The Age of Tony (The Last Train to Christmas)

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2021 film The Age of Tony (The Last Train to Christmas).

Story

The story was fascinating and well set up, however the ending wasn’t great. They tried to find a middle ground between sappy Christmas movie and real life grit. It didn’t work at all.

Score: 0.5

Characters

Like most Christmas Carol style stories, the main character was a complete ass at the beginning and grows as the story moves along. The main problem with the likability of the rest of the cast is that we have no idea what happened to them, or if they even exist.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

Excellent and wonderfully played. I was confused as to why every member of the family had different accents but maybe that’s a British thing.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The filmmakers did an amazing job at matching the style of cinematography from each decade.

The same can be said about the music, and although it was a little overdone at times, it was well done.

Score: 1

Fun

The ending kills any fun there was in the movie. It’s sentimental in all the wrong ways and I haven’t been as pissed off about an ending since the director’s cut of The Butterfly Effect (not that the cinema ending was any better).

All the adults agreed that the ending was terrible and the kids didn’t like any part of it.

Score: 0

Overall

This is a Christmas movie for those who don’t like joyful movies. It’s depressing and has one of the worst endings I’ve been forced to experience. The acting, music, and cinematography are fantastic, but they don’t save the film from being overly sad and downright horrifying if you think about it too hard.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

The Christmas Charade – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2024 film The Christmas Charade.

Story

A flavourless take on spy movies with absolutely nothing new to add.

Score: 0

Characters

Together, the main actors have great banter, and all the supporting cast are fantastic, but apart or talking spy stuff, it’s bad.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

Romance and Christmas dialogue is excellent, but the cop or spy dialogue is terrible.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The movie is obviously low budget but visually they do a great job with what they have. A few sets look ridiculous but overall pretty good, and the cinematography is decent.

The music is a nice combination of the two genres and does a great job.

Score: 1

Fun

Most of the movie had me shaking my head at how bad it was but the chemistry and banter between the leads was fun. The rest of the family felt pretty much the same. I could actually see the large thought bubble over my wife’s head that said, “I could write this better.”

Score: 0.5

Overall

This movie is only entertaining on the charisma and chemistry of its stars. Anyone who enjoys spies will be disappointed, anyone who enjoys Christmas romance will see it once and forget about it.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

The Muppets (2011) – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2011 film The Muppets.

Story

It’s a complete rehash of other Muppet stories, and the attempt to insert family and romantic drama comes off as both distraction and annoyance.

Score: 0

Characters

The human characters are only there to give the audience a proxy and their main character traits are meh. I loved Amy Adams and she managed to pull of the ridiculous character and make it believable.

The Muppets themselves felt like caricatures of the original movie. It felt like they were ignoring everything except the first show and movie.

The cameos were fantastic however and the villain was fun.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

There were some great moments and gags but the dialogue was burdened by over explaining. It’s like the film makers thought people would get confused.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The camera work was good and the dance routines were fun.

The music was great and definitely one of my favourite parts.

Score: 1

Fun

I love the Muppets and although this wasn’t them at their best, it was fun. The kids didn’t laugh much but they were glued to the screen.

Score: 0.5

Overall

An interesting attempt at writing the Muppets that relies too much on nostalgia and doesn’t offer much new for the audience.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2008 film Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Story

There are things about this story that work better than the others and some that just don’t work as well. The soviets as villains don’t have the same feel as the Nazis. Aliens just doesn’t work as well as supernatural artifacts. Frankly, the whole “ancient aliens” thing is an insult to human ingenuity and progress.

Score: 0

Characters

The older, more relaxed, Indiana is a joy to watch. It’s great to see Marion again and Ox is brilliant.

Mutt and the villains aren’t all that fun to watch and are treated as plot devices instead of characters.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

They seemed to want to recapture the dialogue that worked so well between Indiana and his father, but Mutt is a little too young and innocent for it to work.

Indiana has some amazing lines and the banter between him and Marion is excellent.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

Despite my memory telling me there were some terrible green screen issues with the movie, I didn’t see them this viewing. The locations are great and special effects are okay. The large action set pieces are fantastic as usual.

The music was amazing.

Score: 1

Fun

I don’t like Mutt. He feels like a bad set up to replace Indiana Jones. (Mutt Jones and the…. sounds terrible.) I also feel like the soviet scientist was underdeveloped and kinda boring. They should have brought back short-round.

And all that isn’t talking about the random use of the skull’s magnetism. It didn’t stick to the metal car, it attracted coins, and at times did nothing.

Score: 0.5

Overall

The movie suffers not from the protagonist’s age, but from the studios awkward attempts to create a spin-off character. Beside that and the bland villains, the movie has some very fun Indiana Jones style action pieces.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom  – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 1984 film Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Story

This felt like less of a story and more like a bunch of set pieces strung together. I’m sensing a theme that Indy has very little agency in his own movies. The hidden cultist plot crosses over into blatent racism.

Score: 0

Characters

This was Indiana Jones in his element. He spoke the language and knew the history. It was nice to see him seem intelligent. Short round was adorable and Willie was loud. I liked the relationship and emotion between Indy and Short Round.

The rest of the cast was a weird combination of Bond rejects and random cultural clichés thrown at the screen.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The dialogue runs from absolutely ridiculous to quippy and fun. Not much is actually deep or meaningful.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

Other than a few abuses of blue screen, it really paid off for them to film on location. Absolutely gorgeous scenery. The action set peices are a little over the top, but that makes them fun.

A lot of the music from the first is reused but remixed wonderfully. The darker tones of the temple scenes are well done.

Score: 1

Fun

I enjoyed the movie for nostalgia and because it’s a fun romp. The cultural nonsense is weird and led an entire generation to think that Indian food included chilled monkey brains and live eels.

What the hell was up with the Voodoo doll? That’s not Indian but West African. I think they’d have been better off saying it was a British demon cult.

The kids liked it but said it was scary. (Probably didn’t appreciate the constant pausing for me to rant.)

Score: 0.5

Overall

With elements that made the first one a great movie, this one fails to do anything but string together some impressive action scenes and wildly insulting cultural fabrications.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

Damsel – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2024 film Damsel.

Story

A touch of Epic Fantasy and a whole lot of survival horror. The movie tries too hard not to be confusing, and by doing that, it ruins any drama or empathy for the pseudo-twist. The entire first part of the movie, a prologue that over-explains, should have been cut. Everything after that would have flowed and had better emotional impact.

The story is bare-bones and could have pushed harder on the psychological horror. They also introduced the main character’s love of labyrinths which didn’t really lead anywhere.

Score:

Characters

The wet noodle prince, domineering queen, and weird cult like people were okay. Again, if you hadn’t been told what was coming, it could have been eerie.

The movie really survives on the charisma and acting ability of the lead, who is excellent. Special shout out to the step-mother who seriously rocks in her love for her step-daughters.

The dragon was brilliantly voiced.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

This was mostly generic fantasy language.

It really shines when the damsel and the dragon are talking at the end, when the damsel is on her own, or whenever the dragon talks.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The dragon design was impressive, a few obvious CGI moments but overall well done. The camera angles, and frantic cuts worked well for the horror style.

The music was good.

Score: 1

Fun

The actress did a great job and despite being predictable, it was fun. I was annoyed by how much the story structure was designed for the reveal that had been blatantly stated at the beginning.

Score: 0.5

Overall

The movie mixes fantasy and horror but tries too hard not offend fans of either. Because of that, the horror is tame and doesn’t get the chance to really sink in, and the fantasy is pretty bland. If it wasn’t for the quality of the acting, the movie would be bad. As it is, it’s an okay romp with a cool dragon.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

The Faculty – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 1998 film The Faculty.

Story

The story of a bunch of outcasts and how they save their school, and the world. It’s not original, not even for its time. The characters make leaps that don’t make sense, there’s a lot of silly science mistakes (No one felt it worth correcting “diuretic” for “desiccant”? Not to mention that the whole “Kill the queen” thing is weird and doesn’t work that way with most insects.

Score: 0

Characters

I liked the range of characters and I’m impressed with the depth of them considering the short amount of screentime they each get.

The movie is a parade of actors that would hit it big or who would go on to do a whole lot of other shows. It’s interesting to see them all together.

Robert Patrick was so good.

Score: 1

Dialogue

All the science was bunk and a lot of it contradictory. The dialogue was hokey most of the time but every once in a while it was really good. The speeches about belonging almost made the bad guys seem reasonable.

I am annoyed at the “sci-fi nerd” getting the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers wrong. If they were going to use the ending from one of the movies, they shouldn’t have had her talking about the book.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The cinematography was good, a few odd choices and hints at the start of shaky cam but overall okay. The rest of the film is very much recognizable as the late 90’s.

The music was awesome. The score was okay but the songs were great.

Score: 0.5

Fun

The movie had a certain nostalgia, but the piss poor story and the inconsistent science was more frustrating than fun.

I did love seeing all the actors and there were some moments of real quality.

Score: 0.5

Overall

This is a movie that puts all its quality in its actors and characters. The plot is flimsy and mediocre, and the science/resolution is just bad. That being said, the characters, music, and acting are far better than the script deserved. Worth it for the nostalgia but nothing special.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

Accidental Family – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2021 film Accidental Family.

Story

A twist on While You Were Sleeping without the creepy coma stuff. The movie does a great job at setting everything up, but tries too hard to include conventions from comedy, drama, and romance movies.

Score: 0.5

Characters

The main character is the standard nerdy/quirky, supposedly shy, leading lady. She’s sympathetic but a little generic. She is shown to be good at her job which is something I feel is often forgotten in rom-coms.

The rest of the cast is okay with some cringe scenes that could have been better acted.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

I found a lot of the dialogue heavy handed. Hearing the girlfriend admit over the phone that she’s just using him for his house was a convenient way to make us dislike her but it wasn’t needed.

The romantic banter is cute and only a little weird because they think they’re 3rd cousins.

The heartfelt moments were well done.

I loved the narrator/angel.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The camera work is good and the locations are well picked. I really appreciated the props for the chests.

The music did it’s job but was not memorable.

Score: 0.5

Fun

The movie was a calm-ish rom-com. I wasn’t expecting the death and it wasn’t a fun surprise. The rest was cute and enjoyable. The family enjoyed it.

I really hate puking scenes, especially played for laughs. I’m even less of a fan since my 4yo has been going around pretending to puke on people since we watched it.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A mostly inoffensive and mildly enjoyable romantic comedy that takes a dip too far into drama for my liking. Worth a watch if you like rom-coms or dramady films.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

Black Friday (2021) – JenEric Movie Review

Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2021 film Black Friday.

Story

A very standard zombie movie with a dash of alien invasion. The progression is so predictable I was almost bored. Thankfully there were a lot of shopping jokes.

Score: 0

Characters

The usual rag-tag group of misfits fighting zombies and barely (or not) surviving. Some of the actors were pretty good and some not great. There’s some impressive character moments where they rush through their trauma (from before the events) but it feels forced and is played for laughs.

Score: 0

Dialogue

The jokes about feral customers, retail hell, and consumerism sent me back to my days working in a convenience store. The writers had definitely experienced the existential horror of retail work.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The visuals were creepy and well done. Lots of flash and violence.

The music was better than the movie deserved. The original Christmas song was well done.

Score: 1

Fun

There were parts that bored me, but overall I had fun. It was exactly what it said it was and didn’t try to be anything more.

Score: 0.5

Overall

This is a horror movie that wouldn’t stand up without it’s gimmick, but the gimmick is so well done that you don’t care. It’s violent, gory, and will give you flashbacks to working retail.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2023 film Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse.

Story

I love series. Most of the books I write are series. This didn’t have any resolution for Miles and that made it feel like half a story and not a full movie on its own. Honestly, for a movie called Spider-man he’s the character who get the 4th amount of story after the Spider-verse, Gwen, and Spot. I loved Gwen’s story, but it felt half-baked.

The movie was hurt by having way too much exposition.

The concept of the Spider-Verse and “cannon events” took so much time to get to a point that all the other stories felt rushed.

Score: 0

Characters

The arc for Miles was interesting. I like that he’s more confident and just because the others arrive in his life again, he doesn’t revert to a useless child. He’s confident in his abilities, his morals, and manages to outwit the villains. His personal story of trying to tell his parents and coming to terms with being the only spider-man in his world is barely explored. Hopefully in the next movie.

There was a nice heartfelt moment for Gwen and I really felt for her and loved the parallels between hers and Miles’s story. While his feels lost in the movie, hers feels rushed.

Vampire-angst Spidey is either the dumbest anti-hero or a terrifying villain. We’ll see.

Spider-punk deserves his own series and feels like one of the only reasons the plot moves past all the exposition in the 2/3rds mark.

Score: 1

Dialogue

The dialogue, outside the exposition, is quippy and fun. Lots of great lines and the characters really play off each other well. Watching Gwen and Miles talk while web swinging was wonderful. Unfortunately, they didn’t use that style with the bigger bits of exposition.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

I’m going to be nit-picky here and say that the animation isn’t as good as the first one. The first had clear crisp animation with amazing visuals. This one tried to cut corners by forcing our eyes with blurry backgrounds. It’s still absolutely gorgeous but instead of enhancing the scenes it often distracted from them. The pastel world of Gwen had both kids asking why her hair kept changing colours.

The music was excellent and made a great bridge between the first and second.

Score: 0.5

Fun

The action was great and both kids enjoyed it. The rest of the family found it fun. I’m familiar with the multi-verse concept (BECAUSE I WATCHED THE FIRST MOVIE) so I found the excessive explanations… well, excessive.

Score: 0.5

Overall

It’s great to catch up with old friends. The characters are there, but their story is rushed for extra explanations and world building. The movie is beautiful and fun but isn’t done, and suffers from not giving the audience any resolution.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5