depression

Rejection is Hard to Take

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Hello Friends, Family, and Fans,

In June, I got a rejection for The Copper Tarnish. I worked on that book on and off for almost seven years before submitting it. It’s one of my more raw books and reflects a lot of my feelings of wanting and not being accepted.

The whole book is an exploration of the small town obsession with uniformity. I use a parasitic (zombie-ish) infection as a metaphor for how far people will go to insist others fit their mould. There’s also an alien princess, sapphic romance, and some intense crossovers from other stories.

I’m proud of this book. I thought, when submitting, that it was the most layered of my stories, all wrapped in a 50’s style monster movie.

I requested feedback on the rejection, and despite the reply being very kind, it was obvious that they disliked the book.

I am absolutely NOT upset at the people who criticized or those who rejected me.

I want to be. I want to be indignant, I want to rage, I want to say they don’t understand my genius.

However, if I’m being honest, I’m just upset because I was rejected, because I’d hoped to release a book every year for 10 years in a row, and mostly because I failed.

The rejection was such a surprise and the criticism so broad that it’s thrown me through a loop. Between RSD and imposter syndrome, I’m finding it hard not to overthink everything I write. Unfortunately, that makes writing extra hard and me extra sensitive.

I just finished a chapter of Fanatics! Inevitable Honeymoon Crashers, and despite being excited about what I wrote, I keep feeling like I’m not doing a good enough job. I feel like the quality difference between my writing and Jen’s is starting to show more. (She’s damn good and only getting better.)

That’s one of the downsides of co-writing; the pressure to be as good as your co-writer, and feeling like they’d be better off on their own.

I’m not looking for any advice or reassurance. I just need to start building up my confidence again. I know I have strengths in my writing and I need to concentrate on those and work on my flaws.

As for The Copper Tarnish, it’s currently with a beta reader and based on their comments, I might send it to more beta readers, re-write it completely, or put it in my “I wrote this but don’t think I should publish it” folder with Cerulean Sky and Dinosaur Road Trip.

Part of me wants to give up but I know that I can’t. Writing is like breathing. I’m not sure I can live without it.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Heat, Allergies, and Mental Health

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Hello My Imaginary Friends,

Everyone is different; our bodies react to weather, stress, and fatigue in different ways. So my experience isn’t the same as everyone else’s.

August sucks for me. Especially weeks like this week, where we had high temperatures and high pollen count. Despite living indoors with air conditioning, the heat and pollen still affect me. It means I can’t sleep very well (up every 20-30 minutes), can’t breath very well, and generally feel crappy.

I think the worse part of poor sleep, allergies, and feeling crappy; is that it makes everything seem worse and hopeless. This isn’t new, but I always forget. In the future, I should probably plan trips around this time to keep me moving and not thinking.

I crashed yesterday and snapped at my wife for something that wasn’t her fault (Sorry).

It’s a vicious cycle of feeling like I should be doing more and not having any energy to do it. So when I take time to rest or relax, I then feel guilty and that makes me feel depressed and anxious.

At least the kids are liking the weather. Here’s a cute picture of them playing on the splash mat in our backyard.

Once the heat breaks, I’ll start feeling a little better. Until then, I have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay to take time to recover and not to feel guilty about it.

Be kind to yourself!

Éric

Frozen II – JenEric Movie Review

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How This Works – Read Other Reviews

Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2019 movie Frozen II.

*This was my second favourite movie of 2019*

Story

This movie balances multiple story lines, deals with serious subjects, and manages to inject hope and humour.

The script is tight, there isn’t a lost word, scene, or moment. Everything is set up from the beginning without being so obvious as to ruin the reveals.

At it’s base it’s a standard hero’s journey with a JRPG style collecting element. That’s more of the structure, the actual story is about love, change, and how we handle difficult times.

There was just enough complexity to make it re-watchable and simple enough to keep all ages interested. Everything has multiple purposes in the story and it’s beautiful to see.

Score: 1

Characters

There are very few characters for such an epic story. Elsa, Anna, Olaf, and Kristoff/Sven each get a character arc that is both transformative and satisfying.

There’s a bit where Olaf recaps the first movie (As if we haven’t all seen it a million times) and it’s not about Olaf and the recap. It’s a shortcut to introduce us to the newest characters of Mattias and Yelena. It perfectly shows who they are and makes the audience love them, while breaking up the action, recaping, and making us laugh.

Elsa’s continued discovery of who she is flows well from the first movie and has great parallels for those of us who are different from the norm.

Anna’s struggle through trauma and depression not only make a great story they also give children a guide for how to deal with depression and horrible events.

Kristoff deals with his feelings of insecurity. Not about his love or himself, but about how she feels about him.

Olaf deals with growing up and the fear that not knowing brings.

Score: 1

Dialogue

The songs have some extremely powerful lines but the dialogue doesn’t slouch at being insightful and poignant. “I’m sorry Anna. You’re gonna have to do the next part on your own. Ok?” breaks me every time. Same with, “My love isn’t fragile.”

Of late I’ve seriously been feeling Olaf in this movie, especially the line, “We’re calling this ‘controlling what you can when things feel out of control'”.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The autumn aesthetic is stunning. The colours are vibrant and the animation is absolutely beautiful. I’m not an animation expert but the details in this were astounding.

Musically it was great. The songs are a staple of our house already. They are beautiful on their own but also move the narrative, foreshadow, and expand the story.

The score on it’s own is epic and is reminiscent of Lord of the Rings or the better superhero scores.

Score: 1

Fun

This was a beautiful movie both visually and as a story. It tries and succeeds to tackle serious subjects while breaking them down for younger audiences.

Most of all it’s hopeful, catchy, and fun.

Score: 1

Overall

If you’d asked me whether I thought a 2 hour movie could handle talking about growing up, depression, colonialism, and self-discovery, while having a positive message about love being a strong and stable element to life; I’d have said… Maybe but better to do it in a book. It’s staggering that they managed to do it in a movie and made it accessible to all ages.

With the use of short forms, animation, and musical elements they managed to do it all.

Final Score: 5*

*A 5 star review doesn’t mean the movie was perfect nor that it is perfect for everyone but it is a movie I believe is as close to perfect as possible.

Blush: Reach Out

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you.

Today, I would like to share a few resources for mental health and crisis assistance. While that may seem like a depressing conversation for such a joyful holiday, I want to acknowledge that there are people who are struggling, and might be having a tougher time than usual because of it being a holiday.

All resources are geared towards Ottawa and Canada. If you need help, please don’t hesitate to either google your own city, or reach out to people who can help you.

Ottawa:
Distress Centre of Ottawa and Region (24/7 mental health assistance)
Midwifery Collective of Ottawa (Postpartum depression)
eMental Health (variety of crisis support lines)
Ottawa Public Health (mental health and substance use resource list)

Canada:
Government of Canada (mental health support lines)
Crisis Text Line (24/7 text support)
Canadian Mental Health Association (multiple programs and services)

Please know that you are not alone. There are people who care. Reach out to them.

If you’re enjoying the Blush blogs, consider learning more with Blush: The Card Game from Renaissance Press.