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I’m scared but I have hope

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Hello Friends, Family, and Fans,

I’m back at work today, Dragon goes back to school, and life restarts after an extended break.

As I write this, I just finished reading the comments section on a Facebook post from Ottawa Public Health. I see in the comments a combination of anger and fear that is extremely familiar. Those that aren’t fake are people trying to come to terms with a world that seems to be falling apart. I understand the anger, I understand the frustration, and I understand the helplessness.

Unfortunately, we are in the golden age of cults. Yes, cults. From Dictionary.com, “An instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, especially as manifested by a body of admirers”.

Cults used to need to isolate and cut people off from their support systems in order to take advantage of them. In our curated digital world, it’s easy to find oneself isolated into specific communities with extreme ideas. My tik-tok is heavily queer, neurodivergent, writerly, and ttrpg based with a smattering of food and nutrition. I doubt that’s others’ experiences.

What this means is that we’re seeing more polarization and more us-vs-them and a lot more confusion. When everyone around you says the same thing and suddenly others are saying differently, it’s jarring and a little scary.

It’s a form of Cognitive Dissonance. That gut instinct of “am I wrong?” followed by either doubling down on your beliefs or challenging them. Unfortunately, there’s a lot more doubling down, especially when you are scared.

Basically, what I’m saying is that social media is a grade school rumour mill taken to the extreme. What that means for humanity is still to be decided.

No matter how hard it is to see, there is hope. Change is slow, social change doubly so. But every generation pushes it further. For every cult leader out there, there are people working to debunk their lies. For every 10-50 hate-filled comment, there are real people sharing their truths.

Hope in and of itself is powerful, with hope we can find the good. Without it we are lost.

What we can do is hard and doesn’t always work, but we can be kind. We can help those in need. We can tell the stories that need to be told. We can defend those who need it. And most of all, we can question everything.

That’s enough rambling from me.

Be kind and stay safe,

Éric

Health Update March 2023

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Hello,

It’s been almost two months since I updated you. It hasn’t been a particularly enlightening two months.

I did finally get an appointment for the specialty clinic. That appointment went well; I have an awesome occupational therapist and doctor who are in charge of my case. The doctor, unfortunately, is an elbow surgeon who’s not quite sure why WSIB has referred me to him, but he’s willing to send me to specialists and tests.

They sent me to a Neurologist. I was really excited to finally see one. He did the exact same test that the carpal tunnel doctor did back in August. He says I have a little bit of carpel tunnel in my wrists, but that shouldn’t be bothering me. There’s no indication that my nerves are damaged or that they’ve had any issues at all.

He ended the exam saying that I was too young to worry about it and that if it were up to him he’d say to forget all this WSIB stuff and just go back to my normal routine and then added that the whole thing was ridiculous.

When I asked him about the numbness in my face he said, “That’s nothing. Ignore it.”

I was disheartened and angry. I’m not sure if he thought I was faking or that I was exaggerating my pain, but it was really condescending.

The nice elbow doctor and occupational therapist had scheduled an MRI for my neck, but with the Neurologist saying that I don’t have any nerve damage, they canceled it.

The downside to the clinic is that I only get appointments every 6 weeks. My next one is early April and hopefully they won’t be as dismissive as the Neurologist.

Unfortunately, I’m still in a lot of pain and it’s not getting better. My face is still numb and it aches a little when I work too long. I also find the vision in my left eye gets worse when I overdo it.

Between the pain, the clumsiness, and the numbness in my face, I’m starting to suspect MS. When I had an optometrist appointment in December, he said he couldn’t get my left eye to be as clear. I asked him about the numbness and that I sometimes got blurry vision in my left eye. He said that it couldn’t be nerves and that it’s possibly a side effect of fatigue. He said the only thing he knew that would affect my eye and not be seen in his tests was MS.

I’d hoped the Neurologist would have been able to test for that, but he didn’t.

MS is a scary prospect, but I’d rather find out than not know. There are plenty of other options; Fibromyalgia, Myofascial Pain Syndrome, and some much scarier, like ALS or cancer.

So a lot happened, but nothing new was discovered. Let’s hope this is just another step to figuring it out.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Yes, I’m still wearing a mask

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Hello Readers,

My workplace has decided that masks are no longer needed in the workplace. They were previously only mandatory in shared locations and not in our cubicles (cubicles which had three-foot high walls and we share with 3 other people.)

The policy was announced on Tuesday and when I went into work on Thursday I was in an elevator with several other people. An older man leaned over to one of the others and stage whispered, “I guess we know who reads the office emails.”

From my experience, 1 in 10 people are still wearing masks and I expect that to lower significantly next week.

Although I fully understand the annoyance with masks and not wanting to wear them, I will continue to wear a mask for the foreseeable future. I’m not going to judge those who choose not to wear them.

I don’t like being sick. I have never liked it. I will never like it.

I caught COVID back in February 2020 and I’m still having trouble breathing and have low energy. It was one of the hardest weeks of my life. The week was bad enough, but I lost taste for a few months, had constant headaches, pain, and weakness for almost a year. I worry about what will happen to me if/when I get it again.

So, yes, I will wear my mask. It might not protect me completely, but it’s all I have.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Top Five Phrases You Need to Stop Using

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Hello My Imaginary Friends,

There are things that piss me off… Pet Peeves, Office Pet Peeves, Convention Pet Peeves, Freelancer Pet Peeves and Angering statements for a short list.

There are, however, quicker ways to piss me off. The following phrases need to be forgotten to history and absolutely guarantee making me mad.

5. I’m Just Playing Devil’s Advocate

Movie poster for The Devils Advocate 1997

If you’re not Al Pacino or Keanu Reeves, I don’t want to hear it.

This is the preferred phrase for people who know they’re going to piss you off for fun. It’s a tell that they are arguing for the sake of arguing and that they don’t care about your feelings.

Don’t. Just don’t.

4. Do Your Research

Sherlock Holmes from the Sherlock BBC show saying, “I’m not a psychopath, Anderson, I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.

Just like the image above. This phrase is used by people who fundamentally missed the point. Their idea of research is a good emotional Netflix or Youtube propaganda film or some conspiracy site. It’s not just an annoying phrase, but an indication that you’re probably dealing with someone with a huge ego that truly believes the bullshit coming from their mouths.

Don’t say it unless you want me to picture you with a foil hat. (and probably block, unfriend, etc.)

3. Survival of the Fittest

Sign that reads, “Please do not lick the walls” from a background image in Good Omens 2019.

Survival of the fittest is a bullshit name for an incomplete theory that people have taken to mean that it’s okay if people die.

There’a great article from New Scientist that explains the flaw in this. Evolution myths: ‘Survival of the fittest’ justifies ‘everyone for themselves’

Evolution and survival are not streamlined to only the strong. It’s messy and random.

This phrase has been co-opted by business and competitions. More recently by jackasses that are trying to push a Eugenic point of view with regard to Covid-19.

Seeing as most of my friends and family would be considered weak by these people… Just don’t use the phrase.

2. We Have to Consider Both Sides

Photo of Patton Oswalt with dog. Quote on the side reads:
You’ve gotta respect everyone’s beliefs.” No, you don’t. That’s what gets us in trouble. Look, you have to acknowledge everyone’s beliefs, and then you have to reserve the right to go: “That is fucking stupid. Are you kidding me?”
The Full quote not shown on the image continues:
I acknowledge that you believe that, that’s great, but I’m not going to respect it. I have an uncle that believes he saw Sasquatch. We do not believe him, nor do we respect him!”

There’s so much emphasis on balance and respect when it comes to arguments. Not people, but arguments. There are extremes ON BOTH SIDES, you have to understand BOTH SIDES, BOTH SIDES are entitled to their opinions.

Stop, just stop. Yes, there are arguments that have complex issues where you need to look at both sides. But the moment someone starts to devalue another person’s life, I refuse to listen to both sides.

Giving a Nazi, or an Anti-vaxx person the same podium to speak validates their opinion. By saying, “Their are good people on both sides” you tell the world that it’s okay to hate others and want them dead if you’re nice about it.

The value of human life should not be a political issue.

1. Calm Down / Don’t Get Emotional

Photo of Captain Picard, Chief Engineer Laforge, and other crew members looking at Data who is lying on a console. Text reads: “Install an emotion chip they said / You’ll act normal they said”

There’s a great theme that runs throughout Star Trek. That of the importance of balancing logic and emotion. We see it with Spock, Data, the Doctor, Odo, T’Pol, Burnham, and Spock again.

Wild unchecked emotion is destructive, unfettered logic is cold and heartless. But it seems that when talking to people about something you’re passionate about, the phrases ‘calm down’ or ‘don’t get emotional’ are the quickest way to dismiss your passion.

When talking about something you love or feel passionate about, you will be emotional and, in my opinion, you shouldn’t be calm.

It’s also a wonderful way to make anyone angry. It’s dismissive and condescending.

What common phrases do you think we should stop using?

Stay Safe,

Éric

What’s in a name?

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Hello My Imaginary Friends,

*Warning Incoming Rant and unpopular opinion*

So there’s been a big uproar lately when a gate attendant mocked a child’s name on social media. (News Story Here). At this point most people are going to be offended and think the gate agent should be fired right?

Unfortunately, most people I’ve seen comment have said the gate agent did something wrong, but the parents of the child are really to blame. The name is Abcde (Pronounced Ab-sid-ee).

I’ve seen people say that the parents (actually they almost always say the mother, which has its own series of issues) are setting up their child to be mocked. How could they do this to the poor girl?

To everyone who seems to be so offended by the name, are you okay? I’m sorry someone hurt you.

How is this name any different than other names that could get kids teased? Seriously how is this worse than Angus, Richard, or Moon-Unit? Names change, evolve, and some disappear.

One of the arguments I see is, “Stupid Americans who want attention.” It’s fascinating how if this was a child named Séraphin or Apple, people wouldn’t be half as offended.

From a (obviously sensitive and biased) parent, this strikes me as a weird combination of intellectual-snobism and moral superiority. There’s a lot of signs of intellectual decay in the US, but this isn’t one. It’s a random and odd name that has been around for over a century. Sure there are fewer than 500 people with the name at any one time and the child will constantly have to explain it’s not a mistake, but it’s still not a good reason to shame someone.

New Zealand has a law that stops names that could be dangerous, offensive, or confusing. This stops people from naming their child after an honorific, so Princess, Duke, Justice, Baron, etc. It also stops long names like, “Oh god why did my parents call me this?” or names that are too short or consist of one nonstandard character, “i” or “*” There are laws like it all over the world with various levels of success.

Again I’m biased. One of the first people I told Dragon’s name to (before she was born) said that it was very trendy and went on to tell me how they only wanted simple common names in case they wanted to be in the public eye later in life.

Beyond my daughter, I’m also the son of Camille and Yolande so I understand non-standard names and my opinion is to just be kind and speak up against bullying instead of encouraging it.

Names are sounds we use to identify each other. I can find something to tease someone about any name, but that doesn’t mean I should. “If you didn’t want them to be teased you shouldn’t have called them a euphemism for toilet?” Poor John.

There was a time people would have mocked anyone called Elizabeth instead of Elisabeth. Get over yourself and stop thinking you’re better than a poor parent whose child was openly mocked for their name.

What a person’s name is, isn’t an excuse for ridicule and shame on anyone who thinks it is.

Éric

Fear and Hate

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Hello My Imaginary Friends,

I’ve been thinking a lot about hate. Not dislike or revulsion, but genuine hate. I don’t fully understand it but I think is has to do with fear.

Picture of Yoda with the quote, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

I find the philosophy of Star Wars, pre-Disney, utterly repulsive. It has elements of racism, sexism, determinism, and emotional and sexual repression… but that’s a rant for another time.

I do like the above quote… in part. I think Yoda is on to something but I don’t think anger has anything to do with it. Hate is born directly of fear and often that fear is fueled by ignorance.

Unfortunately the world is filled with people who are willfully ignorant of the world around them. They wallow in their hate, create logical arguments for it, build it up, and it becomes part of them.

This is true evil. When hate becomes a part of someone’s self-image they go out of their way to destroy what they hate.

I hope that as individuals and as a society we can rise above this and react to fear with curiosity not hate.

 

Happy thoughts,

Éric

Frustration, Sadness, and Anger

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Dear Imaginary Friends,

I was going to make this a Dear Dragon but what I have to say is for you.

As I’m typing, I’m vibrating with anger. I’m going to structure this into three parts to avoid it devolving into a curse filled rant.

Background (This isn’t new)

South of the border, or in Canada’s Pants, we’ve been seeing increasing acts of violence and hate. The Google Manifesto and the atrocious events in Virginia are only the newest in a long line of hateful, vile, putrescent evil. However they’re not new. Nor are they worse than what we’ve seen.

Two years ago just as many horrifying things were happening, but the political climate, news, and public were less informed. It was still happening, it was just as horrific, and it was just as open.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy that these things are being noticed and people are speaking out about them, but they are not new. It might have gotten worse, but it’s not new.

Canadians: wipe that smug smile off your faces. We have all the same issues here as they do in the states. Just look into some of our CPC candidates and you’ll get the idea that maybe we aren’t as progressive as we think. We have as much hatred and racism here. Expect the white nationalists, nazis, white supremacists, anti-minority, and canadian values crowds to start protesting more and more openly.

Don’t believe me? Ask a minority or look up the debate on Bill C-16 that extended basic human rights to Transgender people.

The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms or shut the hell up about Free Speech

Calling for the mass killing of an entire demographic of people is not Free Speech. It is Hate Speech. NO ONE has the right to spew hate.

Unfortunately, yelling and saying that one kind of person is better than another isn’t hate speech.

Free Speech means you can’t be prosecuted for your opinion. It controls what the government can and will do in response to what you say. It doesn’t protect you from your employer, friends, family, or media’s judgement. Eg; You can say nasty things about a subset of people in the comments of this post and the government won’t arrest you. I, however, can delete the comment or send it to your mother.

Your Rights and Freedoms should only extend to the point where they infringe on someone else’s health and safety.

MAY3886-770x581

You’re human beings, start acting like it!

This is for all those who agree with Trump, Kellie Leitch, and Pauline Marois; that some people are better than others.

Ignorance is not an excuse for hatred! Get the fuck over yourselves and start trying to understand how your problems are of your own making and all people are the same.

It is our responsibility to help our fellow humans and to stop hate when we see it.

Be better, act better, and stop others when they aren’t.

Éric

Sexism in Gaming

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Yesterday I read an Tumblr post that made me deeply uncomfortable. Go read the article but be warned it’s disturbing.

Ok if you don’t want to read it it’s an account of how abhorrently women are treated in the gaming community; specifically tabletop, Pen & Paper, and miniatures/strategy. Not just heckling or general sexism but multiple forms of assault.

It made me sick to my stomach and a little part of me was glad I’d never experienced it. (In case you’re just tuning in; I’m a thirty-something, white, cis, male.) As I sat there thinking how it might turn me off gaming completely, and how sad that would be, I remembered a game I ran once.

It was the mid-2000s and Lost was every geek’s favourite show. Narnia had burst onto the big screen and I was running a game for three other guys. They were my first gaming group and they had a strict no girls policy.

The game was set on an Island (of course) and had Halflings that rode polar bears into battle (what game doesn’t). The overall theme of the game was racism, I’d based the story vaguely on the real life story of boxer Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter. (I was listening to a lot of Bob Dylan at the time.) Only he was a Halfling Colosseum fighter.

The group was ridiculously cautious. They’d spend 20-40 minutes per decision trying to plan for every contingency. (Probably my fault, a polar bear had killed their character in the jungle when they’d foolishly run ahead alone.)

After several sessions of them literally doing nothing and then getting pissed that I wasn’t moving the story along fast enough I introduced a new character; an impulsive human female Ninja, with shady motives. The idea was to have a character that could move the plot forward without a player fearing for their characters’ lives.

I’d done it early with an, “enemy of my enemy” style bad guy and they’d followed him straight into a trap. They still liked him afterwards.

They hated the Ninja from the start. At first I thought it was the impulsiveness (ten years later I think it was the gender). It wasn’t too bad at the beginning but when I started having her assert opinions like, “You’ve been arguing about going through this door for 30 minutes, I’m sure they’ve heard you.” Or “Shut up and stab something.” They started to verbally abuse her both in game and out of game and she was renamed, “The Bitch”.

At one point, in the middle of a puzzle, I tried to give them a hint through the Ninja. One of the players told her to shut up and let them work. I snapped and asked through the character, “What the hell is your problem? I’ve saved your life, fought monsters beside you but you still treat me like shit.”

The answer was, “You’re an NPC.” (Non-Player Character) Which I would believe if they hadn’t had the epic bromance with the last NPC. Then the player added, “Plus I just don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”

The rest of the group burst into laughter as if it was the cleverest joke they’d ever heard.

If it sounds familiar, it’s a quote from South Park that specifically makes fun of a character for being sexist.

The game fizzled out shortly afterwards. It had made me deeply uncomfortable. At the time I thought it was because I was doing something wrong in running the game. I thought the hate and vehemence was aimed at me.

I’m sure some of it was aimed at me but most was aimed at the character who dared to be female and not be a love interest, damsel, or incompetent.

It’s the closest I’ve ever come to experiencing the sexism women deal with every day and it sucked. It’s nothing like the stories in the article but my experience does illustrate how deep seeded the sexism in gaming is, that a fictional character played by a man was treated poorly just because I wrote down F instead of M on the character sheet.

Since then I’ve played with dozens of people and have had great experiences. I’ve built up my own community of players that aren’t jackasses and I’ll re-post what I said on my facebook yesterday:

Let me be completely clear: Books End, FADDS, and any game I run is a safe space. If you EVER feel uncomfortable you let me know and it will be dealt with.

This sort of behaviour is unacceptable, deplorable, and will result in being permanantly banned. I also have no qualms with calling the police if things are bad enough.

Gaming is about having fun and imagining other worlds. It’s not exclusive to one gender, sex, race, class, ethnicity, language, etc… It’s meant to be shared and enjoyed by everyone.

 

Be Excellent to each other!

Éric

Grump Grump Grump

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I have been consumed with righteous anger!

Anger_Inside_Out_1Ok maybe not righteous more indignant.

Fine not really anger more annoyance.

Well I suppose it’s more plagued than consumed.

I have been plagued by indignant annoyance!

It’s been a short feeling summer and I’ve been extremely irritable. For anyone who’s had to deal with me the past few months; I am sincerely sorry for being a grump.

I’m not sure why I’ve been like this, maybe it’s allergies, maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the fishbowl I call my new office, maybe it’s my lack of writing? It’s probably none of those.

Most likely it’s the number one stress in everybody’s lives, Money. I (and every other writer ever) would love to live off of my writing. Someday hopefully I will… (I suddenly have the urge to buy a lottery ticket.)

New Resolution

I updated my Resolutions in June. Check them out here.

Those resolutions are all professional / career goals. I’m going to add one now since I need reminding. “Be less angry and annoyed.” It’s not going to be easy but I need to Let It Go!

Opinions

Talking about resolutions, one of mine was to put up some stories on Wattpad.

I’m starting to get an okay backlog of stories, particularly the serial stories. (Start at part 1 of Only Human, or The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis!)

For you smart, sexy, and special imaginary friends out there, do you think publishing them on Wattpad and then selling them as ebooks with an exclusive epilogue is worth the time, editing, and money for covers? They range from 6,000 to 10,000 words so I’d only charge .99 and call them novellas.

 

Thanks for reading!

What do you think, would you buy one of the serial stories, with an exclusive epilogue, for $0.99?

Éric

Éric’s Top 5 Pet Peeves

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Everyone has things that annoy them. I’m certainly not an exception (I annoy a lot of people.)

I’m normally a pretty relaxed guy but I go through phases where I have to stop myself and say/sing “Let it go.” If I don’t, I’ll just get grumpier and grumpier until I explode in a semi-comic rage.

There are things that no matter how happy I am, they will piss me, royally, off. So with no more delay here are:

Éric’s Top 5 Pet Peeves

5. Small Talk

I’m not talking about seeing a friend on the bus and asking them how they’ve been. I’m talking about the useless words to fill the void of silence.

Them, “Hi”

Me, “Hello”

Them, “So the weather is really weathering huh?”

Me, “Yep. Canada Eh?”

ARG! Why? Sure, it used to be fun and screw with people by going off script and saying I like winter or hate heat but it’s just so boring. (I love weather and the science behind it. I totally fanboyed when I met Mark Robinson.)

4. Being Corrected

If I’m pronouncing something wrong, made a spelling mistake, or got Jeffrey Dean Morgan confused with Javier Bardem (again) I don’t mind being told I’m wrong.

If I say I hated The Dark Knight rises and you tell me I’m wrong, I will strangle you with my mind. My opinions, feelings, and philosophical thoughts are not yours to disprove. Star Trek 2: The Khan Strikes back wasn’t a Star Trek movie and I’ll happily argue it with you but don’t tell me I can’t feel that way.

3. Drivers that idle in the pedestrian crossing lane

I get that you’re in a hurry and that you want to be as close to the stop sign or light as possible but there’s this nice little part of the road that’s meant for pedestrians to cross the road. I’m not in a steel shell, I should be walking in front of you, not behind you because you’re too fraking impatient to stop at the right place.

OH and by the way this:Yeild

It’s a yield sign. You need to stop for other cars and pedestrians and YIELD to their passage. It’s not a park in the middle of the lane sign or speed up sign. YIELD you stupid metal clad morons!

2. People who walk and smoke

I get that you can’t smoke in parks, city events, restaurants, bars, workplaces, etc, but how would you like it if I started spraying skunk smell as I walked?

I’m just trying to get from place A to place B, I don’t need your noxious smoke in my face. It stinks, makes me want to vomit and punch you in the face.

Don’t even get me started with the jerk-faced-morons that smoke in front of doors.

Someday I’m going to snap and start carrying a spray bottle and start treating you like a misbehaving cat.

1. Positive People

Being genuinely happy and positive is something that makes everyone around you feel better. Being perky or super-positive at people is annoying.

If I’m upset, no amount of telling me how I should be happy will help, unless you’re trying to make me angry. Seriously, let me be grumpy or not like mornings. What’s it to you?

I think all these disgustingly happy/perky people are hiding something. Either deep seated sadness or dead bodies.

 

That’s my top 5 pet peeves for the moment. I’ve purposely left out the category “Stupid People” (Climate change deniers, Antivaxers, Gamergaters, Rabid Puppies, preachy-angry religious or atheists, and people who give their carnivorous pets vegan/vegetarian diets, etc) and “Boring Conspiracy Nuts” (People who say: Aspartame is bad, Big Pharma, the liberal cabal etc .

 

What are your pet peeves?

Éric