Hello Friends, Family, and Fans;
I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. I’ve spent a lot more time analyzing my emotions and obsessing about them.
When I’m sad, I spiral, and it often hits depression levels. I try to feel my way through it and give myself grace. It makes things better, to not blame myself and it’s taken a long time to get over the shame of it. (Nothing shameful about sadness despite what my brain says.)
As for anxiety, I didn’t treat it that way at all. I treated anxiety like an annoyance that needed to be ignored, shoved down, and hidden. I get really bad anxiety in social situations. I always feel out of place and like I’m not wanted. I know that’s not always the case but it’s hard to deal with. (Doesn’t help that I have a really hard time reading people and have a little face blindness.)
In places that have a lot of noise, people, bright lights, etc; I would focus on hiding my feelings and trying to survive without showing my discomfort. It was causing panic or anxiety attacks (I’m not sure which). That would aggravate my migraines and make everything worse.
My therapist explained that you can acknowledge your feelings without focussing on the negative effects. So instead of focussing on the feeling of dread and needing to escape, I give myself permission to feel uncomfortable. It’s okay to feel and to have anxiety. I’m not broken, I’m not alone, and I’m going to be alright.
That change in attitude and thought process was enough to make Can-Con immensely easier for me. It also let me accept that people were happy to see me and to let go of the fact that some people don’t. It was still overstimulating and exhausting but better.
Anyway, this is your reminder that it’s okay to feel. Your feelings aren’t wrong, exaggerated, or stupid. They just are and they aren’t always rational but you’re not alone.
Stay safe and be kind,
Éric
