Every year, I try to distract myself from all these allergens by creating more and gardening.
This year I’ve added two planters and I’m planning on growing: beans, peas, zucchini, chives, rhubarb, cherry tomatoes, large tomatoes, pumpkins, dill, lemon thyme, hot and sweet peppers, and rosemary. As if that’s not enough, I’m planning on getting a purple flowering raspberry bush, an elderberry bush, citronella, and as much milkweed as I possibly can.
I’m hoping to grow the pumpkins along a trellis and get little baby hanging pumpkins.
With the fatigue though, it’s hard to motivate myself. I’m trying to do a little each day and try to avoid burning out. I’m so happy that Jen, Dragon, and Pegasus are willing to help.
This partial shade plot with have our raspberry bush and elderberry bush.This new planter will have yellow and green beans.
Sometime in the end of November, Dragon got sick again with her third cold. It quickly passed to Pegasus and to my mother-in-law. Jen and I were mysteriously unaffected.
Then I got a tickle in my throat and HUNGRY. As long as I can remember, when I start a non-vomiting cold, I get ridiculously hungry. Maybe my body is trying to get things ready for a bad cold.
By Saturday December 2nd, I was sick. I had trouble eating, moving, and talking. I tried to drink water as much as possible. Soon it was getting hard for me to breathe and both kids were still feeling it. We saw our family doctor on the 5th and I was prescribed a puffer and tests. Jen had a tickle by that point.
My nights were spent coughing and trying to force air into my lungs. In the Thursday as I was about to get a chest x-ray, my watch beeped and said something like, “You’re at rest and your heart rate just jumped, are you okay?”
Friday the 8th, I was sitting on the couch feeling my heart beat fast and not able to catch my breath. Finally Jen said, “Maybe you should go to the hospital?”
I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to leave my house and comfort, but my chest hurt. Jen called 911.
The ambulance took me to the Civic hospital where we found out:
My heart rate was 230 (normal resting is around 80-90)
I was dehydrated (probably from not being able to eat much, diarrhea, and fever)
I had low potassium, sodium, and magnesium
I had no vitamin D (doctors used the words “impossible” and “weird” more than I like about this)
I had a mild urinary tract infection
All of which was being caused by severe case of RSV and mild pneumonia.
At the hospital, they tried to shock my heart back into normal rhythm (twice) but it didn’t work. They gave me an IV with multiple medicines to help bring my heart rate down and by Saturday afternoon it was in the low 100’s.
Art by Dragon that was brought to the hospital in a care package along with some clothes and toiletries.
The rest of the weekend was spent coughing, hooked up to machines, and eating way too much crushed ice. The hospital staff took amazing care of me and I would be dead right now if not for them.
I was released on Monday, with pills that would control my heart rate, vitamin D supplements, and a plan to look in on me. They assure me the heart rate won’t be an issue once I get over the cold and I’ll be back to normal. (There was a hiccup with one of my IV sites getting infected, but I’m on antibiotics now.)
Now I need to recover. I’m still sick with RSV. I have no voice, my nose leaks, I’m coughing all night, I feel weak and dizzy. Several times I’ve worried about collapsing ,but I’m getting stronger.
Jen really stepped up and even through her own sickness (much shorter and milder than the rest of ours thankfully) made sure the kids and house were taken care of. I’m really proud of her.
We had a lot of support. My in-laws have been stalwart helpers, drivers, and kid herders. We also have amazing friends and neighbours who checked in and made sure we were okay. Thank you!
My work has also been super understanding and accommodating.
As of this writing (Thursday evening) I still have but a whisper for a voice and I’m easily tired, not to mention coughing, but I do feel better. It’s going to be a long, slow recovery for me.
The past few weeks you’ve both been disturbingly “down with the sickness“. Dragon brought home a cold and it wasn’t long before Pegasus caught it; he always wants to do what his big sister is doing.
Just when we thought the cold was under control, Dragon went to school… for a couple days before calling home with a sore tummy. She vomited twice on the way home.
So we went to CHEO (which Dragon kept calling CHEREO for some reason.) Mum was with her for the first part of the ten hour wait and I was for the rest. It was exhausting and because of her non-standard symptoms, they missed that she had an ear infection. Dragon, sadly, missed Halloween because of it.
Two days later, her ear hurt and we went to the after-hours clinic. (Mum adds: MUCH faster than the hospital, but we had thought she had broken a rib or something and would need x-rays!) They figured out the ear infection and sent her home. The antibiotics seem to be helping, but it’s slow and the upset stomach, dizziness, and nausea are still there.
As previously mentioned, Pegasus insists on doing everything his older sister does and got himself an ear infection too. So off to the clinic on Sunday for him. Antibiotics are started and hopefully he’ll feel better soon.
The two of you spent a long time not getting sick because of COVID isolation and I forgot how hard it is watching you be sick. I feel completely helpless and I hate it. I’m the parent, I should have all the answers right?
I hope you feel better soon.
So far, Mum and I are still okay. Tired and ragged, but okay.
Some weeks are hard. This was one of those weeks. I’ve been working through a lot of emotions. Among them is the fact that I’m still in pain. I know that a new physio for two weeks isn’t going to fix everything, but I was secretly hoping.
Let’s break this down into categories:
Writing
I’m currently finishing the longest running project I’ve ever had (started in 2016) and I’m really hoping to be done by summer. It’s going slowly, mostly because of pain, and I worry it’s crap but at least I’m having fun writing it.
Family Life
I’m trying my best to be a good father and a good husband. I know that I haven’t always been perfect; I’m a little whiny and I over explain and analyze everything but I’m trying. This week I’ve felt like I’m not enough and that’s really frustrating.
Work
I have a similar issue at work. I think it’s time for me to find something new. I’m fairly certain that within a year, my position will be cut and after 15 years, it’s time to do something new. The problem with that is because of my health issues and lack of return to full time work, it’s not easy for me to convince anyone to hire me. So I feel a little trapped.
Health
I’m seeing a team consisting of a physiotherapist, kinesiologist, and occupational therapist. They are trying to help me get back to work.
While they’re doing that, I have an MRI for my head, neck, and back set up for mid July.
Dad
My father’s birthday was earlier this month. He passed away at the age of 47 from brain cancer.
He was 40 when he was diagnosed. Considering my health issues, it’s hard for me not to worry about this year. (I’m turning 40 in July.)
It’s one of the reasons I’m really glad that I got that MRI. At the very least we’ll know something. The MRI should be able to detect brain lesions from MS or brain tumours. Hopefully there’s nothing to find.
Mental Health
With all of the above I’m struggling, but my occupational therapist is helping me find coping mechanisms and to rationalize instead of spiralling. That part is helping and I’m trying to be kind to myself.
Looks like today is my last day of vacation. It’s sad but I’ll take another week at the end of June and then hopefully another in mid July. Those will be better. It’ll be nice to spend time with the kids.
I’m going to enjoy my last day by spending time with my kids, playing videogames, and maybe I’ll take them to Walmart and check out the discount chocolate.
As I mentioned in March, I did the nerve conduction test with a very condescending neurologist.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the speciality clinic. My very nice occupational therapist (OT) went through a bunch of questions and asked me about a bunch of things. She then did some physical tests and went off to talk to the doctor.
I told her I was worried about the vision problems and the numbness in my face and my worries about MS. She said she’d talk to the doctor. She also said that that was normally something a family doctor dealt with and not them. They are concentrating on the neurologist’s conclusion that it’s muscular.
The doctor came in and asked me more questions and then asked, “What is bothering you more.” I told him it was the pain that bothered me more, but the face that scared me more. His reply was, “Okay then. Let’s focus on the pain.”
So the plan now is to have me see a doctor that specializes in pain and put me with a group consisting of a physiotherapist, a therapist, and my OT. They’ll run special rehab and physio for me two or three times a week. I’m kinda happy about that, since it’ll save us some money on physio that is only covered 80% usually.
I’ll be honest, I’m a little underwhelmed. It’s been 10 months of this and I haven’t had an x-ray or any other tests on the part of my arms that hurt. I’ve had one type of test, no imaging, and this feels very flimsy as a diagnosis. (Is it wrong that I want something definitive?)
The clinic people are really nice and I think they have my best interests at heart, but I feel like they’re focussed on getting me back to work and not really figuring out what’s wrong with me.
I asked again about MS and the OT said that if there had been any signs, the neurologist would have noticed and that the doctor is trusting that. It’s not very comforting, but I’ll have to trust them for now.
I doubt the balance issues, clumsiness, brain fog, trouble sleeping, numbness in my face, and vision issues are due to muscular issues in my arms. I’ll do what they say (I don’t have much choice) and hope it helps, but I’m not convinced. If this doesn’t help, I’ll have to try and see if my family doctor is willing to run a parallel investigation (if he hasn’t fully retired by then).
It’s been a hard week. Glad it’s over and now I can enjoy spending time with my family over the long weekend.
I swear I’ll get back to writing about writing and how cute my kids are soon.
Two years ago, my family and I went to Disney World. Baby Pegasus, at 7 months, got sick. He had a moderate fever and we were leaving that day.
As I was playing with him, he sneezed into my mouth. Parenting is sooo glamorous.
Sick baby Pegasus lying on the floor asleep
We did what we thought was best and took him home as fast as I we could. At the airport, we gave him crushed up tylenol and hoped for the best.
I started feeling off on the plane. By the time we got home, I had chills, aches, and a fever too. We visited the clinic and the doctor said that both of our lungs were clear and to keep an eye out for trouble breathing. She said, “Even if it’s the new virus, we don’t have the testing to check.”
Jen and Dragon had mild fevers, but nothing else.
The next few days were a blur of pain and half sleep. I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t have the kids snuggle me without pain in my chest. Everything hurt like I’d sprained it. Nothing I’ve ever experienced compared to the amount of constant pain. (Keep in mind that I once needed to have my throat lanced from a blister caused by strep throat.)
I was so weak that I couldn’t make coffee. That sounds like a joke, but I have a point. When I recovered enough to try and restart my normal routine, I started making myself coffee. I didn’t like the taste. It was warm and mildly sweet, but there was nothing else there. I tried to make it stronger and couldn’t tell.
In retrospect, I should have come to the conclusion that I’d caught COVID, but things were stressful and I was going back to work after my parental leave. I assumed I just needed to get my taste for it back. I also remember at that time, that I only really enjoyed salty or spicy food because it was all I could taste.
Father and son knocked out and feeling terrible.
Over the past two years I’ve noticed a few things about myself:
I am easily irritable
It’s harder to catch my breath
I started having trouble sleeping even when exhausted
I’m always tired
I’m always fatigued
I have a harder time concentrating
I forget stuff
I constantly have a headache
I thought it was the baby not sleeping, the stress of a worldwide pandemic, or returning to work.
Looking back through I see that some of those things have been getting better. I can now taste coffee although it does taste different. Even though it smells the same, it feels like weird Berenstain Bears Effect. The fatigue is getting better. I used to be able to do one thing a day and I’d be wiped. Showering would destroy all my energy and now it’s back to making me feel better.
I still have a lot of the other issues, the fatigue combined with insomnia is hardest to deal with. It makes me hate going to sleep. I also wake up in all kinds of pain.
So… I guess I have long COVID, and according to my doctor, there’s nothing I can do about it. Thankfully I work from home and have an amazing family.
My big worry is if it affected the kids. How the hell do you tell if it affected a 3yo or 7mo? They’ve changed so much that there’s no real way to tell. It seems like they’re fine and I really hope they don’t suffer any long-term effects.
Hopefully, with full vaccination and some common sense we can avoid this happening to them because I’m telling you, it sucks. I feel like I’ve aged twenty years.
Very serious faces from father and Pegasus
When someone tells you, “It’s just a cold” or “We should just get it over with,” they’re wrong. Get vaccinated, wash your hands, wear a mask, and don’t get it if you can avoid it.
Currently there’s a large caravan of truckers going to protest on Parliament Hill. This vocal minority (I mean that. The trucker’s union and the vast majority of truckers don’t agree with them) is also associated with with some scary right wing activists, some of whom are calling for violence.
They are protesting because they believe it’s their right to not be vaccinated and not follow public health recommendations. Basically they are anti-vaxx, anti-mask, and anti-passport.
Images with words that read, “A convoy of nurses, doctors and health care workers are going to work and they have been every day. Support that!”
They are calling this a Freedom Protest.
I want my freedom back.
The freedom to go grocery shopping without worrying that some asshat will spread a deadly virus.
The freedom to send my child to school with proper health measures, ventilation, and knowing that their classmates will be protected by medical science.
The freedom to not worry about my friends and family who are already sick getting something that could kill them.
The freedom to not worry about getting hurt and not being seen at the hospital because the medical community is understaffed, underpaid, overworked, and swamped by chucklefucks who refuse a completely safe vaccine.
The freedom to fly and travel without being needlessly exposed to diseases.
I am so fucking tired of explaining that it’s not normal that we’ve lost THOUSANDS of people to this virus, that the vaccine is safe, and that the effects of long covid are devastating.
I am tired of explaining to entitled, whiny, and selfish people that we live in a society and it’s all our responsibilities to take care of each other. Those that can’t be vaccinated or who could die from this disease because they are already sick are NOT expendable.
There is hope. For every loud-mouthed schnook there are hundreds or thousands of reasonable people. It may seem that as a society are are more and more polarized, but it’s mostly the small minority of angry loudmouths who are “full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.”
I’m a very focused person. Probably not in the way you’re thinking. I’m not particularly goal oriented. If I were, I wouldn’t need my new year’s goals. I’m not going to make any lists of hot up-and-coming business people.
What I do have is an inability to let something go until it’s done or I’ve given up. Currently, I’m fighting with a smart light fixture that refuses to be smart. It’s consumed my thoughts and my actions. So much so, that I couldn’t think of anything else to write.
This focusing is super helpful when I’m working on a project or writing a novel. It pushes me and I can use it to get over the slumps. It isn’t, however, useful when I have no control over the situation. It’s also very unhelpful when I have other things to do.
The satisfaction of being done with the subject of the focus is great and long lasting. But it’s not always fun and can lead to me being grumpy or distracted until I finish or fix the issue.
I’m told this is a trait of both ADHD and Autism. I’ve never been diagnosed with either, but the more I read about it, the more I’m confused and wondering if I may have one, the other, or both.
I’ve developed tricks and habits to make sure the focus isn’t detrimental to my health or those around me, but it’s stressful.
There are different levels of focus, of course. The light fixture thing is something I don’t want to have to worry about any more so it’s more immediate. Writing a book is easier and less frustrating in its pull.
I’m fine and I’m not asking for help. I just needed to vent and let you know that if you feel the same, you’re not alone.
I’ve always been this way, but I’ve started to recognize it more in the past year or so. The lack of commute, activities, and other larger distractions have given me time to be more introspective.
