danger

Top 5 Things You Shouldn’t say to Sensitive Parents

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Researching parenting advice or talking about parenting is dangerous. There are many things that can cause a sensitive parent to go off. These are the top 5 things you shouldn’t say to sensitive parents.

I may be guilty of every one of these…

5. Mentioning Babies Bounce.

Having had two very wiggly and active children, I may have dropped them… a few times. Thankfully they were alright. Children are scary resilient to falls and damage in general. I have actually seen my daughter get hit by a teen on a swing and keep going without hesitating.

Not all parents appreciate the grey humour about babies bouncing and they will take it personally.

4. Calling a Teether a Chew Toy.

For some reason, parents don’t like having their children compared to pets. Unfortunately, I keep forgetting what a teether is called.

In this vein, also avoid calling the baby tethers leashes, cereal kibble, and especially avoid asking a baby, “Who’s a good baby?”

3. Talking about Sexual Health.

Somedays I wonder about the world and it’s obsession with cutesy names. It’s not a cookie, a hoohaw, a bit of string, or a weiner; and not telling kids the right name for things is absurd (It’s a penis and a vulva). I once made the mistake of correcting a young kid about the fact that they had a penis not a noodle.

Kid: Do you want to see my noodle?

Me: Sure…?

Kid: Starts to unzip pants.

Me: That’s a penis and no.

Let’s just say the parents were not too thrilled. Obviously, it’s a parent’s choice to teach their kids about their bodies, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.

You should probably also avoid talking about sex, contraceptives, and sexually transmitted diseases to sensitive parents and their kids.

The parents of the kid should talk about these things. Cough Blush Cough

2. Disagreeing on One of the Major Wars.

Parenting is a minefield of dangerous subjects and choosing a side in any of the major wars is a great way to be yelled at.

What wars?

  • Diapers: Disposable, Reusable, Diapers Service.
  • Feeding: Breast or Bottle (Even saying fed is best is controversial.)
  • Feeding: Solids vs puree; feeding the child vs baby led weaning.
  • Daycare: Daycare or home; School daycare or babysitter

The list could go on for a long time. I mostly try to stay out of it. We do our things, you do yours.

The only thing I will fight you about are Vaccines. I like my children and the immunocompromised in our society to stay alive.

1. Agreeing with the Child.

This will get you in so much trouble. It’s a favourite pastime of Aunts and Uncles.

Don’t agree with the child until you know what the parent is saying. It could be as inconspicuous as what is the best flavour of ice cream or as dangerous as Star Trek vs Star Wars.

Note that even if the child isn’t there, saying that they have a point, or trying to make the parent see that point is a dangerous idea.

The parents are bombarded by the child’s sass and near constant contrariness that they don’t want to think about it. Just leave them alone. The parent will come around in 10-20 years.

In conclusion, it’s hard to not insult, offend, or irke a sensitive parent, but if you avoid talking to them about their child, children, pets, health, schools, or generally anything but the weather… you should be safe.

Good luck,

Éric

Abusive Behaviour and Watching Movies

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Hello My Imaginary Friends,

An article showed up on my news feed recently and it’s not unique. Every time there’s a big movie or TV show, I see similar articles. Avengers, Star Wars, Game of Thrones, etc. Interestingly it’s usually the male partner making the demands.

If you don’t want to read the article, it’s your usual list of demands that a guy has given his girlfriend for when they go see Avengers Endgame. These demands always include the following things: No talking, No eating, No peeing, and you can leave if you want but I won’t care.

This article even had a clause where she was in charge of the kids if there was an emergency and she couldn’t bother him.

Fandom is rife with bullying. From Gate-keeping which only allows “true” fans; to Taste-keeping which categorizes things into “good” and “bad” forms of media, mocking anyone who likes the latter. These are both commonly used to tease or insult others. Especially others tastes. It’s also extremely common.

Fandom is also rife with abusive behaviours. If your significant other gives you this list of demands, or something similar, refuse to participate in the activity. They are either trying to control you or are so blinded by passion that they don’t understand that what they’re doing is abusive. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re wrong for enjoying something differently than them.

If you are the person giving this list to someone, don’t. Seriously, if this piece of media is so important to you that someone shoving popcorn in their mouth will ruin your fun, then don’t take that person. Go alone, pirate it and watch it in your room, or a hotel room. Buy out the cinema. Or just go see it multiple times and don’t care.

This behaviour is not cool, it’s not right, and it’s not healthy. These events, shows, media, etc; are meant to be enjoyed and everyone enjoys them differently. If you can’t respect that, go alone.

WARNING: I have tickets for Tuesday evening at the Cineplex Ottawa on Carling. I plan of getting a large drink and popcorn. I will go pee at least once during the movie. I will laugh (probably before you) at the jokes, and boo or groan at the fat jokes (yeah I know what fucking year is it that there has to be fat jokes in this sort of movie?). I will whisper to my wife and I will exclaim when it’s appropriate. If you have a problem with this, don’t go to the same showing.

Later Days,
Éric