Sex

Why I don’t like sex in YA media

by

Hello Readers,

I like a steamy scene as much as the next person. One of my favourites is in Assassins! Accidental Matchmakers. However, I shy away from them in young adult or new adult fiction.

*WARNING* I will be talking about underage sex, consent, violence, and rape.

There is a overarching moralistic trend in North American media to equate sex with violence. Look at the words we use to talk about sex. Body Count, Conquests, etc.

What this means for YA media is a massive quantity of negative portrayals of sex. The first book I remember reading that had sex in it was a french novel about a girl who runs away from home and gets raped and pregnant. It was pretty traumatic. One of the first movies I watched that I remember there being sex in it was Revenge of the Nerds and that’s rape where you’re supposed to cheer for the rapist. Those are just a few examples, but there are many more.

Now I try to remember books that I read that had a positive sexual experience and I can only think of one. (In the Hand of the Goddess by Tamora Pierce)

The idea that sex is bad is really ingrained in us as a society. Some people who are very open and non-judgmental in other areas have trouble divorcing the learned negativity of sex.

You’ll hear things like “Can’t they stay kids?” and “Why are they rushing to grow up?” as if sex were a loss of innocence. It doesn’t have to be. Sex isn’t inherently traumatic.

Unfortunately, sex is often equated with violence because it can be used for violence. Sex can be used as a form of control over someone else and therefore can be a loss of control.

So when sex is explored in YA stories, I know we’re in for one of the big three; Rape, Pregnancy, or Infection.

What we need is more realistic but positive examples of joyful, consensual, and loving sex. It’s important for readers of all ages to see healthy concepts of sex and not just the traumatic.

Sex doesn’t have to be only about trauma, we need the cautionary tales, but we also need to safe and healthy role-models.

I don’t write sex in my YA for the simple reason that I have trouble writing the emotional truth of it. But I do encourage authors who can do it to please remember the power of having a good example. Sex positive is just as important as the morality tales and warnings.

I get that this is a loaded subject. Please be civil in the comments.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Blush: Reach Out

by

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you.

Today, I would like to share a few resources for mental health and crisis assistance. While that may seem like a depressing conversation for such a joyful holiday, I want to acknowledge that there are people who are struggling, and might be having a tougher time than usual because of it being a holiday.

All resources are geared towards Ottawa and Canada. If you need help, please don’t hesitate to either google your own city, or reach out to people who can help you.

Ottawa:
Distress Centre of Ottawa and Region (24/7 mental health assistance)
Midwifery Collective of Ottawa (Postpartum depression)
eMental Health (variety of crisis support lines)
Ottawa Public Health (mental health and substance use resource list)

Canada:
Government of Canada (mental health support lines)
Crisis Text Line (24/7 text support)
Canadian Mental Health Association (multiple programs and services)

Please know that you are not alone. There are people who care. Reach out to them.

If you’re enjoying the Blush blogs, consider learning more with Blush: The Card Game from Renaissance Press.

Blush: Non-het Relationships in the Media

by

I’m certain that this topic could be discussed in WAY greater detail. A whole dissertation’s worth, in fact. However, I don’t have that kind of time and I’m not getting a PhD afterwards. Feel free to continue the comments.

Story time:

We watched Let it Snow on Netflix a couple weeks ago. (Super cute movie) In this movie, there is a lesbian relationship. I don’t think it’s spoilers to say that the girls kiss at some point during the movie. Our 3 year old daughter was very confused by this kiss. “Where’s the boy?” she kept asking. It took us a few tries to figure out what she was getting at. Apparently we’ve been watching too many Disney movies, because to her, relationships were a boy and a girl. I say were, because as soon as the movie was over, we corrected her. She didn’t believe us. So we pulled out a book that we haven’t read to her in a while (apparently). Promised Land. It’s a typical fairytale romance, with just the one slight change. The romantic leads are two men. She believed us after that, thankfully.

I’m not saying that Disney movies (or any other movie or book) is wrong to portray heterosexual relationships. Go for it.

But I’d like some diversity, please.

I’d like, for once, for a Christmas movie to have two men play the romantic leads. And I DON’T want the movie to be about them “finding themselves” or “coming out to the family” or any other trope.

I want the typical romantic movie. One goes home for Christmas to his family from the big city. Oh look, the guy he had a crush on is still super hot. Hijinks ensue. Due to Christmas magic, they end up together. You know, the Christmas movie we usually get on Hallmark channel.

And I know the perfect book to adapt. Faux Ho Ho, by ‘Nathan Burgoine, has ALL my favourite tropes. They were roommates, check. Fake relationship, check. There was only one bed, check.

So come on, Netflix, Disney+, or Amazon Prime! I know the book was only released yesterday, but why haven’t you made a movie yet??

I want my children to grow up with movies and books that include all types of relationships. Gay, lesbian, poly, ace, you name it, I want it. And please use the same tropes as for the het relationships.

Think of all the new movies you could make!

If you’re enjoying the Blush blogs, consider learning more with Blush: The Card Game from Renaissance Press.

Blush: Recommendation Wednesday: Masturbation Article

by

Please note, this article states “female masturbation” and “women”. Other than that, it’s a cute article with lots of sources.

14 Benefits of Female Masturbation and Why Every Woman Should Do It by Rachel Jacoby Zoldan from self.com

If you’re enjoying the Blush blogs, consider learning more with Blush: The Card Game from Renaissance Press.

Blush: HPV and You

by

My friends and I are getting to the age when our kids are getting shots that were not available when we were young.

The chicken pox vaccine, for one. (Varicella)

I, personally, had a very severe case of chicken pox over Christmas when I was 7 years old. My dad (and his mother) weren’t sure if he had had it as a kid, so I wasn’t allowed to go near him OR my 3 year old baby sister. Not a great Christmas.

Now, there’s a vaccine that prevents the horrible, full-body-and-sometimes-inside-the-mouth-and-on-the-eyelids, itchy rash. I’m ALL FOR IT. The vaccine, I mean.

But there’s another vaccine that wasn’t around when I was young: HPV9.

Giant Microbe of HPV (Human Papillomavirus). Image from giantmicrobes.com

I heard about it in University. I was still under the age limit to get it for free, and chose not to. I think that was a mistake. I was not very well informed about it and I regret not looking into it better.

Because the HPV9 vaccine protects against 7 types of HPV that cause types of cervical cancer, anal cancer, and genital warts.

And, more importantly, you can get HPV without having had sex.

Because HPV is transmitted via skin-to-skin contact, if someone with HPV touches their genitals (say, wiping after going to the bathroom), doesn’t wash their hands (ew), and then touches you….you have a pretty good chance of catching it.

So if you have the chance, please get the HPV9 vaccine. It is super safe and will protect you for the rest of your life.

References

Immunize BC
Healthlink BC
CDC
Live Science

If you’re enjoying the Blush blogs, consider learning more with Blush: The Card Game from Renaissance Press.

Blush: Non-binary Representation in Media

by

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I am completely obsessed with Amazon Prime’s miniseries Good Omens. The book it is based on is written by Neil Gaiman and Sir Terry Pratchett.

And it is incredible.

The miniseries, I mean.

The book is pretty good, but the miniseries is something special.

And part of why it is special makes it worthy of being a Blush post: the non-binary representation of the angels and demons. (No, I’m not referencing the Dan Brown book.)

Good Omens angels l-r Uriel, Sandalphon, Michael, Gabriel, and Aziraphale. Image from architecturaldigest.com (some interesting stuff about the set production through that link).

The Geekiary writes about it here, and it is definitely worth being a Recommendation Wednesday.

If you’re enjoying the Blush blogs, consider learning more with Blush: The Card Game from Renaissance Press.

Blush: Condom sizes

by

I’m sure, if you’re on the internet, you’ve seen the image of the girl putting a condom on over her arm. She wrote a tweet back in 2015 to prove that anyone saying that their penis is too big for a condom is either not telling the truth or hasn’t done their research.

While a regular condom might be too tight on a larger penis, there are definitely options out there.

Image from verywellhealth.com

It is important to wear the appropriate size of condom. If it is too loose, it might slip off inside the partner. If it is too tight, there is danger of it ripping.

To use a condom size chart, you must first measure the penis, both length and girth, while it is erect.

And remember, natural vaginal lubricant, saliva, and lubricated condoms are NOT sufficient amounts of lube for intercourse. Friction will require additional lube (and make sure to get lube that will not disintegrate your condom).

If you’re enjoying the Blush blogs, consider learning more with Blush: The Card Game from Renaissance Press.

Blush: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

by

You might notice that a pregnant person has especially lustrous and thick hair. This is because of the high levels of estrogen and increased blood volume; during the nine months of pregnant, normal hair loss just…doesn’t happen.

After the baby (or babies) is born, hormone levels and blood volume decrease dramatically, but in terms of hair loss, that doesn’t start happening until at least a couple days after the baby is born, and sometimes up to a couple of months!

But this re-start of regular hair loss doesn’t mean that they’ll go back to the normal amount of hair loss – there are nine months of no (or low) hair loss to make up for! The walls of the shower, the pillow, the hair brush – it starts to feel a little scary to see the massive quantities of hair being lost, especially if you weren’t aware of the phenomenon.

One of the ways to help mitigate is to get a short haircut.

(This has the added benefit of not getting your hair in baby burp-up, because no matter how chill your baby is and how little they burp-up, they still will occasionally, and if you have long hair, it WILL get in it.)

With my first child, I wore my hair in a ponytail until she was 4 months old. (And even then, I occasionally got my hair stuck in a sticky wet mess on my shoulder.) At that time, I read an article about a baby that had almost lost a toe because one of the mother’s long hairs had wrapped around the toe inside the sock.

So I chopped off my hair. Better not to risk it. And I deeply regretted not getting it cut earlier. It was so much easier to deal with!

Now, with my second child, I cut it off just before he turned 1 month. I’m barely noticing the hair loss (at 2 months, it is still possible that it hasn’t reached maximum loss yet) but compared to when I had long hair, I doubt I will notice unless it starts falling out in clumps.

Day before delivery, hair down to shoulder blades
Haircut!!

Longer hair definitely makes the hair loss seem more extreme.

Shorter hair also reduced the amount of stress on your hair follicles. Less weight, less brushing, and fewer forceful hair styles (pony tails, braids, etc) means less hair loss.

There are cases of extreme hair loss – large patches of missing hair, higher levels of hair loss for more than a year – and in those cases, see a doctor. It could be related to a hormone imbalance or a vitamin deficiency.

There are things you can do to help lessen hair loss other than chopping your hair off. Diet, supplements, reducing stress, and modifying hair care routines can all help. See the references for more details.

If you’re enjoying the Blush blogs, consider learning more with Blush: The Card Game from Renaissance Press.

References

Flo
American Pregnancy
Healthline