Tom Barlow was at Can-Con releasing his first book I’ll Meet You Yesterday, which has a release date of November 26, 2013…But we already own a copy. A SIGNED copy. The FIRST signed copy. Yeah, I can brag about that. And I snapped a picture of him holding the TARDIS. He was quite awesome.
“The soul’s made of stories, not atoms.” – The Doctor in The Rings of Akhaten
I’ve been thinking a lot about identity. Who we are, who we think we are, and who people think we are.
It’s happened to all of us at one point. A friend or family member says something is “typical you” and it shocks you. “How could they think that?”
When my wife was younger, her family would by her cow themed presents. She says that once she mentioned that one cow was cute; her family swears that she loved cows. That’s a perfect example of the dissonance between who we think we are and who others think we are. “I don’t like cows” compared to “She loves cows.”
There’s a disconnect between what the three parts of yourself. I’m sure there are technical terms for it but I’ll just make it up. There’s the Self Identity, the Projected Identity, and the True Self.
Forget about the last one. By the time you have discovered and understood the True Self, you’ve already altered it.
The other two are important to understand, both in life and in fiction. A good villain thinks he’s the hero. Think about that… Go ahead I have time…
Yeah you could be the villain in someone else story. The truly depressing fact is, you have been at some point.
There are two ways to look at this, you either accept that it’s part of you or you deny the effect of other people’s opinions on your life.
I know I’ve done some stupid things and I’m not proud of everything but I am sorry.
To everyone who has seen me as the villain in their story: I’m sorry. (And thank you for reading my blog.)
When I was young, I hated green olives, or I thought I hated them. Then one day I decided to try one. Something had changed and suddenly my mouth was telling me I liked green olives.
As human beings we change and a lot of the time we don’t notice. This applies to everything in our lives. However our perception of ourselves doesn’t always change with us.
That’s what makes me still think of myself as an Improv player, despite the fact that I haven’t played in over a decade. The realization that you aren’t who you thought you were can painful.
Being a fan a decade or two ago was simple for me. I was a Trekkie. No doubt about it, no second guessing nothing. I built my identity, morals, and knowledge of story structure around the shows. From 1987 to 2002, I lived and breathed Star Trek.
If someone were to ask me the same thing now, I’d reply that I’m a Geek. It’s not that I love Star Trek any less, it’s that I have so many other Fandoms that I don’t have the time or energy to list them out.
There are fandoms that I’m not part of but still enjoy the source. I like Star Wars but I wouldn’t consider myself a Jedi, Warsy? Whatever they call themselves.
When I was about to go to high school, I was terrified to be placed in the wrong group. Television, books, and movies had trained me to think high school kids were sorted into categories. Boy was I shocked when I realized that it never happened. Sure there were cliques and groups but they weren’t categorized and the groups consistently shifted.
In a world that tells you, consistently, that you must be one thing, it’s hard to realize I’m not just one thing.
I will attempt to list all my fandoms at the end of the post. *
As confusing and as painful not knowing or being wrong about who you are is, it’s nowhere as devastating as realizing you aren’t who you wanted to be.
At every part of your life, you’ve looked toward the future and said, “That’ll be me someday.” Some people even achieve those goals but most won’t.
Interestingly the idea of what we are going to be seems to be tied with turning 30. It’s not everyone but when people say, “When I grow up.” It’s around 30 that they are thinking or in the very least 30 is when we stop pushing the age back.
I’ve noticed a lot of friends being upset that they aren’t who or what or where they wanted to be. I understand. When I was 5 I wanted to be a taxi driver by now. When I was 10 I wanted to be Paleontologist by now. When I was 15 I wanted to be a robotic expert by now. When I was 20 I wanted to be a media theorist. When I was 25 I wanted to be alive.
Other than that last one, I haven’t really succeeded at becoming what I wanted to become.
It hurts, you feel like you haven’t accomplished enough. Seen enough of the world, or changed it enough.
You know what?
It’s ok, if you aren’t where you thought you’d be.
It’s ok, if you’re not who you thought you’d be.
And it’s ok if you’re not who thought you were.
The important thing to remember is to Keep Moving Forward. (Yeah I just reference Disney. You got a problem?)
Don’t wallow in pity or fear. Analyze and mobilize yourself. Figure out what you like about yourself and concentrate on improving it, figure out what you hate about yourself and concentrate on accepting it. Talk to friends and family, or even a professional if you need to, it’s ok not to know.
I know what I want to be and where I want to be in ten years but it took me a while to figure it out.
Good luck!
Eric
* I started listing everything and it devolved into listing everything I like a lot. Here’s the partial list, I’m sure I’ve forgotten plenty of things.
Browncoat, Bronie, Trekkie, Gater, Whovian, Fiver, Scoobie, Whedonite, Nerd Fighter, Beard Lover, Fullerite, Supernatural fan, Superwholockian, Schlocker, Playgrounder, Phineas and Ferb fan, Weekender, Kim Possible Fan, Backie, Loki’s army, Baker Street Irregular, Potthead, Ringer, Amberite, Dresdenite, Gaimanite, Gamer, Goblin, Tortallan, Rush fan, David Usher Fan, Shakespeare lover, Robert Frost Fan, Reader, Minion, Disney fan, Stephen King Fan, Winter fan, Superhero fan, Android, Ubuntu, Gadgets,…
“The soul’s made of stories, not atoms.” – The Doctor in The Rings of Akhaten
I’ve been thinking a lot about identity. Who we are, who we think we are, and who people think we are.
It’s happened to all of us at one point. A friend or family member says something is “typical you” and it shocks you. “How could they think that?”
When my wife was younger, her family would by her cow themed presents. She says that once she mentioned that one cow was cute; her family swears that she loved cows. That’s a perfect example of the dissonance between who we think we are and who others think we are. “I don’t like cows” compared to “She loves cows.”
There’s a disconnect between what the three parts of yourself. I’m sure there are technical terms for it but I’ll just make it up. There’s the Self Identity, the Projected Identity, and the True Self.
Forget about the last one. By the time you have discovered and understood the True Self, you’ve already altered it.
The other two are important to understand, both in life and in fiction. A good villain thinks he’s the hero. Think about that… Go ahead I have time…
Yeah you could be the villain in someone else story. The truly depressing fact is, you have been at some point.
There are two ways to look at this, you either accept that it’s part of you or you deny the effect of other people’s opinions on your life.
I know I’ve done some stupid things and I’m not proud of everything but I am sorry.
To everyone who has seen me as the villain in their story: I’m sorry. (And thank you for reading my blog.)
When I was young, I hated green olives, or I thought I hated them. Then one day I decided to try one. Something had changed and suddenly my mouth was telling me I liked green olives.
As human beings we change and a lot of the time we don’t notice. This applies to everything in our lives. However our perception of ourselves doesn’t always change with us.
That’s what makes me still think of myself as an Improv player, despite the fact that I haven’t played in over a decade. The realization that you aren’t who you thought you were can painful.
Being a fan a decade or two ago was simple for me. I was a Trekkie. No doubt about it, no second guessing nothing. I built my identity, morals, and knowledge of story structure around the shows. From 1987 to 2002, I lived and breathed Star Trek.
If someone were to ask me the same thing now, I’d reply that I’m a Geek. It’s not that I love Star Trek any less, it’s that I have so many other Fandoms that I don’t have the time or energy to list them out.
There are fandoms that I’m not part of but still enjoy the source. I like Star Wars but I wouldn’t consider myself a Jedi, Warsy? Whatever they call themselves.
When I was about to go to high school, I was terrified to be placed in the wrong group. Television, books, and movies had trained me to think high school kids were sorted into categories. Boy was I shocked when I realized that it never happened. Sure there were cliques and groups but they weren’t categorized and the groups consistently shifted.
In a world that tells you, consistently, that you must be one thing, it’s hard to realize I’m not just one thing.
I will attempt to list all my fandoms at the end of the post. *
As confusing and as painful not knowing or being wrong about who you are is, it’s nowhere as devastating as realizing you aren’t who you wanted to be.
At every part of your life, you’ve looked toward the future and said, “That’ll be me someday.” Some people even achieve those goals but most won’t.
Interestingly the idea of what we are going to be seems to be tied with turning 30. It’s not everyone but when people say, “When I grow up.” It’s around 30 that they are thinking or in the very least 30 is when we stop pushing the age back.
I’ve noticed a lot of friends being upset that they aren’t who or what or where they wanted to be. I understand. When I was 5 I wanted to be a taxi driver by now. When I was 10 I wanted to be Paleontologist by now. When I was 15 I wanted to be a robotic expert by now. When I was 20 I wanted to be a media theorist. When I was 25 I wanted to be alive.
Other than that last one, I haven’t really succeeded at becoming what I wanted to become.
It hurts, you feel like you haven’t accomplished enough. Seen enough of the world, or changed it enough.
You know what?
It’s ok, if you aren’t where you thought you’d be.
It’s ok, if you’re not who you thought you’d be.
And it’s ok if you’re not who thought you were.
The important thing to remember is to Keep Moving Forward. (Yeah I just reference Disney. You got a problem?)
Don’t wallow in pity or fear. Analyze and mobilize yourself. Figure out what you like about yourself and concentrate on improving it, figure out what you hate about yourself and concentrate on accepting it. Talk to friends and family, or even a professional if you need to, it’s ok not to know.
I know what I want to be and where I want to be in ten years but it took me a while to figure it out.
Good luck!
Eric
* I started listing everything and it devolved into listing everything I like a lot. Here’s the partial list, I’m sure I’ve forgotten plenty of things.
Browncoat, Bronie, Trekkie, Gater, Whovian, Fiver, Scoobie, Whedonite, Nerd Fighter, Beard Lover, Fullerite, Supernatural fan, Superwholockian, Schlocker, Playgrounder, Phineas and Ferb fan, Weekender, Kim Possible Fan, Backie, Loki’s army, Baker Street Irregular, Potthead, Ringer, Amberite, Dresdenite, Gaimanite, Gamer, Goblin, Tortallan, Rush fan, David Usher Fan, Shakespeare lover, Robert Frost Fan, Reader, Minion, Disney fan, Stephen King Fan, Winter fan, Superhero fan, Android, Ubuntu, Gadgets,…
Violette Malan is an awesome fantasy/high-fantasy author. She was a member of many of the panels we saw at Can-Con, and I looked forward to every single one of them! As humorous in person as on the page, she was a very entertaining (as well as inspirational and educational) panelist. You can follow her on Twitter here.
Violette was very excited to be asked to take a picture with the TARDIS, and was in the middle of asking me a question about it, but both of us were hurrying to a panel and didn’t notice that she wasn’t smiling her beautiful smile in the picture I took!
*Picture used with permission of the author.
Stephen King is a fantastic author, a man that truly understands his characters and how to scare his audience. He’s best known for his horror but has written some amazing science fiction, fantasy, and heartwarming works.
The Shining is probably one of his best known works due to the Kubric movie adaptation.
Below is my review. For more information on how and why I review books read my posts Part 1 and Part 2.
There are five main characters in the book and we see a glimpse into each one but we mostly see the development of the Torrence Family. All in excruciating detail. They each feel real and like friends going through a terrible time.
If you haven’t seen the movie or tv adaptation, you still know how this will end. It’s a large shadow of inevitability. It was amazingly done but the slow decent into madness was almost painful as a reader. I understand that was the goal but it was difficult to read and made me want to stop.
For characters, I give it 5 out of 5
King has an amazing way of swinging from exist descriptions to crude turns of phrase. Often he even mixes them. When we saw from Jack’s (the father) point of view, it was often filled with clichéd thoughts or crude turns of phrase. Almost as if King was trying to tell us that Jack as a writer wasn’t as good as he believed.
In contrast when we followed Danny (the son) his thoughts were poetic and beautiful. In the way that kids’ minds often are. Showing him to be the real hero.
Often things were repeated from different viewpoints in what felt needless. The repetition served to remind us what was going to happen and why but it felt like it was overdone. That said it was written for an audience 35 years ago that might not have been as savvy with genre concepts.
I give it 3 out of 5.
The story was set in one location for most of the book. Despite the stagnation in place, there is always a feeling that something is happening and that we are going somewhere with the story.
All the events are foreshadowed. Everything is structured and the book doesn’t pull any punches in scariness or character pain.
The moments of joy are all at the beginning and a little at the end. This isn’t a happy story. It doesn’t pretend to be.
I give the story 4 out of 5
I loved the characters and the writing. It’s a true classic in horror literature. It was overall very well done.
I knew what would happen and I didn’t like it. It made reading harder than it should have. Less the fault of the author and more the fault of the reader.
I give it 2 out of 5 for fun
The book is very different than the movies. Make sure to check your preconceptions at the door.
This isn’t the best Stephen King novel I’ve read but that’s not saying it’s bad. It’s an amazing book. If you like horror and don’t mind a sad book, it’s more than worth the read.
Final score is 70%
Stephen King is a fantastic author, a man that truly understands his characters and how to scare his audience. He’s best known for his horror but has written some amazing science fiction, fantasy, and heartwarming works.
The Shining is probably one of his best known works due to the Kubric movie adaptation.
Below is my review. For more information on how and why I review books read my posts Part 1 and Part 2.
There are five main characters in the book and we see a glimpse into each one but we mostly see the development of the Torrence Family. All in excruciating detail. They each feel real and like friends going through a terrible time.
If you haven’t seen the movie or tv adaptation, you still know how this will end. It’s a large shadow of inevitability. It was amazingly done but the slow decent into madness was almost painful as a reader. I understand that was the goal but it was difficult to read and made me want to stop.
For characters, I give it 5 out of 5
King has an amazing way of swinging from exist descriptions to crude turns of phrase. Often he even mixes them. When we saw from Jack’s (the father) point of view, it was often filled with clichéd thoughts or crude turns of phrase. Almost as if King was trying to tell us that Jack as a writer wasn’t as good as he believed.
In contrast when we followed Danny (the son) his thoughts were poetic and beautiful. In the way that kids’ minds often are. Showing him to be the real hero.
Often things were repeated from different viewpoints in what felt needless. The repetition served to remind us what was going to happen and why but it felt like it was overdone. That said it was written for an audience 35 years ago that might not have been as savvy with genre concepts.
I give it 3 out of 5.
The story was set in one location for most of the book. Despite the stagnation in place, there is always a feeling that something is happening and that we are going somewhere with the story.
All the events are foreshadowed. Everything is structured and the book doesn’t pull any punches in scariness or character pain.
The moments of joy are all at the beginning and a little at the end. This isn’t a happy story. It doesn’t pretend to be.
I give the story 4 out of 5
I loved the characters and the writing. It’s a true classic in horror literature. It was overall very well done.
I knew what would happen and I didn’t like it. It made reading harder than it should have. Less the fault of the author and more the fault of the reader.
I give it 2 out of 5 for fun
The book is very different than the movies. Make sure to check your preconceptions at the door.
This isn’t the best Stephen King novel I’ve read but that’s not saying it’s bad. It’s an amazing book. If you like horror and don’t mind a sad book, it’s more than worth the read.
Final score is 70%
Robert J. Sawyer has won so many awards for his books, it’s hard to keep track of them all! But I think the best one was given to him at the Aurora Awards the first weekend of October in 2013: He received the Lifetime Achievement Aurora Award. Pretty spectacular! His books include Flashforward, The Neanderthal Parallax trilogy, Triggers, and Red Planet Blues, just to name a very tiny few. I heard him give a talk at the Museum of Science and Tech on Neutrinos, and the first weekend in October 2013, I got to speak with him one-on-one. I turned beat-red and couldn’t find my words. It was hilarious, looking back on it. But then? I wished I could dig a hole in the ground. I hope I will do better next time, because, seeing as he comes to Ottawa to give talks fairly often, there will be a next time!
Hayden Trenholm is quite prolific. He is a writer, playwright, editor, and now owns a publishing company, Bundoran Press. And on top of all that, he won the Aurora Award in 2013 for Best Related Work for Blood and Water! I got to take this picture of him not too long after he won his award. Looks pretty awesome!
The winner of the Aurora Award for Best Novel in 2013 is The Silvered by Tanya Huff, and I got to talk to her! (And her book is now in paperback!) Listening to her panel was a great experience, and I wish I could have gone to more. I am so glad she won her category.
I am a Giant Squid of Anger because of this article.
First I’d like to dispel the myth that Chivalry has anything to do with sex or gender. All definitions from the Oxford English Dictionary.
The word Chivalry has changed over time. Starting out in the Middle Ages (early 1300’s but who’s counting), the world simply meant Knights or horsemen equipped for Battle. It was adapted from the French Chevalerie which meant man fighting on horse.
Shortly after, it was changed to mean acts of bravery or honour on the battlefield.
Let’s skip a few hundred years. In the early 1800’s it started to mean “Gallant Gentleman” and represent everything that is knightly.
The wonderful French and British Romantic poets glorified the simpler time that was the dark ages and what they called the Chivalrous Code. Which meant, “The brave, honourable, and courteous character attributed to the ideal knight; disinterested bravery, honour, and courtesy.”
Nowhere before 1832, did Chivalry have anything to do with women. Other than that the Chivalrous Code said that knights must protect the weak.
I like my steampunk as much as the next geek but the time period is horrible for women. We are still dealing with the shit that the Victorian’s shoved into our collective consciousness.
It was during this period that Chivalry took on the more modern and disturbing meaning of, “courteous behaviour, especially that of a man towards women.”
Even then Chivalry wasn’t only towards women.
Somehow, chauvinistic morons have tried to appropriate a word that meant being nice to people and killing the bad guys into a word that means women are deluded and weak.
The author states that in our world of instant hookups (sure dude) chivalry is dead.
“All I know is, the more I look around, the less I see men treating women the way that we’re raised to. What happened to paying for dinners and drinks? What happened to pulling out chairs and holding doors? What happened to walking on the outside, closest to the street and all that sh*t?”
Avoiding the horrible crime of ending a sentence with a preposition, why does he think these things are important?
A man paying for dinner and drinks makes perfect sense in a world where women have no money of their own but when women make as much money or more than the man why the hell should a guy go broke for a date?
Pulling out a chair is respectful and something that should be done with anyone who would have trouble moving their chairs back towards the table alone. Women in tight corsets and pencil skirts might have this issue, men in skinny jean will also.
As for walking on the outside on a sidewalk, well some rules were developed for a different time. This was established so women wouldn’t get shit on their heads or splashed on them from carriages. Now they might get splashed by a car or bus (stupid busses) but walking on the outside isn’t going to help a girl in this case since the wave of water won’t be blocked.
And my personal pet peeve. I have been berated, insulted, yelled at, and in one case kicked, for opening a door for a woman. That hasn’t stopped me from doing it for the simple reason that I don’t do it for women exclusively. I do it for any human being and occasional pets. If I get to the door before you, I will open it for you and hold it open. I don’t care who you are.
The rest of the article is a combination of shaming and pining for a better time, in other words bullshit.
Let’s take back the word Chivalry and give it a new meaning. Let’s make it mean something positive and loving. I propose a new definition:
“The act of being noble, selfless, kind, and helping others without reward or ulterior motives.”
