me

Nature walk and breathing

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Hello my Friends, Family, and Fans;

I have severe seasonal allergies, and that means this time of year I have a lot of trouble breathing when I’m outside. It’s leaf mould and the last vestiges of pollen.

Ironically, in order to breathe better at night, I had to walk to go get my new APAP machine.

The really annoying thing about walks, especially nature walks, is how good they are for my mental health.

I’ve been having a hard time lately, and I think I’ve been dealing with panic attacks in public spaces. (Always fun.)

It’s frustrating to me that it takes so much energy to force myself out of the house and that a nature walk will help me feel better mentally but worse nasally.

Anyway, here’s some pictures I took on my walk home:

Be kind and stay safe,

Éric

Breathing isn’t easy

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Hello Friends, Family, and fans;

I found out on Monday that I have sleep apnea. It may be something that’s been making my migraines worse.

I got an APAP machine that adjusts to my breathing at night, and I’m still getting used to it. It hurts my nose a little. I wish I could say that I’ve slept better since I got the machine but it’s been two nights and both nights had child wakeups. So I haven’t been sleeping super well.

I also find it hard to breathe at the beginning of the night. Like my body can’t handle all that oxygen going to my brain. I must be doing okay once asleep because I went from 43 incidents an hour to only 3 with the machine.

I’m hoping I’ll get a few good nights of sleep soon.

I’m supposed to use this mask (a nasal cushion) for three days and then try the other one (full face mask) for three days to see which I want. I’m guessing I’ll keep both the nasal one for most of the time and the full mask for when i have a cold or allergy issues. That’s my hope.

Wish me luck, as I now have two wrist guards, a mouth guard, and an APAP mask that I need to equip for bed. Hopefully I won’t be adding anything anytime soon.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Éric’s 2025 Resolution Mid-Year Review

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Hello Friends, Family, and Fans;

It’s been half a year since I made my resolutions, and wow has a lot happened in the world. Things are mostly okay for me minus a few health issues. Let’s see how I’m doing with my resolutions.

Fair warning, I chose the cartoon before I tallied my score.

1. Write The Hounds of Bakerville (Succeeding)

I’ve written the first three chapters and I have a good plot. I just need time to write. I lost over a month and a half to my tendonitis.

2. Write a serial story (Succeeding)

I’m loving this year’s serial story. It’s a lot of fun. Read it here: The Scarlet Thread Irregulars

3. Master 1 song on the ukulele and record it. (Failing)

Until I get the all clear from my doctor, I’m a little terrified of playing. I tried and it really hurt. Not sure how this one’s going to go.

4. Read at least 12 books (Succeeding)

So far, I’m at 10 books for the year. I think I’ll make it.

5. Build my new book nook and lego (Succeeding)

I built the book nook and loved it. The magical cafe was obviously out of my comfort zone. I might try again but I’m not sure. As for the Lego, I plan on doing that while I’m on summer vacation.

6. Feel less guilty (Neutral)

I was feeling better, and working from home is helping a lot, but the past month has been rough on me. Between the tendonitis and really bad allergies, I’m needing more time to do anything. I am trying hard to do some things that are just for me. I started a new Skyrim playthrough and I’m loving it.

7. Design and deploy a new coffee flavour for Ottawa Comic Con in September (Succeeding)

This one is easy. I know the theme and I know the flavour. I’m looking forward to having some time to design it.

8. Plan and plot out the first in a cozy mystery series (Succeeding)

I’ve planned the series, I’ve planned the setting, and I have a basic template outline for each book. I’m still super excited for this one.

9. Organize a massive birthday party and book release (Succeeded)

This is happening. Our publishers took point but I’m looking forward to doing this. I hope I’ll see you all there. Sign up on Eventbrite or Facebook.

*More details in a future post.

10. Keep fighting to learn more about myself and how to make my life easier (Succeeding)

I’m still on a journey of self-discovery (which has a significant lack of wizards) but I think I’m starting to understand how the ADHD, Autism, and health issues are affecting me.

Wow, that’s way better than I expected. 8 out of 10 is damn good. Now I just have to keep it up. You know what they say, “It’s not over until we ceremoniously slaughter the personification of the year.”

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

I’ve always loved water

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Hello Friends, Family, and Fans;

As a kid, my mom complained that I never wanted to get out of the bath, pool, or lake.

Unfortunately, I got ear infections every time I went into a pool until I was in high school.

Because of that, I never got formal swimming lessons. My mom taught me in the local lake. I don’t remember it, but she must have been a good teacher.

When I first met my wife, one of our first dates was at the local YMCA where she worked as a lifeguard. She challenged me to a race. I knew I was going to lose, she was a lifeguard, swim instructor, and a great swimmer (still is). She of course did win but I held my own, only a few strokes behind. (I think she took it easy on me.)

Not sure if she did it as a test or not, but in hindsight, I think it’s a good one. How a person handles losing or winning tells you a lot about them. I was impressed by how good a winner she was.

I still have issues with chlorine, bromine, and other chemicals in pools. It makes me itch, and if I have a cut, it swells and burns. If I don’t take a shower within a few hours, I start to feel a little weak.

Despite that reaction, my muscles and body always feel better after being in the water. I feel more relaxed and less stressed. (Maybe I’m a child of Poseidon?)

Anyways, here’s a cute picture of Dragon and Pegasus jumping into the pool:

Be kind and stay safe,

Éric

Health Update January 2025

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Hello Friends, Fans, and Family;

It’s been an interesting couple of years for my health. I last talked about it in July 2024.

In short, I’ve been dealing with:

  • Pain in both my forearms
  • Dizzyness
  • Fatigue
  • Brain Fog
  • Tingling in my hands and feet
  • Numb and tingling on my left cheek
  • Blurry vision in my left eye
  • Pain in the joints of my hands and feet

Arms and Spine

I am doing exercises and stretches to help avoid pain. It still there in my arms but it’s manageable. I sometimes get pain in my neck that radiates down, but I double up my exercises and it usually goes away within a week.

Migraines

This is the big one. I’m currently taking Amitriptyline to try and prevent the migraines. So far I’ve been on it for two months with an escalating dose, and it hasn’t done much beyond make me sleepy and have terrible dry mouth. If this doesn’t work, there are other drug options.

I am starting to identify my triggers better. I know the following will trigger me:

  • Big change in caffeine consumption (If I have no coffee or if I have 4+ cups)
  • Alcohol (I noticed it with red wine and with cream liqueurs but I’m just cutting it all out.)
  • Changes in eating routine (If I don’t eat every 2-3 hours I start to feel faint and it can trigger)
  • Changes in sleep patterns. (Especially if the change is often)
  • Fluorescent lights
  • Strong smells (Mostly anything floral or going close to a soap store in the mall. Although someone had a poutine at work and the smell lasted all day. I loved the smell but ouch)
  • Changes of 10+ degrees in the weather and rainstorms. (I have no control over this one.)

Stress doesn’t seem to make the migraine worse but it does make the side effects worse. I had a really stressful day in December and for the next two weeks the muscles in my hips hurt like they were on fire. It’s caused by the migraine, the brain, and the two causing muscles to tense too far (probably what happened to my arms.)

I see my doctor on Wednesday and we’ll see what happens. I think this is a long haul.

Allergies

I have restarted my allergy shots and one week hasn’t cured me yet. I’ll be taking them weekly for 22 weeks. My allergist’s office prefers that I do the shots elsewhere so I’m thinking of going to an Appletree near my house on my lunch break.

Neurodiversity

As I mentioned in Friday’s post, I am Autistic and have ADHD. This explains a lot about how I burn out and how drained I feel in certain situations. It, with the migraines, explains a lot of why I feel like crap at certain times.

I’m not sure how this interacts with my other health issues but I’m sure that they interact and make things more complicated.

Sleep apnea and asthma

I have taken an asthma test and I am scheduled for a sleep test this summer. Hopefully these will be eliminated as concerns.

In Conclusion

Despite everything on this list, I feel better than I have in years. With my doctor’s help and hopefully finding the right thing to help with my migraines I should be even better by next year.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

I am Autistic

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Hello Friends, Family, and Fans;

A few years ago I started looking into getting diagnosed with ADHD and/or Autism.

Last year I was diagnosed by a quick online service with Inattentive ADHD. I found out afterward that most employers and insurance companies don’t accept the results of this sort of testing.

I decided that I wanted to know and got tested properly. As you can guess from the title I was diagnosed as Autistic. I’m considered level 1 which isn’t a cool RPG system but just means that I need little to no support in day to day life. (Until recently it was called Asperger’s after a Nazi-Eugenicist).

I was also diagnosed as ADHD mixed type, suspected Dysgraphia, and Rejection sensitive dysphoria.

A small build your own booknook that I got for Christmas. It was a lot of fun to make. If you’re wondering why I put this in the post, its for reach and because I`d say books are one of my special interests.

It’s been almost a month and I’m still processing what it means. Currently, I’m relieved to be able to look back at times where I thought I was broken and understand that I wasn’t. So much of my life makes more sense now that I know.

The more I learn about Autism and ADHD, the more I feel better about myself. I’ve spent so long being told I was lazy, unreasonable, not applying myself, melodramatic, picky, annoying, or just weird. Over forty years of being told things like that, it starts to become part of your own inner monologue. My whole life, I’d wonder why certain things were so hard for me and those were the only answers. Now I have a better one, and I need to start being kinder to myself.

It’s a disability, and I’m starting to understand how it affects me and my life.

The big take away, for now, is understanding that I’m not broken but I am disabled.

Feel free to ask me any questions.

Stay safe and be kind,

Éric

Top 5 things about me, I didn’t realize were ADHD

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Hello Friends, Family, and Fans;

As I mentioned last week, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD. WIth that came a lot of things that I thought were universal but turns out are actualy ADHD.

Just a disclaimer here. These things are connected to my ADHD but aren’t necessarily only seen in people with ADHD. (They can also be influenced by my dyslexia, RSD, or anxiety.)

5. Planners

In highschool, I struggled with managing my time for assignments, projects, or readings. I tried everything to get organized. School gave me planners and I would write everything down, but the moment it was in the planner I forgot about it.

What finally worked in grade 11 was an electronic agenda. I put everything in it and I got a reminder that day. Unfortunately, it wasn’t able to remind me to start working on projects early. The electronic agenda didn’t work in university and I made writing essays the night before into an art.

I”ve tried to look at my work calendar each day and have sticky notes to remind me of things to do. I also have a very plentiful google notes account.

4. Voices and Habits

I thought when people said they were thinking of nothing, it meant that they didn’t want to explain the multilayered thoughts that were running through their head. Same with “clearing your mind” I thought that meant focusing on nothingness to try and stop your brain from thinking of everything. Apparently, not everyone has multiple voices in their head that narrate, explain, plan, and jump around.

When someone said they needed to form a habit, I thought they were exaggerating. I thought a habit was something you managed to remember to do everyday, not that it was something you could do without thinking. If I don’t concentrate on what I’m doing, even if I’ve done it a million times before, it won’t go well. I can’t trust my autopilot.

3. Inability to do only one thing

Go to class without doodling or drinking a coffee? Not bounce my leg when doing math? Not listen to music or watch TV while working? Walk without music?

Those all sound horrible. I thought I was just really good a multi-tasking. No, I just needed to keep myself from getting bored. It was shocking to me that people could focus for a whole 2 hour meeting (no matter the interest level) without fidgeting or drinking coffee or water.

2. Time

I absolutely HATE being late. I was yelled at a lot for it when I was young. I was told that no one would take me seriously if I was late, that it was rude, that I’d lose friends.

I tried everything to avoid being late or slow but I was late for school, got distracted going to the washroom, and sometimes wouldn’t notice the end of recess because I was so focused on what I was thinking.

By high school, I had realized that the downsides of being ridiculously early were minor compared to being late. That’s why I’m more likely to be 30-60 minutes early for an event than I am to be 5 minutes late. Also why I always have a book with me.

I still slip sometimes and I still feel panicked being late, even for coffee with a friend.

1. Form Paralysis

This one is embarrassing, since I design forms for work. However, when it comes to a medium-sized form or larger, I panic. I’m fine with the ones before you see a doctor or get a shot but anything above a page fills me with dread and it swims around as I try to understand what they want.

It builds and gets to the point that I can’t do it. It was so bad that I didn’t fill some important ones and it cost me money and opportunities in my writing career. (Jen’s been helping a lot.)

It’s easier with an HTML form vs a paper or PDF form. The smaller pages and clearer separations help.

This translates to any task that requires lots of steps. It’s a real struggle to get done, or started.

Again these aren’t things that affect every person with ADHD and they might not be exclusive to that. It’s my lived experience and things that have negatively impacted my life.

Be kind and stay safe,

Éric

5 Pieces of Advice for My 20-Year-Old Self

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I’m older now than I was at 20 and I hope wiser. Here’s the non-paradox causing advice I’d give myself if I could talk to the 20-year-old me.

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5. Trying new things is scary but worth it.

You know how you hate the idea of sushi or kale chips? Try them anyways, twice. You’ll be surprised. You’ll love the first and hate the second, but if you don’t try them, you’ll never know.

This applies to more than just food (although new food rocks), try new kinds of books, new events, new crafts, and new ways of seeing the world.

A lot of it will suck, but the more things you try, the more awesome things you’ll discover.

4. It is ok to like things.

You will meet people who you respect and who absolutely hate things that you like. It doesn’t mean that you should hate those things too. It doesn’t mean that you’re dumb or stupid for liking those things. It certainly doesn’t mean you’re wrong for liking them.

People will judge, berate, and mock you for things you like. Those are the people who suck and shouldn’t be in your life. A true friend will tell you they don’t like it and discuss it without making you feel like crap.

As weird as it sounds, it’s ok to like something that is bad. It gives you the chance to find out more about yourself and what about it you like.

Don’t let others tell you what you like. Trust yourself.

3. It is ok to show excitement about things.

Showing emotion and controlling emotion isn’t the same thing. Society tells you that men need to be stoic, strong, and controlled. That’s complete bullshit. If you want to squee in public, that’s ok. It doesn’t make you less of anything.

It’s perfectly ok to be excited about a movie, job, book, trip, person, meal, tv show, piece of lint, etc.

Showing your excitement shows others how you feel. If they agree or disagree, they’ll talk to you about it.

2. You don’t have to know what to do with your life yet.

You know that deep existential fear that you’ll never find your “calling” or “purpose” in life? Unfortunately for most people, that doesn’t go away. It’ll bug you for the next few decades, possibly more.

Good news is that you’ll find a lot of things you’re good at and that you’d gladly do for the rest of your life. Bad news, they probably won’t pay much to start with, if they ever do.

The only thing you can do about this is keep searching and keep doing the things you love.

1. Jobs, Money, and Love will stress you out…

You may at some point pay off your debts, get a job doing something you’re passionate about, and fall madly in love with the most wonderful person. These are all possibilities, but just like a frustrating video game there’s always something after.

Jobs, Money, and Love will always be there in one form or another.

Getting the perfect job? You’ll stress about keeping it, being good at it, being the best at it, and not over doing it.

Paying off debt and suddenly having lots of money? You’ll have other debts that come up, other expenses, worries about what happens if you lose your job.

Finding the love of your life? You’ll worry about losing them, not being good enough, having to share them with others.

Maybe you’re just a worrier. Maybe these are just facts of life. Either way, deal with them by planning and taking it one step at a time. They’re not going away, they aren’t ends. They’re rungs on the ladder of life.

 

In short, the advice I’d give my 20 year old self is this: Chill, enjoy life, and don’t let anyone tell you how you should be or feel.

Éric

Selfies and Recommendation Wednesday – Laci Green

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Hello,

Today I wanted to kill two birds with one stone. Recommend an awesome person and talk about Selfies.

Selfies

A shaggy and tired Aspiring Something
A shaggy tired Aspiring Something!

There’s a lot of controversy about selfies. Some people think it’s vain and don’t understand why they exist. Others think it’s a natural expression of life.

This taps into a greater societal conditioning that has told us two contradicting things:

  1. You’re not handsome/pretty or special. Get over yourself or people will think you’re self-involved.
  2. If you want to be happy you must buy this product that will make you handsome/pretty so that people will like you

So when we see someone constantly posting their face all over their social media we react by rolling our eyes. What we should be doing is encouraging people to find what they like about themselves. Selfies can be a road to self-esteem.

I for one am all for people having more self-esteem.

Laci Green has a video that explains this way better:

Laci Green

Laci Green is an educator, councillor, youtube host, and an advocate of sex education.

She hosts the wonderful Sex+, a host of DNews, and produced A Naked Notion with Planned Parenthood.

One of the great things about Laci is her ability to express complex and often awkward concepts around sex, in a clear and entertaining fashion.

I honestly wish that she’d been around when I was first learning about sexuality.

 

What’s your stance on Selfies?

Eric