Blush

Blush: Virginity

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I will be at Can-Con this weekend, barring delivery obviously, and you can buy your copy of Blush there for the first time ever!! I am ridiculously excited to hold it in my hands!

I have been reticent to talk about the concept of virginity for many reasons, the dominant one being because of how much of it comes down to opinion. I try very hard to keep my opinions out of these Q&A Blush posts, and it’s never easy.

A pure white flower is often the depiction of virginity. I chose a peony because it's one of my favourite flowers, and it's symbolic in a way - ants have to eat away the exterior waxy coat before the flower can bloom. Image from www.bridgewatergardens.com
A pure white flower is often the depiction of virginity. I chose a peony because it’s one of my favourite flowers, and it’s symbolic in a way – ants have to eat away the exterior waxy coat before the flower can bloom. Image from www.bridgewatergardens.com

Question

Where did the concept of virginity come from?

Answer

Originally, the term came from Greek goddesses Artemis and Hestia. They were unmarried goddesses, and labelled as “virgin” because they were strong and independent women, and capable of resisting the temptations of Dionysus – the god of seduction and wine. Virgin was a word of power.

Unfortunately, in the medieval ages, the term was turned into what we automatically assume today – a virgin as a heterosexual person with a vagina who has not had sexual intercourse with a person with a penis. Tests of chastity were performed, which looked for such things as an unbroken hymen. Please read my post about hymens from last September here. Not only are some people born without a hymen, but they degrade over time.

Something to consider, for the medieval ages – they married at a much younger age than by today’s standards, so it is possible that the hymen had not degraded fully at the time of marriage. But can you imagine if such a test were performed now?

The common definition today is someone who has not been penetrated or penetrated another sexually. It is important to remember that virginity is a social construct and has no physical or biological effects or definition.

Question

How does one lose one’s virginity?

Answer

Let me repeat that virginity is a social construct, and therefore not a stable fact. The way to lose your virginity depends on your definition of virginity.

At the risk of being pedantic, the better question is “Why does it matter if you’ve had sex?” This is a question you need to decide for yourself (or with the help of a medical professional, therapist, or religious leader).

Again, there is no physical, chemical, or biological basis or effect from having penetrative sex.

Important

Whether you and your partner are “virgins” or not, it is extremely important that you are tested for STIs (there are many ways to contract STIs that do not involve sex) and it’s important you use protection.

References

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/defining.html

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/teens/sex/virginity

Laci Green

Dr. Lindsey Doe

Adam Ruins Everything

The JenEric Newsletter

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The following was originally posted on the JenEric Coffee Blog

Hello Coffee Lovers,

The best way to get information on New Products, Discount Codes, Events, and Sales is through the JenEric Newsletter:

The Newsletter comes out the first week of a new month and is packed with information about coffee and all our other products.

This week’s will have a special discount on our Coffee Club Subscription.

JenEric Gourmet Coffee is part of the JenEric Designs Family, which includes the following:

Subscribe for all the awesome that is JenEric Designs,

Éric

Blush: Swimming and Periods

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Before I get started on the post, I’d like to share a piece of good news I got yesterday from my publisher. The Blush cards have been completed, and the printer has shipped them! They should be arriving at the publisher’s on Monday! I am ridiculously excited about this, as it is earlier than anticipated. Whee!!

Pre-Order your copy!

Fu Yuanhui is a Chinese swimmer in the Rio Olypmics. Image from www.shockmansion.com
Fu Yuanhui is a Chinese swimmer in the Rio Olypmics. Image from www.shockmansion.com

This Chinese swimmer got her period during the Olympics. The day before her race. And apparently she gets debilitating cramps while on her period. Ouch. As someone who (usually) bleeds every month, it surprised me that it hadn’t occurred to me before this point what athletes did about the cramping that (might) come with their periods while during a meet.

Apparently it hadn’t occurred to me because it’s a taboo to discuss it in the sports world. Really? Ok then. Not my place at all to judge. But it certainly surprised me to hear that. But what surprised me even more was what was said as I continued to read the article; only 2% of Chinese people who get their periods use tampons. (In the US, 42% of menstruating people use tampons, for comparisons sake.)

I am a swimmer. Not competitively, but I was a lifeguard. I taught swimming lessons. I love the water. I used tampons from age 14-23. Not always successfully… but that’s a story for another time. Now (when needed) I use a menstrual cup called a Diva Cup.

So to hear that only 2%, TWO PER CENT, use tampons… it boggles my mind. How do they swim? Or do they just forgo swimming one week every month?

Not only do they not use tampons, but a lot of people aren’t even aware that they exist. Or weren’t, until Fu Yuanhui talked about swimming on her period on national television. Apparently someone even accused her of lying about being on her period, because how could she swim?

Hopefully this opens up a healthy discussion about menstruation and the variety of products available, and more menstruating people can have the opportunities that were so long denied to them.

P.S. If you go and read the article, there is more content, including whether menstruation affects sports performance, and whether using a tampon stops the person from being a virgin. The former would be an incredibly long post involving a lot of research that has yet to be done conclusively, and the latter is another post entirely – about what virginity means. I’ve been avoiding talking about this subject because I’m afraid of including too much of my opinions, but I think it’s time for that discussion…in two weeks.

P.P.S. If you are interested in doing a guest post about a topic that would fall under Blush, please let me know! This can be done with credit given, or anonymously. Please contact us at jenericdesigns@gmail.com

Blush: Pre-orders

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I was in contact with my publisher this morning, and guess what!? Pre-orders for Blush are going to be available by the end of day today! I’m kinda freaking out, because even though the Kickstarter happened in March-April, and I’ve been working on this for almost 9 years at this point, this is getting to be VERY real! Eep!

I will update this post when I have to link to the pre-order. I will add it HERE. (Now updated!)

Picture taken by Caroline Frechette of Renaissance Press.
Picture taken by Caroline Frechette of Renaissance Press.

Blush: Weird Pregnancy Stuff

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I have recently been made aware of a few weird things about pregnancy.

  1. There’s a mucus plug that blocks the cervix. This adds an extra layer of protection for the baby.
  2. Stretch marks can appear overnight.
  3. Dizziness can happen very suddenly. Always have protein within arms reach, and go sit down.
  4. Blood volume increases by 50% while pregnant. This causes the body to be warmer than normal, and can cause “the glow”. It also burns more energy (see number 3), and can cause swelling in extremities.

The stretch goal questions have been sent to the publisher, and will be edited by professionals soon. Keep an eye open for updates – the pre-order should be available soon!

Blush: Stretch goal

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Sorry, today will be short, and I’m not answering a question. That’s because I’m hard at work researching for the 50 questions that are being added to the game because our first stretch goal was reached. I’m still flabbergasted that this creation of mine raised just over $5,000. Thank you to everyone who has supported this endeavor. I am truly honoured.

We are still accepting anonymous questions! If you’ve got a burning question, please ask us here. If it doesn’t get used in the game, I’ll answer it in a blog post!

Don't dread "the talk." Blush makes it fun, and approachable... no matter what the questions are. Please help make this sexual health trivia game happen by backing our kickstarter! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1357195744/blush
Don’t dread “the talk.” Blush makes it fun, and approachable… no matter what the questions are.

Blush: Respect

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Last week, I received this anonymous question in Blush’s inbox:

Screen grab from Blush's email account blushcardgame@gmail.com
Screen grab from Blush’s email account blushcardgame@gmail.com

While this could have been funny if it was from a friend, the fact that it remains anonymous sets off a seriously creepy vibe. I also feel disrespected and upset.
One of the reasons I created the game Blush is to open the conversation about sex. Make it less taboo to talk about, and to normalize conversations about topics that may seem, to some people, awkward and uncomfortable. Topics like LGBT and transgender issues will be less mysterious.

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown”
― H.P. Lovecraft, Supernatural Horror in Literature

Sex, gender, and all the other topics that are covered in Blush should not be unknown! Maybe I’m extrapolating, but I feel like if people understood and respected one another a little bit better, we won’t have to live through another massacre like that in Orlando on June 12, 2016.

“[…]We lived through times when hate and fear seemed stronger;
We rise and fall and light from dying embers
Remembrances that hope and love last longer
And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside. […]”
― Lin-Manuel Miranda at the 2016 Tony Awards

June 12 was our anniversary (seven years this year!), and I spent a lot of time on that day thinking about how privileged we are; to live in Canada, to be in a “socially accepted relationship”, to be alive, to be allowed to love. And yet, I receive messages like the one above. Granted, that message is TAME. I feel fortunate that whoever it was only went that far. But would they have said that over the phone? If I knew who they were? The internet allows a certain level of anonymity that makes people feel as though they can say whatever they want with no repercussions. Sure, this person won’t know how uncomfortable they made me feel (unless they read this), but that doesn’t mean that someone didn’t get hurt.

I hope that people treat each other with more respect soon. I hope that I’m bringing our daughter into a world that respects and loves and cares about all human life, no matter who they love, what they look like, or where they come from.

As for what I’m wearing right now? Clothing.

P.S. If one of my friends did send me that message as a joke, please let me know so that I can stop worrying about it! I won’t be mad at you.

Blush: Reusable Products

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Rather than pull a question from the bank, I thought I would do some research on a topic that I’ve been thinking about A LOT recently, because I’m freaking out about it a bit. What am I going to do about my first period after the baby comes?

Let me explain why this has become such a big deal in my head: I have exclusively used a Diva Cup for over 8 years now. I don’t remember what it was like to use a pad, other than “ick, uncomfortable!” and I really don’t want to revert back to disposable methods.

What is a Diva Cup?

My dad asked me this the other day, and I didn’t have time to answer because my sister came down the stairs, and then I forgot about it. Pregnancy brain. A Diva Cup is a reusable cup that is inserted into the vagina to collect discarded menstrual fluid. There are many types of menstrual cups (Moon Cup, Luna Cup, etc) available for purchase, if you know where to look, but the Diva Cup is probably the most easily accessible at the time of this post in Ottawa, Canada. They have it in Shoppers now! I get incredibly excited when I see them on the shelves, even though I don’t need a replacement (or anything at all at the moment), because it means that they can be accessed by everyone.

Why can’t you use a Diva Cup after giving birth?

For the same reason that tampons can’t be used after giving birth – and this goes for any type of delivery. The uterus (and vagina) need time to heal. Using an internal menstrual product can cause infections. (And you probably don’t want to put something inside the vagina after pushing out a watermelon-sized baby, if you chose to deliver vaginally, but that’s apparently besides the point.)

Side note:

This first “period” is not actually a period, it is postpartum bleeding, and is a combination of blood, tissue from the uterine lining, and bacteria. It lasts for up to 6 weeks, and starts out as bright red, but transitions to pale pink or dark red, and finally to a yellowish or light colour.

So what is your solution?

In my case, because I don’t want to go back to disposable pads (for good reason, imho), although the natural pads don’t seem too bad, I bought some reusable pads from Crafty What-Knots. They arrived on Monday, and I’m rather excited about them. I wish I had thought of the fact that I would need to wear pads BEFORE we got pregnant, so that I could try these out (and get used to the idea of wearing a pad again) on my last period, without the added complication of delivery, but I didn’t. Look at the picture! Didn’t she choose great patterns for me?? I will write a review on them once I use them in September (or maybe August – one never knows with babies, right?) I requested two different sizes – right after delivery, so they are extra long; and regular. I will be getting reusable liners from Terra 20 this summer.

Reusable menstrual pads by <a href="http://www.facebook.com/craftywhatknots">Crafty What-Knots</a>
Reusable menstrual pads by Crafty What-Knots. Best material choice ever!

Have a question about reusable menstrual cups? Have any experience with postpartum bleeding you wish you share? Drop me a email, or post a comment here or on the Facebook post!

References

www.americanpregnancy.org

Blush: Pubic Hair

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Dr Lindsey Doe has a fantastic video about pubic hair growth which you can watch here. However, if you’d like to read about it instead of watch it, here are my answers to a few questions.

Image from static.independent.co.uk
Image from static.independent.co.uk

Question

Why do we have pubic hair?

Answer

For many reasons! To reduce friction, decrease skin abrasion and injury, protect from bacteria (like eyelashes protect our eyes, as Dr Doe pointed out), and a visible sign of puberty. (and more!)

Question

If pubic hair does all that, why is there such a big industry dedicated to removing it?

Answer

For many reasons! Well, sort of. The biggest ones for today’s society is embarrassment and fashion. We body-shame ourselves (and each other) into the belief that pubic hair is an awful thing to have. And with bikinis getting smaller, the likelihood of pubic hair being visible is higher than it was a century ago. Sports athletes often shave for sports reasons (you can tell I’m not a sports person, right?).

Of course, the hair removal industry is mostly centered around Western Europe and North America (Canada and the US, specifically). There are other cultures that don’t have a problem with pubic hair.

Question

Is it so bad to remove pubic hair?

Answer

It is up to you. Going through the hair removal process can cause small abrasions on your skin, allowing for bacteria to enter your body. It also increases chances of ingrown hairs, unless you use a high tech epilator. Being hairless (or mostly hairless) can mean that there is more friction during sex (or even just walking!), which can also cause injury to your skin. As Dr Doe says, if you wish to remove your hair, do it because you want to.

References

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyITfS3MGFk

http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/04/war-pubic-hair.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pubic_hair – I don’t usually recommend wikipedia articles, but this one has so many great sources that I can’t help but use it.

Blush: Sexplanations Recommendation

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When Dr Lindsey Doe’s channel Sexplanations went live almost 3 years ago, I was super excited to hear about it. She has uploaded tons of videos since, and although I’m not a religious watcher of her channel, I think its a fantastic resource! She’s adorable, hilarious, and educational all rolled into one package. Highly recommended!