Hello,
I read this article titled, “My Wife Divorced Me Because I Left The Dishes By The Sink”
The article
I was going to share it on facebook, tag my wife and say, “Should I be worried?” Then I thought about it and it made me uncomfortable. Angry even.
If you don’t want to read the article, let me sum it up: Men and Women think differently and what’s not a big deal for you (cave)men, might be a big deal for your wife.
The message
The overall message seems to be: Listen to your partner and if they want you to do (or stop doing) something because it bothers them, you should listen to them.
In other words: Respect your partner enough to listen to them!
The Sexism
Beyond the message, however, I dislike everything about the article. It makes assumptions that are so sexist I had to make sure it wasn’t written in the 1950’s.
In the author’s world:
- ALL women clean and take care of the house,
- ALL men work outside the house,
- ALL women are too passive to tell their husbands how they feel and will nag instead of telling them,
- ALL men are too stupid to realize that by ignoring what your partner wants you’re disrespecting them and making them feel like shit.
- That lack of communication only affects Cis-Gendered romantic relationships.
My Advice
I feel like I need to put my credentials before I give advice.
Credentials
- I have a degree in communications and took multiple interpersonal communication classes,
- I was raised by a single mother who worked as a social worker in a women’s shelter (among other jobs),
- I’ve written 5.8 books, two of which are going to be published (Yeah I know that has nothing to do with it but I’m proud and excited),
- Finally, I’ve been married for nearly 7 years (6 years 7 months and 16 days).
You only need three things
To be happy in a relationship you need three things and this isn’t anything new. You need Communication, Empathy, and Compromise.
That list may seem simple and common sense but nothing is easy when emotion takes over. You have to find a way to get to what you really want instead of getting angry or defensive.
Your significant other is a person, not a cartoon stereotype, if they’re getting upset there’s a reason and you should pay attention to it and, if it’s your fault, fix it.
Planets
Bet you thought I wouldn’t get back to the title right?
No matter what shape your relationship takes (Poly, Straight, Same-sex, etc.), you and your partner will always seem to be from other planets. People are different! The way they were raised, their experiences, their traumas, and their way of thinking are always going to be different. You have to accept that no matter how much you have in common, you’re completely separate people.
In that way, you can easily say you are from Mars and your partner is from Venus. You are as different as you are the same and that’s why we’re on Earth. It’s in between the two and represents the best compromise.
Find common ground and find compromise, you’re in a relationship not a dictatorship. The term Partner isn’t just to be inclusive, it represents what a truly good relationships is about being equal partners who share in the blame and the joy of life together.
Serial Story
We’re down to two stories left.
Read the ending from the stories and vote on your favourite. The poll will be open until Tuesday the 2nd at 11:59pm
Serial Story 2016 - Last Round
- Wargrave Island (50%, 3 Votes)
- The Ruby Child (50%, 3 Votes)
Total Voters: 6
Loading ...Wargrave Island
Genre: Murder Mystery
Inspiration: And Then There Were None, Sherlock Holmes
[…]
“What happened?” asked Jonathan, drunkenly staggering towards them, trying to get to the boat.
“What’s in there?” asked Zoe, who was followed by the rest of the party guests who must have seen the fire.
Riko tried to keep them back, but Jonathan made it past her and yelled, “Oh shit, there’s a dead body in there!”
The Ruby Child
Genre: Fantasy Adventure
Inspiration: Firefly, Eberron
[…]
As he watched, in complete amazement, the ruby transformed into a baby with glowing crimson hair. The infant gave a tiny giggle and opened its eyes. He expected red eyes, but was surprised to see little clones of his own dark green eyes staring back at him.
“Oh Boy,” he repeated.
What do you think of the article?
Éric
I’m sure you know that it goes without saying, but it works both ways.
There are a lot of things that I am super particular about that I know Hubs will never – EVER – give two cares about. I gotta accept that and move on.
He’s got his own stuff that drives him bananas. He will think nothing about having a super messy house, but leave the cheese on the counter and he will be immesurably cheesed off (sorry, I had to!)
I really wish we could move past this whole “Men are incapable slobs, and women are shrill nags” stereotype.
I completely agree.