The story walks the line between horrifying and a little bland. No one gets violated and none of the good people get killed. The movie writers went out of their way to make sure we felt nothing for the villains.
Score: 0
Characters
Statham tends to play three characters: the seemingly emotionless killer, the angry vengeful killer, and the befuddled killer. In this one he’s the second. Unfortunately, giving him a daughter didn’t add much to the story. It was probably the lack of interactions with her.
As usual, the supporting characters were interesting, and the kidnapped girl kicks serious ass.
The villains are bland beyond remembering.
Score: 0.5
Dialogue
A few lines were great and I really liked all the interactions between Harbour and Statham; they were excellent.
Score: 0.5
Visuals and Music
The locations were great and the sets looked very grimy. Everything was shot in a way we could see the action. It was well done.
The music is a little loud but does its job well.
Score: 1
Fun
I was less invested in him and more invested in the kid and the kidnapped woman. I found myself getting bored at times. I watched this alone and although the action was great it just wasn’t all that interesting.
Score: 0
Overall
An extremely competent action movie with lots of death, explosions, and Jason Statham kicking ass. However, it wasn’t great at keeping my interest and the villains were so bland I didn’t care.
It’s a standard survival horror with almost no deviation in plot.
Score: 0
Characters
The “awkward dude gets the hot popular girl” is a really tired trope. Making her good with computers is a nice twist but makes him even blander which I didn’t think was possible.
The rest of the movie’s characters were tired tropes pulled from survival horror or stoner comedies.
Score: 0
Dialogue
The dialogue was written by nerds for nerds and is unironically goofy in the best way. The “edgy” dialogue is pretty much what we all thought was edgy back in 2000 but in retrospect is kinda childish.
Score: 0.5
Visuals and Music
The camera work was excellent and the special effects were pretty impressive.
The music was nostalgic and fun.
Score: 1
Fun
This isn’t a great movie but there were some fun parts. I watched it on my own because it is really not kid friendly.
Score: 0.5
Overall
A lackluster plot with nothing special that can’t seem to decide if it hates the 2000’s or loves it.
The story is in the title and it’s very much an early 2000’s take on Cinderella. There’s an almost made-for-TV feel to it.
Score: 0
Characters
The characters are dated clichés from a bad take on a John Hughes movie. Although the actors manage to perform the roles with charm, they can’t overcome the script. The good characters are flawless (except that she’s too nice and he’s too popular. Oh, and both of them don’t want to confront their parents.) and the villains are reprehensible.
Score: 0.5
Dialogue
There’s some funny lines and some adorable flirting but the absolute industrial quantity of body and food shaming is disgusting.
Seriously? How did the early 2000’s think this was okay? How the hell did we go from Jennifer Coolidge being a sex symbol in 1999 to her being considered disgusting in this movie? The woman’s acting is perfect in both, but we don’t need the body and beauty shaming to show she’s ugly on the inside (as the character!).
Score: 0
Visuals and Music
The camera work was okay but everything felt very made-for-TV quality.
The music was a lot of fun and nostalgic.
Score: 1
Fun
I enjoyed the movie to a certain extent. I love the Cinderella archetype and it makes for fun movies, but this one doesn’t hold up well.
The kids enjoyed it, but not to the point of wanting to rewatch it later.
Score: 0.5
Overall
A dated take on Cinderella that is held together by the charm of the actors, but even their skill isn’t enough to save it.
Today we’re talking about the 2024 film Spellbound.
Story
The story felt very retro and a little like a made for TV special that is trying to explain emotions and divorce to younger kids. It was okay but missed a lot of opportunities to be more nuanced. It was also really slow to start with.
Score: 0
Characters
The parents as monsters were fun and the main character was your usual sassy but bland hero. The Oracles were fantastic and more interesting than the rest of the movie. I also really loved Bolinar although that felt forced to be comedy relief.
Score: 0.5
Dialogue
Glib and shallow, the dialogue was pretty unmemorable.
Score: 0
Visuals and Music
This was a beautiful movie. The art was great and the use of shadows was excellent.
The music was good and I wish there was more.
Score: 1
Fun
I was bored waiting for the inevitable quest but the kids loved it.
Score: 0.5
Overall
An interesting idea that turns out to be pretty predictable and with little for the older audience members. Fun side characters, lovely animation, and good music just aren’t enought to save this one.
Today we’re talking about the 2013 film The Hunters.
Story
This is a mashup of Indiana Jones and Spy Kids, but it works. The story beats are predictable but interesting, and the world building was fun.
Score: 0.5
Characters
There are a few times where I think the writers got confused about which brother was which but besides that, they were passable characters. Thankfully the acting was significantly better than the dialogue.
Score: 0.5
Dialogue
There was a lot of useless explaining and some mixed-up lines, along with some strange reasons for doing anything. That being said, at least the writers understood how to write a romance subplot.
Score: 0
Visuals and Music
The special effects were bad but the locations were nice (Yay BC!). The fight choreography was passable.
The music did its job but wasn’t particularly good.
Score: 0.5
Fun
I enjoyed it but it wasn’t great. The kids got bored a few times.
I usually love when this sort of story mixes myths and reality but the entire made up story of Cinderella’s shoe was frustratingly under-researched and under-utilized.
Score: 0.5
Overall
A fun take on the archeology/adventure genre but its special effects, terrible dialogue, and poor research take away from the overall enjoyment.
There were two movies going on, the first half and the second half. The first half is a meandering mess and the second half is halfway between a revolution and some overly saccharine idealized version of Disney.
Score: 0
Characters
While the main character and the king both get some good developement, the rest of the cast don’t, and that’s too bad because they were interesting.
I loved the goat and the star (the nose booping was cute).
Chris Pine ate up this role and was fantastic. I hate that they made a relatable villain who could be redeemed and chose to make it impossible for him because of “magic rules”. It took away his agency. I prefer my villains leaning into evil instead of being trapped in it forever because they read a book. (Good message there, Disney.)
Score: 0.5
Dialogue
There were a lot of great Disney callbacks and inside jokes. Beyond that, most of it was okay but not amazing. The best lines belonged to the villain and the goat.
Score: 0.5
Visuals and Music
Normally I love Disney’s innovation but the characters in this look like a made for TV animation from a decade ago. The backgrounds are spectacular though.
The score is a great homage to older Disney films but the songs are paradoxically catchy and forgettable. Like someone who was trying really hard to write a Disney song instead of a Wish song.
Score: 0.5
Fun
When we watched the movie, it had a weird stuttering in the video when it panned or zoomed. It bothered me enough to play with my settings before I realized it was the movie. It wasn’t fun for me.
The movie itself was fun but not engrossing. I liked the ending enough.
Score: 0.5
Overall
The most forgettable Disney movie since Black Cauldron (although I haven’t seen Home on the Range). It’s not a bad movie but it tries too hard to be a Disney movie and forgets that each has their own special magic.
Today we’re talking about the 2019 film Ready or Not.
Story
This was meant as a dark comedy but came off more as a survival horror with incompetent, if better equipped, enemies. There were a lot of jump scares that doubled as attempts at humour, but overall it missed the mark almost completely.
Score: 0
Characters
The characters were interesting. A wonderful assortment of terrible rich people. Unfortunately, they were built up and almost all of them had unsatisfying deaths.
The bride played it like a horror action movie while the direction played it like a survival movie and the difference was a little jarring. She was an excellent actress and I would have liked to see the movie she was acting for rather then what they cut together.
Score: 0.5
Dialogue
The snippy rich family is an old trope but fun to watch. The dialogue between them was entertaining and the crazed aunt had some great lines.
The bride also had some excellent one liners.
However, the switching between whiny rich people and murderous devil worshipers was a little bland.
Score: 0.5
Visuals and Music
The music was okay if expected. Creepy old-timey music is really overdone and has been done better.
The visuals were appropriately gory and the special effects were excellent.
Score: 0.5
Fun
The movie starts quickly and the intro is done well, but after that it gets a little repetitive. The twists are predictable and honestly I just kept looking forward to the bride snapping and taking initiative to fight back.
I spent most of this movie planning a better version.
Score: 0
Overall
A wonderful premise and excellent actress wasted on a mediocre and repetitive story. The action and special effects are great but everything else has been done better.
This is based off a game that I have not played, but from the writer/director’s past history, it’s probably not all that faithful. That being said, it was fairly simple and had some interesting world building.
After the first exciting bit, it was a little slow however.
Score: 0.5
Characters
There were a lot of characters that didn’t get much screentime and they were pretty cool. Hard to go wrong with Ron Pearlman.
The two main characters are interesting, but I’m not sure they were interesting enough to hold up the movie.
Score: 0.5
Dialogue
This was a very typical white story, the non-english speaker learned bits of English and the English speaker learned the names of the monsters.
Most of the dialogue is pretty boring but there were a few good action lines.
Score: 0.5
Visuals and Music
The visuals were spectacular when it came to the monsters and the fight scenes. The fight choreography was really cool. I love seeing monsters versus modern war machines.
The music was okay but at times distracted from the story and action instead of enhancing it.
Score: 0.5
Fun
I went into this expecting a silly monster movie with lots of action and that’s what I got. It was fun and exciting. It wasn’t as well paced as others by Anderson.
Score: 0.5
Overall
The movie is silly fun but doesn’t really shine the way it should have. It’s mostly just meh with a few moments of awesome.
This tried really hard to be every Christmas movie in one but it sort of missed the point and the heart of the genre.
Score: 0
Characters
The characters were hilarious. They were stereotypes of stereotypes. Unfortunately, that didn’t make them all that interesting beyond a few gags.
Score: 0.5
Dialogue
This was stilted even for a satire of a stitled genre. Other than the gags and wordplay, which sometimes came off as a CollegeHumour skit gone too long, the dialogue wasn’t great.
Score: 0.5
Visuals and Music
Over the top visuals with some surprisingly good sets and costume design.
The music was sufficiently cheesy and played well for gags.
Score: 0.5
Fun
When the wordplay or satire hit this was a lot of fun, but it really didn’t make me care about the characters or want to see how it ends.
My mother in-law was not impressed and the three year old was bored.
Score: 0.5
Overall
A valiant attempt at satirizing Christmas movies which doesn’t succeed at doing more then pointing out things about other movies. There were a few really good jokes, but it didn’t have heart or wonder.
I had grand plans on making this a series where I tried a bunch of meal kits and gave you my honest review of each. I even had a grading system and everything planned out.
Then I tried one and decided I didn’t have the time, energy, or will to do more than one.
I was not paid to do this review and will not include any links. I am an experienced home cook who’s been cooking for over twenty years and have a very well stocked kitchen.
Chef’s Plate Meal Kit Review
I got a massive discount on trying this and decided to give it 2 boxes. So far I’ve only done 1 box which was 2 separate meals.
Thai Fried rice in 4 bowls
The box was outside in the heat for more time than I’d like but none of the ingredients suffered.
Portions
The portions for both the Thai Fried Rice and the BBQ Salmon were impressive. It’s equivalent to what you’d get in a restaurant. We made the mistake of ordering the 4 person portion and the kids did not eat enough to make it worth it.
Score: 20/20
Level of Complexity
This isn’t for your absolute beginner. The instructions are simple, but the tools and timing needed are harder to master. Not to mention that nothing is defined.
If you get this and you don’t have a well stocked kitchen, you’ll be running out to get tools or pans.
I’d also say that they use way too many pans. The Thai Fried Rice had 4 pans in the instructions. I used my rice cooker for the rice and 1 pan for the rest. Same thing for the BBQ salmon. It needed 3 pans and the BBQ.
One piece of equipment that they do not mention in the instructions that I found invaluable was a good pair of scissors. EVERYTHING is packaged in these tiny little bags that are practically impenetrable. Wasteful and annoying.
Finally my biggest complaint was that it wasn’t formatted like a recipe. I would have been fine with it if there had been more detail, but this is not something you give or use if you don’t already know how to cook.
My entire family has some interesting allergies and I was downright angry that all the ingredients were not published in the kit. I took the chance on me and my wife since they rarely add chocolate to a spice mix, but I couldn’t have served this to my in-laws. I also skipped the Mediterranean spices in case it would affect my wife.
I repeat; none of the spice mixes or sauces had ingredient lists.
Score: 5/20
Quality
I was not impressed with the quality of the produce, but the meat was nice. The overall product wasn’t bad and I’d say it was a decent quality meal.
The packaging was a pain from start to finish though.
Score: 10/20
Taste
This should be the most important category. When it comes to cooking for kids, it isn’t always, unfortunately.
Either way, the Fried rice and the Salmon were good in the sense that I didn’t hate them. My daughter gave the Fried rice a thumbs up but didn’t finish her plate and refused leftovers the next day.
My son loved the roasted red peppers and zucchini, but that was literally all he’d eat. My wife seemed moderately pleased which is not her default for my cooking.
I would have been better off going to pick up Thai Express or just cooking myself.
Score: 10/20
Fun
I was hoping this would work out to be a fun activity. I had an image of sitting around the laptop deciding on the meals and everyone getting excited. Big NOPE there. Choosing the meals was exactly like meal planning. No one agreed or no one cared.
I was also hoping to get an Ikea Effect from the meal. I did not. I was mostly annoyed and swearing at the instructions for making more dishes to clean then needed.
I did like the colour and that the meals looked like their pictures.
Score: 10/20
Overall
This wasn’t a terrible experience, but it wasn’t a lot of fun. I don’t find it saved much time and at full price with shipping it will cost more than a quick restaurant.
I wanted this to not need to stress about meal planning and prep. Unfortunately, it didn’t help and added an extra frustration in the prep. This is great for those who can’t prep or shop for themselves, but not my thing.
Final Score: 55/100
Final Words
The experience told me that what I need is to find better delivery options that are local. This wasn’t for me and no one was all that happy about it.
What I’ll remember most (other than those annoying bags) is my almost two year old saying, “Couscous” over and over again.
