Éric

Éric has had an eclectic career which ranges from casino dealer to canal boat captain to radio station DJ. Since 2009, he’s worked as a desktop publisher for the federal government. During his off time, he works as a freelance typesetter for various Canadian-based authors and publishers, roasts gourmet flavoured coffee, runs several pen-and-paper role-playing games, writes, and helps run JenEric-Designs.ca (Home of the TravellingTARDIS.com).

He lives in Ottawa, Ontario with his author wife, daughter, and son.

Chivalry Should not Mean Chauvinist

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I am a Giant Squid of Anger because of this article.

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

First I’d like to dispel the myth that Chivalry has anything to do with sex or gender. All definitions from the Oxford English Dictionary.

The word Chivalry has changed over time. Starting out in the Middle Ages (early 1300’s but who’s counting), the world simply meant Knights or horsemen equipped for Battle. It was adapted from the French Chevalerie which meant man fighting on horse.

Shortly after, it was changed to mean acts of bravery or honour on the battlefield.

Let’s skip a few hundred years. In the early 1800’s it started to mean “Gallant Gentleman” and represent everything that is knightly.

The wonderful French and British Romantic poets glorified the simpler time that was the dark ages and what they called the Chivalrous Code. Which meant, “The brave, honourable, and courteous character attributed to the ideal knight; disinterested bravery, honour, and courtesy.”

Nowhere before 1832, did Chivalry have anything to do with women. Other than that the Chivalrous Code said that knights must protect the weak.

Victorians were dumb

I like my steampunk as much as the next geek but the time period is horrible for women. We are still dealing with the shit that the Victorian’s shoved into our collective consciousness.

It was during this period that Chivalry took on the more modern and disturbing meaning of, “courteous behaviour, especially that of a man towards women.”

Even then Chivalry wasn’t only towards women.

When they were handing out brains, you said, “No thanks I’m afraid of flying.”

Somehow, chauvinistic morons have tried to appropriate a word that meant being nice to people and killing the bad guys into a word that means women are deluded and weak.

The author states that in our world of instant hookups (sure dude) chivalry is dead.

“All I know is, the more I look around, the less I see men treating women the way that we’re raised to. What happened to paying for dinners and drinks? What happened to pulling out chairs and holding doors? What happened to walking on the outside, closest to the street and all that sh*t?”

Avoiding the horrible crime of ending a sentence with a preposition, why does he think these things are important?

A man paying for dinner and drinks makes perfect sense in a world where women have no money of their own but when women make as much money or more than the man why the hell should a guy go broke for a date?

Pulling out a chair is respectful and something that should be done with anyone who would have trouble moving their chairs back towards the table alone. Women in tight corsets and pencil skirts might have this issue, men in skinny jean will also.

As for walking on the outside on a sidewalk, well some rules were developed for a different time. This was established so women wouldn’t get shit on their heads or splashed on them from carriages. Now they might get splashed by a car or bus (stupid busses) but walking on the outside isn’t going to help a girl in this case since the wave of water won’t be blocked.

And my personal pet peeve. I have been berated, insulted, yelled at, and in one case kicked, for opening a door for a woman. That hasn’t stopped me from doing it for the simple reason that I don’t do it for women exclusively. I do it for any human being and occasional pets. If I get to the door before you, I will open it for you and hold it open. I don’t care who you are.

The rest of the article is a combination of shaming and pining for a better time, in other words bullshit.

“Be excellent to each other….and….PARTY ON, DUDES!”

Let’s take back the word Chivalry and give it a new meaning. Let’s make it mean something positive and loving. I propose a new definition:

“The act of being noble, selfless, kind, and helping others without reward or ulterior motives.”

Death is a Jerk

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Death Bah!

I’m sure if there is a personification of Death, they are really sweet. It’s the consequences of their actions that are horrible. So he/she is a Jerk.

It’s a strange concept that haunts and terrifies me.

I remember when I first realized that someday I wouldn’t exist. I was in the car with my mother and had just clipped my seatbelt in for the hour ride to the nearest big town for groceries.

My whole world went black for a moment and I thought I might faint. I must have been seven or eight when I realized that someday I would end. Instead of doing the intelligent thing and talking to my mother about it, I internalized it and it freaked me out.

But Death only terrorizes the living. As far as I know, once you’re dead it’s not scary anymore. It’s those left behind that feel the pain and fear of death.

I’m older now and slightly wiser than my seven year old self, I hope, and I’ve come to realize that Death should be scary. It should paralyze people but it’s important to remind ourselves to appreciate what we have and those around us, while we still can.

Happy Birthday Mom

I lost my mother shortly after my twenty-fifth birthday. She’d been sick for several years, but it still took me by surprise. I had come to terms with my own mortality at seven but I never came to terms with hers.

Today is her birthday and I miss her.

She raised me and helped shape me into the man I am today. More than that she was also my best friend for a long time, I knew I could tell her anything.

It’s been over five years now and it still hurts the same, I think it always will.

Thank you and Happy Birthday Mom. I love you.

Death in Writing

I tend to shy away from killing my characters. I mean real death, not superhero death. It’s not that I’m afraid to, it that I’m afraid of not being able to give the death the emotional weight it deserves.

That last thing I want is to write a story or book, kill off a character, and be the only one who grieves.

The threat of death, and the history of death, drives most of my characters as I imagine it drives most of humanity.

Another reason I don’t often kill off my characters, especially in short stories, is that they’re going to die anyways. I’ll finish the story and their lives will end. It’s one of the reasons I hate writing short stories. I feel for the characters and then they are gone. It hurts in a ridiculous and silly way.

Question and challenge

Has there ever been a death in something you’ve watched, read, or listened too that hit you hard? Did it surprise you? Thinking about it now, was it important to the story?

I’m going to challenge myself to write a story where someone dies and see if I can make the Jerk come to life in words.

I’ve done things I never thought I’d do…

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Hello my Imaginary Friends,

Nice and dramatic title. It refers to book launches. I’ve been to two this year. Sad naïve me from a year ago didn’t even know they existed. I though launch parties were for movies or businesses.

If you don’t know what a launch party is, it’s simply a way to celebrate the release of a book. The author and everyone involved have worked hard for years and want to celebrate before they get back to repeating the same hard work.

The good thing about a book launch is you get to meet the author, get the book signed by them, and hear them read from the book. The bad thing, it’s usually in a noisy bar and the rest of the world doesn’t realize you’re trying to listen to a reading. Totally worth it.

My Wife…

Have a refered to her in the blog before? Maybe. I’m too lazy to go look. Maybe I should give her a pet name or something. Wifey? The Wife? Jen? The Alpha Reader? Spouse? Hummm. Darn it. Now I’ve not spent so much time writing and thinking of the word Wife. That it looks wrong. Ok Wife it is.

My Wife and I have turned these events into date nights. Which is awesome. Hopefully she agrees.

The Launch party I went to was for The Summer Bird By S.M. Carrière.

It was at the Royal Oak on Laurier and if you’ve ever been to a British style pub in Ottawa you know what it looked like. White stone like walls that are made from something accented with dark brown wooden beams and decorated with bilingual world war two posters and one big screen tv.

Not what my tired mind expected for a fantasy book launch. Don’t get me wrong the book launch was awesome. We talked with great people, a wonderful meal, heard a fantastic reading, and bought a great book.

When I went to sleep that night I relived the book launch in a much more medieval fantasy way… My wife and I arrived at the Queen’s longhouse in advance of the given time. We waited on the comfortable chairs near the crackling fire. The stone room wasn’t large. It had two long tables and a small dais for the Queen’s throne.

We didn’t wait long. The Elven Queen S.M. and her Knight Protector J The Amazing Flatmate, arrived and greeted us. As they made sure that everything was prepared and ready for the festivities, several other guests arrived. There was the Minstrel T. of the Brown Coat and Sir B a Knight Champion, along with a dozen or so guests. As an aspiring monarch myself, it was nice to see the level of enthusiasm everyone had for the Queen and her work.

The evening passed quickly, the food and drink was abundant and the Queen never actually sat on her throne, choosing instead to sit with her guests. Spending time at each table.

When the meal was cleared, the Queen stood to thank everyone and to read of her work. (Since it was close to Halloween she read chapter 13.) She somehow found the perfect lighting to stand under (I’m not exaggerating S.M. found the most regal lighting possible.) As she read the hall became quiet. Everyone was captivated by her words. The only sounds that could be heard were her reading and the uncultured brutes in the other hall.

The hall burst into applause when she had finished. With the speech finished, my wife and I decided to head out. The Queen signed our book and thank us. We said goodbye to our new noble friends and headed home.

Probably from now on my mind will use this version as the truth. So if I ask where S.M. had such an awesome themed book launch just roll your eyes and leave me to my delusions.

We were at the bus stop before we realized that we hadn’t paid for dinner. I felt so horribly guilty that I ran all the way back. The waitress just shrugged and said it happened often. I still feel horrible about it. I might have to rethink my plans of becoming a master criminal.

If you want an ebook version of the Summer Bird, it’s available on all the major sites. If you want a hardcopy you’ll be able to buy one at Pop Expo in December. Get one it’s worth it. I’ve only had one chapter read to me and I whole heartedly encourage you to read it.

Until we meet again,

Éric

Discount Armageddon by Seanan McGuire – Book Review

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If you’ve been following my book reviews. You know that I have a soft spot for Urban Fantasy. I also have a soft spot for interesting female characters. Discount Armageddon delivers both and does it well.

Below is my review. For more information on how and why I review books read my posts Part 1 and Part 2.

Characters

I liked

At the center of the story is Verity Price, a tough ballroom dancer who’s been trained from birth on how to kill things and study them. Unfortunately she isn’t the most interesting character.

The supporting cast from religious mice to a shapeshifer cousin truly makes the book. There is a wide and varied group of people. I loved both the interactions and dialogue between the characters.

I didn’t like

Again, unfortunately Verity Price isn’t the most interesting of characters, falling into the girly tough girl stereotype. She loves to dance and seems to have a love hate relationship with her life. She wants to dance but also wants to follow in the family business.

To ignore her own inner struggle she tries to continuously meet the world with sex appeal and one-liners. She played dumb, when she obviously wasn’t, too many times.

For characters, I give it 3 out of 5

Writing Style

I liked

The author isn’t afraid to go on small tangents to explain the world. I really enjoyed the history and Price family life. It’s a great world with all kinds of interesting people and events.

Despite what people often think, writing first person is more difficult than third and if done wrong makes the story sound like “than guy” at a party that wants to tell you all about his d&d character or cat.

Ms. McGuire makes the story flow quickly, smoothly and keeps all the action tight.

I didn’t like

The language bugged me a little. I understand first person characters using slang and odd turns of phrase but sometimes it felt discordant. The writing had a strange juxtaposition of British and American slang.

I give it 3 out of 5.

Story

I liked

The flow of the story was wonderful. Never leaving us in the same place long enough to get bored. The story shape is extremely simple but works wonderfully. Never leaving me annoyed with what was happening.

I didn’t like

This is the first in a series and with that there are a lot of details added that don’t directly impact the story. Relatives that weren’t essential, and plot points that won’t be important until later books.

It’s not that I didn’t enjoy reading about her grandfather stuck in hell and her grandmothers quest to find him but I would have liked to learn more about the characters that were important to the story.

I give the story 4 out of 5

Fun

I liked

Despite her clichés and often bad one-liners I like Verity Price. She perfectly personifies that struggle and lost feeling that I had in my twenties.

It also has a few steamy scenes that made me blush.

I didn’t like

I often would have like more in depth descriptions or interactions. It would have slown down the story pace but it would have given the book more substance. However I realize that this is an action book and not an epic.

I give it 5 out of 5 for fun

Overall

If you like fast paced action and fun characters thrown into ridiculous situations I recommend you pick this up.

Final score is 75%

About Time Movie Review

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Trailer

I was offered two free tickets to an advanced showing of About Time. It officially comes out on November first. It is a Romantic Comedy with a twist. The main character can travel back in time.

To truly enjoy the movie, you have to keep in mind that it is a Romantic Comedy and not a time travel movie. I kept expecting his jumps back to have disastrous and unfixable repercussions. They never happened. Yes there were a few “Oh Crap” moments but the main character seems to have the ability to reset the timeline without any problems.

At its core this movie isn’t about time, it’s about family and love. It beautifully sidesteps any moral questions by having the main character be completely sweet and upstanding. He doesn’t use his power to make the perfect date or to learn everything about the girl in order to seduce her. He meets her and they fall for each other without any use of time travel.

The strength of the movie is in its characters. They are all unique, memorable, lovable, and sweet. From the quirky father, the flower child sister, the grouchy playwright, all the way to the nutty uncle; each character is wonderfully played and written.

The movie is sappy and a little heavy handed in the end but that doesn’t take away from its constant laughs and good time.

Is this the greatest movie ever made? Probably not but it was a lot of fun and easily one of my favourite movies of the year. Possible of all time.

If you liked Love Actually, Notting Hill, Four Weddings and a Funeral, or enjoy funny love stories… Go see it.

4.5/5

The Simplest Role Playing System

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I went to a social gathering the other night and someone asked if I’d brought a game. I hadn’t, so obviously I offered to run an improvised RPG. I had my phone with a dice roller so I was covered.

Turned out that I wasn’t needed but it got me thinking about how to create a simplified rule set that would be easy to remember and even easier to teach.

Here’s what I came up with… You need a coin or a dice (a coaster or other flip-able thing works too), a storyteller, and players. (Something to write on and with would help.)

Simple Rules: Each player chooses Body, Mind, or Luck as their characters specialty. They have 3 in that ability. (Ex. Fighters choose Body.) Their health and defence equal 4.

Complex Rules: Each person has 5 points to place in Body, Mind, and Luck. No negatives. Their health equals their Body plus their Luck+1. Their Defence equals Body plus Mind +1

Resolution Mechanism: When a character needs to do something the Storyteller decides if it’s easy (1), hard (2), ridiculous (4), or clownshoes crazy (7). The character then subtracts their attribute from the difficulty.

If the attribute is higher than the difficulty they succeed. If not they have to flip the coin 5 times and call it (if it’s a die have them call even or odd). Add every right guess to their attribute.

Combat: Each character does 1 point of damage if they hit something and take the same if they are hit. Death occurs at 0 health.

Everything else: The storyteller makes up.

Character Sheets: Available here!

I’d like to thank both XDM and Shadowrun for inspiring me.

Remember this when you’re at a bar or party and everyone looks scared or/and bored. Everyone will think you’re awesome! I promise.

*Rules updated July 7th, 2015 after a play test*

Wishes and Gumballs

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This story was written for a writing competition. Write a short story, of 750 words or fewer, based on this prompt: A girl puts a quarter in a gumball machine and a human tooth comes out. http://www.writersdigest.com/your-story-competition/your-story-53

“It’s a sunny day out there, not a cloud in the sky. If you’re stuck indoors like us this one’s for you…” The radio DJs voice faded into “Working Man” by Rush. Sandra certainly understood the feeling. Having to get up at four in the morning and take three busses to get to work was horrible. Is this why she had mounds of student debt and a useless degree? To be a barista?

“Did he just say sunny?” she asked aloud. It wasn’t supposed to be sunny at four in the morning. “Shitshitshitshitshit!” She yelled as she jumped out of bed. It was certainly sunny outside and the clock read six fifteen. She was over an hour late and still had an hour’s bus ride ahead of her.

“Screw it I’m calling a taxi.” She picked up her cellphone. It was dead and she didn’t have a home line.

Grabbing a uniform from the top of her laundry pile, this was her eighth day in a row. She put the uniform on quickly and ran out the door. She closed the door still holding her cell and dropped it. When she picked it up it had a large crack. She had just bought it a month ago.

The elevator must have been broken again. She waited ten minutes and gave up, running down the eighteen stories to the ground floor. The outside smelt of mold and melting snow. She saw a taxi and tried to flag it down. It came closer to her and then sped up, creating a five foot high wave of slush as it passed by. She managed to avoid most of the ice but was drenched from head to toe.

When she finally flagged down a taxi she thought her luck was changing. The ride to work was unremarkable but that didn’t stop the driver from remarking. On everything he saw and thought. At one point she considered jumping out on the freeway.

Scrambling to get money out of her wallet she didn’t see someone open the door. She turned to leave and was struck in the face by a hard shelled briefcase.

“What are you doing in there?” asked the three piece suit attached to the briefcase.

“Getting out of a taxi…” she wanted to add some insulting names at the end but the taste of blood in her mouth surprised her into silence. He helped her out of the taxi and jumped in closing the door. Chivalry was dead, she thought, spitting out blood into a puddle. She passed her tongue over her teeth and found one missing.

The tooth was in the puddle that quickly drained into the sewers. She didn’t dare open her mouth to swear until she had something to stem the blood from her lost tooth.

Walking into her work she saw there was a long line of customers and only her boss to serve them. She hurried to the napkin stand and wadded one up into her tooth gap. She then hurried to help.

Turning away from a customer babbling about something, he looked at her and said, “I’m not sure what you think you’re doing but get the hell out of my store. You’re fired. This is the fourth time this week you’re late. Get out.”

Leaving, but not feeling like going back home, she walked around until the bleeding finally stopped. She’d have to go to the dentist but without healthcare or a job she’d never be able to afford it.

Outside a toy store in the posh shopping district she saw a gumball machine. She felt confident that a gumball was a bad idea considering her tooth, but really wanted the comfort of her childhood favourite candy.

“Are you planning on using that or just staring at it?” She was ready to attack the speaker but when she turned around she was amazed by how handsome he was and paused.

“Leave me alone, please. I’ve had a bad day.”

Seeing her face, which was bruising a beautiful black and purple colour, he winced and said, “As you wish.” He winked and walked away.

“What I wish was that I had my tooth back.” she replied  snarkily.

Putting her quarter into the machine, she turned the dial. What came out was not a gumball, but a tooth and it looked just like hers. She held it for a few seconds and then it jumped into her mouth, right back into place.

Wishes and Gumballs

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This story was written for a writing competition. Write a short story, of 750 words or fewer, based on this prompt: A girl puts a quarter in a gumball machine and a human tooth comes out. http://www.writersdigest.com/your-story-competition/your-story-53

“It’s a sunny day out there, not a cloud in the sky. If you’re stuck indoors like us this one’s for you…” The radio DJs voice faded into “Working Man” by Rush. Sandra certainly understood the feeling. Having to get up at four in the morning and take three busses to get to work was horrible. Is this why she had mounds of student debt and a useless degree? To be a barista?

“Did he just say sunny?” she asked aloud. It wasn’t supposed to be sunny at four in the morning. “Shitshitshitshitshit!” She yelled as she jumped out of bed. It was certainly sunny outside and the clock read six fifteen. She was over an hour late and still had an hour’s bus ride ahead of her.

“Screw it I’m calling a taxi.” She picked up her cellphone. It was dead and she didn’t have a home line.

Grabbing a uniform from the top of her laundry pile, this was her eighth day in a row. She put the uniform on quickly and ran out the door. She closed the door still holding her cell and dropped it. When she picked it up it had a large crack. She had just bought it a month ago.

The elevator must have been broken again. She waited ten minutes and gave up, running down the eighteen stories to the ground floor. The outside smelt of mold and melting snow. She saw a taxi and tried to flag it down. It came closer to her and then sped up, creating a five foot high wave of slush as it passed by. She managed to avoid most of the ice but was drenched from head to toe.

When she finally flagged down a taxi she thought her luck was changing. The ride to work was unremarkable but that didn’t stop the driver from remarking. On everything he saw and thought. At one point she considered jumping out on the freeway.

Scrambling to get money out of her wallet she didn’t see someone open the door. She turned to leave and was struck in the face by a hard shelled briefcase.

“What are you doing in there?” asked the three piece suit attached to the briefcase.

“Getting out of a taxi…” she wanted to add some insulting names at the end but the taste of blood in her mouth surprised her into silence. He helped her out of the taxi and jumped in closing the door. Chivalry was dead, she thought, spitting out blood into a puddle. She passed her tongue over her teeth and found one missing.

The tooth was in the puddle that quickly drained into the sewers. She didn’t dare open her mouth to swear until she had something to stem the blood from her lost tooth.

Walking into her work she saw there was a long line of customers and only her boss to serve them. She hurried to the napkin stand and wadded one up into her tooth gap. She then hurried to help.

Turning away from a customer babbling about something, he looked at her and said, “I’m not sure what you think you’re doing but get the hell out of my store. You’re fired. This is the fourth time this week you’re late. Get out.”

Leaving, but not feeling like going back home, she walked around until the bleeding finally stopped. She’d have to go to the dentist but without healthcare or a job she’d never be able to afford it.

Outside a toy store in the posh shopping district she saw a gumball machine. She felt confident that a gumball was a bad idea considering her tooth, but really wanted the comfort of her childhood favourite candy.

“Are you planning on using that or just staring at it?” She was ready to attack the speaker but when she turned around she was amazed by how handsome he was and paused.

“Leave me alone, please. I’ve had a bad day.”

Seeing her face, which was bruising a beautiful black and purple colour, he winced and said, “As you wish.” He winked and walked away.

“What I wish was that I had my tooth back.” she replied  snarkily.

Putting her quarter into the machine, she turned the dial. What came out was not a gumball, but a tooth and it looked just like hers. She held it for a few seconds and then it jumped into her mouth, right back into place.

Quickies: Book Reviews for Aurora Prize Awards – Best Adult Novel

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I have to admit I didn’t get a chance to finish all the books in this category. There are even 2 that I didn’t have a chance to read at all. I feel terribly guilty about it.

I’ll have to do better next year and look for the books before the voters pack comes out.

Destiny’s Fall by Marie Bilodeau

Characters: 4/5

Writing Style: 3/5

Story: 3/5

Fun: 2/5

Overall: I found this book really easy to read. The characters were well rounded and interesting and the world was fascinating. Having not read the first on the series was a huge handicap however.

60%

Healer’s Sword: Part 7 of the Okal Rel Saga by Lynda Williams

Characters: 4/5

Writing Style: 3/5

Story: 3/5

Fun: 4/5

Overall: Having not read the first 6 books in this series wasn’t much of a problem. The characters and the world are introduced clearly and quickly. I had the feeling that I was missing some history but not much. The characters were fascinating and I can’t wait to read the whole series.

70%

The Silvered by Tanya Huff

Characters: 4/5

Writing Style: 4/5

Story: 4/5

Fun: 5/5

Overall: If you enjoy fantasy, steampunk, or reading you’ll love this book. Everything from the characters to the world are perfectly put together. It took me a chapter or two to fully grasp what was going on but from there on I couldn’t put it down.

85%

Triggers by Robert Sayer

Characters: 3/5

Writing Style: 4/5

Story: 5/5

Fun: 4/5

Overall: This was a fantastic concept and flowed beautifully. Sawyer is a master, whose genius is overwhelming for an aspiring writer. He weaves lives and stories beautifully. This is a perfect meld between a political thriller and a science fiction.

80%

The Shepherds of Time

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“We are the shepherds of time,” she yelled to a crowd of adoring fans. “We shape the world into its truest form.” She paused, a smug look on her flawless face.

Lifting her perfectly manicured hand for silence she continued, “Each of you came here tonight for a different reason. Some because it’s the cool thing to do, some in hopes of sleeping with one of the band,” the crowd roared, “some were dragged here by others, and maybe one or two of you actually like our crap music.” The crowd quieted with awkward laughter.

No one was quite certain what was going on and they seemed uncomfortable. The band however looked just as good as they always did. So beautiful they were surreal and disturbing. It was part of their allure.

“Among the twenty thousand people her tonight there are…” Alice-Eve pulled out her smartphone. Out from where no one would be able to tell. Her outfit couldn’t possibly hide any pockets. “Ah yes, five thousand rapists, three hundred future murderers, four serial killers, two war criminals, and one world dictator.”

The crowd seemed to have decided this was some sort of stunt and some cheered while others waited for the music.

“Tonight we will cull the herd and clean the world.” As she picked up her guitar the still clueless crowd yelled and screamed in anticipation.

In an over exaggerated movement she strummed an F sharp cord and the stadium exploded. Not with the crowds’ enthusiasm but the half dozen explosives hidden in the support beams.