Hello Friends, Family, and Fans,
In June, I got a rejection for The Copper Tarnish. I worked on that book on and off for almost seven years before submitting it. It’s one of my more raw books and reflects a lot of my feelings of wanting and not being accepted.
The whole book is an exploration of the small town obsession with uniformity. I use a parasitic (zombie-ish) infection as a metaphor for how far people will go to insist others fit their mould. There’s also an alien princess, sapphic romance, and some intense crossovers from other stories.
I’m proud of this book. I thought, when submitting, that it was the most layered of my stories, all wrapped in a 50’s style monster movie.
I requested feedback on the rejection, and despite the reply being very kind, it was obvious that they disliked the book.
I am absolutely NOT upset at the people who criticized or those who rejected me.
I want to be. I want to be indignant, I want to rage, I want to say they don’t understand my genius.
However, if I’m being honest, I’m just upset because I was rejected, because I’d hoped to release a book every year for 10 years in a row, and mostly because I failed.
The rejection was such a surprise and the criticism so broad that it’s thrown me through a loop. Between RSD and imposter syndrome, I’m finding it hard not to overthink everything I write. Unfortunately, that makes writing extra hard and me extra sensitive.
I just finished a chapter of Fanatics! Inevitable Honeymoon Crashers, and despite being excited about what I wrote, I keep feeling like I’m not doing a good enough job. I feel like the quality difference between my writing and Jen’s is starting to show more. (She’s damn good and only getting better.)
That’s one of the downsides of co-writing; the pressure to be as good as your co-writer, and feeling like they’d be better off on their own.
I’m not looking for any advice or reassurance. I just need to start building up my confidence again. I know I have strengths in my writing and I need to concentrate on those and work on my flaws.
As for The Copper Tarnish, it’s currently with a beta reader and based on their comments, I might send it to more beta readers, re-write it completely, or put it in my “I wrote this but don’t think I should publish it” folder with Cerulean Sky and Dinosaur Road Trip.
Part of me wants to give up but I know that I can’t. Writing is like breathing. I’m not sure I can live without it.
Stay safe and be kind,
Éric