Éric’s Top 5 Pet Peeves

Everyone has things that annoy them. I’m certainly not an exception (I annoy a lot of people.)

I’m normally a pretty relaxed guy but I go through phases where I have to stop myself and say/sing “Let it go.” If I don’t, I’ll just get grumpier and grumpier until I explode in a semi-comic rage.

There are things that no matter how happy I am, they will piss me, royally, off. So with no more delay here are:

Éric’s Top 5 Pet Peeves

5. Small Talk

I’m not talking about seeing a friend on the bus and asking them how they’ve been. I’m talking about the useless words to fill the void of silence.

Them, “Hi”

Me, “Hello”

Them, “So the weather is really weathering huh?”

Me, “Yep. Canada Eh?”

ARG! Why? Sure, it used to be fun and screw with people by going off script and saying I like winter or hate heat but it’s just so boring. (I love weather and the science behind it. I totally fanboyed when I met Mark Robinson.)

4. Being Corrected

If I’m pronouncing something wrong, made a spelling mistake, or got Jeffrey Dean Morgan confused with Javier Bardem (again) I don’t mind being told I’m wrong.

If I say I hated The Dark Knight rises and you tell me I’m wrong, I will strangle you with my mind. My opinions, feelings, and philosophical thoughts are not yours to disprove. Star Trek 2: The Khan Strikes back wasn’t a Star Trek movie and I’ll happily argue it with you but don’t tell me I can’t feel that way.

3. Drivers that idle in the pedestrian crossing lane

I get that you’re in a hurry and that you want to be as close to the stop sign or light as possible but there’s this nice little part of the road that’s meant for pedestrians to cross the road. I’m not in a steel shell, I should be walking in front of you, not behind you because you’re too fraking impatient to stop at the right place.

OH and by the way this:Yeild

It’s a yield sign. You need to stop for other cars and pedestrians and YIELD to their passage. It’s not a park in the middle of the lane sign or speed up sign. YIELD you stupid metal clad morons!

2. People who walk and smoke

I get that you can’t smoke in parks, city events, restaurants, bars, workplaces, etc, but how would you like it if I started spraying skunk smell as I walked?

I’m just trying to get from place A to place B, I don’t need your noxious smoke in my face. It stinks, makes me want to vomit and punch you in the face.

Don’t even get me started with the jerk-faced-morons that smoke in front of doors.

Someday I’m going to snap and start carrying a spray bottle and start treating you like a misbehaving cat.

1. Positive People

Being genuinely happy and positive is something that makes everyone around you feel better. Being perky or super-positive at people is annoying.

If I’m upset, no amount of telling me how I should be happy will help, unless you’re trying to make me angry. Seriously, let me be grumpy or not like mornings. What’s it to you?

I think all these disgustingly happy/perky people are hiding something. Either deep seated sadness or dead bodies.

 

That’s my top 5 pet peeves for the moment. I’ve purposely left out the category “Stupid People” (Climate change deniers, Antivaxers, Gamergaters, Rabid Puppies, preachy-angry religious or atheists, and people who give their carnivorous pets vegan/vegetarian diets, etc) and “Boring Conspiracy Nuts” (People who say: Aspartame is bad, Big Pharma, the liberal cabal etc .

 

What are your pet peeves?

Éric

 

Recommendation Monday – Gloomies the Webcomic

My wife came back from Fan Expo last year with a fridge magnet of this comic:

This comic speaks to me
This comic speaks to me

I then searched out the comic and started devouring the archives whenever I’ve felt stressed. onpupose

They’re a lot of fun and very colourful. If you’re having a hard day go read some Gloomies and it’ll make you smile.

 

Enjoy!

Eric

Me and My Friend Captain Trips

Hello,

So this is the first post of the week for me. Sorry about that. I’ve been fighting a flu or some sort of stomach thing. Web MD seems to think it’s the flu which is a nice change of pace for WebMD.

My worst symptoms were on Monday. On Sunday I participated in a panel about The Stand by Stephen King. In the book, the majority of people are killed by a genetically engineered disease called Captain Trips.

Both I and the other panelist were sick on Monday, and I have to say that I was mildly panicked. Thankfully I wasn’t conscious for most of Monday.

I’m still suffering from certain symptoms, the worst of which being fatigue. Doing anything for too long makes me want to take a nap.

Web MD tells me that the symptoms shouldn’t last more than a week or two. Yay. (Please re-read that with a large amount of sarcasm.)

Serial Story

It looks like you’ve chosen Only Human to be the serial story for 2015! I look forward to exploring the drama and romance of this world. Rachel should be a fun character to follow around.

If you have suggestions on what species her romantic interest should be, leave it in the comments.

 

Ok. It’s time for me to go nap again.

Éric

Genetics in SPACE!

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

Reading my blog you might have the idea that I am a huge fan of Urban Fantasy, and a big fan of Fantasy. You’d also be right it assuming with a few small exceptions, that I’m more of a fantasy writer.

You’d also assume that from the serial story choices for this year, 2 fantasies and 1 science fiction. (The poll is still open by the way. Please go vote! The poll closes next Tuesday). You’d be right. Out of my five written novels, they are all arguably types of fantasy.

As much as I love Fantasy, I love Science Fiction more. Especially space based science fiction. From Asimov to Flash Gordon, I love it all.

One thing I remember trying to figure out in the bath (Back when I fit in one) was how many people were needed to make a viable colony (Yeah, I was a weird kid). I’d always assumed it was around 1000. Turns out I was off by a lot. According to Understanding Genetics, the amount is roughly 160 breeding adults. That depends on how many genetic problems the colonists have. The studies apparently say that the Family unit is the best vehicle for a good colony, so that a colony is more like an isolated village than a group of people thrown together. There’s even a study that says that North America was settled by only 70 people.

I’ve always wanted to write a generation spanning science fiction novel about a colonist ship and looking into this has made me want to write it a lot more. Maybe it’ll be my next novel.

Mission Update

I discovered around Christmas that I’d been collecting Urban-Fantasy/Fantasy series at an alarming rate. At last count, I have over 50 of them and more than 20 that I hadn’t read. No seriously, I have one series where I own the first 8 books and I’ve never read the author before.

In order to pare down my library and make sure I like the books, I’m on a quest to read the first in each series. I’ll be posting short reviews of each of the books unless I really love them or hate them.

Tithe by Holly Black

The prose is beautiful and the faerie myths are deftly woven into the story.

It is however a bland story. The characters are boring and the story was better suited to a middle grade novel.

The alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, and sexual elements feel forced and serve no other purpose but to try and make the story “gritty”. It feels like the author’s only experience with adolescents is pulled from after school specials.

Again I do have to say the the author’s writing style and structure are great but they don’t make up for the predictable and bland story.

Rating 45%

Gardens of the Moon by Stephen Erikson

This is a masterful fantasy that despite its 600+ pages felt quick paced. I greatly recommend it.

The author is, however, unforgiving in his world building. Be prepared to be confused and pay close attention for the first 200 pages. Well worth the effort though for such an amazing world and compelling characters.

Rating: 85%

 

Would you sign up to be part of a Colony ship going to a new planet?

Éric

The People I’m proud of

Good Morning,

Today I’m going to gush a little.

Wife

My wife has started a new job, it’s a summer job that will go into part time while she finishes her degree but I’m very proud of her. She’s a Travel Agent with AJ Travel Canada. She’s a specialist in Fandom Travel and Special Needs Travel.

Please feel free to contact her starting in May for all your travel needs.

Fandom Travel Logo from AJTravel.ca
Fandom Travel Logo from AJTravel.ca

Brother

Another person in my life that is ridiculously talented is my brother. He’s an actor, director, screen writer.

He directed and played the joker in this fan film based off of Batman and Silence of the Lambs.

Here’s his writing and directing debut.

 

If it’s no obvious, I’m ridiculously proud of both my Wife and my Brother.

Poll

The Poll for my next serial story is still open.

Faeries Vs Robots Vs Aliens

An Urban Fantasy / Science Fiction, following a faery woman who must do one last job for her robot overlords before they let her go free. Can she stop the aliens from invading or would they be better than the robots?

Read the First Part

Only Human

A Supernatural Action/Romance, following a human girl who’s enrolled in Monster University in order to avenge her parents. Can she slay her new friends, keep up with classes, and avoid the cute demi-god that likes her?

Read the First Part

The Cosmic Cuckoos

A Science Fiction adventure, following a girl who is trying to save her friend from becoming just another clone warrior. Can a normal human girl really save her friend from the most powerful empire in the galaxy?

Read the First Part

What serial story should I continue this year?

  • Only Human (56%, 5 Votes)
  • The Cosmic Cuckoos (33%, 3 Votes)
  • Faeries Vs Robots Vs Aliens (11%, 1 Votes)

Total Voters: 9

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Latter days,

Éric

#PuppyGate or How the Hugos lost my Respect

Hello my Imaginary Friends,

I’ve talked about the Sad Puppies before but as it turns out they’ve escalated. I planned on writing a long essay about the subject but giants have started to enter the fray. I’ll leave a plethora of links at the bottom of this post for those that are interested.

What are Sad/Sick Puppies

The Sad Puppies and Sick Puppies are groups of Science Fiction and Fantasy fans that are sick of what they call “Social Justice Warriors” corrupting the pure essence of genre fiction. Or in some cases they say they are about promoting authors that would normally never get on the ballot on their own.

It almost sounds plausible. Almost until you hear that the second architect is Theodore Beale (AKA Vox Day). If you don’t recognize the name you might recognize the movement he founded called GamerGate. The association of Beale alone makes me not trust them.

Their members can’t seem to come up with a consistent explanation. Some range from, “I miss science-fiction that was just adventure and not social criticism” to “too much emphasis has been put on pushing agendas in science fiction when good books are being ignored”

What did they do? / #PuppyGate

They legally, if not ethically, created a slate of authors that they believed should be nominated and then voted as a group to make sure they made the ballot. Meaning that between 2 to 5 of each category in the Hugo’s are Sad Puppy candidates (That’s out of 5 by the way).

Read about both sides below.

How it makes me feel

This is the first time since I’ve decided to become an author that I’m glad I haven’t been published and that I’m not involved in this world. Had I heard about this kind of thing when I started I would have never tried to be published.

I try to include diverse characters in my books. It’s not always easy but it’s a reflection of our world and should be done. I want people to read my books and relate to some of the characters, not just white-straight-men but everyone.

I want politics in my science fiction and fantasy. I want social issues to be reflected in what I read and write. Anyone who tells you there weren’t social or political ideals in classic science fiction needs to go re-watch Star Trek, Re-Read Asimov, and get their heads out of their asses.

Are the awards broken? I have no clue but I think they might be. This may turn them into a political party style event, that would suck considering that tactic doesn’t work well for regular people even in politics.

What Now

I had dreams of maybe someday winning the “Triple Crown” of Science fiction (Hugo, Nebula, and Campbell Memorial Award). Now that I’ve read up on them and followed the politics, not to mention that a lot of the authors I greatly respect haven’t won all that many awards means I’m not sure how much I care anymore.

This whole debacle has soured me on these sorts of things.

I’ll settle for someday living off my writing. That’s all I really need. Anything more is bonus.

Further Research

Here are all the links I promised and some of the better explanations:

And in the spirit of showing both sides:

And finally if you’re willing to dedicate the time, here are George R.R. Martin’s thoughts on the whole thing:

 

To Borrow Ajay Fry’s tagline, “See you in the future”,

Éric

Good News and New Serial Story

Hello,

I hope everyone had a great long weekend. I spent a lot of time with family and had lot of turkey so it was AWESOME!

Good News

After being on a waiting list, JenEric Designs will be at Ottawa Comic Con 2015 in May. YAY!

That means a new flavour of Coffee and more hearing about me trying to roast it in odd ways. Next try is the BBQ.

I hope you’ll all come by and visit us on May 8th to 10th. Tickets are still available!

New Serial Story

I’ve been writing different beginnings for serial stories and now it’s your chance to decide what you’ll get to read.

I will write at least 1 part to this story every month.

Here are your choices:

Faeries Vs Robots Vs Aliens

An Urban Fantasy / Science Fiction, following a faery woman who must do one last job for her robot overlords before they let her go free. Can she stop the aliens from invading or would they be better than the robots?

Read the First Part

Only Human

A Supernatural Action/Romance, following a human girl who’s enrolled in Monster University in order to avenge her parents. Can she slay her new friends, keep up with classes, and avoid the cute demi-god that likes her?

Read the First Part

The Cosmic Cuckoos

A Science Fiction adventure, following a girl who is trying to save her friend from becoming just another clone warrior. Can a normal human girl really save her friend from the most powerful empire in the galaxy?

Read the First Part

What serial story should I continue this year?

  • Only Human (56%, 5 Votes)
  • The Cosmic Cuckoos (33%, 3 Votes)
  • Faeries Vs Robots Vs Aliens (11%, 1 Votes)

Total Voters: 9

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Please vote and see you at Comic Con!

Éric

The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Conclusion

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

Felix had been given a chance to relive an entire day of his life. Unfortunately it was his birthday, April 1st. How he hated April Fool’s. The pranks were at best annoying and at worst dangerous. The entire concept was ridiculous.

He had spent the entirety of the previous night reading a novel, but he couldn’t remember it’s title or it’s plot. He had then spent the night tossing and turning in his comfortable bed. His mind replayed every event with Miss Amanda Eris.

The adventure had been frightening, dangerous, and dirty. He’d loved every moment of it. Tucked in his bed, the city lights shining through his curtains, he couldn’t lie to himself. He’d liked her and could see himself falling in love with her. He didn’t care if she was a robot. She was just as human as he was.

Finally at six am he decided to wake up. He prepared himself an elaborate breakfast and showered. When he got out of the shower he saw that he’d missed a call from the office. It was Margery, his cubical mate. “Hey Felix. Your ten o’clock just called to cancel and Mister McMahon says you can take the whole day off. Have fun and happy birthday!”

“That woman is way too cheerful,” he said. Somehow he didn’t hate it as much as he remembered. It was nice of her to remember his birthday.

It wasn’t even eight yet and he had nothing to do for the day. Traditionally, he’d stay at home and read or watch television. As he stood there, half dressed, his apartment’s walls seemed to shrink and if felt much too small.

The cartoon dinosaur calendar stared at him from the kitchen. His niece Sonia had given it to him for Christmas. It was a sweet, if odd, gift for a man who preferred a mixture of modern and books for decoration.

He picked up the telephone and called his brother, “Dean. How are you today?”

“Hey bro. Happy Birthday.” He paused probably wanting to ask why Felix was calling.

“Does Sonia have the day off?” Felix asked.

“She does. I was going to drop her off at Sam’s mom’s house while I got to work. Why?”

“I think it’s time I try something different for my birthday. I was thinking of taking her to that play place that she likes and maybe to a toy store.”

“She’d love that Felix. Are you ok?” Dean sounded concerned.

“I don’t know, but spending time with my niece will help, I’m sure.”

* * *

At the age of five it was easy to understand Sonia. She wanted to run around, play, and loved anything that had bright colours. After a few hours at a play place, they had picked up lunch from a grilled cheese food truck and sat down in the park. It was an unusually warm day and as they ate he told her the story of what had happened to him.

When he was done she said, “Wow. Did you kiss her? Do you love her?”

“No. We just met. It takes time to fall in love.”

“No it doesn’t. I knew I loved Tommy the first day of school.”

Felix laughed and asked, “Do your fathers know about this?”

She nodded, “Uh huh.” Her faced twisted in concentration and she asked, “Uncle Felix. You said the dinosaurs had green skin, right?” he nodded, unsure what she meant. “My teacher says that dinosaurs had feathers and we just found out. How could the bad guys in your story be dinosaurs?”

“There are a lot of dinosaurs,” he answered. “Just like there are a lot of different kinds of horses. Maybe the ones in my story are like alligators and don’t have feathers?”

“Maybe, but I don’t understand why you had to blow up their ship. Couldn’t you just talk to them?”

He considered how he could answer the question but he wasn’t sure himself. He’d just sort of let himself be pushed and pulled. Why had it been necessary? “Do you want me to push you on the swings?” he asked to divert both their attentions.

From the swings, Felix could see an electronics store across the street. He glimpsed occasional pieces of news on the televisions. It wasn’t long before he saw the familiar video of his apartment building in flames. They showed a picture of Leonardo da Vinci in modern clothing as the main suspect.

“Sonia, sweetie. I’m going to drop you off at Grandma’s, ok? I have to go do something.”

“You’re going to see Amanda? Your girlfriend?” Sonia chanted several times as they walked to her grandmother’s.

* * *

The only place he could think of looking for Amanda Eris, the time travelling robot, was the McDonald’s that they’d first stopped at after escaping his work building.

When he walked in, he turned to where they had sat and saw her sitting there licking an ice-cream cone.

“It really is better with real dairy,” she said as a greeting.

“I thought you said I didn’t have to worry about the bomb?” he asked in an accusing whisper as he sat across from her.

Her forehead crinkled and there was sadness her in eyes when she said, “I thought you were. They told me you were.”

“Who’s they?”

“The robot high counsel. They’re the ones who sent me. You were estimated to be one of the people that had the least influence on history so you were chosen to fight the dinosaurs.”

Her words stung, “Why did you need me, or anyone then?”

“We were programmed with safeguards preventing us from hurting any living beings. We needed someone who could pull the trigger.”

“Aren’t there any humans in your time?”

“No. They were all killed.”

“But the museum?”

“Not humans. Just other sentient species.”

“So you tricked me into doing your dirty work and then tried to kill me?”

“I had no idea about the bomb. When I found out, I came straight here.” Her free hand reached out for his. “Please believe me; I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

He took her hand and enjoyed its softness and warmth, “But the news says that da Vinci planted the bomb that was supposed to kill me. Isn’t that harming a living creature?”

“Yes. My fellow robots seem to have found a way to bypass their programming. I don’t know how.”

“What happens now?”

“I think the robots have been manipulating time to try and alter their programming. I need your help to set things right.”

“You want me to help you put time back into its proper order?” Felix smiled. “You’ve found the right man.”

They stood up together and she pulled him towards her with her red lips almost touching his, she said, “Your organization skills will be useful but I want you around for much more.”

With that she kissed him and his world melted away and there was nothing but her lips and the warmth of her body.

Not So Imaginary

Hello my Imaginary Friends,

Today will be a quick post. I have finished beta-reading and received Parasomnia from my first Beta-Reader. So I’m anxious to get back to editing. I like this part of editing it’s faster and easier for me. Instead of trying to find the problems, it’s trying to fix them. Way simpler.

Not So Imaginary

Did you know that this blog is under a year old? The two blogs that combined to form JenEric Designs are older. Aspiring Something is just under 7 years old and The Travelling TARDIS is just over 3 and a half years old.

In all that time, I’ve always assumed that I was “Yelling into the void” as it were. I didn’t think, other than family and close friends, that anyone was reading. I was wrong. There was at least one person who’s been following both of us for at least six years and they came to introduce themselves at CON a few weeks back.

The person, whom I’ll call C, was really nice and friendly. It was both exciting and surprising to know that someone has read this blog that I hadn’t met. So thanks for reading and following C!

If you’ve been following I’ve been obsessively researching and roasting my own coffee. I’ve sold at Pop-Expo and at CON. My Test Subjects Friends have said they enjoy it, and I’ve loved it. I’ve sold several flavours and lots of bags.

Again I assumed only friends and family were paying attention. Again I was wrong (It happens a lot. I’m ok with it.) this weekend we got an email from someone who’s significant other had bought coffee at Pop-Expo and they wanted to get them a few bags for their upcoming birthday since the SO had enjoyed the coffee. It made me really happy.

Happy

I know one fan of the blogs and one fan of the coffee doesn’t mean we’re suddenly huge. It’s not a viral post, or a publishing contract. But it is a sign that we’re doing something right and getting ourselves out there.

Between that and editing two books that I think are good enough to publish, I feel like a lot of hard work is starting to show progress. It makes me hopeful and after last month, I really needed that.

 

Thank you my not so imaginary friends!

 

Éric

CON, Words, Language, and Books

Hello and Welcome to Thursday,

Today will be a mix of subjects. Feel free to skip the ones you don’t care about.

Creative Ottawa Nerds First Craft Fair

Last Saturday was CON’s first event and I have to say I was impressed. We had over 150 people pass through the hall and most vendors seemed happy with their sales. We managed to raise over $600 for the food bank and something like 4 big boxes of non-perishables.

For a first event it was a success! Yay! That means we’ll try to duplicate and improve on that success. Our next event will be announced sometime in the near future. We just have to lock down dates.

Words

S.M. Carrière knocked it out of the park with this post. Go read it.

It’s a fact that I think we often forget. Words are powerful, they can make us feel and make us act. They’re too often short changed in what they do.

Word Cleaner

Words are powerful. The choice and structure of a sentence is important. I don’t use much profanity in my writing or my life but when I do I do it for a reason. There’s a new app out that that will filter you ebooks and “Clean” them. It’s disgusting. An author uses words for a reason and changing them changes the book.

The website for the App makes it seems like they’re protecting the children but it’s not a few F-bombs that they need to worry about. The truly objectionable things won’t be cleaned by a single word.

Don’t trust an app to clean a book for your kids, read the book and decide for yourself.

Lynda Poitevin has a great post on the subject.

Stories vs Posts

I can knock out a 1000 word story in an hour, maybe an hour and half if it’s a hard story or that annoying middle section. It can take me 2 to 4 hours to write a 500 word post.

Why is that? I think it’s that I can picture and follow a story much easier that a post. A post is supposed to say something that will keep your interest and keep you informed. A story has to keep you entertained.

It gets even worse when I’m stressed. Being stressed means I over analyze and over edit a post. I don’t want to piss off to many people or say something that can be misconstrued.

Books

Do not read an epic fantasy when you’re sick or recovering from a cold. I’m currently reading Gardens of the Moon by Steven Erikson. It is an unforgiving read. If you don’t remember who a character is, he doesn’t remind you. It’s an expansive and intricate book that shows an artistry I can only hope to someday accomplish.

Beta-Reader number 1 for Parasomnia has sent me their changes. It’s absolute torture not to jump into editing it again but I want to finish beta-reading what I have before I jump into it. I should be done the beta-reading I’m doing now by this weekend and then I can start editing Parasomnia for Beta-Reader 2. I’m scared and excited…

 

What have you been up to?

Eric