The Scarlet Thread Irregulars (Serial Story) — Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12


Chapter 1: My team saves the day despite themselves

Tuesday the 10th of October, 2006 – Sudbury, Ontario

“What the hell is that?” Grant screamed at me. His long brown hair was in a low ponytail and his normally round pink face was white in terror.

“That is a vampire. Specifically, it’s a Blood Vampire,” I, Albert, said, grabbing the Dracula wannabe by his collar before shouting, “Ga Bort!” 

As soon as I spoke, the thing imploded with a sucking sound, leaving a little ectoplasm, or Aethergoo, behind. 

I’m only in my mid twenties and have been told I look like a gangly librarian or English teacher. I’m also the only one in the group with a military background.

“This nest must be freshly from the Aether,” Clifford said with a sigh of relief. He was the oldest of the group and the one most in shape. He looked more like an action hero than a mid-forties architect. 

The perfectly put together Ursula asked, “Are these the sparkly kind or the classic?” Her perfectly fitted suit and dyed blonde hair would be normal in a country club but in an abandoned factory in Sudbury, she looked out of place. 

“Please don’t be the sparkly ones. I feel bad for returning those to the Aether,” Robin said, her black curly hair bouncing in time with her movements. She was the youngest, beating Grant by a few months. 

They were joking. If the vampires were anything but blood-thirsty animals, they’d be considered Aetherborn and we wouldn’t be sending them back to the Aether. Sapient blood vampires were becoming more and more common with their portrayal going from monster to romantic lead. Sapience was really the only difference between Aether-creatures and Aetherborn.

Had they been Aetherborn, we would have helped them transition to our world. There were several separate communities of vampires, mostly in the far north to take advantage of the long nights.

These were not sapient, and we didn’t get time to quip further as a dozen more vampires ran at us. Each of us activated the magic necklace we wore and were suddenly armoured in matching plate mail suits.

The five of us are Gatekeepers. We take care of the barrier between our world and pure magic. We strengthen it, we deal with anything that comes out of it, and we stop people from flooding our world with magic. 

That last one sounds like fun until you understand that magic, or Aether, only wants to devour, and when it comes close to a human it transforms into whatever the human was thinking about. Let me tell you, we humans are great at thinking about two things: sex and fear. Sometimes at the same time. Hence the lengthy list of vampire types.

Each of the Guardians is chosen, we don’t know by who, and then have to seek out the order and find a mentor. We usually train in pairs but we were special. Mostly that we were the most accident-prone knights in the history of the order.

Not me, I was the poor schmuck that was supposed to teach them how to survive while doing the whole knight errant thing. The other four had been called to duty in the past year. They’d done training and were now getting extra training so they wouldn’t die.

There were less than a thousand of us in North America and I was hoping that number wouldn’t get any lower.

A Gatekeeper knight is chosen when they do something heroic or selfless. When that happens, a magic sword appears in the closest body of water. Mine was a lake not far from where we were fighting the vampires, Robin’s was a fountain, Ursula and Clifford’s were swimming pools, and poor Grant’s was a urinal. 

The moment you take the sword, you know to find a senior knight to train you. After six months of training, you are supposed to travel the continent to help people. If you survive that, you are given an assignment. Mine was to take care of these four.

Somehow Grant had managed to get his sword stuck in Clifford’s armour, Robin dropped her sword, and Ursula was trying to slap the vampires without pulling out her sword.

“Guys. Remember your training. Use your dismissal word,” I said, trying not to sound annoyed. I held my sword high in the air and poured my will into the sword as I screamed again, “Ga Bort!” It’s bad Swedish for, “go away”. 

My sword glowed with barrier energy and I started to slice through the vampires. When we get rid of an Aether-creature, its magical energy is sent to re-enforce the barrier.

The great thing about fresh Aether-creatures is that they haven’t the time to create any bodily fluids yet. Other than a few, which left some blood behind, they would just disappear with a pop. They were so fresh that they didn’t leave much Aethergoo either.

Once my team powered their swords, we cut through the vampires quickly, only hitting each other a few times. Thank goodness for armour.

When the vampires stopped coming at us we explored what little was left of the warehouse. We found what I was expecting: a young child hiding in a corner. They were maybe five years old and had their eyes closed while they rocked back and forth. 

“Jo. My name is Albert. Your parents are worried about you.” I gestured for the other knights to spread out and stay back. They didn’t understand.

“But the vampires are coming,” the child said in a whimper. With his words, vampires appeared around us. 

“We’re here to stop them and protect you,” I said. They opened their eyes. I had hoped they’d see me in all my glory and feel better. What they saw was my co-knights being caught off guard and falling all over the place like circus clowns. The kid started to laugh and the vampires popped out of existence. 

I picked up the kid and they sighed, curling into my arms. 

What my team lacked in combat, or coordination, they more than made up in their ability to shore up the barrier. They worked quickly together, and used their natural abilities to thicken the barrier so no one else would accidentally summon a monster.

For a regular human, to pierce the barrier and pull something out needs great fear or desire combined with a strong imagination. When the barrier is thinner, it means more accidental Aether-creatures.

Jo must have expended a lot of energy, because they stayed asleep the entire ride home and even transferred to their mother without a fuss. Back at the minivan, I said to the group, “We didn’t die, and we saved the kid. Good job. We’ll start more intense combat training in the morning.” I was still amazed that no one was hurt.

Read Chapter 2 (February 2025)


While you wait for the next chapter, check out the previous serial stories:

But I’m a Cheerleader – JenEric Movie Review

How This Works – Read Other Reviews

Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 1999 film But I’m a Cheerleader.

Story

This is definitely a dark comedy. It manages to highlight the absurdity of these sorts of camps while still capturing the horror of them. I have no experience with conversion therapy, but I’m thankful this leaned into the emotions and contradictions and not the psychological torture.

The message of choosing to be yourself instead of miserable is well done and sad at the same time.

Score: 1

Characters

The characters are extremely well-built stereotypes and that feeds the story.

The fact that the camp staff were all repressed made them both more human and sadder.

I’m not sure if it’s because I wasn’t part of the LGBT community in 1999 (being bisexual in a small town meant it was easier for me to hide) or because of the writing, but there were a few characters that I just didn’t understand.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The dialogue vacillated from pseudo-intellectual drivel to deep and loving. Seeing the contrast between the two made everything feel even more surreal.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The visuals weren’t flashy, but the thought behind them was impressive. The repressed camp leader spending her evening cleaning flowers, the overcompensation of the colour scheme, the Sapphic curtains, and the large quantity of spandex/pleather add to the hypocrisy of the camp.

The songs had a 1950’s feel to it while being quite subversive. The rest of the score leaned heavily into the songs and it worked really well.

Score: 1

Fun

It was fun to see the lesbian and gay characters being portrayed as both the heroes and the more stable characters. I appreciated the bit at the end with the parents joining the support group, giving us a little hope.

I watched it with my wife only and I’m glad. It’s a little dark for a 3 and 6 year old.

It was hard to watch the pain and anguish these poor people went through at the hands of a society that wants them to hide who they are. Even in a watered-down level of hate with a lot of dark humour, it’s still very much on the nose.

It reminded me of all the times I was with people in university and heard someone say, “Bisexuals don’t exist, they’re just gay people who are scared or straight people who want attention.” Every time I heard it, I sank further into myself, and that’s just a fraction of what others experienced.

Score: 0.5

Overall

The movie pokes as much fun at the lesbian and gay stereotypes as it does the bigots who refuse to understand. It’s dark and raw and painful all at once. However, there’s a certain joy and hope in the message of being yourself and the importance of found family.

Final Score: 4 Stars out of 5