Intrusive thoughts and my traitorous brain

Hello Friends, Family, and Fans;

Learning more about yourself is rewarding but it’s also painful and infuriating. It sometimes feels like there is a chorus of gremlins in my brain yelling at me. I know that my intrusive thoughts are me and I know that they are not me at the same time. (Intrusive thoughts are the random thoughts that pop up and say things like, “I should jump off this building” or “I wonder if this knife could stab through a person.” It can also be the little voice that says you suck, etc.)

Intrusive thoughts by Sarah’s Scribbles

My brain is loud, with lots of noise, music, random quotes, and yelling. It’s normally okay and I can usually tell that little jerk of a brain to shut up. The problem is when something bad happens. Then my mind starts telling me I’m worthless and nobody likes me.

Everything is connected, so when I spiral emotionally, it triggers migraines and that screws with my sight, balance, coordination, and depression.

This happened a few weeks ago. There’s this thing I applied to and had been doing annually, but in 2023 I wasn’t asked to participate. The same happened in 2024, and then I got the email that again this year I won’t be involved. It makes me wonder if I did something wrong or if I’m not good enough.

The whole thing had me mentally and physically sick. My RSD and imposter syndrome kicked into high gear and I was a mess. I’m feeling better now. I’m working my way out of it.

What bothers me is that I’m still not sure what happened. The only three things I can think of are that the organizers hate me, don’t think I’m good enough, or forgot about me. (There’s always the chance that I screwed up the application?)

I don’t know what is happening or if it’s just all in my head.

I know that I should probably talk to someone (I mean the organizers. I will definitely be talking about it to my therapist.) but I have no idea how to do it without making things worse. So I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing I can do is keep going on. I’ll smile and be polite until I either know what happened, don’t care, or the situation fixes itself.

I’m not looking for advice. I’m writing so that anyone else reading who may have the same issues, knows they’re not alone.

Be kind and stay safe,

Éric

Pictogram of the Topes in Connections! The Unexpected First Collection

Image showing the rating for the tropes in Connections! The First Unexpected Collection. Battle couple, wedding planning, and superheroes are all about 90%, Spicy is about 45%, and Origin Stories is about 75%. At the bottom, there’s a “Vibes”, which has an image from the TV show Star Trek: Short Treks (2018).
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Princess of Thieves – JenEric Movie Review

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Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2001 film Princess of Thieves.

Story

The story feels like a mid 1990’s feelgood made for TV movie. It’s slightly silly and it refuses to let its main character do much.

Score: 0

Characters

The main love pair are a lot of fun when they’re together. The rest of the cast is much too good for the material.

I am severely annoyed that they talked her up as being an expert archer, rider, and swordsman but she only seemed able to shoot. She needed saving far too often. They’d never have written the character in the same way had it been a boy.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

Some lines could be iconic, others are just bad. It has a lot of, “But daddy!” energy that could have been way more annoying with another actor.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The visuals are pretty good, it shows that they filmed on location. The camera work is steady and well done, if very 90’s in style.

The music is a great match to the Disney Robin Hood and later versions. It’s heroic and fun.

Score: 1

Fun

This is the kind of movie that I expect is someone’s childhood favourite. It has all the elements to be great but needs the imagination of a child to put it together in a more coherent way.

Score: 0.5

Overall

A fun period movie that is bound to be someone’s favourite but that can’t decide what it wants to be. The acting and locations are excellent, but the rest is a little meh.

Final Score: 2.5 Stars out of 5

Tropes of “Connections! The Unexpected First Collection”

Connections! The Unexpected First Collection. Cover art by @pinkpiggy93
Click the image to go to the link https://www.tiktok.com/@jendesmaraisauthor/video/7550805896675347732

Every book utilizes tropes, even if it’s to subvert them, and Connections! The Unexpected First Collection is no exception. This book covers: No angst romance, adult, hidden magical world, aliens, superheroes, dual POV, detailed worldbuilding, and origin stories

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The Wild Robot – JenEric Movie Review

How This Works – Read Other Reviews

Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2025 film The Wild Robot.

Story

This treads the line between traumatic and adorable. On its surface, it’s a cutesy film about adoption and found family. Below the surface, the movie has a lot of awkward colonial tones.

Score: 0.5

Characters

The voice actors did a fabulous job. I particularly loved Lupita Nyong’o’s evolution throughout the movie from pure robotic to more humanized.

At the beginning it felt like the characters acted out for the gag more than the plot and it was a little tiresome.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

The dialogue was good mostly. It was a nice exploration of what it means to be a parent and a friend. The jokes were sometimes funny and sometimes over the top.

Score: 0.5

Visuals and Music

The movie was beautifully animated and really did a great job giving each animal a personality.

The music was good, it did a great job at helping with the mood.

Score: 0.5

Fun

It was a fun movie. There are a lot of unanswered questions and word building issues, but they probably just annoyed me and weren’t that important.

The kids loved it.

Score: 1

Overall

A fun kids movie that explores what it means to be a family while showing the importance of change. It has its flaws but the acting will make you forget about it.

Final Score: 3 Stars out of 5

Dear Dragon – Welcome to Level 9

Dear Dragon,

This past year has felt so fast, and you’re growing so much emotionally and intellectually. It leaves me in awe and makes me so proud. We’ve spent the past year closer to home without any big trips. We did go to a bunch of conventions. You’ve become extremely helpful during them. You’re helping with set up, tear down, and you’ve even started selling a little.

This year you’ve:

  • Did really well at school, your favourite subjects were math, music, and dance
  • Cooked several meals as head chef (you have a great instinct for flavours)
  • Really improved in piano and even performed your first concert at the school talent show
  • Played Clue with your mom and even came close to winning
  • Had a huge reading leap and are reading full novels now
  • Read mine and mom’s complete catalogue of books (not the pen name stuff)
  • Were diagnosed with ADHD and Gifted like your mum and I

There have been some hard times, fights with friends, and frustrations on understanding why people do things. I wish I could help, but I find so much of human interactions confusing. We’re in the process of getting you assessed for autism (again like your mum and I) and that could explain some of last years frustrations with friends but it could just be the randomness of kids. Either way, I understand. All last year’s angst seems to have been washed out over the summer, so that’s a good thing.

I’m consistently impressed by your mind and strength of personality. You are so good at seeing patterns in stories, puzzles, and games. You are getting better and better at guessing the end of a mystery. You also stand up for what you think is right. We’ve had other parents say that you’ve been a good influence on their kids.

It’s hard to get you to bed or to whatever is the next thing we need to do because I love talking with you so much.

You have some bad moments; you get angry/snippy when hungry and really rude when you’re stressed, but that’s just with us not with others. It’s something to work on but I’m not as worried as I once was.

We talked about IQ the other day and I told you that what is more important is: kindness, knowledge, and curiosity. You embody these three in most of your interactions.

I love you so much little Dragon!

Your Papa

The Scarlet Thread Irregulars (Serial Story) — Chapter 9

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12


Chapter 9: My team comes face to face with a villain

Thursday the 12th of October, 2006 – Shields Crossing, Ontario

They called him Galaus the Slayer. Might sound a little melodramatic but it was pretty fair for having killed half the council in the late nineteenth century.

There was a large sign at the edge of his property that read, “Stay the F out.” It was underlined by a black arming sword that looked a lot like mine.

Sylvie chuckled and said, “Really? The big bad slayer couldn’t write the whole word?”

The trees were tightly packed, but once we passed the sign,, there was a perfectly round clearing with a little white house in the centre. The clearing was at least half a kilometre in diameter. “Stay on the road,” I told the others as we walked up to the house, “I’d be ready to bet there are traps in the grass areas.”

“That’s pretty harsh,” Grant said, moving more into the centre of the road.

“Do you blame the man? He’s been hunted by Gatekeepers for over a hundred years,” Ursula added.

“That means he’s seen us coming already and he’s overly cautious. We should be ready to protect ourselves,” Sylvie said while zipping up her jacket and tapping the zipper three times. I assumed her fiancée had put some sort of protective magic on it.

“Keep your swords sheathed,” I ordered as we got half way to the little house. “We don’t w—” A streak of dark light flew toward me and suddenly an onyx black sword was being held to my neck. 

A man that looked like he was in his nineties but moved like he was in his twenties stood in front of me, holding the sword in one hand and a sawed-off shotgun in the other. “I thought the council had finally given up trying to kill me.” Despite living in the woods, he wore a three piece charcoal suit.

“We’re not here to kill you. We’re here to ask you for help.”

He laughed and replied, “You’re either desperate or stupid.”

“Oh he’s definitely both sir,” Sylvie quipped. Her posture was relaxed but it was a little forced. I knew her well enough that she was calculating the risks he posed and what she needed to do to neutralize him as a threat. 

“Ha!” he said and added, “Family huh? Interesting. Show me your swords.” His sword and gun didn’t waver. The group all summoned their swords and he relaxed a little. “What about you?” He punctuated the question with his sword.

I summoned my sword in reverse grip, planting its tip in the gravel road and leaning on it.

The man nodded and asked, “Who was your master?”

The rest of the group pointed at me and I sighed. If Lance was a traitor, he’d either framed or tried to kill him and I really didn’t want to say his name. “Please don’t puncture me but my master was Lance.”

“He taught a blackblade? I’m surprised. You must have been very trusting.” He brought his sword and gun down. “What do you want from an old, tired man?” He turned around and started walking to the house.

I took that as an invitation to follow and answered his question, “The Gatekeepers have made a name for themselves as being honourable. I had no reason to doubt him.”

“Sounds like you needed to believe you were chosen to do good.” He paused and took a deep, shaky breath before continuing, “I was the same way at your age. The Gatekeepers were the incorruptible knights. They represented all that was good and trustworthy. But not all of us liked following a strict moral code.

“War was brewing and we knew it was going to be massive. After the Magical community got together and voted to stay neutral, there was a lot of trouble. The wizards asked us to act as peace keepers. The Gatekeeper council decided to not interfere in the war but still keep helping individuals who needed it.

“The goldblades didn’t agree; they thought that we could do more good fighting the war than staying out of it. Lance and the others attacked the council and despite my best attempts I wasn’t able to save them.”

“That’s quite a story,” Sylvie said, looking not the least impressed. She glared at him, obviously waiting for more information.

Turning around to face me, the man said, “You have a lippy one. You’ll have to train some respect into her.”

“Never talk about one of my knights like that again,” I said growling a little. I was going to follow it up with something devastatingly clever but got distracted.

We were close to the house now and something smelled off. I should be smelling grass, forest, and some woodsmoke from the house, but instead I was smelling sulfur and rotten eggs.

I stopped moving and held my hand up in a fist to tell the others to do the same.

“Sylvie, Grant, and Ursula, could you please take out your swords?”

The moment the rainbow swords appeared, the environment around us changed. The perfectly manicured lawn became marshy wetlands, the small house turned into a familiar mansion, and the old man became Luc. 

“Oh darn, I almost had you.” He didn’t seem all that surprised. “It’s a matter of time. You’ll come begging me to help you in chapter eleven.”

“What did you do with Galaus?” I asked, ignoring his words.

The devil smiled widely and replied, “That’s the great part. I didn’t do anything. I just tricked your GPS.” To Sylvie, he asked, “When did you know?”

She replied, “Your tongue touches your front teeth after you lie. Your suit is too modern. A hundred year old knight would wear something more vintage.”

“I knew I should have gone with tails.” Luc snapped his fingers in mock disappointment.

Sylvie shook her head and said, “To be more authentic, I’d go with a long black double-breasted coat, a black vest, and a white dress shirt with a bow tie. Don’t forget the bowler hat.”

“That’s awfully specific, wh—” Luc was cut off by a dark blade piercing his throat. Behind him, having appeared without warning, was a large, sixty year old man sporting a bright orange handlebar moustache and dressed exactly as Sylvie had described.

Luc’s body turned to black smoke and floated into the mansion as both disappeared, leaving us facing the newcomer whose blade was now pointed toward me.

With a heavy Scottish accent, the man said, “Pie said you might need some help.”

Read Chapter 10


While you wait for the next chapter, check out the previous serial stories:

The Tropes in Connections! The Unexpected First Collection

The topes used in Connections! The Unexpected First Collection

No angst romance, adult, hidden magical world, aliens, superheroes, dual POV, detailed worldbuilding, and origin stories
eBook
Paperback

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – JenEric Movie Review

How This Works – Read Other Reviews

Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2010 film The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

Story

This story takes liberties with history, mythology, literature, and physics but it has excellent beats and a good urban-fantasy story.

Score: 1

Characters

The leads are charismatic and so are the villains. There’s a distinct arc for all the characters and it’s well acted. I did find the love interest a little bland and his behaviour around her a little creepy. She felt like she was in the wrong movie but she did save their asses so that’s nice.

Score: 0.5

Dialogue

Cheese and one liners between scenes of pining and info-dumps. It sounds tedious but they did an excellent job of alternating and keeping thing fresh.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The movie was stunning. The special effects look fresh even a decade and a half after it’s release. They did a great job with night filming without making it too dark.

The music used the original theme extremely well and created a pretty epic soundtrack.

Score: 1

Fun

This movie was made for fun and everyone in the family loved it.

Score: 1

Overall

One of the best urban-fantasy movies, it keeps you on your toes and despite the warping of history, it’s well paced and wonderfully acted.

Final Score: 4.5 Stars out of 5