Top 5 Things I Never Thought I’d say – Toddler Edition

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

There are times in life where you say something and suddenly you’re hit with both the ridiculousness of the statement and the fact that you never would have guessed you’d say it. Toddlers are fantastic at bringing about these moments, or at least mine is.

5. She wouldn’t sleep so I…

Our child is not the same as other children. Here is a list of ways I’ve put her to sleep:

  • Bouncing on knee in a more and more violent fashion in an Air Canada Lounge
  • Watching Specter on Netflix and turning up the volume
  • Loud music, including Death Metal, Opera, and Metal Covers of Classical music
  • Yelling while holding her
  • Being in the Haunted Mansion or Pirates of the Caribbean Ride at Disney World
  • Reading a horror novel to her
  • Jumping in place while holding her

4. That is not Mum

The moment my wife isn’t in the room my daughter starts asking for her. It doesn’t matter where we are, she’ll randomly say MUM?! It gets extra weird when she looks at a person (Woman, Man, Biker, Person in an ad) and says questioningly MUM?! as if she couldn’t remember who her mom is.

3. We do not walk on …

She has a future in balancing on pretty much anything she can get her toes on. Electronics, books, pillows, couches, Grannie’s shins, my neck… etc

2. Are you Jelly?

Disposable diapers have two settings; dry (Where they feel like sawdust in a soft pouch), and wet (Where they feel like they’re filled with jelly). So I often ask if she’s jelly. The answer is always NO! since she hates being changed.

1. Not in your mouth!

Oh, if I had some sort of money for each time I said this… I’d be very very rich. My child is truly a Dragon and tries to eat everything.

Variations of this include:

  • We don’t eat our toys
  • We don’t eat our friends
  • We don’t eat rocks
  • We don’t eat walls…


What odd things have you said to your children?


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