I was in contact with my publisher this morning, and guess what!? Pre-orders for Blush are going to be available by the end of day today! I’m kinda freaking out, because even though the Kickstarter happened in March-April, and I’ve been working on this for almost 9 years at this point, this is getting to be VERY real! Eep!
I will update this post when I have to link to the pre-order. I will add it HERE. (Now updated!)
I have recently been made aware of a few weird things about pregnancy.
The stretch goal questions have been sent to the publisher, and will be edited by professionals soon. Keep an eye open for updates – the pre-order should be available soon!
Sorry, today will be short, and I’m not answering a question. That’s because I’m hard at work researching for the 50 questions that are being added to the game because our first stretch goal was reached. I’m still flabbergasted that this creation of mine raised just over $5,000. Thank you to everyone who has supported this endeavor. I am truly honoured.
We are still accepting anonymous questions! If you’ve got a burning question, please ask us here. If it doesn’t get used in the game, I’ll answer it in a blog post!
Last week, I received this anonymous question in Blush’s inbox:
While this could have been funny if it was from a friend, the fact that it remains anonymous sets off a seriously creepy vibe. I also feel disrespected and upset.
One of the reasons I created the game Blush is to open the conversation about sex. Make it less taboo to talk about, and to normalize conversations about topics that may seem, to some people, awkward and uncomfortable. Topics like LGBT and transgender issues will be less mysterious.
“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown”
― H.P. Lovecraft, Supernatural Horror in Literature
Sex, gender, and all the other topics that are covered in Blush should not be unknown! Maybe I’m extrapolating, but I feel like if people understood and respected one another a little bit better, we won’t have to live through another massacre like that in Orlando on June 12, 2016.
“[…]We lived through times when hate and fear seemed stronger;
We rise and fall and light from dying embers
Remembrances that hope and love last longer
And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside. […]”
― Lin-Manuel Miranda at the 2016 Tony Awards
June 12 was our anniversary (seven years this year!), and I spent a lot of time on that day thinking about how privileged we are; to live in Canada, to be in a “socially accepted relationship”, to be alive, to be allowed to love. And yet, I receive messages like the one above. Granted, that message is TAME. I feel fortunate that whoever it was only went that far. But would they have said that over the phone? If I knew who they were? The internet allows a certain level of anonymity that makes people feel as though they can say whatever they want with no repercussions. Sure, this person won’t know how uncomfortable they made me feel (unless they read this), but that doesn’t mean that someone didn’t get hurt.
I hope that people treat each other with more respect soon. I hope that I’m bringing our daughter into a world that respects and loves and cares about all human life, no matter who they love, what they look like, or where they come from.
As for what I’m wearing right now? Clothing.
P.S. If one of my friends did send me that message as a joke, please let me know so that I can stop worrying about it! I won’t be mad at you.
Rather than pull a question from the bank, I thought I would do some research on a topic that I’ve been thinking about A LOT recently, because I’m freaking out about it a bit. What am I going to do about my first period after the baby comes?
Let me explain why this has become such a big deal in my head: I have exclusively used a Diva Cup for over 8 years now. I don’t remember what it was like to use a pad, other than “ick, uncomfortable!” and I really don’t want to revert back to disposable methods.
My dad asked me this the other day, and I didn’t have time to answer because my sister came down the stairs, and then I forgot about it. Pregnancy brain. A Diva Cup is a reusable cup that is inserted into the vagina to collect discarded menstrual fluid. There are many types of menstrual cups (Moon Cup, Luna Cup, etc) available for purchase, if you know where to look, but the Diva Cup is probably the most easily accessible at the time of this post in Ottawa, Canada. They have it in Shoppers now! I get incredibly excited when I see them on the shelves, even though I don’t need a replacement (or anything at all at the moment), because it means that they can be accessed by everyone.
For the same reason that tampons can’t be used after giving birth – and this goes for any type of delivery. The uterus (and vagina) need time to heal. Using an internal menstrual product can cause infections. (And you probably don’t want to put something inside the vagina after pushing out a watermelon-sized baby, if you chose to deliver vaginally, but that’s apparently besides the point.)
This first “period” is not actually a period, it is postpartum bleeding, and is a combination of blood, tissue from the uterine lining, and bacteria. It lasts for up to 6 weeks, and starts out as bright red, but transitions to pale pink or dark red, and finally to a yellowish or light colour.
In my case, because I don’t want to go back to disposable pads (for good reason, imho), although the natural pads don’t seem too bad, I bought some reusable pads from Crafty What-Knots. They arrived on Monday, and I’m rather excited about them. I wish I had thought of the fact that I would need to wear pads BEFORE we got pregnant, so that I could try these out (and get used to the idea of wearing a pad again) on my last period, without the added complication of delivery, but I didn’t. Look at the picture! Didn’t she choose great patterns for me?? I will write a review on them once I use them in September (or maybe August – one never knows with babies, right?) I requested two different sizes – right after delivery, so they are extra long; and regular. I will be getting reusable liners from Terra 20 this summer.
Have a question about reusable menstrual cups? Have any experience with postpartum bleeding you wish you share? Drop me a email, or post a comment here or on the Facebook post!
Dr Lindsey Doe has a fantastic video about pubic hair growth which you can watch here. However, if you’d like to read about it instead of watch it, here are my answers to a few questions.
Why do we have pubic hair?
For many reasons! To reduce friction, decrease skin abrasion and injury, protect from bacteria (like eyelashes protect our eyes, as Dr Doe pointed out), and a visible sign of puberty. (and more!)
If pubic hair does all that, why is there such a big industry dedicated to removing it?
For many reasons! Well, sort of. The biggest ones for today’s society is embarrassment and fashion. We body-shame ourselves (and each other) into the belief that pubic hair is an awful thing to have. And with bikinis getting smaller, the likelihood of pubic hair being visible is higher than it was a century ago. Sports athletes often shave for sports reasons (you can tell I’m not a sports person, right?).
Of course, the hair removal industry is mostly centered around Western Europe and North America (Canada and the US, specifically). There are other cultures that don’t have a problem with pubic hair.
Is it so bad to remove pubic hair?
It is up to you. Going through the hair removal process can cause small abrasions on your skin, allowing for bacteria to enter your body. It also increases chances of ingrown hairs, unless you use a high tech epilator. Being hairless (or mostly hairless) can mean that there is more friction during sex (or even just walking!), which can also cause injury to your skin. As Dr Doe says, if you wish to remove your hair, do it because you want to.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyITfS3MGFk
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/04/war-pubic-hair.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pubic_hair – I don’t usually recommend wikipedia articles, but this one has so many great sources that I can’t help but use it.
When Dr Lindsey Doe’s channel Sexplanations went live almost 3 years ago, I was super excited to hear about it. She has uploaded tons of videos since, and although I’m not a religious watcher of her channel, I think its a fantastic resource! She’s adorable, hilarious, and educational all rolled into one package. Highly recommended!
On Monday of this week, we found out the sex of our baby Dragon. When it cam time to write the poll question for yesterday’s post, we briefly puzzled over whether to write “sex” or “gender”, because those terms are so often used interchangeably when discussing a baby. After some research, we found our answer.
What’s the difference between “sex” and “gender”?
Sex refers to whether the sex organs identify a person as male or female at birth. Factors which determine sex, such as chromosomes, gametes, internal organs, and hormones, don’t usually factor into determination at birth, which is why a ton of intersex conditions go unnoticed at first. When discussing a baby, unless you opt for the intensive DNA profiling, you determine the sex by the external sex organs…does the baby have a penis or vulva?
Gender refers to the roles that society places on a person based on their sex. Male, female, genderqueer, agender, and gender fluid would be words used to define gender. Gender identity can only be given by the person in question. This is definitely not something that an ultrasound can tell.
http://www.cihr-irsc.gc.ca/e/47830.html
http://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2015/02/24/sex-biology-redefined-genes-dont-indicate-binary-sexes/
There are only four days left in our Kickstarter campaign. We are close. SO close! You only have until midnight on Sunday April 10th to pledge, so PLEASE go and support our Kickstarter!
This past week has been rather… Surprising? Unique? Crazy? I’m going to go with all of the above.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m a shy person. You’re my friend? I’ll blabber on about whatever comes into my head. You’re alone and I’m alone and we’re complete strangers? No problem striking up a conversation. You’re wearing something geeky? I will talk to you whether you’re in a group or not. Put me in front of a group? No way. I will blush (no pun intended), stammer, forget the thread of conversation (or presentation), and generally be very uncomfortable and awkward.
And this past week has been pushing my boundaries. I’ve had two “print” interviews, one by phone for an article for Apt 613, and one in person for an article for the Metro. And I was interviewed on CBC Radio with my dad for the segment All in a Day. You have no idea how grateful I was that my dad was there. As much as I was able to convince myself that it was simply another one-on-one conversation with Alan Neal (who was super awesome, and a great interviewer), I still had problems getting my words out in the order I wanted them, and forming sentences that actually made sense. My dad, on the other hand, was brilliant. Not only did he get the conversation around to the game (the whole point, really), but he was funny and intelligent the entire time. So glad he was invited, and agreed to join me.
One thing that I have noticed, throughout these three interviews, is that I am asked a variation of the same main questions, although the written words are extremely varied. So I thought I would write down some of the most frequently asked questions, and answer them.
What was the reason behind this game? How did it come to be?
The game started out as a project for my Adolescence class at the University of Ottawa. The project was very open-ended; we had to research a topic that was related to adolescents. After a very brief brainstorming session, and a class on Human Sexuality later that week, I realized that the most obvious choice for my topic was adolescent sexuality. You can read my paper here. This was possibly the easiest paper I have ever written in my entire life (to date). The words came easily, I would get to a point that needed proof, the studies that provided the proof were easily found, and I was done in a matter of days.
As my research found that parents and their kids had a better relationship, built on trust and mutual respect, if they spent time playing games together, I decided to expand my project (with the professor’s permission) into a physical game that taught the facts of sexuality, sexual health, and identity. The original concept was very Trivial Pursuit-esque, with a board game and pieces, dice, and collecting parts to win. It was a huge undertaking, and would be very expensive to produce. I also didn’t particularly like how similar it was to Trivial Pursuit, but I couldn’t think of another way of formatting it. (I got 100% on the project, and my professor made me promise to develop it.)
Fast forward 8 years, and I was having a conversation with one of the founders of Renaissance Press about projects that we were particularly proud of in school. Blush was obviously one of those, and they asked to borrow the prototype. When they brought it back with a contract, and an idea of how to make the rules different, I was in shock. Definitely changed my life! I started the anonymous question box and this portion of the blog at that point.
What are the rules for playing the game?
Each player takes a turn asking a question and reading the four possible answers out loud. Other players then vote for the answer they think is the right one, their voting cards face down. They flip the card over al at the same time once everyone has voted. Correct answers get a point token. Next player clockwise reads the next question, and so on. First player to get to ‘x’ points (decided at the beginning of the game) wins.
How old would you recommend the kids to be to play this game?
The redesigned questions complement the new Ontario sex education curriculum, so you could play portions of the game with your kids as early as Grade 1. As parents, you are allowed to take out the cards that are too advanced for them (recommended), and reinsert them as your child grows up. To play the game as a whole, without removing cards, age 12-13 is an approximate. If you feel they’re ready earlier, that’s fine too!
I read something the other day that fits in well here. “What age do you think kids should know about sex? Remove two years, and that’s much more likely.”
If you’re a parent with an infant, and you’re not sure whether you’ll use the game, I can see where you’re coming from. My first child is due in September, and Grade 1 feels INCREDIBLY far away. However, Blush doesn’t expire! And in the meantime, you can play it with your friends, even as a drinking game. (Be prepared to get drunk very quickly if you do, though. The questions can be harder than you think!) This goes for people without children as well. How well do you remember your own sex ed classes? Do you think you know everything?
There were lots of other questions that I was asked multiple times, but this post is getting a little long, so I will leave you with a question that I wish I HAD been asked, because I think it’s a rather important one:
What qualifies YOU to write this game? Why should we trust your facts?
My educational background has provided me with thorough researching skills (1), an understanding of human sexuality (2), and the knowledge of how to teach through different methods (3).
I have been extremely thorough with my research into this game, and will go over the questions again with a fine-tooth comb before it is published. My publisher, Renaissance Press, has already edited the questions, as well as sent them off to UofT’s Sexual Health Centre, to have a second pair of eyes look at the questions.
I feel as though all of my educational and personal background has led to this game. It is a major part of me, and with your help, will come into this world before my first-born child!
Blush’s kickstarter is doing well, but we still have a long way to go, and about two weeks left! Please keep harassing your friends and family, and add neighbours into the mix! Let’s make this game a reality!
Algonquin College, my school, has their Pride Week this week. I had the opportunity to attend a workshop yesterday afternoon, given by the fantastic people at Venus Envy Ottawa (Facebook, Twitter), on Bi/Pan/Poly relationships. The speakers were very well educated and gave thoughtful and insightful answers to all our questions. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and learned a lot.
This is what Pride means to me. As an Ally, I sometimes feel adjacent to what the Pride movement stands for. I loved the inclusiveness that taking part in something as minor as a workshop gave to me. On top of feeling as though I belonged, I was able to learn more about how to respect people in those relationships previously mentioned, and how to break through the myths surrounding the stereotypes.
Pride Week, to an Ally like me, is about education on different types of relationships and sexualities. It is about showing support and respect to everyone. It is about welcoming other human beings and accepting them for who they are.
Thank you for such a great workshop. I definitely won’t forget it!
Algonquin’s Pride Week will continue today and tomorrow, and has various workshops free to the public. Check out their calendar of events here.
