Jen and I do a lot of events. There are three reasons for doing it.
The first is money; the more we sell, the better it is for us financially (although most of the profits go back into books).
The second is getting our books out to more people. We want to share these worlds with you.
The third reason is (this is the selfish one) it helps energize us and excite us to write more. The combination of good conversation, excitement, and knowing that people care, is better than any other motivation.
I’m dealing with a multi-day migraine brought on by changing medication. It’ll be okay when things even out.
There’s a running joke since 2020 about wanting to live in precedented times. As much as I feel the past 10 years have been tumultuous, I don’t think it’s particularly different from the majority of human history.
I think a lot of people were just not paying attention. I will grant that the world seems afflicted by more cartoonish evil than previously.
I don’t have advice or deep insight, but I do know that this is the new precedented times and I’m hoping they don’t get any more apocalyptic.
Sorry, migraines don’t lend themselves to hopefulness. If there is hope, it’s in every person who’s trying to do something about the horrors. It’s a relentless enemy, but there are millions of people fighting for others, themselves, and for hope.
What a weekend…. On Thursday night we discovered that Dragon had lice. Then we discovered that the rest of us did. We shampooed them with the special Nix stuff and the rest of the weekend was bagging, cleaning, and countless checks for eggs or bugs. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. I hope we got all the little fuckers. I do not want to do that again.
Other things that happened: Hot water heater died, I switched pills for migraines, and on Sunday I took my nighttime pills in the morning. I was so sleepy. Sigh.
In order to avoid adding more frustration to the whole affair, I cut my hair. Looking for bugs or eggs in blond and white hair that’s curly: not fun. I’m having mild dysphoric seeing my reflection. It doesn’t look like me.
A before and after shot of my face. In the left picture, I have a beard and curly hair, and on the right I have nothing but stubble.
Jen also cut her hair, less drastically. She has an undercut that removed about a third of her hair.
We emailed the school and their teachers but haven’t heard anything. sigh.
This is your reminder to check your kids hair regularly.
We’re all through the laundry and the kids seem okay. The box of Nix says they’ll be protected for 10 days but we’ll check them in case on Saturday.
All of this work and other than the bugs, I feel like my house is less clean then when we started. I made me think of Ozymandias and the poem by Percy Shelley.
It made me think of my own life’s work. All my writing and small footprint on history. Will I be remembered in 10 years? 20? 100? or will I end up just another pile of lost stories? Or will some part of me survive through my work?
I don’t know and that scares me.
On that happy note, don’t forget that reorders are available for Jen and I’s new book:
Faymous by Jen and Éric Desmarais Cover art by Pinkpiggy93
Can-Con was a lot of fun. I had been reconsidering going next year but after this weekend, I’m looking forward to it. I was greeted warmly by lots of people I really like and respect. Some of them I hadn’t expected, and it made me feel way more welcome than I’ve ever remembered.
It was a nice weekend filled will great people and a really chill vibe.
Thank you to everyone who came to talk and I look forward to seeing you all next year.
This image of Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh, walking around barely awake, really shows how I feel. I’m going to spend the day resting and playing video games.
Last Saturday we had our book launches and birthday party. It was a lot of fun. I’d like to thank those that came: it really meant the world to see you at our first in-person launch since the pandemic started.
The launch was great, but with every event comes stress. I also made a mistake with my meds that meant I went without any of my migraine meds for the weekend. Between the two things, I’m really wiped out. Thankfully I’d taken this week off for my vacation.
I had BIG plans for my vacation but mostly I’ve rested and played some video games.
The event plus the pills really showed me how much the accommodations plus medication have been helping me. It’s frustrating that a little slip and something I was excited for can make me feel so out of it and sad. It’s a form of Con-drop. Basically, the adrenaline plus happy chemicals are so elevated that your brain can’t keep up and actually has a deficit for a little while. For those of us with brains that don’t like producing those chemicals (like people with ADHD) it can really be hard to bounce back.
So don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay, I just need time.
Now, I’m off to enjoy the last day of my vacation.
As a kid, my mom complained that I never wanted to get out of the bath, pool, or lake.
Unfortunately, I got ear infections every time I went into a pool until I was in high school.
Because of that, I never got formal swimming lessons. My mom taught me in the local lake. I don’t remember it, but she must have been a good teacher.
When I first met my wife, one of our first dates was at the local YMCA where she worked as a lifeguard. She challenged me to a race. I knew I was going to lose, she was a lifeguard, swim instructor, and a great swimmer (still is). She of course did win but I held my own, only a few strokes behind. (I think she took it easy on me.)
Not sure if she did it as a test or not, but in hindsight, I think it’s a good one. How a person handles losing or winning tells you a lot about them. I was impressed by how good a winner she was.
I still have issues with chlorine, bromine, and other chemicals in pools. It makes me itch, and if I have a cut, it swells and burns. If I don’t take a shower within a few hours, I start to feel a little weak.
Despite that reaction, my muscles and body always feel better after being in the water. I feel more relaxed and less stressed. (Maybe I’m a child of Poseidon?)
Anyways, here’s a cute picture of Dragon and Pegasus jumping into the pool:
Every year, I try to distract myself from all these allergens by creating more and gardening.
This year I’ve added two planters and I’m planning on growing: beans, peas, zucchini, chives, rhubarb, cherry tomatoes, large tomatoes, pumpkins, dill, lemon thyme, hot and sweet peppers, and rosemary. As if that’s not enough, I’m planning on getting a purple flowering raspberry bush, an elderberry bush, citronella, and as much milkweed as I possibly can.
I’m hoping to grow the pumpkins along a trellis and get little baby hanging pumpkins.
With the fatigue though, it’s hard to motivate myself. I’m trying to do a little each day and try to avoid burning out. I’m so happy that Jen, Dragon, and Pegasus are willing to help.
This partial shade plot with have our raspberry bush and elderberry bush.This new planter will have yellow and green beans.
Sometime in the end of November, Dragon got sick again with her third cold. It quickly passed to Pegasus and to my mother-in-law. Jen and I were mysteriously unaffected.
Then I got a tickle in my throat and HUNGRY. As long as I can remember, when I start a non-vomiting cold, I get ridiculously hungry. Maybe my body is trying to get things ready for a bad cold.
By Saturday December 2nd, I was sick. I had trouble eating, moving, and talking. I tried to drink water as much as possible. Soon it was getting hard for me to breathe and both kids were still feeling it. We saw our family doctor on the 5th and I was prescribed a puffer and tests. Jen had a tickle by that point.
My nights were spent coughing and trying to force air into my lungs. In the Thursday as I was about to get a chest x-ray, my watch beeped and said something like, “You’re at rest and your heart rate just jumped, are you okay?”
Friday the 8th, I was sitting on the couch feeling my heart beat fast and not able to catch my breath. Finally Jen said, “Maybe you should go to the hospital?”
I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to leave my house and comfort, but my chest hurt. Jen called 911.
The ambulance took me to the Civic hospital where we found out:
My heart rate was 230 (normal resting is around 80-90)
I was dehydrated (probably from not being able to eat much, diarrhea, and fever)
I had low potassium, sodium, and magnesium
I had no vitamin D (doctors used the words “impossible” and “weird” more than I like about this)
I had a mild urinary tract infection
All of which was being caused by severe case of RSV and mild pneumonia.
At the hospital, they tried to shock my heart back into normal rhythm (twice) but it didn’t work. They gave me an IV with multiple medicines to help bring my heart rate down and by Saturday afternoon it was in the low 100’s.
Art by Dragon that was brought to the hospital in a care package along with some clothes and toiletries.
The rest of the weekend was spent coughing, hooked up to machines, and eating way too much crushed ice. The hospital staff took amazing care of me and I would be dead right now if not for them.
I was released on Monday, with pills that would control my heart rate, vitamin D supplements, and a plan to look in on me. They assure me the heart rate won’t be an issue once I get over the cold and I’ll be back to normal. (There was a hiccup with one of my IV sites getting infected, but I’m on antibiotics now.)
Now I need to recover. I’m still sick with RSV. I have no voice, my nose leaks, I’m coughing all night, I feel weak and dizzy. Several times I’ve worried about collapsing ,but I’m getting stronger.
Jen really stepped up and even through her own sickness (much shorter and milder than the rest of ours thankfully) made sure the kids and house were taken care of. I’m really proud of her.
We had a lot of support. My in-laws have been stalwart helpers, drivers, and kid herders. We also have amazing friends and neighbours who checked in and made sure we were okay. Thank you!
My work has also been super understanding and accommodating.
As of this writing (Thursday evening) I still have but a whisper for a voice and I’m easily tired, not to mention coughing, but I do feel better. It’s going to be a long, slow recovery for me.
The past few weeks you’ve both been disturbingly “down with the sickness“. Dragon brought home a cold and it wasn’t long before Pegasus caught it; he always wants to do what his big sister is doing.
Just when we thought the cold was under control, Dragon went to school… for a couple days before calling home with a sore tummy. She vomited twice on the way home.
So we went to CHEO (which Dragon kept calling CHEREO for some reason.) Mum was with her for the first part of the ten hour wait and I was for the rest. It was exhausting and because of her non-standard symptoms, they missed that she had an ear infection. Dragon, sadly, missed Halloween because of it.
Two days later, her ear hurt and we went to the after-hours clinic. (Mum adds: MUCH faster than the hospital, but we had thought she had broken a rib or something and would need x-rays!) They figured out the ear infection and sent her home. The antibiotics seem to be helping, but it’s slow and the upset stomach, dizziness, and nausea are still there.
As previously mentioned, Pegasus insists on doing everything his older sister does and got himself an ear infection too. So off to the clinic on Sunday for him. Antibiotics are started and hopefully he’ll feel better soon.
The two of you spent a long time not getting sick because of COVID isolation and I forgot how hard it is watching you be sick. I feel completely helpless and I hate it. I’m the parent, I should have all the answers right?
I hope you feel better soon.
So far, Mum and I are still okay. Tired and ragged, but okay.
Some weeks are hard. This was one of those weeks. I’ve been working through a lot of emotions. Among them is the fact that I’m still in pain. I know that a new physio for two weeks isn’t going to fix everything, but I was secretly hoping.
Let’s break this down into categories:
Writing
I’m currently finishing the longest running project I’ve ever had (started in 2016) and I’m really hoping to be done by summer. It’s going slowly, mostly because of pain, and I worry it’s crap but at least I’m having fun writing it.
Family Life
I’m trying my best to be a good father and a good husband. I know that I haven’t always been perfect; I’m a little whiny and I over explain and analyze everything but I’m trying. This week I’ve felt like I’m not enough and that’s really frustrating.
Work
I have a similar issue at work. I think it’s time for me to find something new. I’m fairly certain that within a year, my position will be cut and after 15 years, it’s time to do something new. The problem with that is because of my health issues and lack of return to full time work, it’s not easy for me to convince anyone to hire me. So I feel a little trapped.
Health
I’m seeing a team consisting of a physiotherapist, kinesiologist, and occupational therapist. They are trying to help me get back to work.
While they’re doing that, I have an MRI for my head, neck, and back set up for mid July.
Dad
My father’s birthday was earlier this month. He passed away at the age of 47 from brain cancer.
He was 40 when he was diagnosed. Considering my health issues, it’s hard for me not to worry about this year. (I’m turning 40 in July.)
It’s one of the reasons I’m really glad that I got that MRI. At the very least we’ll know something. The MRI should be able to detect brain lesions from MS or brain tumours. Hopefully there’s nothing to find.
Mental Health
With all of the above I’m struggling, but my occupational therapist is helping me find coping mechanisms and to rationalize instead of spiralling. That part is helping and I’m trying to be kind to myself.
