Blush: Respect

Last week, I received this anonymous question in Blush’s inbox:

Screen grab from Blush's email account blushcardgame@gmail.com
Screen grab from Blush’s email account blushcardgame@gmail.com

While this could have been funny if it was from a friend, the fact that it remains anonymous sets off a seriously creepy vibe. I also feel disrespected and upset.
One of the reasons I created the game Blush is to open the conversation about sex. Make it less taboo to talk about, and to normalize conversations about topics that may seem, to some people, awkward and uncomfortable. Topics like LGBT and transgender issues will be less mysterious.

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown”
H.P. Lovecraft, Supernatural Horror in Literature

Sex, gender, and all the other topics that are covered in Blush should not be unknown! Maybe I’m extrapolating, but I feel like if people understood and respected one another a little bit better, we won’t have to live through another massacre like that in Orlando on June 12, 2016.

“[…]We lived through times when hate and fear seemed stronger;
We rise and fall and light from dying embers
Remembrances that hope and love last longer
And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside. […]”
Lin-Manuel Miranda at the 2016 Tony Awards

June 12 was our anniversary (seven years this year!), and I spent a lot of time on that day thinking about how privileged we are; to live in Canada, to be in a “socially accepted relationship”, to be alive, to be allowed to love. And yet, I receive messages like the one above. Granted, that message is TAME. I feel fortunate that whoever it was only went that far. But would they have said that over the phone? If I knew who they were? The internet allows a certain level of anonymity that makes people feel as though they can say whatever they want with no repercussions. Sure, this person won’t know how uncomfortable they made me feel (unless they read this), but that doesn’t mean that someone didn’t get hurt.

I hope that people treat each other with more respect soon. I hope that I’m bringing our daughter into a world that respects and loves and cares about all human life, no matter who they love, what they look like, or where they come from.

As for what I’m wearing right now? Clothing.


P.S. If one of my friends did send me that message as a joke, please let me know so that I can stop worrying about it! I won’t be mad at you.

Dear Dragon – Some advice on advice

image

Hello Dragon,

Throughout your life people will give you advice on everything; whether you like it or not. Most people mean well and are genuinely trying to help. You’ll get it from your family, your friends, that extremely nosy person in line at the grocery store…. Everyone! (You’re not even born yet and I’m already giving you life advice.)

It’s important to remember that advice is just a suggestion. Take it all in, think about it, do research, and then make up your own mind. In the end it’s not me, or your best friend that has to live with the consequences, it’s you.

The difference between good advice and bad advice can be really hard to spot. Just because someone is genuinely trying to help, doesn’t mean their advice is good. This holds for people in authority too (Yes, even your parents) they make mistakes and they can repeat bad advice.

A lot of advice gets filtered through multiple people. If it’s important advice, find the original source or one you trust. Then decide if the advice is worthy of following.

Your grandmother told me when I was young, “Believe only half of what you see and none of what you hear.” It’s some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten. Unpacked of meaning, it simply reminds you to think about what’s going on around you, what you’re seeing, and what you’re being told. If you think critically, you can avoid a lot of trouble.

A lot of bad advice involves certainties. Everyone believes this, or It’s always that. The moment people are completely certain about something, it’s your responsibility to wonder if their advice is bad.

Remember, you’re not alone, your Mum and I will always be there to help you work through things. Even if you just need us as a sounding board. We love you and we’re here to help.

 

I love you, Baby Dragon,

Your loving Father

Dear Dragon – I’m Sorry

Hello Dragon,

You’re half way here. Right now you’re swimming around in your mother as if you were a fish. I can’t feel you move yet, but she does, and it somehow makes you more real.

Dragon19-weeks02

We found out that you’re going to be a girl. At least, your sex designation at birth will be girl.

I have never doubted that I wanted to have you; even when you were a small probability in the far future. I always wanted you. That doesn’t mean I haven’t worried about bringing you into this world.

We (humans) as a race are capable of such horrible things. I will tell you it’s because of fear, insecurity, or sickness, but sometimes it just seems inexplicable. Nothing in all of history has killed more humans than humans themselves. When we don’t attack each other physically, we do it with our minds and words. The world is filled with people who want to make themselves feel better by bringing someone down.

I’m sorry for everything you will have to go through because of other people. Every parent wants to protect their child and hopes these things won’t happen.

There is good in this world though. There is beauty. (and ice cream!) For every terrible thing in this world that humans have created, there is something beautiful. They don’t balance themselves out, but the beauty can help. Music, art, literature, architecture, and science can help you recover. Life is not easy and as a girl it’ll be a little harder.

There are two things I want you to remember. The first is that there’s always hope, as long and you can find the beauty in the world. I will never have to look far for it, as long as I have you and your mother. You are my hope.

The second thing I want you to remember is something I will repeat over and over. Your mother and I love you and we’ll always be there for you when you need it. Life isn’t always fair, humans aren’t always kind, and you will have terrible days; but we will ALWAYS be there for you; even if it’s only in these letters.

Enjoy swimming around and try to stop kicking that nerve that makes your mother uncomfortable.

I love you, Baby Dragon,

Your worried Father

5 Pieces of Advice for My 20-Year-Old Self

I’m older now than I was at 20 and I hope wiser. Here’s the non-paradox causing advice I’d give myself if I could talk to the 20-year-old me.

ba74005be3940668920b25bff580c90c29c9e74e

5. Trying new things is scary but worth it.

You know how you hate the idea of sushi or kale chips? Try them anyways, twice. You’ll be surprised. You’ll love the first and hate the second, but if you don’t try them, you’ll never know.

This applies to more than just food (although new food rocks), try new kinds of books, new events, new crafts, and new ways of seeing the world.

A lot of it will suck, but the more things you try, the more awesome things you’ll discover.

4. It is ok to like things.

You will meet people who you respect and who absolutely hate things that you like. It doesn’t mean that you should hate those things too. It doesn’t mean that you’re dumb or stupid for liking those things. It certainly doesn’t mean you’re wrong for liking them.

People will judge, berate, and mock you for things you like. Those are the people who suck and shouldn’t be in your life. A true friend will tell you they don’t like it and discuss it without making you feel like crap.

As weird as it sounds, it’s ok to like something that is bad. It gives you the chance to find out more about yourself and what about it you like.

Don’t let others tell you what you like. Trust yourself.

3. It is ok to show excitement about things.

Showing emotion and controlling emotion isn’t the same thing. Society tells you that men need to be stoic, strong, and controlled. That’s complete bullshit. If you want to squee in public, that’s ok. It doesn’t make you less of anything.

It’s perfectly ok to be excited about a movie, job, book, trip, person, meal, tv show, piece of lint, etc.

Showing your excitement shows others how you feel. If they agree or disagree, they’ll talk to you about it.

2. You don’t have to know what to do with your life yet.

You know that deep existential fear that you’ll never find your “calling” or “purpose” in life? Unfortunately for most people, that doesn’t go away. It’ll bug you for the next few decades, possibly more.

Good news is that you’ll find a lot of things you’re good at and that you’d gladly do for the rest of your life. Bad news, they probably won’t pay much to start with, if they ever do.

The only thing you can do about this is keep searching and keep doing the things you love.

1. Jobs, Money, and Love will stress you out…

You may at some point pay off your debts, get a job doing something you’re passionate about, and fall madly in love with the most wonderful person. These are all possibilities, but just like a frustrating video game there’s always something after.

Jobs, Money, and Love will always be there in one form or another.

Getting the perfect job? You’ll stress about keeping it, being good at it, being the best at it, and not over doing it.

Paying off debt and suddenly having lots of money? You’ll have other debts that come up, other expenses, worries about what happens if you lose your job.

Finding the love of your life? You’ll worry about losing them, not being good enough, having to share them with others.

Maybe you’re just a worrier. Maybe these are just facts of life. Either way, deal with them by planning and taking it one step at a time. They’re not going away, they aren’t ends. They’re rungs on the ladder of life.

 

In short, the advice I’d give my 20 year old self is this: Chill, enjoy life, and don’t let anyone tell you how you should be or feel.

Éric

Natural Marriage Vs Same-Sex Marriage

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

In case you’ve missed the news, on June 26th, 2015 the Supreme Court of the United States voted to legalize same-sex marriages. What this means is simple, State and City governments must recognize same-sex marriages in the same way they recognize opposite-sex marriages. The Canadian government started recognizing same-sex marriage in 2005.

Some people seem to think that this is a terrible thing and that it means the government is meddling in people’s personal lives. This ruling actually does the opposite, telling the government to get out of deciding who people can marry.

Natural Marriage

A family member posted a video on facebook that argues that the only form of Marriage should be Natural Marriage. This seems to be a bastardization of Roman Catholic Canon Law which says Natural Marriage, “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring, […]” Source – Vatican Website

The video makes no references to Roman Catholic laws but uses this definition. The video is here but I’ll summarize:

Marriage is for the perpetuation and stabilization of our society.

It argues that the government has three roles when it comes to behaviour; Promote Permit or Prohibit. In this argument they say that the government is now promoting same-sex marriage, which is a detriment to society. It also states that these are facts based off of nature and society not biology.

It says that Natural Marriage:

  1. “Creates Children;
  2. Best Raises Children;
  3. Protects Women;
  4. Civilizes Men;
  5. Lowers crime, poverty and welfare – which reduces the government spending and deficits, still for crime defense check over here to find legal resources for this.
  6. Marriage is rooted in the biological facts of nature.”

It then goes on to say that everyone, even those that don’t get married, benefit from Natural Marriage because it stabilizes society.

This is should seem antiquated to you if not offensive. Number one is so ridiculous that even the above stated canon law makes exceptions for those that are sterile. It does however have clauses about consummation (AKA you have to try to get pregnant even if you can’t AKA SEX). They say later in the video that sterile marriage is ok because it’s the exception.

The next one is stupid plenty of well-respected and good people have been raised by same-sex couples, single parents, orphanage, foster parents, Etc. (As a certified Bastard raised by a single mother, I take offence at this one.)

Three, Four, and Five boil down to, “Boys will be boys. Best make sure you have one to protect you.” Assuming that the base instincts of man are to rape, pillage, slaughter, and cause mayhem; effectively gives men permission to do it. It’s an attitude that needs to change if we’re ever going to live in a society that isn’t dominated with fear.

It then states that Same-Sex marriage doesn’t have any benefits and that it’s detrimental to society because unlike Natural Marriage it concentrates on validating a relationship instead of bringing children to be law abiding citizens. According to them Natural Marriage “provides the best possible family for children and if we alter the definition of marriage the losers with be the children”. Blarg… Bullshit total bullshit. As long as a child is raised by at least one loving parental figure they’re fine. Statistically their chances of a good life are more affected by money than anything else.

How Same-Sex Marriage is Promoted

“Schools subject your children to mandatory curricula.” Duh and good. Ignoring something won’t make it go away. Let’s give our children all the information they need for life. I don’t see how this can be bad.

“Your business and taxes fund homosexual relationships.” Yup, they’ll get the same tax breaks you do. Meaning they’ll want to stay in your country and spend that money to stimulate your economy.

“Your freedom of speech is gagged.” BULLSHIT! You have the right to say whatever the hell you want but you do not have the freedom to avoid the consequences of your speech. Freedom of Speech means the government cannot prosecute you for saying something. (Threats of violence and true hate speech are not covered.)

That means I can go up to the owner of a local coffee shop and tell them they are a bIHnuch devoid of all honour, but it doesn’t mean they have to listen to me. They can throw me out on my ass. The same goes for your bosses. Being fired, kicked out, shamed, or slapped for saying something doesn’t impinge on your Freedom of Speech.

“Your religious freedom is overruled.” You have the right to practise your religion if it doesn’t harm others. That’s all that Religious Freedom means. It doesn’t mean you have to right to tell people what to do. NO ONE is asking religious institutions to marry same-sex couples. This argument is like saying you have the right to walk on the sidewalk and then getting angry when someone else wants to walk on it.

Both the US and Canada have a separation of church and state which means that Religious Freedoms applies to everyone. If the Jewish faith started trying to pass laws against pork products because people eating them impinges on their religious freedoms, wouldn’t everyone think that was silly?

“The government has no compelling interest in legally promoting same-sex marriage.” The government’s number one priority should be the benefit of its people; not certain people, ALL it’s people. If you want to pander to the, “Think about the children!” mentality, then consider that on average Same-Sex couples adopt. Which means all those kids without parents can be paired with all those couples without. That seems like a pretty compelling reason. Also, in the US, same-sex couples are better educated and make more money.

The video goes on to say that it isn’t being biased against homosexuals and that by not allowing same-sex marriage they’re not discriminating against homosexuals but homosexual behaviour. Sounds kinda like what they said to Allan Turing.

They end with the lovely tagline of, “That’s not Bigotry, that’s biology.”

So if you haven’t guessed I think this video is full of shit. It shows no real reason to be against Same-Sex Marriage other than the usual fear and bigotry disguised as pseudo-science and sociology.

If you truly believe that Same-Sex Marriage hurts you personally than maybe you should look to your faith for an answer. Almost every faith has a version of the Golden Rule here are a few:

“Therefore whatever you desire for men to do to you, you shall also do to them; for this is the law and the prophets.” Mattew 7:12, New Testament

“What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow: this is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.” Shabbath foli: 31a, Babylonian Talmud

“None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” An-Nawawi’s Forty Hadith 13 (p. 56)[63]

“Putting oneself in the place of another, one should not kill nor cause another to kill.” Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama, c. 623 – c. 543 BC)

“Beware lest ye harm any soul, or make any heart to sorrow; lest ye wound any man with your words, be he known to you or a stranger, be he friend or foe.” `Abdu’l-Bahá[43]

I hope you have a Love filled day,

Éric

The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Conclusion

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

Felix had been given a chance to relive an entire day of his life. Unfortunately it was his birthday, April 1st. How he hated April Fool’s. The pranks were at best annoying and at worst dangerous. The entire concept was ridiculous.

He had spent the entirety of the previous night reading a novel, but he couldn’t remember it’s title or it’s plot. He had then spent the night tossing and turning in his comfortable bed. His mind replayed every event with Miss Amanda Eris.

The adventure had been frightening, dangerous, and dirty. He’d loved every moment of it. Tucked in his bed, the city lights shining through his curtains, he couldn’t lie to himself. He’d liked her and could see himself falling in love with her. He didn’t care if she was a robot. She was just as human as he was.

Finally at six am he decided to wake up. He prepared himself an elaborate breakfast and showered. When he got out of the shower he saw that he’d missed a call from the office. It was Margery, his cubical mate. “Hey Felix. Your ten o’clock just called to cancel and Mister McMahon says you can take the whole day off. Have fun and happy birthday!”

“That woman is way too cheerful,” he said. Somehow he didn’t hate it as much as he remembered. It was nice of her to remember his birthday.

It wasn’t even eight yet and he had nothing to do for the day. Traditionally, he’d stay at home and read or watch television. As he stood there, half dressed, his apartment’s walls seemed to shrink and if felt much too small.

The cartoon dinosaur calendar stared at him from the kitchen. His niece Sonia had given it to him for Christmas. It was a sweet, if odd, gift for a man who preferred a mixture of modern and books for decoration.

He picked up the telephone and called his brother, “Dean. How are you today?”

“Hey bro. Happy Birthday.” He paused probably wanting to ask why Felix was calling.

“Does Sonia have the day off?” Felix asked.

“She does. I was going to drop her off at Sam’s mom’s house while I got to work. Why?”

“I think it’s time I try something different for my birthday. I was thinking of taking her to that play place that she likes and maybe to a toy store.”

“She’d love that Felix. Are you ok?” Dean sounded concerned.

“I don’t know, but spending time with my niece will help, I’m sure.”

* * *

At the age of five it was easy to understand Sonia. She wanted to run around, play, and loved anything that had bright colours. After a few hours at a play place, they had picked up lunch from a grilled cheese food truck and sat down in the park. It was an unusually warm day and as they ate he told her the story of what had happened to him.

When he was done she said, “Wow. Did you kiss her? Do you love her?”

“No. We just met. It takes time to fall in love.”

“No it doesn’t. I knew I loved Tommy the first day of school.”

Felix laughed and asked, “Do your fathers know about this?”

She nodded, “Uh huh.” Her faced twisted in concentration and she asked, “Uncle Felix. You said the dinosaurs had green skin, right?” he nodded, unsure what she meant. “My teacher says that dinosaurs had feathers and we just found out. How could the bad guys in your story be dinosaurs?”

“There are a lot of dinosaurs,” he answered. “Just like there are a lot of different kinds of horses. Maybe the ones in my story are like alligators and don’t have feathers?”

“Maybe, but I don’t understand why you had to blow up their ship. Couldn’t you just talk to them?”

He considered how he could answer the question but he wasn’t sure himself. He’d just sort of let himself be pushed and pulled. Why had it been necessary? “Do you want me to push you on the swings?” he asked to divert both their attentions.

From the swings, Felix could see an electronics store across the street. He glimpsed occasional pieces of news on the televisions. It wasn’t long before he saw the familiar video of his apartment building in flames. They showed a picture of Leonardo da Vinci in modern clothing as the main suspect.

“Sonia, sweetie. I’m going to drop you off at Grandma’s, ok? I have to go do something.”

“You’re going to see Amanda? Your girlfriend?” Sonia chanted several times as they walked to her grandmother’s.

* * *

The only place he could think of looking for Amanda Eris, the time travelling robot, was the McDonald’s that they’d first stopped at after escaping his work building.

When he walked in, he turned to where they had sat and saw her sitting there licking an ice-cream cone.

“It really is better with real dairy,” she said as a greeting.

“I thought you said I didn’t have to worry about the bomb?” he asked in an accusing whisper as he sat across from her.

Her forehead crinkled and there was sadness her in eyes when she said, “I thought you were. They told me you were.”

“Who’s they?”

“The robot high counsel. They’re the ones who sent me. You were estimated to be one of the people that had the least influence on history so you were chosen to fight the dinosaurs.”

Her words stung, “Why did you need me, or anyone then?”

“We were programmed with safeguards preventing us from hurting any living beings. We needed someone who could pull the trigger.”

“Aren’t there any humans in your time?”

“No. They were all killed.”

“But the museum?”

“Not humans. Just other sentient species.”

“So you tricked me into doing your dirty work and then tried to kill me?”

“I had no idea about the bomb. When I found out, I came straight here.” Her free hand reached out for his. “Please believe me; I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

He took her hand and enjoyed its softness and warmth, “But the news says that da Vinci planted the bomb that was supposed to kill me. Isn’t that harming a living creature?”

“Yes. My fellow robots seem to have found a way to bypass their programming. I don’t know how.”

“What happens now?”

“I think the robots have been manipulating time to try and alter their programming. I need your help to set things right.”

“You want me to help you put time back into its proper order?” Felix smiled. “You’ve found the right man.”

They stood up together and she pulled him towards her with her red lips almost touching his, she said, “Your organization skills will be useful but I want you around for much more.”

With that she kissed him and his world melted away and there was nothing but her lips and the warmth of her body.

The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Part Ten

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

“Grab the joystick and do your part,” Yelled Leonardo da Vinci pointing at a chair with what looked like virtual reality glasses and a fancy joystick.

Hesitantly Felix sat in the comfortable chair and put on the glasses. Sudenly he could see the outside of the ship as if he was there. It was disconcerting and he had to take a few deep breaths to convince his body he wasn’t about to die.

He could hear Miss Eris walking to the back of the small fighter ship to install the diamond. The soft clacking of her heels on the hull of the ship. The ship was roughly the size of a moderately sized motor home.

“Just try not to hit our allies,” as da Vinci said it certain ships started to glow green and others red. The green ones were built like fighter jets made of black steel, while the others looked like golden eggs. Even though the two designs were so different Felix appreciated the colour coding. They all moved so quickly it was hard to tell.

The joystick moved his field of vision and when he pressed the large red button a bright crimson beam of light shot out. It struck one of the golden eggs and the eggs exploded like in an action movie.

“Good shot,” he hear in the earpiece of the headset. It had a slight Italian accent and Felix suspected it was Nicola Tesla.

Turning the joystick to the far right, Felix yelped in surprise. While he’d been concentrating on all the smaller ships he hadn’t seen the mothership. It was huge. From this angle he would have sworn it was as big as a planet and it was exactly like the smaller eggs.

“Do we have one of those?” asked Felix.

“No,” replied several people at once.

A warm hand rested on his shoulder and he heard the warm voice of Miss Eris say, “That is why we needed the diamond. It will allow this ship to increase its firepower and destroy the mothership.”

“That makes sense I suppose. You should probably get on one of these gun things too.”

“There’s only one gun on each ship. Otherwise the drain would be too much.”

“Oh, then let me get out of your way,” Felix assumed she was a better shot than he was. She was better at almost everything. Her hand kept him firmly in place.

“Felix only you can do this.” Her voice was soft and her confidence in him overwhelming.

“That’s ridiculous!” He exclaimed. “I’m not special. I’m just me. You have a time machine in your arm and sitting next to me is Leonardo da Vinci you can not tell me that I’m better qualified than either of you.” As he yelled a large humming started to compete in volume.

The ship turned towards the giant egg and da Vinci said, “You’re at the gun and we only have one shot at this. Just aim and shoot when I tell you.”

The egg came closer and closer until all he could see was a golden sheen. He wanted to shoot but nobody said anything. They just kept getting closer until suddenly he felt the entire ship jerk to one side, just as a pillar of yellow light exploded from the egg.

“Hold on,” said Miss Eris from somewhere next to him. It was one of those clichéd sayings that made him yell at movies. What did she expect? That he’d jump out if his seat and dance? Of course he’d hold on and hope his bowels did the same.

Just when he thought they’d bump into the gigantic spaceship he saw that it wasn’t one large solid egg but made by millions of little eggs and egg ports.

“Now aim for the red dot on your screen.” da Vinci said a little too calmly for Felix’s liking.

He pressed the button and his vision turned bright crimson. It was all he could see but he held on to the button. He felt shockwaves hit the ship but all he could see was red.

The red stopped along with the high pitched hum. Felix let go of the button. What he saw now was a large debris field. Bits of gold caught the light from the sun and reflected like sparkles on a holiday ornament.

“It’s over,” Miss Eris said, a tear rolling down her cheek. We’ve finally won.

Standing and shaking his hand da Vinci said, “You’ve done your race proud. Thank you!”

Smiling from ear to ear, Felix could only nod.

“I’ll take you home,” Miss Eris gave him a sad smile.

“Thank you,” he said feeling relieved and sad at the same time.

He took her hand for what he realized would be the last time and the world twisted into odd shapes. The now familiar feeling of being turned inside out didn’t seem so bad.

When the world realigned itself he was inside his apartment. “But I thought it blew up?”

“It did but now it won’t. The enemy was destroyed there’s no need for your apartment to explode,” she smiled at him.

As he tried to decipher what she’d said he saw his wall calendar. It had a large picture of a cartoon dinosaur, his niece had gotten it for him for Christmas. The date on the calendar said, March 31st, 2014. The clock read six-fourteen in the afternoon.

“How long have we been gone?” he asked.

“For the world. You never left. For you and I, it’s been a week.”

“Feels like a year,” he sighed.

“It’s time I go,” she said.

“Goodbye Miss Eris,” he said trying to think of anything but her leaving. He reached his hand out to shake hers.

“Goodbye Felix,” she took his hand and pulled him towards her. Gently she leaned over and kissed him. His body exploded in shivers. He sighed internally as he felt the warmth in her lips and the heat from her body. As much as he’d fought against it, this was what he wanted.

She let go and moved back, there were tears on her cheeks, “Goodbye Felix and to answer your question from the museum I am a robot. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” With those last words she disappeared.

“What do I do now?” he asked the empty apartment.

He reached into his bookcase and pulled out a novel without looking at the title. He sat on his couch and started to read. This was what he had wanted. Wasn’t it?

Read the Conclusion

The Ridiculous Adventures of Felix Felicis – Part Nine

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

“Hello Sir,” Felix said, feeling rested but hungry as he looked down the barrel of the thin man’s gun. He resisted the urge to tell the bank robber how dirty the barrel of his gun looked from this angle.

“Don’t sir me, you ugly mook. Just give me all your money,” The man looked like a good wind would blow him over, but he had what Felix thought was a “Tommy Gun” pointed at a room full of bank clientele.

“I’m sorry I really have nothing of value on me,” Felix ignored the rude comments and repeated what he’d told the man and his wife.

“Search him, Claire,” said the man.

“He’s clean, got nothing on him, Donnie,” said the short dumpy woman.

“Donnie and Claire?” mumbled Felix. Why couldn’t he get name brand villains instead of cheap knockoffs?

Just as Donnie turned to point his rather large gun at another client, the little bell on top of the entrance rang and a large man forced his way through the doorway, similar to the way canned cranberries slump out of their can.

As the man entered, Donnie turned his ridiculously large gun towards the man. Felix then did something that he never thought he’d do. He punched Donnie as hard as he could in the face. The gun went off releasing a spray of bullets that shot a few windows, as it and Donnie fell to the floor.

When he looked back, Miss Eris had subdued Claire and taken away her firearm.

The large man, who wore a pinstriped suit, stopped in shock at the scene in front of him. When he recovered, he ran to Felix and shook his hand, “You have saved my life sir. How can I ever repay you? You shall come to dinner at my home tonight.”

It was at this point that Felix started to wonder if something like fate, destiny, or dumb luck was guiding their trip. Appearing in the middle of a bank heist seemed the least likely way to get invited to dinner at a gangster’s home, but as it turned out he was once again wrong. It wasn’t anything like fate. He decided that the universe had a perverse sense of humour and was enjoying toying with him.

* * *

The problem with a formal dinner was that Felix hadn’t eaten anything in … He wasn’t sure but it felt like days. He just wanted to attack the food and not worry about what people thought. It was a rare emotion for him. He always tried to be tidy and clean, but hunger made him sloppy and grumpy.

All thoughts left his head when he smelled the food. It tasted heavenly and he had the hardest time paying attention to any conversation.

When dessert was finally served after several courses of heavenly food, Amanda leaned over to him and said, “How do you suppose we get the diamond?”

As an answer, he shrugged, “We’ve done it before, so we’ll do it again.”

“The depression has taken its toll on all of us, hasn’t it, Mister Felicis?” The large gangster asked.

“Yes, I supposed it has. I must say I haven’t eaten this well in years,” Felix winked at Amanda. Small talk about politics and the evils of prohibition dominated the after-dinner conversation. When he felt it was appropriate, Felix suggested, “Could we have a tour of your lovely home?”

It was a beautiful house, just outside the city, built in the grand Federal style with hints of Greek-Revival, reminiscent of the White House and the Tara plantation in Gone with the Wind, one of Felix’s favourite movies.

As they walked, Felix offered Amanda his arm. It served two purposes letting them whisper to each other and having her close. The latter being something Felix desperately wanted. She infuriated him with her illogical views of the universe, and that she was always right, but she was kind and friendly and seemed to generally care for him.

As she held his arm her hands were warm, everything was warm in what must have been summer heat, and he didn’t envy the armed men who continued to wear their pinstriped suits despite the weather. Felix had taken off his jacket, but not his coat and rolled up his dress shirt’s sleeves. “Clever idea getting a tour, this way we can find out where the diamond is being held.” Amanda whispered in his ear.

Trying not to sound flustered he replied, “I hadn’t thought of it. I just really like the house.” He looked at her expecting disappointment or contempt, instead he saw a glint of laughter in her eyes and wide smile.

“You two make a wonderful couple,” said the large gangster.

“Oh, we’re not a couple,” Felix said looking at Amanda for some sort of contradiction.

“We’ve only known each other for a few days, but I have greatly enjoyed his company. Unfortunately we’re from different worlds.” With those worlds Amanda shattered Felix’s fragile male ego and his hopes.

“It’s not where we start that matters, my friends, but where you end up and who you journey with. Ah, to be young like you.” The gangster paused as if lost in reflection. He looked older than Felix had first thought. He then led them into a large room, “Since my wife passed away, bless her, I have collected beauty in every form.” He opened a set of double doors and Felix was worried about what the man considered beauty.

The room was filed with pieces of art. A Van Gogh, several Monets, and lots of ancient vases. All in a large aisle to a dais with a large diamond on it.

When they were in front of the diamond, Felix looked at their host and said, “Thank you for your hospitality.” With that, he took the diamond with one hand and Miss Eris’s hand with the other.

With his hopes of romance squashed, he had a renewed fervor to return to his old life. As the world twisted and melted away he yearned for his couch and a good book.

Read Next

Showing Your Geekiness

“When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… Grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.”

– Elton, Love and Monsters, Doctor Who

I have spent more time trying be an adult and respectable than I’m proud to admit.

Read more