combination lock. She unlocked the lock and opened the cabinet to show her arsenal.

“Wow,” whispered Ginny. She gave a whistle and her perfect face showed fear. “You’re a Huntress? Oh shit!” Ginny looked all the more frail and innocent when they were standing, Rachel was taller than most of the men in the school. It made pretending to be a demigod much easier, but Rachel sometimes wished she was as small and delicate looking as Ginny.

“I am not a Huntress,” Rachel rolled her eyes. Every time she’d gone out to hunt the nastier creatures she’d been called a Huntress. One of her other best friends, Tim, thought she was a Huntress when she’d saved him from a crazy confused monster that thought Tim was child. A Huntress was a supernatural assassin that killed all supernatural creatures until someone killed them. They were without mercy and without conscience.

Living and going to school with monsters had made Rachel more understanding of what a real monster could be. When she’d signed up for classes, she’d hoped to kill everyone, but after meeting them, she realized most were just like her; scared, confused, and lonely. On her dorm floor there were over eighty monsters of various types and, other than Rachel, they’d never killed anything bigger than a spider. Some couldn’t even handle that.

“We’ve been her together for almost three months, if I wanted to kill you I easily could have,” Rachel said trying to make it friendly.

“That’s comforting,” Ginny’s fangs were out and she looked nervous. Rachel wasn’t worried, seeing as Ginny was one of the few monsters that couldn’t manage to kill a spider.

“Ginny!” Rachel exclaimed throwing her arms in the air. Her dull tan skin, barely beige, looked extra boring next to the bright purple nail polish she’d just finished applying. “You knew I carried knives and that I was good with them. I’m not here to kill everyone, I just want to find out what happened to my sister.”

In an instant Ginny’s face went from fear to scorn. “You should have told me.”

“I’m sorry.” Rachel pouted, making her thin lips look a little bigger, and said, “I’m a terrible person and should be flogged.”

Laughing, Ginny gave Rachel a tight hug and replied, “I think that’s more along what my brother and Dowan want to do to you.”

Feeling her face get warm, Rachel put her hands on her cheeks. Her face had been covered in pimples when she’d arrived, but now after just two months, her skin had started to clear up, maybe it was the cafeteria food? She doubted it.

“Those two will just have to flog each other. I don’t have time for immature idiots fighting over me.” The two girl sat back down on the bed.

“Yuck, that’s my brother.” Ginny made a gagging noise. “Don’t you get coffee with Dowan twice a week?”

“He’s the TA for one of my classes. We just happen to get coffee at the same place and walk in the same direction… while talking.” Rachel smiled. Dowan hadn’t brought up what happened in the cafeteria since, but he’d been extra polite and charming.

“’Just happen’ isn’t a phrase that should be used about a trickster. He’s totally into you and for more than just for your freaky divinatory potential. And my brother…” Ginny trailed off gesturing at the large bouquet of wild flowers on Rachel’s dresser.

“Do you think it’s from one of them?” asked Rachel. When Ginny looked confused, she had to point at the note that was still on the bed.

“Oh… um… why would they?” asked Ginny making a face.

“I have no idea. I’d just rather it be weird way to woo me rather than…” she drifted off not wanting to give life to her fears.

“Kill you in a horribly gruesome way?” suggested Ginny in her most perky voice possible.

“Right thanks.”

“Why would they only write on the top half of the paper?”

“Maybe they didn’t.” Ginny stood up quickly, grabbed the postcard and walked over to the closet filled with weapons. She picked out a small ceremonial dagger, and before Rachel could stop her, the vampire had cut her palm.

Taking the bloody blade and wiping it on the paper, Ginny said, “It’s something my Dad mentioned once. Huntresses send messages like this.”

In the weapons closet there were also first aid supplies and after disinfecting the wound Rachel bound it with a bandage. It wasn’t deep enough to need stitches and after her next meal Ginny would heal.

As they both stared, the blood started to move and formed words on the bottom half of the paper. “2 am at the Karloff. Come Alone.”

Read Next

Only Human (Serial Story) Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“Dreamy,” sighed Ginny with a faraway look.

“I’m guessing you know him then?” asked Rachel sarcastically.

“Everyone knows him,” added Tim. “And I agree with Ginny, he’s dreamy.” The two girls turned and looked at the gnome in his wheelchair with surprise in their eyes. “What? I have a thing for tricksters.” Tim blushed and did his best not to meet Ginny’s eyes. “So what happened next?”

“The teacher said that anyone who hadn’t lifted their hand in the first wave should find another class, those that lifted their hands in the middle group had potential and should stay in the class, while the two of us would be bumped up to the next level since we either had training or talent.”

“It’s probably cause you’re a demi-god,” said Tim. They were all in the cafeteria avoiding studying for various subjects. No matter what time of day she’d been there, Rachel had never seen the cafeteria be anything but busy.

“Probably,” replied Rachel.

“Right, absolutely,” replied Ginny.

“Wait, what am I missing?”

“Nothing.” Ginny’s voice cracked. Her perfect hair and flawless skin were the perfect frame for her large worried eyes.

“You may be supernaturally pretty, but you’re a terrible liar,” laughed Tim.

Ginny actually blushed her cheeks turning almost as red as her hair. “You think I’m pretty?”

“The only parts of me that don’t work properly are my legs. My eyes are perfectly fine.”

Unsure if she’d been outed, or used for the most adorable flirting, Rachel cleared her throat and said, “What are you getting at Tim?”

“Huh? Oh, Yeah. You two are hiding something and I want in.”

“Two nights ago you were begging me not to kill you and now you want in on a secret?”

“What, you’re an efficient killing machine and absolutely terrifying but you’re growing on me.”

Rachel laughed awkwardly. She hadn’t told Ginny about the details, “Coming from the guy who’s flirting with a vampire.”

“Just tell him,” Ginny ignored her.

“I’m not a demi-god. I’m human. I have no idea why I’m here.” It wasn’t easy keeping this lie straight but it was better than avoiding talking in front of one of her new friends.

“Shit, you are a Huntress?”

“No, just human with training.”

“So if you’re human, than why could you see through Dowan’s illusions?” Tim asked.

“Some Humans have divinatory powers.” Ginny shrugged, seeming over her earlier bout of blushing.

Nodding Tim said, “It would explain your speed and fighting ability.”

When Rachel chose a spot to sit, she always tried to have a wall at her back. It meant she couldn’t be surprised by someone sneaking up behind her. When she felt hands placed over her eyes and a warm breath on the back of her neck, she panicked. She threw her head back into the nose of the person behind her and reached up to grab the quickly retreating hand. She used her shoulder and back to lever the person and toss them over the table. Jumping out of her seat she ran to her attacker and placed her foot on his neck.

Staring up at her with a look of terror was Dowan, looking more the frightened child than the usual cocky trickster. He gurgled at her and she took her foot away from his throat.

“I normally avoid the rough stuff until the third date,” he tried to sound glib as blood flowed from his nose. The cafeteria patrons giggled awkwardly.

“I’m sorry. Why’d you sneak up on me?” She ran and got some paper towels. When she came back he was sitting in her chair at the table.

“Some girls like it when a handsome man tries to surprise them.” He nudged a small bouquet of crushed flowers with his foot.

“Not a fan of surprises.”

“I’m starting to get that.” He laughed and took the paper towels. After a little while, the blood stopped and he managed to clean himself up a little. She could already see the bruises turning dark blue on his brown skin. “So would it be stupid of me to ask you out anyways?” he asked with a small smirk and eyebrow raise.

“Suicidal maybe,” suggested Ginny, which made everyone laugh.

“Well…” Rachel trailed off. He wasn’t likely to be a killer monster, so maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. He was handsome. She seemed to have trouble taking her eyes off his lips. She really wanted to taste them.

“Yo! Rachel. How’s it hanging?” yelled Ronnie from across the cafeteria. Somehow he still managed to make it look cool; strutting in flanked by two other boys, all in the same football jackets. When he came closer he asked, “So how’s my favourite demi-god?”

Standing up in a fury, Ginny said, “She’s fine and off limits jackass.”

“Let the girl talk for herself, sis. She’s old enough, and certainly hot enough.” That’s when he saw Dowan and growled. He actually growled, and it sounded like a something that should have come from a large wolf.

Standing, Dowan was still half a head shorter than Ronnie, but he had a natural presence that made him seem more intimidating. “Do you really want to do this?”

“I’m a sixth generation vampire and a fourth generation all-star athlete, your little tricks don’t scare me.”

“I’m descended from the raven himself, white-boy. Or should I call you dead-boy?”

The cafeteria hadn’t reacted much when Rachel had thrown Dowan across the room, but now the entire room grew silent and more than half of the patrons suddenly remembered they had other things to do. Even Ginny looked cowed.

The lights flickered and darkness swirled around the two men despite the daylight coming through the windows.

Pulling two of her longer knives Rachel jumped forward and placed herself between the two men. Part of her enjoyed that they were ready to fight for her; it was thrilling to be wanted. It didn’t mean she was going to allow them to act like idiots.

“Gentlemen. I understand that you want to prove which of you has the biggest… you know what…” she blushed, feeling that she had just lost all her intimidation. She tried to think of something witty to say and decided on tapping each of their inner thighs with one of the knives, “Go away.”

Read Next

Only Human (Serial Story) Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2

Standing in the middle of a street party at Monsters University, Rachel was surrounded by people. Currently she was watching a Cyclops by the name of Al toss a smart car towards her.

Thankfully for Rachel, Al was a terrible shot and the smart car flew over and into a large brick building. Neither were damaged, the car bounced off the building and landed on its wheels in the yard.

“Wow. I guess depth perception really is important,” Rachel giggled.

Al’s eye grew wide and for a moment it looked like he was getting angrier, then he just laughed. His friends slowly joined in, unsure if they should.

“You’re funny,” said the large Cyclops. “I like you. What are you?” Anywhere else in the world that question would be rude. Here it seemed common, like asking what major you were in.

“Demi-God, and before you ask, I didn’t know my parents,” she said popping out one of her hips trying to look badass, but feeling awkward. She really hoped he didn’t ask her to prove it in some way.

“Probably not Greek, they never had much of a sense of humour.” With that, the gang of Cyclops walked away.

It mustn’t have worried the rest of the crowd; no one had paid attention and the music hadn’t even stopped. She guessed the combination of growing up around monsters and being at a university party made them completely unflappable. This would come in handy.

It was time for her to stop concentrating on being accepted and get to work. Almost exactly as she thought it, she heard a scream coming from down the street. It must have been extremely loud to be heard over the music. The crowd ignored it.

The scream was coming from two streets down between the wall of the football stadium and a row of small houses. There was no light in the grassy area but the moon. When she turned the corner she saw a small figure in a wheelchair screaming. The figure was the size and shape of a child.

Hovering over the child like figure was a tall beefy man with a long bushy beard. It wore a baggy plaid shirt and jeans. The shirt was snitched at the waist with a metal chain.

“Leave the kid alone!” She yelled as she ran towards them.

The man looked up at her and his eyes were glowing red, his teeth were sharp and brown from dried blood. His hands had long metal claws. “This child is up after seven. He is mine.” The man spoke an archaic form French that Rachel barely understood. “I am the Seven O’clock man and I always get my meal.

Standing less than a few feet from the nauseating creature, Rachel grabbed a silver dagger with her left hand and one carved with Enochian runes in her right.

“Not this time,” she growled and dove at the monster. She really needed to work on her quips they were terrible.

The man was surprised at her attack and didn’t react fast enough to stop her from cutting his arm from shoulder to elbow. He screamed and tried to slash her with his good arm. She grabbed it and pulled him forward. As he was off balance, she sidestepped behind him and cut his throat. When that didn’t seem to kill him she plunged both daggers into its head.

She quickly cleaned her weapons and turned to the child. He had a beard. “Are you ok, kid?”

“I’m a graduate student in Metaphysical Transfiguration. I’m a Gnome, not a kid.” He watched her hands as she finished the ritual movements of cleaning her daggers. “I guess I’m next?”

“Why would I kill you? I just saved you.” She asked confused.

“I recognize a Huntress when I see one. Go ahead, kill me.”

“I’d rather not kill you,” she said.

“The last time this campus had a Huntress there were over a hundred deaths before she was caught and killed. If you don’t kill me, I have to tell the authorities that we have a batshit crazy killer running around.”

“I’m not a serial killer, I’m a demi-god,” she hoped that the lie would work. She didn’t want to kill the child-sized man in a wheelchair. “I only killed that thing because it was trying to eat you and I could hear your screams from two blocks over.”

“Oh. Sorry. My current condition makes me a little paranoid.” He pointed at the chair.

Having cleaned her weapons and then her hands with holy water, she reached out her hand to shake his. As they shook she said, “Rachel, Cryptozoology major.”

“Mind walking me back to my dorm? Looks like this party is attracting all kinds of attention.”

* * *

Hunting at night was easier after the first time. There wasn’t always a party and she often slipped into town to try and protect the locals. Her classes were another story completely. They were difficult and her teachers gave a lot of homework.

Every week she had six mandatory two hour classes, two four hour labs, and one optional class. For her optional class she had the choice between Magical History, Forgotten Mythology, and Divinatory Theory. She took the last one, hoping it might help her find what had killed her sister.

The teacher was a Hag, a race of women who were extremely ugly and had impressive amounts of magical power. They were what a Halloween witch was made to look like. Her matted grey hair and pointy chin bobbed up and down and she talked, “If you’re here in the hopes that I can teach you to get divinatory powers you’re sadly mistaken. This class will concentrate on the theory and history of divination, not it’s practice. Only one in a thousand have any sort of divinatory power and most of those only get gut feelings.”

That’s when Rachel saw someone sitting on a chair next to the teacher’s desk. It was the boy who’d almost gotten her killed. Dowan saw her looking at him and looked a little surprised before he winked at her. His eyes twinkled with mischief.

The teacher walked to the front of the class and stood in front of the chalkboard. Dowan followed her and stood next to her. A girl from the front row stood and joined them.

“Lift your hand if you see me,” the teacher ordered. Everyone lifted their hand and a few people giggled awkwardly.

“Lift your hand if you see me,” said the girl who was standing next to the teacher. Only half the class lifted their hand this time. There was some murmuring and confused giggles.

“Last but not least, lift your hand if you can see me in all my glory,” ordered Dowan. He obviously knew he was attractive.

Rachel rolled her eyes and lifted her hand. Looking around she saw that she and one other person had lifted their hand in a class of two-hundred students.

Read Next

Only Human (Serial Story) Part 2

Part 1

Walking down the Greek row of Monster University was both disgusting and fascinating. It was a welcome party that looked completely normal, until you noticed that half the students were drinking blood instead of beer. There were vendors selling everything from crickets for the Medusa to frozen animal hearts for the werewolf population.

As the only human on campus, Rachel should have felt hunted, but she was the one hunting. Her sister would have loved it here, she was always trying to find and understand cryptoids. Rachel sighed at the thought of her sister, she’d been killed when they were twelve; ripped to shreds by something.

Allison had run up to their room saying she’d made a new friend. Rachel assumed it was another imaginary creature and told her to grow up. It was the last thing she’d told her sister. She’d been studying everything she could about monsters and now she was going to find them and make them pay.

“Why so glum, sexy?” Ronnie asked, his crooked smile and appraising gaze made her tingle and blush.

“Your sister says I’m not allowed to flirt with you,” Rachel said coyly as she walked away from him.

His footsteps behind her told her he was following. “Somehow that makes you even sexier.”

“You just want me to make your sister angry?” She smiled at him.

What was she doing? Sure he was handsome, but he was a bloodsucking monster that could rip her apart with one hand.

“Naw that’s just icing on an already tasty cake.”

Spinning around, she tried to mimic the girls she’d seen in high school by jutting one hip out and bending the opposite knee. She put both hands on her hips and gave him a scathing look. “Really? Comparing me to food, and not even something interesting, am I just fluffy tasty calories to you?”

For the first time she saw a crack in his tough jock veneer and he said, “Sa-sa-s- sorry. I wasn’t trying to say that I wanted to e-e-eat you.” She was both ashamed and surprised by his stutter.

Walking towards him, she kissed him on the cheek. She kept her body right next to his, letting him feel her heat. Going on her tip-toes, she whispered in his ear, “Its ok. I just don’t like being compared to food.” She blew lightly on his ear and felt him shiver. “I do like the idea of being covered in icing, though.”

Walking away, she risked a look behind her and saw that he hadn’t moved and his mouth was gaping. She winked at him and saw a smile cross his face.

Through the frantic beating of her heart, she wondered what she was doing, flirting with a vampire. She wasn’t some self-deprecating bland love interest. She turned the corner between two houses and rested her back on the wall of one of the fraternities. She could tell it was a fraternity from its smell, a combination of musk, garbage, and disrepair.

“Good to know that men are pigs no matter what race they are,” she whispered.

“We’re not all that bad,” whispered back a deep voice beside her and she jumped back pulling out a knife.

From the shadows between the two houses she could make out the shape of a man. He lifted his right arm into the air and said, “Whoa, slayer. I’m not looking for trouble.” He stepped out of the shadows and she could see that he had only one arm. He looked human in every way possible except for the fact that he had six fingers.

“Who and what are you?” she asked.

As she looked at him he disappeared and reappeared behind her. “Aren’t you both jumpy and rude. My name’s Dowan and I’m Mannegishi, if you must know.”

Turning quickly she had her knife on his throat before he finished.

“Mannegishi are Tricksters and I thought you were supposed to be tiny?”

“You’re getting us confused with Memegwesi. Common mistake for your people,” he said smiling. He seemed to be enjoying it. His strong chin and high cheekbones made him seem supernaturally handsome.

“My people?” she asked, worried he knew that she was human.

“White kids. You all think you know everything. Just because the Greek myths go at it with anything that moves doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t exist.”

Taking her knife away from his throat, she sighed with relief. “You just scared the crap out of me and then expect me to remember every possible monster?”

Smiling again he waved his hand and said, “Fine. I’m sorry for startling you but it was fun. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you haven’t told me who you are.”

“Dowan you bastard I’m going to kill you,” said a tall one eyed man who was flanked by three others.

“Ah Al. How have you been?” Dowan asked taking a step back.

“You think you can swindle me and get away with it?” The Cyclops and his friends were easily nine feet tall and muscled like professional wrestlers.

“Yup!” Dowan said and disappeared.

“I guess we’ll just have to teach his friend a lesson than. Aren’t you a pretty little thing,” The Cyclops glowered at her and it made her heart beat quicker, but not in the same way as Ronnie.

She had been walking backwards and found that she was now in the road and there was a crowd around them. There was no way this was going to be a private fight. “I haven’t been called little since I eleven and got a growth spurt,” she replied. It wasn’t witty but it was the best she could do, she didn’t do well with an audience.

For good measure she added, “Leave now and I won’t have to kill you.”

The Cyclops called Al picked up a smart car and tossed it at her.

Read Next

The People I’m proud of

Good Morning,

Today I’m going to gush a little.

Wife

My wife has started a new job, it’s a summer job that will go into part time while she finishes her degree but I’m very proud of her. She’s a Travel Agent with AJ Travel Canada. She’s a specialist in Fandom Travel and Special Needs Travel.

Please feel free to contact her starting in May for all your travel needs.

Fandom Travel Logo from AJTravel.ca
Fandom Travel Logo from AJTravel.ca

Brother

Another person in my life that is ridiculously talented is my brother. He’s an actor, director, screen writer.

He directed and played the joker in this fan film based off of Batman and Silence of the Lambs.

Here’s his writing and directing debut.

 

If it’s no obvious, I’m ridiculously proud of both my Wife and my Brother.

Poll

The Poll for my next serial story is still open.

Faeries Vs Robots Vs Aliens

An Urban Fantasy / Science Fiction, following a faery woman who must do one last job for her robot overlords before they let her go free. Can she stop the aliens from invading or would they be better than the robots?

Read the First Part

Only Human

A Supernatural Action/Romance, following a human girl who’s enrolled in Monster University in order to avenge her parents. Can she slay her new friends, keep up with classes, and avoid the cute demi-god that likes her?

Read the First Part

The Cosmic Cuckoos

A Science Fiction adventure, following a girl who is trying to save her friend from becoming just another clone warrior. Can a normal human girl really save her friend from the most powerful empire in the galaxy?

Read the First Part

What serial story should I continue this year?

  • Only Human (56%, 5 Votes)
  • The Cosmic Cuckoos (33%, 3 Votes)
  • Faeries Vs Robots Vs Aliens (11%, 1 Votes)

Total Voters: 9

Loading ... Loading ...

Latter days,

Éric

Good News and New Serial Story

Hello,

I hope everyone had a great long weekend. I spent a lot of time with family and had lot of turkey so it was AWESOME!

Good News

After being on a waiting list, JenEric Designs will be at Ottawa Comic Con 2015 in May. YAY!

That means a new flavour of Coffee and more hearing about me trying to roast it in odd ways. Next try is the BBQ.

I hope you’ll all come by and visit us on May 8th to 10th. Tickets are still available!

New Serial Story

I’ve been writing different beginnings for serial stories and now it’s your chance to decide what you’ll get to read.

I will write at least 1 part to this story every month.

Here are your choices:

Faeries Vs Robots Vs Aliens

An Urban Fantasy / Science Fiction, following a faery woman who must do one last job for her robot overlords before they let her go free. Can she stop the aliens from invading or would they be better than the robots?

Read the First Part

Only Human

A Supernatural Action/Romance, following a human girl who’s enrolled in Monster University in order to avenge her parents. Can she slay her new friends, keep up with classes, and avoid the cute demi-god that likes her?

Read the First Part

The Cosmic Cuckoos

A Science Fiction adventure, following a girl who is trying to save her friend from becoming just another clone warrior. Can a normal human girl really save her friend from the most powerful empire in the galaxy?

Read the First Part

What serial story should I continue this year?

  • Only Human (56%, 5 Votes)
  • The Cosmic Cuckoos (33%, 3 Votes)
  • Faeries Vs Robots Vs Aliens (11%, 1 Votes)

Total Voters: 9

Loading ... Loading ...

Please vote and see you at Comic Con!

Éric

The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Conclusion

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

Felix had been given a chance to relive an entire day of his life. Unfortunately it was his birthday, April 1st. How he hated April Fool’s. The pranks were at best annoying and at worst dangerous. The entire concept was ridiculous.

He had spent the entirety of the previous night reading a novel, but he couldn’t remember it’s title or it’s plot. He had then spent the night tossing and turning in his comfortable bed. His mind replayed every event with Miss Amanda Eris.

The adventure had been frightening, dangerous, and dirty. He’d loved every moment of it. Tucked in his bed, the city lights shining through his curtains, he couldn’t lie to himself. He’d liked her and could see himself falling in love with her. He didn’t care if she was a robot. She was just as human as he was.

Finally at six am he decided to wake up. He prepared himself an elaborate breakfast and showered. When he got out of the shower he saw that he’d missed a call from the office. It was Margery, his cubical mate. “Hey Felix. Your ten o’clock just called to cancel and Mister McMahon says you can take the whole day off. Have fun and happy birthday!”

“That woman is way too cheerful,” he said. Somehow he didn’t hate it as much as he remembered. It was nice of her to remember his birthday.

It wasn’t even eight yet and he had nothing to do for the day. Traditionally, he’d stay at home and read or watch television. As he stood there, half dressed, his apartment’s walls seemed to shrink and if felt much too small.

The cartoon dinosaur calendar stared at him from the kitchen. His niece Sonia had given it to him for Christmas. It was a sweet, if odd, gift for a man who preferred a mixture of modern and books for decoration.

He picked up the telephone and called his brother, “Dean. How are you today?”

“Hey bro. Happy Birthday.” He paused probably wanting to ask why Felix was calling.

“Does Sonia have the day off?” Felix asked.

“She does. I was going to drop her off at Sam’s mom’s house while I got to work. Why?”

“I think it’s time I try something different for my birthday. I was thinking of taking her to that play place that she likes and maybe to a toy store.”

“She’d love that Felix. Are you ok?” Dean sounded concerned.

“I don’t know, but spending time with my niece will help, I’m sure.”

* * *

At the age of five it was easy to understand Sonia. She wanted to run around, play, and loved anything that had bright colours. After a few hours at a play place, they had picked up lunch from a grilled cheese food truck and sat down in the park. It was an unusually warm day and as they ate he told her the story of what had happened to him.

When he was done she said, “Wow. Did you kiss her? Do you love her?”

“No. We just met. It takes time to fall in love.”

“No it doesn’t. I knew I loved Tommy the first day of school.”

Felix laughed and asked, “Do your fathers know about this?”

She nodded, “Uh huh.” Her faced twisted in concentration and she asked, “Uncle Felix. You said the dinosaurs had green skin, right?” he nodded, unsure what she meant. “My teacher says that dinosaurs had feathers and we just found out. How could the bad guys in your story be dinosaurs?”

“There are a lot of dinosaurs,” he answered. “Just like there are a lot of different kinds of horses. Maybe the ones in my story are like alligators and don’t have feathers?”

“Maybe, but I don’t understand why you had to blow up their ship. Couldn’t you just talk to them?”

He considered how he could answer the question but he wasn’t sure himself. He’d just sort of let himself be pushed and pulled. Why had it been necessary? “Do you want me to push you on the swings?” he asked to divert both their attentions.

From the swings, Felix could see an electronics store across the street. He glimpsed occasional pieces of news on the televisions. It wasn’t long before he saw the familiar video of his apartment building in flames. They showed a picture of Leonardo da Vinci in modern clothing as the main suspect.

“Sonia, sweetie. I’m going to drop you off at Grandma’s, ok? I have to go do something.”

“You’re going to see Amanda? Your girlfriend?” Sonia chanted several times as they walked to her grandmother’s.

* * *

The only place he could think of looking for Amanda Eris, the time travelling robot, was the McDonald’s that they’d first stopped at after escaping his work building.

When he walked in, he turned to where they had sat and saw her sitting there licking an ice-cream cone.

“It really is better with real dairy,” she said as a greeting.

“I thought you said I didn’t have to worry about the bomb?” he asked in an accusing whisper as he sat across from her.

Her forehead crinkled and there was sadness her in eyes when she said, “I thought you were. They told me you were.”

“Who’s they?”

“The robot high counsel. They’re the ones who sent me. You were estimated to be one of the people that had the least influence on history so you were chosen to fight the dinosaurs.”

Her words stung, “Why did you need me, or anyone then?”

“We were programmed with safeguards preventing us from hurting any living beings. We needed someone who could pull the trigger.”

“Aren’t there any humans in your time?”

“No. They were all killed.”

“But the museum?”

“Not humans. Just other sentient species.”

“So you tricked me into doing your dirty work and then tried to kill me?”

“I had no idea about the bomb. When I found out, I came straight here.” Her free hand reached out for his. “Please believe me; I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

He took her hand and enjoyed its softness and warmth, “But the news says that da Vinci planted the bomb that was supposed to kill me. Isn’t that harming a living creature?”

“Yes. My fellow robots seem to have found a way to bypass their programming. I don’t know how.”

“What happens now?”

“I think the robots have been manipulating time to try and alter their programming. I need your help to set things right.”

“You want me to help you put time back into its proper order?” Felix smiled. “You’ve found the right man.”

They stood up together and she pulled him towards her with her red lips almost touching his, she said, “Your organization skills will be useful but I want you around for much more.”

With that she kissed him and his world melted away and there was nothing but her lips and the warmth of her body.

The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Part Ten

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

“Grab the joystick and do your part,” Yelled Leonardo da Vinci pointing at a chair with what looked like virtual reality glasses and a fancy joystick.

Hesitantly Felix sat in the comfortable chair and put on the glasses. Sudenly he could see the outside of the ship as if he was there. It was disconcerting and he had to take a few deep breaths to convince his body he wasn’t about to die.

He could hear Miss Eris walking to the back of the small fighter ship to install the diamond. The soft clacking of her heels on the hull of the ship. The ship was roughly the size of a moderately sized motor home.

“Just try not to hit our allies,” as da Vinci said it certain ships started to glow green and others red. The green ones were built like fighter jets made of black steel, while the others looked like golden eggs. Even though the two designs were so different Felix appreciated the colour coding. They all moved so quickly it was hard to tell.

The joystick moved his field of vision and when he pressed the large red button a bright crimson beam of light shot out. It struck one of the golden eggs and the eggs exploded like in an action movie.

“Good shot,” he hear in the earpiece of the headset. It had a slight Italian accent and Felix suspected it was Nicola Tesla.

Turning the joystick to the far right, Felix yelped in surprise. While he’d been concentrating on all the smaller ships he hadn’t seen the mothership. It was huge. From this angle he would have sworn it was as big as a planet and it was exactly like the smaller eggs.

“Do we have one of those?” asked Felix.

“No,” replied several people at once.

A warm hand rested on his shoulder and he heard the warm voice of Miss Eris say, “That is why we needed the diamond. It will allow this ship to increase its firepower and destroy the mothership.”

“That makes sense I suppose. You should probably get on one of these gun things too.”

“There’s only one gun on each ship. Otherwise the drain would be too much.”

“Oh, then let me get out of your way,” Felix assumed she was a better shot than he was. She was better at almost everything. Her hand kept him firmly in place.

“Felix only you can do this.” Her voice was soft and her confidence in him overwhelming.

“That’s ridiculous!” He exclaimed. “I’m not special. I’m just me. You have a time machine in your arm and sitting next to me is Leonardo da Vinci you can not tell me that I’m better qualified than either of you.” As he yelled a large humming started to compete in volume.

The ship turned towards the giant egg and da Vinci said, “You’re at the gun and we only have one shot at this. Just aim and shoot when I tell you.”

The egg came closer and closer until all he could see was a golden sheen. He wanted to shoot but nobody said anything. They just kept getting closer until suddenly he felt the entire ship jerk to one side, just as a pillar of yellow light exploded from the egg.

“Hold on,” said Miss Eris from somewhere next to him. It was one of those clichéd sayings that made him yell at movies. What did she expect? That he’d jump out if his seat and dance? Of course he’d hold on and hope his bowels did the same.

Just when he thought they’d bump into the gigantic spaceship he saw that it wasn’t one large solid egg but made by millions of little eggs and egg ports.

“Now aim for the red dot on your screen.” da Vinci said a little too calmly for Felix’s liking.

He pressed the button and his vision turned bright crimson. It was all he could see but he held on to the button. He felt shockwaves hit the ship but all he could see was red.

The red stopped along with the high pitched hum. Felix let go of the button. What he saw now was a large debris field. Bits of gold caught the light from the sun and reflected like sparkles on a holiday ornament.

“It’s over,” Miss Eris said, a tear rolling down her cheek. We’ve finally won.

Standing and shaking his hand da Vinci said, “You’ve done your race proud. Thank you!”

Smiling from ear to ear, Felix could only nod.

“I’ll take you home,” Miss Eris gave him a sad smile.

“Thank you,” he said feeling relieved and sad at the same time.

He took her hand for what he realized would be the last time and the world twisted into odd shapes. The now familiar feeling of being turned inside out didn’t seem so bad.

When the world realigned itself he was inside his apartment. “But I thought it blew up?”

“It did but now it won’t. The enemy was destroyed there’s no need for your apartment to explode,” she smiled at him.

As he tried to decipher what she’d said he saw his wall calendar. It had a large picture of a cartoon dinosaur, his niece had gotten it for him for Christmas. The date on the calendar said, March 31st, 2014. The clock read six-fourteen in the afternoon.

“How long have we been gone?” he asked.

“For the world. You never left. For you and I, it’s been a week.”

“Feels like a year,” he sighed.

“It’s time I go,” she said.

“Goodbye Miss Eris,” he said trying to think of anything but her leaving. He reached his hand out to shake hers.

“Goodbye Felix,” she took his hand and pulled him towards her. Gently she leaned over and kissed him. His body exploded in shivers. He sighed internally as he felt the warmth in her lips and the heat from her body. As much as he’d fought against it, this was what he wanted.

She let go and moved back, there were tears on her cheeks, “Goodbye Felix and to answer your question from the museum I am a robot. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” With those last words she disappeared.

“What do I do now?” he asked the empty apartment.

He reached into his bookcase and pulled out a novel without looking at the title. He sat on his couch and started to read. This was what he had wanted. Wasn’t it?

Read the Conclusion

Only Human

This will be one of several choices for this year’s serial story.

* * *

“I’m a freak,” she said dramatically, throwing herself on her dorm room bed. The room had a bed, closet, dresser, desk.

“Yep,” Ginny replied showing her fangs. “How did you manage to get accepted here anyway?”

“I have no idea. I applied for all the Cryptozoology programs.”

“It’s not like this place is subtle, it’s called Monster’s University,” Ginny’s fangs retracted and she smiled.

“Ok, sure, but I didn’t think there were actual monsters, I assumed it was just a name,” Rachel nervously played with her long red French-braid.

Sitting down next to her and patting her knee with a pale hand, Ginny said, “Maybe it won’t be that bad? I mean no one’s going to expect you to be human. They’ll all assume you’re something else.”

Looking at her new roommate and only friend, Rachel felt a little sad. “Why don’t you just turn me into a vampire? That’ll fix everything.”

Ginny made a disgusted face, “You’re cute but I’m not into girls.” When Rachel looked confused, Ginny added, “We might be monsters but we have rules. We can only turn our future wife/husband.”

“Then how are you a Vampire?”

Running her hands through her perfect blonde hair, everything seemed perfect on Ginny, she explained, “When a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much…” she paused. “I was born just like you.” Ginny blushed and Rachel was surprised that she could.

“Oh. Sorry.” Rachel looked sheepish but she was actually extremely interested.

“No one’s going to turn you legally and trust me, the sicko’s that say they will, will turn you into a thrall. It’s like a walking drinking cup.” Rachel shuddered and was about to say something but Ginny cut her off, “Same goes for Mummies, Lycans, Harpies, Sirens, and Banshees.”

“What do I do?”

“Fake it,” Ginny got off the bed and looked at Rachel appraisingly. “We need to find a creature that’s rare enough you won’t find one here, doesn’t have active powers, and doesn’t have any physical differences from humans.”

“Fae?” Rachel suggested.

“With that skin? No way. Plus they’re like a quarter of the population here.”

The mention of Rachel’s skin hurt her. She was self-conscious about her pimples. She’d been teased her entire life. It wasn’t easy being told by her roommate who could pass as a magazine cover model, post-photoshop.

“Dwarf?” Rachel suggested.

“You don’t have enough hair,” Ginny ran her hand on her face indicating a beard. “Not to mention you’re a little tall.” Rachel was over six feet tall and had wide shoulders.

“Demigod?” Rachel was running out of ideas. It didn’t help that she knew nothing but myths about this world. She had been a big fan of the Percy Jackson novels when she was in the orphanage.

As she said Demigod, their main dorm room door flew open and a large boy came in. He passed the small kitchen and walked straight into her room. He had the same blond hair and perfect skin as Ginny but he was taller than Rachel and too wide shouldered to get through the door by walking straight. He wore a MU jacket and held a football in one hand.

“Dude, did I hear you were a Demi? Awesome! Who’s your parent?”

“Ronny, that’s totally rude,” Ginny rolled her eyes in the way that only a sibling can. “Rachel, this is Ronny, my older brother.”

Jumping off the bed in the most awkward way possible, Rachel took Ronnie’s hand and shook it. “Nice to meet you.” She smiled what she hoped was a seductive smile. He was gorgeous.

They shook hands and Ronny said, “Dang. Nice …” he looked her over, making her blush a little at how invasive the look was, and finished with, “grip.”

“I’m not sure who my parents are. I spent half my life in an orphanage.” She decided it was easier to tell the truth.

“Well from looking at you I’d say Norse or Celtic, welcome to Monster’s University,” with that he winked and jogged out of their room.

After she closed the door, Ginny said, “No!”

“What? He’s hot and he was flirting,” A part of Rachel liked seeing Ginny flustered.

“He’s not hot, he’s my brother.”

The two girls looked into each other’s eyes and after a few seconds burst into giggles. After the giggles ended Ginny said, “So are you going to the big welcome street party over on Greek row?”

“Are they Greek gods or…?”

“Naw they’re just Sororities and Frats,” Ginny laughed walking to her identical room.

“Sure why not. I just have to get ready,” Rachel took out one of her two suitcases and put it on the bed. “What should I wear?” she yelled across to Ginny’s room.

“Perfume. You stink of human and it’ll make a few people hungry.” Ginny had already changed into a short white skirt and a dark red crop top. She looked good and Rachel envied her. Sticking her head into the doorway, Ginny asked, “Want me to wait for you?”

“No,” Rachel said a little too quickly, “It’ll take me a little while to decide.”

When Ginny had left, Rachel closed her door and locked it. She then took out the second suitcase and put it on the bed too. She opened both. One filled with clothes, makeup, electronics, and toiletries; the other filled with weapons, religious symbols, herbs, and vials of various substances. She was glad she’d brought a lock for her dresser.

It was a warm night and she decided to wear a skirt with short shorts, similar to what a cheerleader would wear but all light grey. She added a chunky black belt, and for her top she put on a green tank top. She had hard wide shoulders from all her training.

She finished the outfit off with a pair of black leather boots. They were her favourite, mostly for the built in knife sheaths. She then put on her weapons. The skirt hid two blades, the belt was lined with throwing knives and she had a small pistol in the small of her back. A garrotte was hidden in her braid.

As she stared at herself in the mirror, she didn’t like what she saw, but she wasn’t here to be liked, she was here for vengeance. The final part of her outfit was a small bottle of perfume that had been blessed by three holy men and a high priestess. She squirted a little of the lilac scented perfume on her neck and inner wrists.

“Time to get to work,” she mumbled as she walked out of her dorm.

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