2 Stars

The Black Cauldron – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 1985 film The Black Cauldron.

Story

The story is a cautionary tale in adapting a book. I haven’t read the book so there are a lot of sections that either make no sense or give the viewer the feeling that they should have done homework before watching.

Score: 0

Characters

There is no backstory to any of the characters. She says she’s a princess but then the villain mentions she’s a scullery maid? Why does the bard have a magical harp? Why is the pig farmer boy being raised by knockoff merlin? Is the villain undead or just a monster? … nothing is explained.

I did quite like the little furry Gollum and the characters are likeable and consistant. They have acceptable arcs, but there just seems to be too much missing.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

There are some nice peices of dialogue and some that make no sense at all. It’s mostly, again, because this was adapted from a series of books.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The animation was beautiful but inconsistant. Items disapeared and reappeared, characters changed sizes, backgrounds flickered.

The music was pretty epic.

Score: 0.5

Fun

Everyone kinda enjoyed it. It’s one of those movies that could have been great but was bogged down by too much lore that we didn’t get to see.

Score: 0.5

Overall

Not the worst Disney movie in existence, but it’s a missed opportunity to showcase a great story by cutting out any context.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

A Cinderella Story – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2004 film A Cinderella Story.

Story

The story is in the title and it’s very much an early 2000’s take on Cinderella. There’s an almost made-for-TV feel to it.

Score: 0

Characters

The characters are dated clichés from a bad take on a John Hughes movie. Although the actors manage to perform the roles with charm, they can’t overcome the script. The good characters are flawless (except that she’s too nice and he’s too popular. Oh, and both of them don’t want to confront their parents.) and the villains are reprehensible.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

There’s some funny lines and some adorable flirting but the absolute industrial quantity of body and food shaming is disgusting.

Seriously? How did the early 2000’s think this was okay? How the hell did we go from Jennifer Coolidge being a sex symbol in 1999 to her being considered disgusting in this movie? The woman’s acting is perfect in both, but we don’t need the body and beauty shaming to show she’s ugly on the inside (as the character!).

Score: 0

Visuals and Music

The camera work was okay but everything felt very made-for-TV quality.

The music was a lot of fun and nostalgic.

Score: 1

Fun

I enjoyed the movie to a certain extent. I love the Cinderella archetype and it makes for fun movies, but this one doesn’t hold up well.

The kids enjoyed it, but not to the point of wanting to rewatch it later.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A dated take on Cinderella that is held together by the charm of the actors, but even their skill isn’t enough to save it.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

Spellbound – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2024 film Spellbound.

Story

The story felt very retro and a little like a made for TV special that is trying to explain emotions and divorce to younger kids. It was okay but missed a lot of opportunities to be more nuanced. It was also really slow to start with.

Score: 0

Characters

The parents as monsters were fun and the main character was your usual sassy but bland hero. The Oracles were fantastic and more interesting than the rest of the movie. I also really loved Bolinar although that felt forced to be comedy relief.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

Glib and shallow, the dialogue was pretty unmemorable.

Score: 0

Visuals and Music

This was a beautiful movie. The art was great and the use of shadows was excellent.

The music was good and I wish there was more.

Score: 1

Fun

I was bored waiting for the inevitable quest but the kids loved it.

Score: 0.5

Overall

An interesting idea that turns out to be pretty predictable and with little for the older audience members. Fun side characters, lovely animation, and good music just aren’t enought to save this one.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

The Hunters (2013) – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2013 film The Hunters.

Story

This is a mashup of Indiana Jones and Spy Kids, but it works. The story beats are predictable but interesting, and the world building was fun.

Score: 0.5

Characters

There are a few times where I think the writers got confused about which brother was which but besides that, they were passable characters. Thankfully the acting was significantly better than the dialogue.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

There was a lot of useless explaining and some mixed-up lines, along with some strange reasons for doing anything. That being said, at least the writers understood how to write a romance subplot.

Score: 0

Visuals and Music

The special effects were bad but the locations were nice (Yay BC!). The fight choreography was passable.

The music did its job but wasn’t particularly good.

Score: 0.5

Fun

I enjoyed it but it wasn’t great. The kids got bored a few times.

I usually love when this sort of story mixes myths and reality but the entire made up story of Cinderella’s shoe was frustratingly under-researched and under-utilized.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A fun take on the archeology/adventure genre but its special effects, terrible dialogue, and poor research take away from the overall enjoyment.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

Wish – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the  2023 movie Wish.

Story

There were two movies going on, the first half and the second half. The first half is a meandering mess and the second half is halfway between a revolution and some overly saccharine idealized version of Disney.

Score: 0

Characters

While the main character and the king both get some good developement, the rest of the cast don’t, and that’s too bad because they were interesting.

I loved the goat and the star (the nose booping was cute).

Chris Pine ate up this role and was fantastic. I hate that they made a relatable villain who could be redeemed and chose to make it impossible for him because of “magic rules”. It took away his agency. I prefer my villains leaning into evil instead of being trapped in it forever because they read a book. (Good message there, Disney.)

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

There were a lot of great Disney callbacks and inside jokes. Beyond that, most of it was okay but not amazing. The best lines belonged to the villain and the goat.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

Normally I love Disney’s innovation but the characters in this look like a made for TV animation from a decade ago. The backgrounds are spectacular though.

The score is a great homage to older Disney films but the songs are paradoxically catchy and forgettable. Like someone who was trying really hard to write a Disney song instead of a Wish song.

Score: 0.5

Fun

When we watched the movie, it had a weird stuttering in the video when it panned or zoomed. It bothered me enough to play with my settings before I realized it was the movie. It wasn’t fun for me.

The movie itself was fun but not engrossing. I liked the ending enough.

Score: 0.5

Overall

The most forgettable Disney movie since Black Cauldron (although I haven’t seen Home on the Range). It’s not a bad movie but it tries too hard to be a Disney movie and forgets that each has their own special magic.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

Monster High 2 – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2023 film Monster High 2.

Story

The tone of this one is much younger then the first. The story is simplistic; the twist is so obvious that I couldn’t believe it was the actual twist.

Score: 0

Characters

The characters were fairly consistent from the first one, but the movie didn’t give their cast much time to develop. The characters were there, but mostly ignored to make more time for forced drama.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The dialogue is delightfully silly. Filled with puns and fun tidbits of monster lore. I wish there were more deep character moments, but overall the dialogue is okay.

There’s a lot of forced borderline toddler-level talk about friendship that got tedious quick.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The visuel style is extra poignant with the contrast to the human world. They did a great job building a colourful, dynamic, and interesting world. Unfortunately a good half of the movie is set in our world and is the weaker for it.

The music is catchy but very similar to the first and again feels better than the plot of the movie.

Score: 0.5

Fun

I’ll be honest, I was bored by the halfway mark. It’s colourful with good music, but not particularly fun to watch. The kids loved it and it wasn’t bad, just meh.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A lackluster sequel which forgets what made the first entertaining and spends way too much time in the human world. The characters and music are great, but don’t make up for the pre-school dialogue and storyline.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

A Clüsterfünke Christmas – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2021 film A Clüsterfünke Christmas.

Story

This tried really hard to be every Christmas movie in one but it sort of missed the point and the heart of the genre.

Score: 0

Characters

The characters were hilarious. They were stereotypes of stereotypes. Unfortunately, that didn’t make them all that interesting beyond a few gags.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

This was stilted even for a satire of a stitled genre. Other than the gags and wordplay, which sometimes came off as a CollegeHumour skit gone too long, the dialogue wasn’t great.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

Over the top visuals with some surprisingly good sets and costume design.

The music was sufficiently cheesy and played well for gags.

Score: 0.5

Fun

When the wordplay or satire hit this was a lot of fun, but it really didn’t make me care about the characters or want to see how it ends.

My mother in-law was not impressed and the three year old was bored.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A valiant attempt at satirizing Christmas movies which doesn’t succeed at doing more then pointing out things about other movies. There were a few really good jokes, but it didn’t have heart or wonder.

Save yourself the trouble and watch A Christmas Movie Christmas instead.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

The Librarian: Return to King Solomon’s Mines – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2006 film The Librarian: Return to King Solomon’s Mines.

Story

This felt a lot more forced than the first one. Instead of well placed foreshadowing, it was extremely trope-ridden. The archeology parts were fun, the love story worse than the first, and the twists were so predictable it hurt.

Score: 0

Characters

Generic Middle Eastern general, silly twist character, dead dad, and almost better than the Librarian archeologist. Again, the only characters I liked were Flynn, Judson, and Charlene. Although Flynn was a little annoying.

Wait, actually, despite the “Noble Savage” trope, I enjoyed Hakeem Kae-Kazim’s Jomo. Especially his wry delivery.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The fighting banter between the love interests was cute but got old fast. The actual archaeology-babble was fun though. The near Spider-man repetitiveness of the “sometimes you need to give up what you want for the greater good” was overdone.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The location shoots were absolutely beautiful when in the wild. Those in the cities had that ridiculous colour filter that American movies love for the Middle-East and Africa. It’s not an alien planet… sigh.

The special effects were better, and less used, but still terrible. The camera work wasn’t as good as the first one and tended to be a little indulgent of the landscape.

The music was fun and I enjoyed the magical pan-flute playing the Librarian theme.

Score: 0.5

Fun

The entire love story really sapped some of the fun for me. I did enjoy it mostly and both kids were enthralled again.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A weak sequel that spends too much time trying to make us fall in love with the love story and not enough with the actual characters making us care about them. It’s predictable and awkward, but has some sights of what this franchise could become.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

The Three Musketeers (1948) – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 1948 film The Three Musketeers.

Story

There is a fine line between doing the story justice and changing the tone and feel. The changes they made to the story didn’t help anything but get the movie past the censors. Instead of coming off as an innocent boy who falls in love at the drop of a hat, d’Artagnan comes off as an airhead.

There’s also a reason that most movies only do the first half of the book. The rest of it is a little bit of a drag.

Score: 0

Characters

D’Artagnan was terrible and flaky when dealing with women, but when he was sword fighting, he was awesome. All the other musketeers were great and I wish they’d gotten more screen time.

The treatment of the women was possibly less progressive then the novel and extremely predictable.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The dialogue is mostly quippy and fun, except when it comes to the romance where it’s stilted, awkward, and cringe-worthy.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The filming angles, colours, shots, lighting, and framing are absolutely gorgeous. The fight choreography wonderful and the location shoots splendid.

The music is great and epic.

Score: 1

Fun

An amazing cast which all did a great job. The fighting was fun and the little bits of humour were refreshing, but mostly it was dour. Both kids got bored and so did I.

Score: 0

Overall

A semi-faithful adaptation of the book with not enough humour or sword fighting. Although visually stunning, the changes to d’Artagnan made him unlikeable and the movie didn’t age well.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

Palm Springs – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2020 Film Palm Springs.

Story

I love time loop movies (writing a time loop book is hard though). This is a passable example. A lot of the awkwardness and swearing felt made just to shock and bring up the rating.

There’s some fascinating concepts on time and they started examining what would happen with the limits of human memory, but then backtracked and just made the character a liar.

It’s a mixed bag with all the awkwardness of an adult comedy and a few cool ideas.

Score: 0.5

Characters

Adult comedies and time loop movies have a commonality of character: likeable but selfish protagonists that make very bad decisions. In a good time loop movie, the character learns and grows through the ordeal. These characters learned very little other than to love each other. They end still selfish and making bad decisions. It’s very frustrating.

That being said, the actors managed to make them likeable and even fun to watch.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

So much swearing with none of the finesse or charisma of Deadpool.

Beyond that there are a few really funny lines and some interesting dialogue, but since more than half of what the the main characters say are lies, it makes it hard to care.

Score: 0

Visuals and Music

It’s a very pretty and stylistic movie that definitely has a surreal quality.

The music is acceptable but nothing special.

Score: 0.5

Fun

So glad I didn’t watch this with the kids. It was pretty awkward to watch at times, other than the “gives up and has fun” phase. It had some cool ideas, but was bogged down by its need to be adult.

Score: 0.5

Overall

Fantastic comedy actors in a mediocre time loop story that is more interested in its adult gags and swearing than finishing any of its substance. Anything new they bring into the genre, they undermine with lies and characters making more bad decisions.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5