Dear Sweet Dragon,
You are a fantastic kid but you’ve inherited every stubborn molecule from all sides of the family.
Our biggest struggle with you right now is how much you love your brother. That doesn’t sound too bad, except for the fact that you never stop touching, pulling, holding, squishing, hugging, or loudly singing/roaring/screaming at him.
You still don’t know your strength and he can not tell you to stop. He will occasionally make noises of annoyance but he’s not consistent enough for you to listen… even if you were inclined to listen.
So our current largest battle is getting you to respect his bodily autonomy and ask before touching him. You need to ask us, since he’s too young to reply for himself. Unfortunately, you refuse to listen or forget to remember… not sure which.
Note: Compared to hitting him or any other kind of mischief you could get into, this isn’t terrible, but it is very frustrating.
So last night you harassed him to the point of him being upset and us having had enough. We told you to not touch him or you were going to bed. Less than a minute later you saw him drooling and whipped around, grabbed his burp-cloth and wiped his face. I thought you’d hit him when I saw his head fall back but mum says he must have been surprised because you’re always gentle.
Either way, your face registered an, “Oh shit” moment and then you pretended not to notice.
We sent you to bed. You were not pleased. You cried yourself to sleep once at 9:30, then at 11:30, then at 2:30, then at 9, and finally you woke up at 10 and cried yourself into puking. Your tummy hurt so much that food was hard to handle.
This is hard on you and I hope you’ve learned to listen and respect others’ bodily autonomy, but I’m not so sure. Time will tell.
Something you might not realize right now, or even when you read this;hers’ really hard on us too. We love you and you’re a wonderful human being. Punishing you is hard.
I love you so much,
Your tired Papa
*Addendum added 2019-10-13* Okay Dragon. I didn’t go into details because I didn’t think it was relevant.
Here’s what happened when you were sent to bed.
- You got changed into PJs.
- We took you to pee and have water.
- We tucked you in and explained why you were going to bed early.
- We told you we love you.
- We let you try to sleep once you stopped crying.
- When you called for us we went up and did 3, 4, and 5 again.
We never leave you alone to cry and we refuse to force you to stop. We’ll comfort you and snuggle you but it’s okay to cry. (even if your crying almost always leads to gagging or puking.)
While I agree that it is important to follow through on consequences, leaving a child that young to cry herself to sleep several times – and to to the point of puking – is just plain cruel and, frankly, emotionally neglectful. When she woke up the first time still upset and crying you should have comforted her. I wouldn’t normally comment but this has been genuinely upsetting me since I first read it.
Thank you for your concern.
We went to her every time she woke up and comforted her each time. Unfortunately when we refused to let her go downstairs to play (even at 2:30) she would start crying again.
We would comfort her and then leave once she was calm but the moment we left she cried again.
As a baby if she cried for more than half a minute she’d puke.
Again thank you for your concern.
However, in the future if you feel like you need to confront me in a public space about my parenting, have the decency (and guts) to use a real email and name.
If you publicly post your borderline abusive “consequences” you have to expect the backlash. Crying until puking is NOT NORMAL. And I do have the guts to use my real name.
Thank you for your opinion.
However, like I’ve mentioned Keladry pukes when crying. Even when comforted and snuggled, she still cries, sometimes to the point of puking.
I am curious why you consider sending a child to bed early is abusive?