I wish I’d known it was okay to feel

Hello Friends, Family, and Fans;

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. I’ve spent a lot more time analyzing my emotions and obsessing about them.

When I’m sad, I spiral, and it often hits depression levels. I try to feel my way through it and give myself grace. It makes things better, to not blame myself and it’s taken a long time to get over the shame of it. (Nothing shameful about sadness despite what my brain says.)

As for anxiety, I didn’t treat it that way at all. I treated anxiety like an annoyance that needed to be ignored, shoved down, and hidden. I get really bad anxiety in social situations. I always feel out of place and like I’m not wanted. I know that’s not always the case but it’s hard to deal with. (Doesn’t help that I have a really hard time reading people and have a little face blindness.)

In places that have a lot of noise, people, bright lights, etc; I would focus on hiding my feelings and trying to survive without showing my discomfort. It was causing panic or anxiety attacks (I’m not sure which). That would aggravate my migraines and make everything worse.

My therapist explained that you can acknowledge your feelings without focussing on the negative effects. So instead of focussing on the feeling of dread and needing to escape, I give myself permission to feel uncomfortable. It’s okay to feel and to have anxiety. I’m not broken, I’m not alone, and I’m going to be alright.

That change in attitude and thought process was enough to make Can-Con immensely easier for me. It also let me accept that people were happy to see me and to let go of the fact that some people don’t. It was still overstimulating and exhausting but better.

Anyway, this is your reminder that it’s okay to feel. Your feelings aren’t wrong, exaggerated, or stupid. They just are and they aren’t always rational but you’re not alone.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Finding the simple joys

Hello Freinds, Family, and Fans;

I have a comfort video game… okay fine, I have several. The one that has taken a lot of my time and energy is Civilization Revolution. I played the original in 2008 which was a rough time (my mom died that summer) and it was something I could play without having to worry about sucking at it. (I die a lot in video games. Even at easy mode.) Later, on mobile, I bought the second version and really enjoyed it until they stopped supporting it and I lost access.

I’ve been struggling wanting to play and trying to find alternatives. The regular Civ series is good but it’s a lot more complex and takes a lot more time. I know diehard Civ fans would get upset at that but I liked that I could play a whole game in an afternoon.

Well, after Can-Con, I got my old PS3 out of storage, brought it upstairs, and played the game again. It was great. A restful and soothing day.

I used to play video games with my mom and brother; it was a social thing. It took me a long time to get used to playing alone and I have only recently started again. The kids love to watch me play but they’re fickle with what they like. So this was something I could do to de-stress. I’m still working on doing things for me. I’ll get there.

Anyway, enjoy your hobbies! Even if they don’t make money.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Happy Thanksgiving

Hello Friends, Family, and Fans;

I hope you have a great day today, and I hope you have a lot to be thankful for. I’ve had a hard few years with my health but I’m thankful that I don’t need to go into debt to deal with it.

I’m thankful for my small but loving group of fans, my wonderful friends. Without all of you I’d be pretty lost.

I’m especially thankful for my family. My kids keep me humble and are wonderful to be around. My in-laws make life so much easier and so much better. My brother Dan who I don’t see much but I know is always there for me. Most especially I’m thankful for my best friend, confidante, writing partner, and love of my life: my wife.

Thank you all and enjoy the holiday!

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Zombies 4: Dawn of the Vampires – JenEric Movie Review

How This Works – Read Other Reviews

Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2025 film Zombies 4: Dawn of the Vampires.

Story

A twist on Romeo and Juliet that makes both main characters into leaders on opposites on a racial feud. The romantic leads are charismatic and do a great job. The original cast shines as mentors. It’s nice to seem them happy, working together, and without any interpersonal drama. There was plenty of that with the romantic leads and the two clans.

Score: 1

Characters

The original cast are consistent with the previous movies and managed to understand the importance of being with the people you love. They romantic leads have identical stories about proving they are good enough. It’s nice to see, if less and less believable, that the authorities changed their ways when presented with overwhelming evidence.

The whole cast is charismatic and owns each scene and song.

Score: 1

Dialogue

The dialogue is a little young but there are some great quips and the message of tolerance and being stronger together is, unfortunately, very timely.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The night shots were much too dark. It was frustrating to not see the dances and character movements. When there was a lot of light it was a wonderful mix of the candy coloured and monochrome.

The sounds are catchy and had some great callbacks to the previous movies.

Score: 0.5

Fun

This was a perfect cap on the series and a great beginning for future ones without the original cast. Everyone loved it.

Score: 1

Overall

Another fun and colourful movie in the franchise that pushes hope. It’s only really hurt by the literal darkness of a lot of the scenes.

Final Score: 4.5 Stars out of 5

Red Day, Ere the Sun Rises – Epilogue

The text, "Red Day, Ere the Sun Rises: A Sun Speaker Story" over a red sun.

Characters | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Epilogue


Chapter 13: Epilogue

A few months later Suzie and I were relaxing on a beach on Earth. Zuri and the Galahad had returned to their home to try and organize the survivors. Where Zuri went, the Myrddin followed. Diamond Stars and the crew of The Revenge returned home with the remnants of Black Sun to try and fix the harm they’d done. Captain Ng and the crew of the Warship Ennill had stayed to learn all they could from the various people.

The other speakers and people of the Sun fleet were given the chance to stay with a quarter of them doing so and the rest returning to their systems. 

With all the technology we’d gained, travel between systems was going to be a regular thing now. The universe had shrunk significantly.

I was enjoying the feel of clear water on my toes when we got a call.

“I shouldn’t answer it,” I said.

“They won’t stop,” Suzie replied. She’d seen it was the Hey Sunny Too.

“What is it?” I asked into the coms.

“The Gate activated, get up here,” Adric replied and we had no choice but to get the shuttle and head back to our new ship. 

The gate dated from the beginning of the universe and seemed to emit a kind of power we couldn’t recognize. Sol didn’t know what it was. Of course I installed it on my ship.

Once we were aboard, Adric said, “The gate activated and a crude robot came through, left this, and then went back in. The whole thing lasted less than a minute.” 

He handed me a nicely embossed piece of paper that had a tree on it. As I stared, the words swam and formed, Yggdrasil Command Aether Earth. If your atmosphere is safe for us, we shall visit you in 24 hours. It was followed by a complex mathematical algorithm.

Adric anticipated my confusion and said, “It’s a formula for figuring out what their 24 hours means using the speed of light and the emission frequency of a hydrogen atom.” He stopped there and I gave him a quizzical look. “Oh. It’s close to our Earth but their day is roughly 80 milliseconds longer than ours which means they are probably from an alternate reality Earth that is further in the past.”

I blinked a few times and asked, “How do you get that from a simple calculation?”

“It wasn’t simple, and I also analyzed the note. It has massive quantities of microplastics and greenhouse gases which was typical of Old-Earth.”

I nodded and said, “I’m impressed. How long do we have?”

“Ten minutes. You really took your time.”

Suzie wanted us to greet them remotely but I figured if we’re going to meet interdimensional aliens, we should do it in person.

The gate lit up with blue energy that looked like waves, which was different from our jumpgates that just shimmered silver.

Two people walked through, a man and a woman in what looked like pseudo-military garb. He had dark skin, was tall, broad, and his long brown hair was streaked with grey and tied in a bun on the top of his head. The woman with him was also tall, but had white skin and blonde hair, just starting to turn white. 

They didn’t look like any military I’d met and there was a strange power about them.

The man smiled and it was obvious from the creases in his face that he did it a lot. He moved forward and spoke gibberish. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand you,” I said. I was surprised, we’d installed a translator designed by the Children of the Stars, and it was able to translate almost anything.

The woman said a few words, pointed at Suzie, and at Suzie’s sword.

“I think she wants you to talk about your sword?” I said.

“I don’t want to tell them about my sword,” Suzie said, sounding almost offended.

The man held his hand out for a handshake and said, “Thank you, our translations need two native speakers and a few sentences to parse the language. I am Agent Jason Johnson and this is Agent Kennedy Johnson.”

“Nice to meet you.” I shook his muscular hand. “I’m Hal the Sun Speaker, this is Suzie, and this is Adric. You are on my ship in orbit around our Earth.”

The woman smiled broadly and said, “I love it when it’s a spaceship gate. It’s always so cool.”

“I don’t want to be rude, but why are you here and where did you come from?” These two were likeable, but seemed genuine and not fake.

“We’re from Aether Earth and we’re here with a warning. The Mulciber are coming.”

The word meant nothing to me, but it triggered a vision from Sol. I stood on a tall mountain on Mars and watched as a silver serpent of massive size decimated the Martian military.

At least it was less disgusting than the void-beasts, but it looked like I had another threat to prepare for.


While you wait for the next serial story, check out the previous ones:

IF – JenEric Movie Review

How This Works – Read Other Reviews

Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2024 film IF.

Story

Don’t get me wrong, I love fast-paced action, but sometimes I just want a nice slow-paced movie that takes its time with the characters. This movie did a fantastic job at keeping a steady pace that felt almost like a Miyazaki film.

The story elements are well introduced and very well developed.

Score: 1

Characters

The main character is inquisitive and sad, the actress conveys that even small ways and does a great job.

At first it might seems like Ryan Reynolds is just playing himself, but as you watch his mannerisms and speech patterns, you see that he’s actually playing a mixture of himself, the main girl, and the dad. It’s subtle but impressive.

The rest of the cast has a chaotic-hopefulness that is sorely lacking in the world and films lately.

Score: 1

Dialogue

Most of the movie’s dialogue has two meanings and works as a joke and story. It’s quippy but also sweet.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The camera work is an updated version of the YA movies we grew up with in the 90’s combined with a lot of slow movements, letting the characters be the focus.

The music was fun and matched the emotions well.

Score: 1

Fun

I wasn’t sure what to expect with this movie and didn’t do any research, which was for the best because I wasn’t spoiled. It was a lot of fun and and had a lot of heart. I cried, I laughed, and I felt proud at guessing some of the surprises. The kids loved it and now scream “Keith!” whenever they trip.

Score: 1

Overall

A live action movie that has the heart and emotion of Pixar with the joyful pacing of Studio Ghibli. It’s whimsical and wonderful. I highly recommend it.

Final Score: 5 Stars out of 5*


*A 5 star review doesn’t mean the movie was perfect nor that it is perfect for everyone but it is a movie I believe is as close to perfect as possible.

Dear Pegasus – Welcome to Level 5

Dear Pegasus,

You’ve had an impressive year. You’ve grown in every way and I’m really proud of the person you’re becoming.

This year you’ve:

  • Done homeschool with Mum
  • Taught yourself to read (What?)
  • Learned to use a mouse and computer
  • Learned how to add and subtract
  • Done a lot of baking and cooking
  • Played video games
  • Learned the rules for Battleship

You are all signed up for school in September and I’m just as nervous with you as I was with your sister. I worry about teasing and you having trouble with kids your age. You have had so little time to learn how to play with kids that aren’t Dragon. I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Your big sister loves you, she might fight with you, yell at you, and sometimes go out of her way to get on your nerves, but she loves you. She wanted to go into your class for the first few days to make sure you’re okay. I hope that level of mutual concern continues. I never had anyone like that in school and I’m glad you two will be together for 4 years.

Dragon is more concerned about teasing and fitting in, but I’m also worried about your language and dealing with a real classroom where you’re not the centre of attention.

Before that happens, there’s a whole summer to get through. We have a big trip planned and you’re excited to get on the first plane you remember.

Something really special that I’m going to miss next year is spending time with you during the day. You would randomly ask me to read you a book (or 12) and snuggle into me. We’d play phone games and you just snuggle close.

You climbing into my lap and putting your head against my chest and demanding we do something is soothing and wonderful. I’m going to miss that with you at school all day and me coming home late 3 days a week.

You are stubborn in ways I’ve never seen before and sometimes you do things just because your sister does, but you are a joy to be around and I love you dearly.

Welcome to Level 5 and all the new challenges it’ll bring.

I love you lots!

Papa

I had a near death experience and it changed…

Hello Friends, Family, and Fans;

I’m feeling much better and all my doctor’s appointments have gone well. I still have heart, brain, eye, and various other tests to go through, but besides that I’m good.

I was told on December 8th that if I had waited before going to the hospital, I would have either had a stroke or a heart attack. Effectively, I was one bad decision away from death.

In case you weren’t following, I was hospitalized on December 8th with an extremely high heart rate and irregular heartbeat due to a really bad case of RSV. I had been sick for five days and was dehydrated, malnourished, and had developed mild pneumonia. I had trouble breathing and was coughing up quarter-sized chunks of cranberry-red gunk.

As I lay there waiting for the medication to control my heart or for death to take me, I thought to myself that this was a pivotal moment, I would never be the same. Because, that’s what happens… right?

I wish I could say I had some great epiphany about life, the universe, and everything, but I didn’t. Sure I longed to hug my wife and children, I wanted to write more, and I was sad at all the things I might miss in my family (blood and found), but none of that is new or revelatory.

I knew I had a good life and wonderful people in it before I got sick and I still know it after. Despite some physical and mental health issues, I’m a lucky man.

One big thing I need to say is how touched I am by all my friends and family who reached out to Jen and offered to help. I knew I had awesome people in my life, but I was still surprised by how awesome (and that was just a few that knew what was happening).

I guess in the end, I had a near death experience and it changed very little, but helped me appreciate the life, family, and friends that I have.

Thank you!

Be kind and stay safe,

Éric

Frozen II – JenEric Movie Review

How This Works – Read Other Reviews

Hello Cinephiles,

Today we’re talking about the 2019 movie Frozen II.

*This was my second favourite movie of 2019*

Story

This movie balances multiple story lines, deals with serious subjects, and manages to inject hope and humour.

The script is tight, there isn’t a lost word, scene, or moment. Everything is set up from the beginning without being so obvious as to ruin the reveals.

At it’s base it’s a standard hero’s journey with a JRPG style collecting element. That’s more of the structure, the actual story is about love, change, and how we handle difficult times.

There was just enough complexity to make it re-watchable and simple enough to keep all ages interested. Everything has multiple purposes in the story and it’s beautiful to see.

Score: 1

Characters

There are very few characters for such an epic story. Elsa, Anna, Olaf, and Kristoff/Sven each get a character arc that is both transformative and satisfying.

There’s a bit where Olaf recaps the first movie (As if we haven’t all seen it a million times) and it’s not about Olaf and the recap. It’s a shortcut to introduce us to the newest characters of Mattias and Yelena. It perfectly shows who they are and makes the audience love them, while breaking up the action, recaping, and making us laugh.

Elsa’s continued discovery of who she is flows well from the first movie and has great parallels for those of us who are different from the norm.

Anna’s struggle through trauma and depression not only make a great story they also give children a guide for how to deal with depression and horrible events.

Kristoff deals with his feelings of insecurity. Not about his love or himself, but about how she feels about him.

Olaf deals with growing up and the fear that not knowing brings.

Score: 1

Dialogue

The songs have some extremely powerful lines but the dialogue doesn’t slouch at being insightful and poignant. “I’m sorry Anna. You’re gonna have to do the next part on your own. Ok?” breaks me every time. Same with, “My love isn’t fragile.”

Of late I’ve seriously been feeling Olaf in this movie, especially the line, “We’re calling this ‘controlling what you can when things feel out of control'”.

Score: 1

Visuals and Music

The autumn aesthetic is stunning. The colours are vibrant and the animation is absolutely beautiful. I’m not an animation expert but the details in this were astounding.

Musically it was great. The songs are a staple of our house already. They are beautiful on their own but also move the narrative, foreshadow, and expand the story.

The score on it’s own is epic and is reminiscent of Lord of the Rings or the better superhero scores.

Score: 1

Fun

This was a beautiful movie both visually and as a story. It tries and succeeds to tackle serious subjects while breaking them down for younger audiences.

Most of all it’s hopeful, catchy, and fun.

Score: 1

Overall

If you’d asked me whether I thought a 2 hour movie could handle talking about growing up, depression, colonialism, and self-discovery, while having a positive message about love being a strong and stable element to life; I’d have said… Maybe but better to do it in a book. It’s staggering that they managed to do it in a movie and made it accessible to all ages.

With the use of short forms, animation, and musical elements they managed to do it all.

Final Score: 5*


*A 5 star review doesn’t mean the movie was perfect nor that it is perfect for everyone but it is a movie I believe is as close to perfect as possible.