O Tannen-bomb – Chapter 2/2

This story takes place the Christmas after the events of Monsters! Incidental Wedding Guests and Winging It.

The story was written by Jen and Éric Desmarais with the help of Dragon Desmarais.


Read Part 1 here

Saturday the 13th of December, 2003 – Westmeath, Ontario

Running over to them, Jason checked the boy’s pulse and it was extremely weak but still present. “It’s not petrification. They’re fine.”

“Wasn’t there a tree in the middle of the dance floor?” Kennedy asked, before shouting, “Duck!”

Over a year of training together and a trust built on saving each other’s lives countless times meant he dropped to the floor without thinking about it. The silvery ball that would have hit him in the shoulders flew past and hit Dr. Amita. She froze on the spot, her face contorted in confusion.

People screamed and would have panicked but Kennedy said, “Everyone please move toward the exit in an orderly fashion.” Westmeath had enough strange things happening that people walked quickly but not fast enough to hurt each other. There were still quite a few people left, all frozen.

“Where did that come from?” he asked as he kicked up from the ground and landed on his feet.

“The tree,” Kennedy said, “But I’m not sure which one.” She joined him near the boys.

The five trees seemed to shiver at the sound of her voice. Jason used his shadow power to stretch his senses out and see if they moved.

“How does a tree that’s in a pot move around?” he wondered aloud. He felt the attack and movement before seeing it. Grabbing Kennedy’s hands, he swung her around to avoid a volley.

“I can’t tell which tree it’s coming from,” she said, annoyed.

“Even my shadow senses aren’t helping with that. It moves too fast. But only one is moving”

“The cake!” Kennedy exclaimed and ran to the buffet, weaving and dodging around attacks. She lifted up the large red Yule log cake and said, “We just need to figure out which one moves and we can use the cake to mark it.”

It was a good idea, but a shift in the lighting and shadows made Jason turn away from her. The room had gotten darker as the moonlight from the wall of windows was blocked.

Surrounding the room from outside were massive pine trees. The christmas trees inside stood just over two and half metres tall, the ones outside were easily ten times that height. 

Kennedy gave a small squeak and said, “Well, that’s not good.” 

The doors flew inward, followed by a figure in silver full-plate armour. He had a longsword on his left hip and a dagger holstered on the opposite side. His helmet was down but he looked around the room and lifted it before saying, “You need to get out of here. It’s not safe.”

Laughing, still comically holding the cake, Kennedy said, “Jeepers, that was dramatic, and we know.”

“Kennedy?” the man said, looking surprised.

“Albert?” she replied. “For heaven’s sake, is everyone I know from Baker magical?”

The armour was the symbol of the Gatekeepers and organization that was dedicated to protecting the world from Aether incursions. Creatures created from imagination and magic could cause havoc if not controlled. The creatures were returned or hunted, while the people or Aetherborn were educated and placed in communities like Westmeath. 

“Not to break up the reunion but—” Jason was cut off by a volley of flying ornaments. It seemed the tree took a little time to reload. 

“Right. Sorry. I am Gatekeeper Therien. I tracked a part of a rogue tannen-bomb here.” He looked out the window and replied, “and it looks like the rest of it just arrived.”

“Part? You mean this is all one creature? Like a magical Pando?” Kennedy asked. When the knight didn’t reply, she added, “Pando, the giant organism that’s one root system with tens of thousands of trees?”

“Yes.” He drew his sword and swatted at the ornaments that were flying toward them. “Why are you holding a cake?”

“It’s to throw at the tree so we know which one it is,” she replied sheepishly. 

“Ah. Good idea, but it’s the one next to your husband.”

Jason whipped around, not used to being snuck up on. He raised a hand in defence but was struck by a freeze bomb. It didn’t hurt, and he could hear and see everything happening. 

A cake flew into his vision and smashed into the tree, covering it in red icing, and some splashing on Jason’s face and hair.

“I just have to grab it and I’ll be able to banish the whole thing,” Albert announced.

Kennedy picked up two covers from the warm Hors d’oeuvre trays and said, “I’ll distract it.”  With a few long strides, she made it to Jason and whispered, “Sorry and I’ll save you.” then she pecked him on the cheek. “Yum, strawberry icing.”

“Try to get it to run to me,” Albert said.

Banging her trays at the obviously marked tree, she said, “I was being sappy. Are you ent-ertained? Wood you please move toward the knight? No pining and no barking!”

The tree let out a horrifying shrieking noise and ran toward Kennedy. 

“You said distract, not taunt,” Albert said, sounding amused.

“It’s following me, so it’s distracted,” she yelled. “Come on tree, are you that easy to needle?”

Despite Kennedy running as fast as she could, the tree was catching up. “Hold on,” she said. “It’s a tree!” Turning around with her makeshift shields, she braced for impact. Surprised, the tree reversed course right into the Gatekeeper.

Putting his hands on the tree’s branches, he shouted, “Ga Bort!” and the tree disappeared, replaced by an equal mass of clear pine scented goo. It was followed a second later by the rest of the trees outside and a wave of goo that covered the windows.

Everyone started to wake up and as Kennedy was distracted, the knight tried to walk away. “Albert, stay and enjoy the party,” she said, before running to check on Jason and the boys.

“If you insist,” he replied, making a magical gesture that transformed his armour into formal clothes.

The guests who had run away had been trapped in the lobby but now they were moving back to the party. It wasn’t the weirdest thing to happen in Westmeath. Not even this year.

Later, as everyone was enjoying good food and drink, minus a strawberry Yule log cake, Jason said, “The thing that bothers me about the whole situation is that I didn’t get to make a single tree pun.”

Kennedy kissed his now-clean cheek and replied, “Next time, when you’re not frozen. But I always have you covered, just leaf it to me.”


Read more holiday stories:

O Tannen-bomb – Chapter 1/2

This story takes place the Christmas after the events of Monsters! Incidental Wedding Guests and Winging It.

The story was written by Jen and Éric Desmarais with the help of Dragon Desmarais.


Saturday the 13th of December, 2003 – Westmeath, Ontario

They were halfway down the corridor to the cafeteria before the music reached their ears.

“Maybe that’ll be you in a few years,” Kennedy said to her teenage brother, Tommy.

He cocked his head, listening. “Nah, that’s a string quartet. I don’t plan on changing instruments.”

Jason chuckled. “They don’t get the same band year after year. You have a chance.”

“I think I’d rather spend my time eating that delicious smelling food,” Tommy replied. “And dancing with my boyfriend,” he added, squeezing Carter’s hand.

“I love the variety of decorations,” Carter said. “You’d think the mishmash of cultures would be chaotic, but it works really well.”

“You should tell Amita that,” Kennedy said. “This party is all her doing. She’s been talking about it for weeks.”

“Oh, it’s Amita now?” Jason murmured. “You finally managed to drop the ‘doctor’?”

Kennedy grimaced. “She had me practise. To her face. I still feel awkward about it, though.”

The corridor opened up to the large room, and the teenage boys halted in awe, almost tripping the older couple.

“I forget that you’ve never visited me at work,” Kennedy said. “We’ve had school groups in for field trips. Didn’t you come last year, Carter?”

“Yeah, but there weren’t five ginormous Christmas trees in the building then,” he said, shaking his head.

“We’re supposed to come in early January,” Tommy said absentmindedly, eyes wide as he took in the two full walls of floor-to-ceiling windows.

Through them, even with the lighting creating a mirror effect, they could make out the snowy courtyard and the fields beyond.

Carter recovered first. “They’re making some of the Everdome recipes we brought back with us! Come on!” He grabbed Tommy’s hand and pulled him to the buffet tables.

Kennedy was about to follow them, but Jason tugged her hand, pulling her against him. He pressed his nose to her neck, his fingers trailing down the mostly bare skin of her back as he inhaled deeply. 

Her knees went weak. “Jason?” she murmured.

“Have I told you exactly how much I want to tear this dress off you?”

Kennedy bit her lip to hold in her laughter. Her emerald green dress, styled after the iconic Jessica Rabbit dress, never failed to drive him wild. “Many times. But if you tear it, I can’t wear it again.”

“The torture would end,” he teased.

“Excuse me,” said a new voice.

They side-stepped out of the doorway and she pinned him against the wall. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“That waistcoat and your rolled up sleeves are doing things to me.”

He grinned at her. “What kind of things, and can I get involved?”

Kennedy walked her fingers up the buttons on his chest. “Absolutely. When we get home.” She pulled away. “But right now, I want food, and then I want to dance with my handsome husband.”

Jason looked around comedically. “Where is he?”

She laughed and caught his chin in her hand. “Right where he’s supposed to be.” She pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Let’s be sociable.”

“If we must,” he groaned dramatically.

“Oh good, I was hoping I would get to say hello before the New Year,” Dr. Amita teased them when they approached the near-groaning buffet tables.

“You outdid yourself,” Jason said. “How will you surpass this next year?”

Amita waved a hand. “Pssh, nobody will remember this one next year.”

“I remember that you only had four trees last year, and this time you’ve got five,” Kennedy pointed out.

“Is it some sort of pardonable offence that you cut down trees to bring inside?” Jason asked.

Amita raised an eyebrow. “I only cut down trees from the side of the family that I don’t like,” she said dryly.

They glared at each other for a moment before Amita chuckled, followed by Jason. “You know they’re replantable trees,” she said.

“And yet I will continue to pretend you murder your family members every year,” he replied.

Kennedy rolled her eyes. “Sometimes I forget that you two go way back. I should’ve known Jason wouldn’t insult someone like that otherwise.”

“Go dance. You haven’t fulfilled the romantic quota for the night yet.” Amita shooed them onto the dance floor.

“We can be romantic and eat cheese!” Kennedy protested half-heartedly.

“You like this song,” Jason said, sweeping her into his arms. “One dance and then we can feed each other bites of cheese.”

“It doesn’t have to be cheese,” she replied. “Oh, look at the boys! They’re so cute.”

They were swaying slowly in place near the big tree in the middle of the dance floor, looking deep into each other’s eyes.

“We can’t let them out-cute us!” Jason teased.

“I don’t think the word ‘cute’ ever crossed my mind when it came to you,” Kennedy said thoughtfully.

“Oh?” He spun her under his arm.

“No. More like hot, handsome, jaw-droppingly gorgeous…” She laughed when he flushed. “Okay, maybe now you’re a little cute.”

“Whoa, watch out—” Jason pulled her against him, away from the couple they almost bumped into.

The other couple didn’t move.

Jason frowned. “Are you two alright?” he asked.

Kennedy circled them. “They’re frozen in place,” she observed before scanning the room. Several other people were not moving either. “Tommy,” she breathed, whipping around to the teenagers. They hadn’t moved since the last time she’d looked over at them. “Oh no, mom’s going to kill me!” she groaned.

Read the conclusion


Read more holiday stories while you wait for Chapter 2:

Some movement! (AKA: I saw a doctor)

Hello friends, family, and fans,

I SAW A DOCTOR!!!

Christopher Eccleston as the 9th Doctor dancing

No, not that sort of doctor. I saw a medical doctor. An elbow surgeon whom WSIB referred me to. I also saw a very nice occupational therapist. All three of us were confused as to why WSIB sent me to an elbow surgeon, but after a very thorough history review and exam they concluded I needed to see a neurologist. (What my family doctor said 6 months ago.)

They’re also going to schedule an MRI for my neck.

The surgeon said that since it’s both arms, that it’s most likely neck or brain. Neck is most likely since I’m not getting headaches or nausea. (Of course he said that and this weekend I’ve had both, but I’m 98% sure it’s just weather and stress.)

I should hear in the next few weeks about the MRI and then within the next month about the neurologist.

THINGS ARE MOVING! I’m really relieved to have finally gotten to this point. Next milestone, figure out what’s wrong.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Muppets Haunted Mansion – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2021 special Muppets Haunted Mansion.

Story

This was a love story to the beloved ride. The story is a bare bones outline of the ride with some touching moments in between.

Score: 0.5

Characters

The main characters are Gonzo and Pepe. I find Pepe extremely annoying, I’ve never been a fan of the womanizing characters. I understand why they used him for this story, though.

Gonzo goes through a good story arc and speaks to older fans and younger ones as well.

The rest of the muppets have nice cameos.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

It was everything a good muppets movie should be. It had music, puns, and lots of jokes. I especially liked the shameless use of quotes from the ride.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

It was a very well shot and designed film. The background details are designed for that cross-section of Haunted Mansion fans and Muppet fans. Down to muppet-a-fying the wallpaper.

The music is a lot of fun and I wish there had been more. I liked the spooky muppet show opening song version at the end.

Score: 1

Fun

Be warned that although this isn’t scary, it does have a lot of jump scares. The kids liked it, although the five year old found it too scary due to the jump scares.

It was nice and nostalgic for those of us that grew up with the muppets show and movies.

Score: 1

Overall

This is a wonderful mix of classic Muppet humour and nostalgia for the Haunted Mansion ride. The littles might dislike the jump scares, but overall it’s a lot of fun.

Final Score: 4 Stars out of 5.

Jungle Cruise – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2021 film Jungle Cruise.

Story

The story is an interesting combination of jungle adventure and period piece. Overall, it was well done. I like that they’re looking for a plant and not an ancient artifact to plunder. It’s Indiana Jones with a twist and a little more modern (despite being set before).

Score: 1

Characters

It’s about time that Disney started adding more LGBTQ+ characters into its films. It was doubly nice that he wasn’t killed and that it was stated in the movie, not by the director or actor.

The two main cast members have almost no romantic chemistry, but make up for it in ridiculous amounts of charisma.

The supernatural villains are relatable but boring and tragic, while the German prince was funny but a little too moustache twirly for my taste.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

I would have been saddened if they hadn’t included the ride’s puns. The puns, the jokes, the banter, and even the dramatic tension, were all fantastic and make me want to re-watch it.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

Overall the film was beautiful, but there are some parts of it that looked wrong or overly CGI. The jaguar and the flowers, along with some of the wildlife, felt like it was over-saturated and not properly lit. Made them, and even the villains, feel like they weren’t really part of the movie’s world.

The music was spectacular. I look forward to listening to it again.

Score: 0.5

Fun

I did a few summers in University as a tour guide / captain for the Ottawa Canal. I helped develop a much more pun intensive tour. That’s always made me have a soft spot for the Jungle Cruise ride and has certainly translated to the movie. It was a lot of pun and lots of laughs.

The entire family liked it. The two year old watched most of it and the four year old was enthralled.

Score: 1

Overall

For those who love the ride, the movie will be extra sweet, but it has a lot of goofy (pun induced) fun for those who haven’t been on the ride. It’s exciting, funny, and it’s weaknesses are minor compared to the charisma and banter of it’s three leads.

Final Score: 4 Stars out of 5

Mr. Peabody & Sherman – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2014 film Mr. Peabody & Sherman.

Story

Less of a consistent story and more of a series of vignettes, usually ending in a pun with more than a few fart/poop jokes.

The way it was tied in at the end was clever and overall it was inoffensive, if juvenile.

Score: 0.5

Characters

The main three characters had growth and a little depth despite themselves. I’m personally sick of the bully actually secretly likes the victim trope; it feels like setting up kids for abusive relationships.

The rest of the characters didn’t even try to be historically accurate and once you get over that, it’s cute.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

I like puns and wordplay so the quips at the end, and sometimes middle, of the sketches were enjoyable.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The movie was colourful and quite well animated. Beautiful landscapes and clever use of framing.

The music was epic enough to tie the sketches together into some sort of coherent whole.

Score: 1

Fun

I felt the movie dragged a little at the beginning and the sketches were a little too silly even for me. Once the plot started to kick in midway I started having more fun.

Score: 0.5

Overall

It felt like there was more thought given to the wordplay than the characters or plot. Unfortunately characters and plot will stick with me.

It was a cute and fun movie, but didn’t have much substance.

Final Score: 3 stars

Scoob! – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2020 film Scoob!

Story

The movie was a fun adventure with a lot of the fun of traditional Scooby-Doo stories but completely lacks in the mystery department. There’s not question as to who the villain is after the first ten minutes.

Score: 0.5

Characters

This had a lot of the 70’s Hanna-Barbera characters. Some felt like great additions to the story like Dee-Dee Skyes as the Blue Falcon’s pilot (she was awesome), others felt a little forced like Captain-Caveman.

The main five characters were all there and shown in much better light than previous movies. They were extremely well cast and well acted. The major problem was that by splitting the group up immediately there was less character interactions between them. It also meant that Fred, Velma, and Daphne all have less screen time and almost no arc.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

Scooby-Doo usually contains puns, self-referential humour, and breaking of the 4th wall. This movie didn’t disappoint in that. It was great hearing all the little jokes and will take multiple viewings to catch them all.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The animation was colourful and flashy. It lacked the depth of the older animations or of the big 3D animation studios. I was never caught up in the beauty or in the little background details. The background details being something that I’ve always loved about Scooby-Doo.

The music was good but not memorable. It did its job but didn’t go beyond that.

Score: 0.5

Fun

There were very few dull moments and the movie was entertaining. I enjoyed what was there but missed what wasn’t. It kept my interest and my daughter’s the whole time and even my 1 year old watched it for a while.

Score: 1

Overall

This had all the elements of Scooby-Doo but lacked the mystery and the background details to make it truly authentic. It was a fun movie but lacked depth.

I hope they can make a second movie with the same cast and truly dive into a good mystery.

Alternately I’d love to see a young Mystery Inc. movie.

Final Score: 3.5 Stars