Movie Reviews

The Legend of Zorro

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2005 film The Legend of Zorro.

Story

A straight sequel to the first one, it relies on miscommunication to move the plot forward. It also fall into the superhero trope of only failing when it’s a plot point.

Score: 0.5

Characters

The kid is adorable and the two leads are just as charismatic as the first time. Unfortunately, they are split up most of the movie when they work best as a team.

The villain is mustache twirling, British, and evil.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

There’s some amazing banter between the two leads and with the villain.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The movie looks just as beautiful as the first and the fight scenes are amazing.

Score: 1

Fun

I hate that the characters can’t just be happy… It’s frustrating and feels forced when they work so well as a team. That being said, it was still an extremely fun movie.

Score: 0.5

Overall

The movie suffers from needing to split its leads but it’s still an excellent movie.

Final Score: 3.5 Stars out of 5

Spy Kids: Armageddon – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2023 film Spy Kids: Armageddon.

Story

I can’t stand stories that require parents to be stupid and incompetent. On top of that, the story is a watered-down remake of the original. Don’t get me started on the weird magical computer stuff.

Score: 0

Characters

The kids were fantastic actors and did a great job with what they were given. The parents were terrible at everything including being likeable. The main villain was interesting but his story arc felt too fast and shoehorned in.

The spy organization was even more of a joke than usual.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

It’s hard to believe this was the same writer who wrote, “Do you think God stays in Heaven because He too lives in fear of what He’s created”.

The dialogue is saccharine and bland.

Score: 0

Visuals and Music

Once again, the movie relies on special effects and videogame tropes instead of good action or locations. It makes the movie look cheap and dated even only two years later.

The music was acceptable but not great.

Score: 0.5

Fun

The kids liked it but all the adults were unimpressed. I find that the weird fun of the first one never translated the the rest of the series and it’s worse for lack of it.

Score: 0

Overall

This movie could have been a tumblr meme screenshotted to Facebook. It’s a self-indulgent remake of a much better movie. The only thing that shines is the optimism and the kids.

Final Score: 1 Stars out of 5

The Mask of Zorro – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 1998 film The Mask of Zorro.

Story

The story and myth of Zorro is based on the “Fox” archetype. (Robin Hood, Reynard the Fox, or The Scarlet Pimpernel) I like the addition of the apprentice and especially the nod to Joaquin Murrieta. It’s an extremely good example of how to adapt a story.

Score: 1

Characters

Each character was perfectly written. The only part I had issue believing was Antonio Banderas needing help on how to be charming. The villains were nuanced enough to be realistic but evil enough to deserve their fate. The parallel stories and character development between the older and younger characters was excellent.

Catherine Zeta-Jones manages to balance damsel and kick-ass in an extremely believable way.

Score: 1

Dialogue

I’d give full points for, “So the devil will know who sent you.” alone. The rest of the dialogue balanced heroics, humour, drama, and romance in a perfectly believable way.

Score: !

Visuals and Music

This film, thankfully, came out before shaky-cam. The fights are wonderfully choreographed and the practical effects have aged fantastically.

The music is equal to any modern superhero and really amps up the emotion.

Score: 1

Fun

Swashbuckling, explosions, witty one liners, and at its core a big heart. I’m sounding old but this kind of movie isn’t made anymore and that makes me sad. The whole family loved it.

Score: 1

Overall

One of the best adventure / swashbuckling movies. The emotion and character drama anchor the action and heroics, making everything feel so much more. Modern superhero movies could learn a lot from this movie.

Final Score: 5 Stars out of 5*

*A 5 star review doesn’t mean the movie was perfect nor that it is perfect for everyone but it is a movie I believe is as close to perfect as possible.

Titan A.E. – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2000 film Titan A.E.

Story

The premise is interesting, but the story is just another take on Treasure Island. The world building and character arcs are interesting, but the end felt a little forced.

Score: 0.5

Characters

Loved the security chief and astrophysicist. The rest were meh. Nice redemption arc for the captain.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The dialogue is painfully bad. Too much exposition and whining. Not to mention the love story dialogue was extremely awkward, and I don’t mean in a good way.

Score: 0

Visuals and Music

The animation was finished by multiple companies and it shows in their quality. The ships are amazing, the people are passable, but some of the locations look like they never got rendered. The planet Bob at the end looked like an bonus feature scene.

The soundtrack was nostalgic for me and filled with awesome music. The non-pop music was good.

Score: 0.5

Fun

Despite its flaws, it kept everyone on the edge of their seats. The kids liked it and so did the adults.

Score: 1

Overall

An ambitious film that pushed the boundaries of animation, unfortunately its flaws in dialogue and wildly fluctuating quality of animation hurts the film. If you really want to watch Treasure Island in space, rewatch Treasure Planet instead.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

The Black Cauldron – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 1985 film The Black Cauldron.

Story

The story is a cautionary tale in adapting a book. I haven’t read the book so there are a lot of sections that either make no sense or give the viewer the feeling that they should have done homework before watching.

Score: 0

Characters

There is no backstory to any of the characters. She says she’s a princess but then the villain mentions she’s a scullery maid? Why does the bard have a magical harp? Why is the pig farmer boy being raised by knockoff merlin? Is the villain undead or just a monster? … nothing is explained.

I did quite like the little furry Gollum and the characters are likeable and consistant. They have acceptable arcs, but there just seems to be too much missing.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

There are some nice peices of dialogue and some that make no sense at all. It’s mostly, again, because this was adapted from a series of books.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The animation was beautiful but inconsistant. Items disapeared and reappeared, characters changed sizes, backgrounds flickered.

The music was pretty epic.

Score: 0.5

Fun

Everyone kinda enjoyed it. It’s one of those movies that could have been great but was bogged down by too much lore that we didn’t get to see.

Score: 0.5

Overall

Not the worst Disney movie in existence, but it’s a missed opportunity to showcase a great story by cutting out any context.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

Barely Lethal – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2015 film Barely Lethal.

Story

The story was clever and had some good ideas, but as a comedy it took itself too seriously.

Score: 0

Characters

It felt like the actors all got different direction. Most of the teens acted like they were in a fish out of water comedy. Samuel Jackson seemed to think he was in a spy parody, while the mom and brother were in a Disney movie. It was very discordant in tone. The dad and teacher were the worst acted, like characters from a cringe 90’s shock comedy. (Spoiler warning: their edginess was just sexism and homophobia.)

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The dialogue was over the top and not all that funny. There were some great lines from the main character and her adoptive sister. I didn’t like that the fight between the two spies ended up with catty insults about their looks and weight. Again, the dad of the love interest and the teacher were just the worst.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The movie was well shot; the action scenes were believable and fun. The clothes and visual gags were nice.

The music was nice and did a good job with the mood.

Score: 1

Fun

I really got into the movie, despite the weird changes in tone. It was okay and most of the family liked it.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A movie that is trying a little too hard to be a spy/comedy and not really hitting the mark with either one. There are moments that are truly entertaining and the main actors are great, but the weird choices in dialogue and story just bring it down.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

Quest for Camelot – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 1998 film Quest for Camelot.

Story

It’s a basic quest story with the main character being completely oblivious and helpless most of the movie.

Score: 0

Characters

It’s nice to see a blind character who is self sufficiant and isn’t looking for a cure. It would have been better if he didn’t think his disability made him a monster.

The rest of the cast is mostly odd comic releif, a villain that didn’t sound right.

There was a princess character and she was the most disapointing. She was shown to be super compitant in the begining and by the time the villains attacked she was useless. I would have liked to see her actually do something.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

There are a few funny lines but most of the humour is really dated. The vilain was menacing but not particularly interesting in his dialogue.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The animation was choppy and rough. It looked cheap and there were some consistency issues.

The music was good. Nothing stood out but it did it’s job.

Score: 0.5

Fun

This was okay. The kids kinda liked it and the adults kinda liked it. Not going to be a movie we rewatch very often.

Score: 0.5

Overall

This was an interesting concept that failed it’s celebrity cast and potential.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

A Cinderella Story – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2004 film A Cinderella Story.

Story

The story is in the title and it’s very much an early 2000’s take on Cinderella. There’s an almost made-for-TV feel to it.

Score: 0

Characters

The characters are dated clichés from a bad take on a John Hughes movie. Although the actors manage to perform the roles with charm, they can’t overcome the script. The good characters are flawless (except that she’s too nice and he’s too popular. Oh, and both of them don’t want to confront their parents.) and the villains are reprehensible.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

There’s some funny lines and some adorable flirting but the absolute industrial quantity of body and food shaming is disgusting.

Seriously? How did the early 2000’s think this was okay? How the hell did we go from Jennifer Coolidge being a sex symbol in 1999 to her being considered disgusting in this movie? The woman’s acting is perfect in both, but we don’t need the body and beauty shaming to show she’s ugly on the inside (as the character!).

Score: 0

Visuals and Music

The camera work was okay but everything felt very made-for-TV quality.

The music was a lot of fun and nostalgic.

Score: 1

Fun

I enjoyed the movie to a certain extent. I love the Cinderella archetype and it makes for fun movies, but this one doesn’t hold up well.

The kids enjoyed it, but not to the point of wanting to rewatch it later.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A dated take on Cinderella that is held together by the charm of the actors, but even their skill isn’t enough to save it.

Final Score: 2 Stars out of 5

Moana 2 – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2024 film Moana 2.

Story

This was a textbook hero’s journey structure, just like the first one. In many ways, it’s reminiscent of old Greek myths and makes me wonder if the movie feels more European than Polynesian. I’m not familiar enough with Polynesian story structures to be the judge.

Score: 0.5

Characters

The expanded cast of heroes were a lot of fun. I loved that they chose to make the unabashed fan a man and the genius engineer a woman. They were all very entertaining but the little sister was pure adorable.

I appreciate how consistent the characters feel, which has not always been the case with Disney sequels.

Score: 1

Dialogue

Lots of great jokes and pop culture references. Maui follows Genie and Merlin in breaking the third wall in the most enjoyable ways. Also lots of little jokes relating to the first one.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The water animation looks more real then I ever thought possible, the characters are vibrant, and the choice of camera angles was fantastic.

I’d heard a lot of complaints about the music but it was wonderful. Built off the first really well and Maui’s new song was so much fun.

Score: 1

Fun

This was fun from the first frame to the last. Everything moved fast and was a feast for the eyes. The kids saw it in theatres and have been anxiously awaiting the Disney plus release to watch it with me. They loved it just as much the second time, and my 5yo asked for the Bluray so he can watch special features.

Score: 1

Overall

This follows the mythic structure of the first movie while adding some amazing characters to keep it fresh. The music lives up to the first and the animation levelled up in the best ways.

Final Score: 4.5 Stars out of 5

The Santa Squad

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2020 film The Santa Squad.

Story

The movie was the first half of The Sound of Music or Jayne Eyre: nice lady comes into the house and shows the lonely father how to have fun while bringing joy to the kids. There didn’t seem to be enough of a motivation for the two leads to not get together and so the obstacles in the third act felt really convoluted.

Score: 0

Characters

The main female lead was so perfectly dressed and made up to be the mean girl that it took me a little to get to like her. Once I got past my preconceptions, she was extremely likeable and the chemistry between the leads was impressive.

We found the movie because we like Aaron Ashmore so it was no surprise that he was great.

I liked the autistic coded kids that were never treated as being lesser.

Score: 1

Dialogue

I was surprised by the kids’ dialogue, it felt refreshingly normal. The rest was what you’d expect from a Christmas romance.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The locations were great and the cinematography well done. I’m definitely annoyed by the over-abundant continuity issues. Then there’s the fact that they filmed in Ontario but had styrofoam snowmen that looked really fake.

The music was a little overdone and felt like it was trying to take attention away from the acting.

Score: 0.5

Fun

The kids were cute, the adults were pretty, and there was almost no angst. It was an okay movie. I enjoyed it but I’m not sure I’d want to rewatch it. The kids and family felt the same.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A stress free Christmas romance that’s worth it for the pretty leads and awesome kids.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5