The Masks

Hello Family, Friends, and Fans;

Let’s talk about The Masks… no, not that one…

Jim Carrey in The Mask

What’s a Mask?

A person masks when they don’t feel safe or comfortable being themselves. It’s a persona that you put on that isn’t quite you.

Queer Mask

Nathan Lane and Robin Williams in The Birdcage.

I grew up in a small town at the end of the twentieth century and any form of Queer was frowned upon. Gay was not something people were allowed to be. It was a schoolyard insult along with all it’s pejoratives. The few examples of bisexuality I saw in media were quickly erased (Willow from Buffy) or just there to titillate (Mirror Universe DS9).

That means as a teen I wore a mask of “straight male”; even if I didn’t fully understand who I was, I knew I wasn’t allowed to mention how cute Brendan Fraser was, wear too bright colours, stand with my hip out, walk with too much hip movement, like romantic comedies, or a million other things that would make people call me gay.

Despite having a very supportive family and an aunt who was gay, the society at the time was oppressive.

I’m still working on dropping this mask and I’ve mostly managed to shrug it off, but I still fall back on it when meeting new people. A lot of people, especially in the 2SLGBTQIA+ community still have prejudices against bisexuals.

Neurodivergent Mask

Hugh Laurie in House.

I’m still learning about neurodivergent masking but think of it like trying your best to not freak people out but those same people never tell you what freaks them out. Instead, you learn by people avoiding you, telling you you’re annoying, making fun of you, calling you names that trivialize mental health, call you a know-it-all, or nerd.

My natural expression is mostly neutral and I was teased for it by kids and teachers in grade school. In high school, I decided that I would show my emotions outwardly more. At first it was exhausting but after a few years it became second nature. Now when I’m with friends I still fall back into the, what feels like, over exaggerated part of me.

It’s just one thing that I have trained myself to do to avoid conflict or trouble. No one mistakes you for serious when you say sarcastic things in an exaggerated voice.

As much as I’ve masked in this way, I’m not great at keeping my infodumping or chattiness in check, to the point that I’ve had co-workers and bosses laugh about it. Because of autism, I’m never sure if they’re laughing at me or just laughing, and the Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria tells me it’s always laughing at me.

Geek Mask

Jaleel White and Kellie Shanygne Williams in Family Matters.

Most likely tied to the other two is my nerdy/geeky side. I’m the absolute worst at hiding this but in grade school I was mocked incessantly for liking things. Seriously strange that our society likes to mock people for liking things. I had a Jurassic Park sweater that I would have worn until it died if I hadn’t been shamed into never wearing it.

Most new people, unless I’m at a geeky event, won’t hear about my geeky side. Not until they bring something up that triggers a mini rant or discussion.

It’s the mask that has never been worn with family and rarely with close friends. I will nerd out about all kinds of things.

What it means to unmask

Robert Downey Junior as Doctor Doom

Unmasking is the idea of being yourself and doing what makes you feel comfortable rather than what makes others comfortable. I’ve been trying my best to do this at home and be myself completely but there are still things that I have trouble letting myself be.

It’s also really exhausting to constantly analyze who’s safe, who isn’t, and about what. Some are okay with Bi people but think D&D is weird, others are fine with board games but think getting easily distracted is a personal weakness. When I say social interactions are exhausting, that’s what I mean. It’s hard hiding.

I know I’m privileged and safer than most, but that doesn’t change my experiences and traumas around who I am and how I hide it.

That’s what I mean when I talk about masking.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Yes, I’m still wearing a mask

Hello Readers,

My workplace has decided that masks are no longer needed in the workplace. They were previously only mandatory in shared locations and not in our cubicles (cubicles which had three-foot high walls and we share with 3 other people.)

The policy was announced on Tuesday and when I went into work on Thursday I was in an elevator with several other people. An older man leaned over to one of the others and stage whispered, “I guess we know who reads the office emails.”

From my experience, 1 in 10 people are still wearing masks and I expect that to lower significantly next week.

Although I fully understand the annoyance with masks and not wanting to wear them, I will continue to wear a mask for the foreseeable future. I’m not going to judge those who choose not to wear them.

I don’t like being sick. I have never liked it. I will never like it.

I caught COVID back in February 2020 and I’m still having trouble breathing and have low energy. It was one of the hardest weeks of my life. The week was bad enough, but I lost taste for a few months, had constant headaches, pain, and weakness for almost a year. I worry about what will happen to me if/when I get it again.

So, yes, I will wear my mask. It might not protect me completely, but it’s all I have.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Do you live in fear?

Hello Readers,

Let me me start by saying I’m tired. Tired of people being jackasses to each other and then turning around and blaming someone else.

I’ve been accused of living in fear for the past six months. Apparently being afraid of a virus that has killed nearly 3/4 of a million people and following health and safety guidelines is living in fear.

Fear is a natural reaction, it’s an instinct that keeps us alive. Fear isn’t a bad thing. I can hear the embodiment of internet comment sections sections screaming, “BUT IT CONTROLS YOU!” Fear can be used to control, and yes it can go to unhealthy levels, but self isolating, wearing a mask, and avoiding risky behaviour is not unhealthy (it’s the opposite).

Tempting… https://leasticoulddo.com/comic/20200813

I understand that some people have legitimate reasons to not wear a mask, that’s fine and I’ll never challenge someone who isn’t wearing one, but I’ll give them a wide berth. However, if you’re refusing to wear a mask on principle, you are being selfish, inconsiderate, and ridiculous. What’s the worst that happens? You do something in hopes that it’ll benefit others and it doesn’t work?

More recently I’m seeing a lot of memes about how more children are stolen and sold than died of Covid, or how this one kid died because someone shot him but it’s not getting the same media attention.

One travesty doesn’t mean another isn’t important. People can, and do care about more than one thing. It’s unfair and reductive to compare them. Only a fool says “Car accidents kill more people than cancer.” Same applies here.

In an article in Science Mag, they describe the “sheer breadth of complications linked to COVID-19 is mind-boggling“. Over and over again, science has said that this virus is dangerous and I will treat it that way.

Another argument that’s been passing around is that “the flu kills people every year, should we take the same precautions for it?” My answer is yes. Wear a mask during flu season or if you feel sick. If you have a choice, don’t go to work sick. We should be pushing for mandatory sick days.

We as a society need to overcome the foolish notion that taking sick days is a sign of weakness or laziness.

Wear a mask, wash your hands, and be safe,

Éric